The weight and measure of ...

12 Days Later Time To Fill'er Up.

2011-05-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

So the weather has not been great for riding the scooter, but when I get the chance, I ride it. I filled it up again today for the whopping price of $3.10. Drove about 63.7 miles on that last $3.50!!!! It is great for the errands around the house. Trips to the local hardware store. Trips to the gym. I am getting more used to running around without the truck. I probably would have a half a tank in the truck had I not sagged a 70 mile TNT ride. Which was a lot of fun to do! I need to go make the gas station happy and fill that guzzler up again.

Other than life is pretty good. A bit mundane, but good. I walked about 10 miles last week trying to get a bit more active again. Find I don't have the energy to be crabby if I exercise. Funny how a body at rest tends to stay at rest, and a body in motion tends to stay in motion. Real easy to just sit on you posterior and do nothing, but then nothing is what you get out of it.

Gas Money Hmmmm.....

2011-05-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I got the scooter. Took my motorcycle permit test as it is a 125cc and is considered a motorcycle in MN. I've had it out a couple of times. I went to fill it up on Tuesday, and almost had sticker shock in reverse.

On Sunday night I put 3/4 of a tank of gas in the F150 to the tune of $75.00 big ones, for the lowest grade fuel. I checked the trip odometer and it read 190.1 miles. Hmm about $0.39 a mile. Not too cool.

On Tuesday, I filled the scooter up in about lets say less than 60 seconds. I put in the highest grade gas just to try and make this comparison a little more fair (ROTFLMAO!!!!) NO WAY TO MAKE THIS FAIR. As you can see $3.50 to fill it. I'll have to run it around to get the cost to the distance, but after filling it up, but for a quick comparison. I drove about 16.1 miles running errands. Then today, I drove it back and forth to the gym for another 19 miles. that is 35.1 miles and I have not used even a 1/4 of a tank. So to drive that same 35.1 miles in my F150 would have cost me (Drumroll) $13.69. So even after paying for the gas for this little gem, I am $10.19 ahead (not counting insurance and vehicle payments, of course).

Now don't get me wrong. I love my F150. It is big, comfy and a great vehicle, but just too thirsty at $4.00 a gallon. I do have to laugh at the parting note from the gas station on the receipt. "THANK YOU PLEASE COME AGAIN". Well, hopefully not for a few weeks for that amount. It should probably read "THANK YOU PLEASE COME AGAIN" and bring a kidney or another body part you can sell so you can fill your vehicle! The other receipt for the scooter fill up says "Thank you for stopping! drive carefully" and the owner of that station was probably looking out the window and thinking; Thank you for stopping! drive carefully" and don't come back with that scooter, bring your damn F150!

Oh Boy Gas Prices Suck!

2011-04-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

Season Total 61 Miles by bike.

I did something I thought I would never do. I bought a scooter. I am not a guy that likes motor cycles at all. They scare the shit out of me to put it bluntly! But getting 80 - 90 miles to the gallon at $4.00 or however high this rip-off is going to go, beats the 180 - 190 miles I am getting out of my F150 at $100 a tank full. I'll put fear aside and learn a new skill and be careful. The scooter will pay for itself in about a year at these prices.

I would love to be able to ride my bike everyday, but sometimes I have to be to work in a hurry for meetings and other items of business. Just running around in my truck to the gym and other errands is killing the finances.

I may be working out of my funk finally. I am not sure that I will be doing the Door County 100 after all. I am considering doing the MS Tram in MN, 300 miles in a week. Meeting with one of my co-workers next week to discuss, new challenge that I am not 100% on my ability to complete, but hey I used to think 100 miles in a day, or marathon, or an Olympic distance Tri was impossible. I need to have a goal or I will sit in my own moroseness and do nothing.

Funny how as a person, I don't like goals, but need them. I am very odd in that way. I have been very introverted again lately, and have been reading a lot. I found a book of quotes and found some inspiration from that. I'm still dealing with not allowing myself to find my full potential. I am always afraid of failure, but it is not something I let myself allow to happen. I am better than I think I am, and afraid of what I can become. The only one that can hold me back is me. And yet I am afraid to let it all hang out there and just see what happens.

I will be helping the Tahoe cycle TEAM from TNT over May 7 & 14 by sagging them. Will be fun to just sit back and watch people accomplish great things. I'll let you know how it goes.

Nineteen Enjoyable Miles & Paying Attention.

2011-04-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

Season Milage 40 miles.

Okay rounded out the numbers. Hate when things are not even. Went out and focused on just enjoying the ride and not pushing too hard. I'm starting over. I'm not gonna be able to rip through it like I am in mid-season form. Geez sometimes, I forget baby steps, or the K.I.S.S. principal (Keep It Simple Stupid). I gotta take it as it comes and base the effort on how I feel.

I did that today. I focused on just trying to keep the cadence at between 70 - 80 RPM. I was really pretty successful at that. I did not stare at the meter, just kept the occasional eye on it when I started to feel like I was straining a bit, and adjusted accordingly.

I felt a lot better on this ride to the gym than I did on the first one. The first 8 of that ride felt okay, but then BONK, nothing in the tank. This time, I fueled just before going and went with the flow. The back did really good on this ride. I got to about 16 before I got a really light twinge. Did some on the bike stretching and went into cool down enjoy the rest of the ride mode your almost home.

I went with my Riders Enjoyment playlist. Mainly my favorite Rascal Flatts songs. Pulling into home I am content with my performance. 1 hour 32 min won't break any records, but were starting over and need to build up some endurance. Still faster than 10 MPH so I'm good with it. Will try and pull 16 - 20 miles again tomorrow and see where we're at after that.

Kyrie Eleison

2011-04-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

Riding season is here. I only have 21 miles in two rides. I am sooooo out of shape. Not having a reason to train over the winter makes Marc fall hard into old ways. If beer drinking were an Olympic sport, then I would be a champion, but alas all it does is make you heavy, lazy and rotund.

I want to get back to really enjoying 20 mile rides daily. I am hoping dropping the stress I feel from day to day work and life pressures will ease. That I will find some of the care free spirit that riding brought to me over the last few years. I am still on the fence on attempting 100 this fall. My back just does not seem to want to ease from where it is bugging me. This is the same spot that flared up during last years Tahoe ride. Is it because I am 40 and nothing heals the same? Or is it the fact that I eat like crap and I have not been taking care of myself?

I've lost another dear person to cancer. I just hate it! I know that she is in a better place and free from her pain. It was the wife of my deer hunting friend that passed away a few years back. They both were truly amazing and the world is an empty place without their presence. But to know that they are reunited and at peace is a comfort.

I search for a goal yet in my life. I have a problem when I have achieved what I set out to do and then achieve it to accept it as a goal when I do try and do it again. I still am active with LLS and TNT, but I need a high from life. While I have never successfully ridden the full 100, (damn walking) I don't know if my body will cooperate again. I might have to set fear aside and really change my habits.

I miss the placement of my random mind out here in the ether as well. I think that it might be somewhat cathartic for me to write them down and leave them in peace. Maybe with exercise and trying to get back into this practice, I will find some relief from the "Stinkin Thinkin". For example today as I lay reading a thought popped into my head; "Am I chasing death, or is death chasing me?" What the hell, the book has nothing to do with that? Where would that come from. Guess that is how my mind is wired, or faulty. I am here, might as well find something to do while we wait to see the answer from that question.

Well time to go spin the wheels and see how I do. I'm not in a race other than against myself. I have to remember to start small, enjoy the successes, learn from the mistakes, and take it as it comes. Kyrie Eleison!

Long Time No Post

2011-01-21T20:20:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I last posted anything out here. I have not had a lot to say. Well, I may have had a lot to say, but not anything that I would classify as positive. In the immortal words of Thumper's mother in "Bambi"; "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I was really suffering from as one of my friends says; "Stinkin Thinkin!" I am one that needs a goal, but I honestly cannot come up with one that sparks me. TNT was awesome for me in the fact that for the first three years, I had a new thing to chase after. I am so grateful for that! I am still really struggling to find a new goal.

I was going to take this year off from TNT as I did not want my poor attitude to impact it and it's awesome mission. I just heard that they are going to have a local bike ride for the fall season. Normally I participate in the Summer season so you get the dreaded spin sessions in a dark chamber as you wait for nice weather and riding outside. But the Fall season is outside from the get go.

The local ride is not really all that local, but expenses are reduced a bit. The ride is the Door County Century. I first heard about this from my friend Coach Bob. There are no mountains to climb. The altitude will be what I am used to breathing in. I have not totally resigned myself to doing this yet, but I got that weird little buzz in the back of my brain saying "go for it ya big oaf!" It has been one of the rides that comes up on my radar year after year that I have a curiosity about. It's nice to have that buzz bouncing around in my brain pan again.

Glad to be back and hopefully I will find some more stuff to post about.

Four Years And Still Learning, Thank You For Your Support

2010-06-07T20:20:00.000-07:00

I want to say THANK YOU to everyone that has supported me over the last four years in my pursuit to eliminate blood cancers or for that matter any kind of cancer. Without you, none of this would have been possible.

Again this year you guys stood with me and made donations that got us to the finish line. If you have been following the blog, you will know that I have learned lessons in previous seasons that have affected me very deeply. The odd thing is that this year I really struggled mentally. I am not sure what the overall issue was, but it has been a bear to deal with.

What I witnessed on Sunday, June 6, 2010 was nothing short of amazing. I watched my TEAM succeed. I watched courage in action. I watched a group of people take a stand and persevere! I watched a group of people lift themselves up when it got tough and push through personal discomfort and succeed in the goal that they had set for themselves.

While at the pasta dinner the night before, I learned that all of the participants and their sponsors amassed a total of $6,000,000.00 dollars through this one event America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride to fund research and support patients and their families to eradicate blood cancer. Thank you for your commitment and donations in amassing that total. You guys are the real heroes, I am merely there as your representative.

We all listened to a moving speech from a father whose daughter had been diagnosed in Kindergarten with Leukemia. She made it through her treatments and is doing incredible. It was amazing for me to be back participating in the event that started this journey for me. I also learned that I had ridden with this man back in 2007 as it was his first event in honor of his daughter.

There was more time on this ride for me to just take in all the amazing scenery. No matter how much self doubt I have had this season, I was at peace for most of the day. I had some times during the ride that I was completely alone without another rider in sight, but did not go into my own head and terrorize myself. I accepted things as they came. I was not able to ride the whole thing again, as Spooner Junction is high and I just cannot find the oxygen I need at that altitude. I listened to my body. I walked when I needed to for breathing or for easing the back spasms I was enjoying. There were no tears of self pity this time, just the inner knowledge that this pain was temporary and others needed me to endure.

To see Sarah at mile 83 - 84 and know that she was going to make it, was amazing. Sarah lost her mother in January this year to Leukemia and was doing this ride in her memory. Sarah kept me from getting on the SAG wagon.

She may not know it, but she showed me so much courage that I was not going to SAG in front of her. If she was going to go on in memory of her mother, I was going to go with her. Upon reaching the top of Spooner behind Sarah, I rode down to where she was and got off my bike, took my helmet, glasses, and gloves off and walked over to her and embraced her. I started to cry, but not because of my relief in getting to the top. It was purely because I was over joyed to see her persevere and do what she did not believe possible. I told her that "The last time I was here I cried for myself because I had made it. This time I am crying for you and all that you have accomplished!" If it was not for her, I don't know if I would have had found the courage to continue.

Upon descending Spooner, my coach and friend stayed behind with me, while Sarah and Carly rode to the finish. I rode when I could mainly down hill. I walked when the spasms were saying hello on the uphills. I apologized to Jasen for keeping him on the course. Jasen in his ever present patient manner told me; "That there was nothing to be sorry for. Just keep moving the best you can, you don't have anything to prove to anyone."

I thought back to when I talked with my wife about my self doubt about being able to pull this ride off again, and her response of; "Your too stubborn to quit, even if you should!" made me smile and keep going. She was right as she usually is. I would rather drop dead than fail in what I said I would do for someone.

To ride in and see my TEAM there waiting to welcome me in, and help me off my bike and embrace me as one of their own, was overwhelming.

I did not finish the way I wanted to. I did not beat the four miles that beat me four years ago. But I did not submit to the availability of those ever present SAG wagons with their soft seats, air conditioning, and powerful engines that overpower the altitude and inclines with ease. I did not pity myself for my weakness. I encouraged others that were struggling with me as they encouraged me. I did not quit. I did not fail. Again I found a way to get the job done in an alternative manner to the one I wanted. I covered the distance on muscle power and human spirit alone.

You guys are amazing! You have supported me in my endeavour year after year to continue this fight. You have believed in me when sometimes I find it impossible to believe in myself. You give freely and from the heart. You have been as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar! I can never thank you enough.

Humbly Yours,

Marc Allan McElyea

Century Rider (Times 2)

Marathon Walker

Olympic Distance Triathlete

Triple Crown Award Recipient

100 Accomplished Again, But Not Alone!

2010-06-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

I gave 110%. I had a great ride through about 72 miles, and started to get back spasms. I wanted to quit. I will not lie about that! I wanted to SAG so bad that it hurt and I could taste it. I did not. I will not say that I got through this on my own. There were many times that there were only one set of foot prints and the most certainly were not mine. I know that I was carried. Be it by God. Be it from the courage I saw from my TEAMMATES today.

Misty pulled me aside and commented on my lack of focus as I already knew I had done this once. She told me to take my knowledge and apply it to help someone else. I did this several times today. I helped people who fell on climbs. I encouraged others when I was struggling. I did not quit in front of my TEAMMATES.

Sarah showed more resolve than I have seen in four years. She put her skin in the game and came through with flying colors. I wanted to get in the SAG wagon so bad at mile 84, but Jasen and Sarah had caught me at a water stop. Sarah was struggling with the fatigue, but there was an inner resolve that I have not witnessed before. I cannot say for sure because she was on her game 110%. I would not SAG in front of her no matter what the cost to my physical discomfort.

Jasen stuck with us through thick and thin. He has that coaches gift that I will never have to just be there, be quiet, and be a strong force to keep you motivated without saying anything. I apologized profusely for having to walking up the final hills. I could not pedal through them despite being in my lowest gear. Every time I tried, the spasms would increase 10 fold. Walking up the hills was not comfortable but was tolerable.

Upon finishing the entire TEAM was there to cheer for me. I am a bit down on myself as this probably caused them all to miss the very short victory party, but was very heart warming. They helped me off my bike and took it over to ship back, gave me a beer and a lot of hugs. Sarah should have been the focal point, and the coalescing person due to her achievement today not me. I just did my job as a mentor, but I should not have been the last one in. I do feel that I did the honorable thing at least and put my pain aside to ensure that my weakness would not impair her success, (even though that may not have happened).

Everybody finished! Everybody busted there humps! Everybody achieved their goal.

I may have had my doubts about myself last night, but as I said someone else carried me through. It was not my achievement, it was the love, thought, and prayers of everyone that somehow got me through this. I am not overly impressed by my contributions as a mentor, but I did give the 110% that I said I would. I did not quit. I did finish. So maybe I should just sit back crack another beer and enjoy the achievement.

Getting Out Of My Own Head

2010-06-05T17:27:00.001-07:00

I sit in my room in Tahoe. I have been here before. I know physically I can do this. I know that people are counting on me. I know if I can just get out of my own damn head I can do this. I am afraid. I am worried that I will let my TEAM down. I am worried that I will let my sponsors down. I am worried that I will let myself down.

I cannot get out of my own head. I keep saying the nastiest of things to and about myself in my own mind. I have to stop. I cannot be the negative guy. I have to find mental strength. I know the physical strength is there, it has been for many years. I keep thinking about me and not about the others that I am supposed to be doing this for.

I run on emotion, but I know for a fact this negativity is not something that I can get through this on. I have a lot of love and respect for my TEAM. I know that I have added humor in stressful and tough times, but I am not strong mentally. I am trying to focus on the positive, but I keep hearing myself in my own voice degrading me from the inside. The thoughts are vicious and hurtful. Self destructive in every way imaginable. This is not supposed to be like this. What the Hell, it feels like I am back to the same broken human being that started out in 2007, but with no spirit or soul. I do not like this man. I don't want to be this man. I want to rise above this man and truly be alive.

I am trying to support my TEAM with every fiber, but I cannot advertise my own inadequacies right now. I am here to lift them up not myself. I am here to do a job that I believe in. But I have to vent these negative emotions, so I am doing it here. It is a public venue. It is not an easy thing, but maybe if I get them out, they will go away! If not, I will do my job and lift my TEAM up. I will give 110% to them. I will get them through.

Honor is not something that comes without self sacrifice. Honor comes through putting others in front of your own needs. It's taking the bullet so someone else can live. It is giving up the last space in the life boat to someone more worthy. It is going back into the burning building regardless of the risk to yourself. I need to be focused on others tonight and tomorrow and let my chips fall where they may.

I am not quitting on my goal. I have four miles out here that I owe to myself, well that and another 96. But in reality that is secondary to ensuring that everyone of my TEAMMATES knows how much I believe in them. How much I respect them. How much I value their participation.

I am not quitting. I've said before that crying is not quitting. Doubt is not quitting. The only thing that is quitting is not having the courage to get up, get dressed, get on the bike and get out on the course. I will find that courage. The next step to not quitting is to get through the first mile, then the second, the third etcetera. The final step is to stay the fuck out of my own head. Thank the volunteers. Thank the people cheering. Encourage the people struggling around me. Think of the honorees. Think of my sister, and my grandfather. Think of anyone but myself. To enjoy the scenery, the company, the atmosphere, the journey.

Someone once told me that God does not make trash. I have often laughed at that and responded in my own mind, he made me so that cannot be an accurate statement. I have been carried by so many people in my life that someone had to have put them in my path. In my own disparaging mind, I have not often had the wisdom to find His plan. I am not overly religious, as I know that I am not overly worthy of any divine attention. He grants us free will, and often I have looked the wrong way. I hope that there will be one set of foot prints tomorrow and that He will be carrying all of us tomorrow including me.

Thanks for reading my rant. I do feel some better. I know I will find some heart. I may have to borrow some spirit from those around me. I may need to have some prayers from you. I will have to push through some physical discomfort. I will stay the Hell out of my own head somehow. Maybe I will find a mantra. Maybe I will encourage others and get back encouragement in return. It's only 100 miles. It's only one day of my life. It's only something I have done before. It is only me, my tires, my pedals and my will no matter how fractured at times. I will not quit. I will get up get dressed, get on my bike, get on the course. The rest will just be my chips falling as they may. I will find a way of getting out of my own head.

81 And A Smile Finally

2010-05-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I got my bike back from the shop. Broken spoke repaired, but mental dilemma still needing repair. I rode 10 miles last night. No issues. A spark to get out and try and go for 90.

Got up and made the decision to take the day off and go earn your donations. Rode 42 miles in 2 hours 30 minutes with a short stop at Subway to get a snack at mile 20. Mile 42 take a lunch break and go to Subway again. I have a a conference call I cannot skip even though I have taken vacation. So I hammer out a quick 10 around Turtle Lake again. Stop and catch the call, and slam a bottle of Accelerade and another of water. Contribute the call dreading the 30 to 40 I have left to my goal. Ride over to the gym to get the visit credited to my account for my 12 monthly. 60 miles in and 20 - 30 to go. Ride back to the Arsenal and notice traffic is starting to get heavy. I could have ridden it but decide that I want to avoid it. I ride loops in the Arsenal. I get to 72 miles and head for home. I have a meeting to get to at 18:30. I have been on the road since 08:30 roughly and I need a shower. I am covered in road grime. I push around Turtle Lake for the fourth time. I am not as fast as I want, but I am pulling 15 miles an hour. I get home and still need 1 mile to make over 80. I push through it and put the bike in the garage.

There was only one moment of self pity. There was an even better moment when I told myself "Shut the Fuck Up and think of someone else. Think of Jack, or Lucy, or Brandon, or you sister! Your only tired and sore! Shut the Fuck Up and push through it!" Sorry for the language, but that was the thought. There has been a mental block this season. There has been self pity! I have never ridden this far by myself. I needed to do this without support. I needed to stand on my own an prove to myself my own worth. There is still that demon that I am not better than anyone. That I am not equal to anyone. I am not worthy to represent anyone. I am not guaranteed success, I have to work for it. I have to want it. I have to earn it through effort. No one will give it to me. I need to grab the opportunity. I need to look it in the eye. I need to put my fear of inadequacy aside and man up and do the work.

Today, I found the right set of circumstances. I found the right mental attitude. I found the strength. I found the courage. Nobody was there to see the pain. Nobody was there to see the fear. Nobody was there to carry me or lift my spirits. I needed to find my own spirit. I can even say that by pulling 91 miles in 24 hours, I am happy, sore, tired, feeling somewhat more normal. I'm even smiling about the whole thing.

Emotion Block Removed From A Gift

2010-05-23T10:02:00.000-07:00

I had a very nice experience yesterday. My sister asked me to come over for a visit to give me an early birthday present. We arranged a time, and I went over. We chatted for a bit, and she and her husband gave me my gift. For the last four years, I have not asked for any gifts. I have asked that they make a donation to LLS instead.

This gift was one of the coolest things I have ever been given. My sister took all the photos that I have collected from events over the last three years at TNT events. She took select posts from this blog. She put them together in a book for me. I have never been ashamed of my emotions. I have to honestly tell you that looking at this book and how far and how much I have accomplished made me break down and cry.

I have really been struggling this season. I have been trying to run on only anger or self contempt. I don't know what my mental block has been. I know that I cannot do this on those two emotions alone. I need to open myself and be compassionate, I need to accept my own frailty. I have to set smaller goals and celebrate them along the way. I have been trying to do it all in one step, which I know does not work. I have constantly been looking at the speedometer and the odometer and beating myself up mentally.

This book broke down a wall for me. It brought out a flood of emotion that I needed to release. I've said that most of an endurance event is mental. I have not had the mental edge I need to do what I have set out to do. I have been expecting less from myself because of this mental block. This has not been productive!

I can guarantee that I will still have struggles, this break through does not ensure that there will not be relapses of doubt. But by getting over this block, I can move forward. While watching TV earlier in the day before meeting my sister, I was watch "I Should Not Be Alive". This episode was about a former SAS solider that had shattered his pelvis on a mountain side, and was 8 miles from help. He recalled that his former instructors had taught that you need to develop a plan and keep moving forward based on that plan. I'm developing my plan, and I will keep moving forward based on it.

I'm ever evolving, ever introverted, ever pursuing a difference. I am a conundrum to myself.

A Different Form Of Success

2010-05-15T20:29:00.001-07:00

I cannot sit here and say I was successful in what I wanted to do today. I am not ashamed to sit here and say what I got to do today turned into success. My ride was all up hill today literally. I rode out of Afton, MN with doubt in my head. I put it in my lowest gear and I climbed slower than I would like, but I climbed. I got to the top of the hill and felt a wobble in my rear wheel, and fearing a flat pulled over to correct the issue. Much to my dismay, it was a broken spoke and a wheel out of true. My ride ended roughly five miles in.

This could have been very destructive, but maybe with age and experience came some wisdom. I asked to be sagged back to Afton. I called one bike shop nearby, and got the maybe we have the spoke, maybe we don't. I hung my ride up and got in my truck to run additional Sag support.

What I would do now was support my TEAM. I would drive ahead, and I would wait. I would offer whatever meager support I could. When the last person passed me, I would drive ahead and wait for everyone to pass. I got to see a different side of my TEAM today. I got to see hard work, dedication, commitment, perseverance, struggle, circumstances out of our control, (including my own mechanical issue), bonding, and success.

There were people that did need to be sagged ahead. There were people that showed courage by getting back on their bikes. There were people who pushed through mental monsters. There were people that just put there noses to the grind stone an pushed and achieved.

I got to know my TEAMmates a little better today. I had a chance to speak with those I was sagging. I got to take it all in without holding a pity party for myself. I got to make a difference in how some got through the day. It might not have been my intended success when I rolled out of bed, but in the end, I think it was a much more meaningful outcome.

To witness a whole group stand and cheer for the final person coming in after 90 miles, and see that person breakdown and realize what they had just accomplished, is the reason I love being a part of this organization. It teaches, to think beyond yourself. It gives a common goal. It makes us grow in many different ways. It has taught me that some things are outside of my control, and I just need to roll with it.

Today was not what I expected. Today was a pretty valuable lesson. I have not had much success fighting mental issues this season, but I can honestly say I enjoyed the hell out of a day that did not go my way. Today I was privileged to watch others succeed and to really enjoy watching it.

Ignorance Is Bliss!!!

2010-05-14T20:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, tomorrow the TEAM will ride 90 miles. We have not had a very good record on weather! It is either wind in abundance or rain or both. Again, it is people that step outside their comfort zone that achieve amazing things.

I know what is ahead of me tomorrow. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse. I am both excited about the challenge, and filled with doubt of if I have it in me mentally. I know after three years that I have it physically. The mental game is always the deciding factor. Seems strange that the lesson that I have learned over the last four years that if the brain is not engaged, the body has no chance of succeeding!

Having Jackson our honoree around tomorrow will be a great benefit. If this young man can face cancer, I can face my fear of repeating what I did three years ago. I know right away in the morning I will climb out of Afton, MN and I will make it to Bay City, WI. Then after a short break, I will get to face my fears and climb out of Hagger City, WI. I will have to remember Lucy, I will have to remember my sister, I will have to remember my grandfather, I will have to remember everyone that has faced something bigger than pain and a hill. I will have to harness both my fear and the honor it is to do this for someone else! I will have to put my head in the game and push through the ups and enjoy the downs. It is only pain and miles I face nothing that will kill me.

I hope to post success tomorrow. No, I don't hope, I will! Attitude is everything. It is okay to have fear, but it is attitude that will make the difference. It does not matter that I have been ill this week. It does not matter that I am tired. It does not matter that I want a break when the climbs come. I am not ignorant, but success will bring the same bliss as ignorance!!!

Getting Beat!

2010-05-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

We went out for a team ride today from Stillwater to Taylors Falls, over to Wisconsin and back to Taylors falls. I can honestly say that I got beat today. The wind was unrelenting!!!!!!! In five years of riding, I have never been buffeted quite so violently. To have to ride at between five and six miles an hour is horrible. I have to say that physically, I was on target by the way I felt. My hydration was good. My nutrition was going well. I was tired, but mentally, there was something missing. This is the first time that I can say I chose to quit. I rode 63 of the 75 miles, but I had checked out at about 51 miles.

My first year this decision to quit would have been soul crushing. Now, while it does not make me proud to say I chose to quit, I can handle the decision, and it's ramifications. I would honestly say this 63, was the equivalent of 80 miles. For the week if you include Sunday's Iron man I have logged 140 - 150 miles. My rest has not been significant enough to handle that much. My eating has been less than spectacular in the right choices that need to be made while training while not on the bike.

There comes a time in physical endeavors that you have to make decisions on if it is time to push or time to retreat. Today, I know I could have chosen to push through, but at what amount of mental anguish? Mental anguish is not a great excuse when you compare it to why I do this stuff, but in four years, I have not retreated, maybe todays lesson was one I needed to learn.

What was the lesson? I think it was to put my ego aside, and do what was right for me at the time. To accept that today was not my day, but I gave it what I had to give. I left it on the road, and I can still look myself in the eye and know that I am not a failure. I simply was not on my game in all facets. Tonight, I will rest, tomorrow I may ride a real light 10 to 15 to move the lactic acid out of my thighs. I may decide that rest is more important if the wind is still up as it looks like it may be.

TNT 2010 Season Update 3

2010-04-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of cool things going on, I just have not had any time to get an update out here, so here goes!

The team has been working really hard. We have been riding outside now for about five or six weeks. We have moved the rides around a bit to keep it fresh and fun. We have ridden in Minneapolis, Minnetonka, Plymouth, Shoreview, Oakdale, Lakeville, and this weekend, we will ride from Stillwater, MN over into Wisconsin for about 70 miles. The team is bonding and having fun.

Not all rides are fun. Last week a few of us went down to ride Ironman, in Lakeville. The conditions were less than pleasant with rain and a lot of wind. Two very special things stick out from this ride.

The first is that at the end, I heard several of my teammates indicate that when they really felt like quitting due to being cold and wet and getting blown sideways by the wind and pushed backwards by the wind that they thought of the reason why they were doing the training for this event. It stops being about you and your discomfort and it starts being about someone fighting for their life. It is amazing after four years how powerful a message that is. It is not about us as individuals, it is about what can we add to the whole.

The second special thing was that as I was pealing off my layers of wet gear was that a man stopped after seeing my Leukemia & Lymphoma Society bike jersey and reached out and touched the logo on my chest and said; "That is a really cool organization! Thank you." I don't know what his tie to the organization is, but it brings back memories of a man thanking me in Tahoe back in 2007 for doing a ride to raise funds to beat these cancers. It is very humbling to know that through the society I can make a difference with your help.

I cannot say that this year cycling has always been as easy as I hoped it would be. I have really gotten beat up on a few rides and wondered if I would have the strength to push through to the end. I am not always riding as fast as I want. That is when I need to stop and remember it is not for me. It is so we can end these cancers. I am enjoying being a mentor and getting to know my team. I love riding with some of my friends from previous seasons, but I am really enjoying my new teammates as well. Lots of laughs and good rides yet to come.

Hard to believe that we have only 36 days until we push out from State Line, Nevada and venture around Lake Tahoe. I remember the season being so long the first year. Now, I am feeling that it has not been long enough. I know we will all be ready, no matter how hard we have to work to get to that point.

May 26, 2010 is the close of the fund raising for this season, so if you have not yet had time to make a donation, and are still willing, please visit my fund raising site. As always, you are the ones that do the important work. I am merely a conduit for your generosity. There is a quote that I recently found, that I really like;

"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal." Albert Pike

This is something we have done together and it truly will be immortal when we end cancer! The job is not done yet. We are making progress. I am thankful for all of you being a part of the fight.

Go TEAM!

Doubt and Attitude

2010-04-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

So I cannot lie that lately I am have been having doubts and attitude issues. I don't know what is causing either. I have a great job that I like, but man am I buried. One those times where I have so much to do that I am almost paralyzed in trying to decide what to work on. I don't know if this is making me doubt my abilities to accomplish everything that I need to? I don't know if this is causing me to question my organizational skills. I don't know if this is causing me to struggle on some of my rides lately.

Every day I can choose my attitude, I have learned that over the last couple of years by participating with LLS. I am just facing difficulty, but not anything serious. I think this has been one of my best gifts from these experiences. I can push through this. I will achieve what I need to, and the mental struggles will teach me lessons. Hopefully one of them is confidence. That is one of the hardest ones for me to maintain.

There will always be difficult times in anything one endeavors to do. There will be moments where you will think you will reach the goal easily, and then question if it was ever possible. I need to focus on the fact that everything can be broken down in to smaller components, be it miles toward the finish line, or smaller pieces of a project that can be put together to be a completed project.

When I have these doubt and attitude issues, I tend to over internalize them. I don't know why, but I wind up to devalue my abilities. Is it because it is easier to assume failure will be less painful, if I expect it from myself. I never want to fail, and I don't recall the last time I did but it is the other side of the coin, and you always wonder if that is what is going to come up on the coin toss. I think I need to find a coin with success on both sides, and then I can put this worry out of my head.

Maybe by leaving these thoughts here, I can clear my head and find the focus and drive I need to keep pushing to the goal. Maybe I just need to make smaller goals and celebrate achieving them, and then take the focus off of the completion of the major ones but keep the memories of the total journey.

Anyway enough ramblings from me.

TNT 2010 Season Update 2

2010-03-22T15:44:00.000-07:00

Where to start. First of all thank you to all that have donated so far. For those of you who sent checks, they should post soon. We are really close to making the minimum and for that I thank you for that. I cannot every say thank you enough for your belief and support in this cause.

The TEAM is continuing to work hard and all of us are dying to get outside. There will be an outside ride this weekend. I don't think if the weather continues to cooperate we will be staying in doors after this weekend. Riding a bike is fun, riding a stationary bike is not so much. It is necessary and pays dividends, but it does not bring the same satisfaction. The TEAM is starting to come together and we are having some fun. That will grow when we are outside and seeing new sites.

I got in a 10 mile ride last week. I was going to stretch it out to 20 as it was feeling pretty good, and then I got a flat. I had the necessary items to change it, but it was a rear flat and I have trouble getting the chain on right for some reason after I take the rear wheel off. I called Jenny and she came and picked me up and I changed it at home. I hurt my foot walking my bike a short distance, but it is recovering. I hope to get out again this week and get a full 20 in this time.

I have given up beer totally for the month of March, and I am glad to say that I have only missed it a couple of times. I can also gladly say March is almost over and it will taste good to have a beer on April 1, and a couple watching the Wild game on April 2. I have not been able to shed any pounds doing this for some reason as I had hoped, but I am still lacking motivation when I go to the gym. The pounds should drop when we get outside and increase the mileage.

I also have expanded my workout to include Yoga. I did not know if I would like it or not, but I find that I feel really good after I do it. My hip flexors have been really tight so far this season and a couple of Yoga sessions a week have all but eradicated the back pain I have had from this issue. Would have thought I would need to check in my "Man Card" to admit doing Yoga, but I like it.

Thanks for your continued support as I chase what makes me happy and helps others. The latter being more important.

My Story Is Not Unique

2010-03-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for the title of this entry. I was talking with a cancer survivor and they informed me that they no longer felt like their story was unique. To me that is a wonderful thing! I am glad that this person survived cancer! I am glad that the survival story is loosing it's unique qualities, not that surviving cancer is a minor thing, but that in more people are surviving.

I have mulled this comment over for the last few days, and it is truly one of those things that makes me glad to do what I do. I needed to find something in my life that brought me happiness. Albeit twisted to find happiness in enduring miles in water, on bike, or on foot. If what I do funds through your generosity an increased uniqueness in the survivability of cancer I am benefited in two ways. I am happy moving forward, (preferably on a bicycle), and I am happy to know more cancer survivors.

My own story is not unique, but in it, I am. I have found contentment in who I am in all my insecurities. I still have fear, I still feel small in this world. Neither of these are bad if I push past them and still attempt something that I am interested in and find enjoyment and growth in.

In summation, being unique is a quality we all posses. There are commonalities that we all have just by being human. There are differences in how, and why we are the way we are. By setting aside our own uniqueness, and working for a common goal, success is inevitable. I thank you for working towards the common goal of making cancer survivor stories all the more common!

TNT 2010 Season Update 1

2010-02-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

I am excited to be back on the bike, (even if it is only stationary). I am so looking forward to getting outside, but I am a realist in the fact that March is the snowiest month here in Minnesota. Spin sessions are underway and we even threw in a core work out on Tuesday, which I am still feeling.

The TEAM is doing really well. Lots of participation. Lots of good questions and ideas. I really enjoy being around these folks. I am so glad that the season is here. I need the structure and obligations to keep my motivation up. I have not met anyone through TNT that I don't like. I don't know what the connection is, but it seems to draw a lot of really nice people.

I have learned through my participation these last three years that I have abilities that I thought were gone. I have been able to open myself up to new experiences, and take some chances. I have learned that by sharing the journey that others have been inspired by me. I am not as strong a person in all the ways I would really like to be, but I am not as bad as my own view of myself sometimes is. There is still a brighter light waiting to shine from somewhere deep down inside. That light breaks out from time to time, and especially during the season!

Thanks for your past support! I hope you can join me this year too! The fight is not done, and I have a lot more pedal cranks to go until blood cancer is a thing of the past. If you could help me this year by spreading my message to your personal networks to bring awareness, it would be greatly appreciated. You guys amaze me with your belief in a simple man with a goal no matter how crazy you may think I am for riding 100 miles in a day on a bicycle.

Recommitment is fast approaching on March 19, 2010. If you have not had a chance, please visit my fundraising site!

Season Totals: 5 hours on a spin bike, 1 core workout session much more fun ahead!

Finding My Way This Season

2010-02-22T20:11:00.000-08:00

With the season underway, I am finding my way. The TEAM is coalescing quickly. The training sessions are more about getting seat time and building up tolerance in the hind quarters. The trainings will increase in difficulty to build the legs up.

I find that when I am away from the schedule of participating with a TEAM that I lose focus on what is important. I have more free time in my schedule, but I waste it. Time becomes tight during the season, with work commitments, family commitments, and TEAM obligations. I find that I am a better time manager in a crunch for some reason. This is counter intuitive to me as I like to think that I like to be prepared for things in advance.

Maybe it is being surrounded by old friends, and gaining new ones that lends clarity to my mind. This along with burning off any excess energy and troubling issues being set aside for training sessions. The body is weary, but the mind is thriving. I am more creative and attentive during the season.

I'm finding my way this season and so far enjoying it immensely!

Let The Season Begin But Someone Is Missing

2010-02-12T16:49:00.000-08:00

I am so happy that the season for TNT is kicking off finally. We had the kickoff party last Saturday, February 6, 2010!!!! Training starts tomorrow morning at the Southdale YMCA.

I am trying to get back into drinking water, water, and more water. Right now I am getting in about 64 - 96 ounces a day of free water. Staying hydrated is always key in keeping muscles from cramping and recovering. Not always the funnest thing to do, but necessary as my legs have not been getting as much spin time as necessary so the first couple of spin sessions will probably tax them a little bit.

I did challenge myself this week for the first time in a long time at the gym!!! I got in the pool and decided to see if I still had a mile in the tank. I started out real slow and steady, and after about 20 or 30 lengths, I got into a good steady rhythm and picked up a little speed. I am still not fast, but I was able to pull the 1800 yards in about 40 minutes. I was pretty stoked!!! Have been needing a challenge, and this fit the bill.

I am sorry to say that LLS and TNT lost a member of our family. Steve Berg, my co-mentor during 2008 passed away from a heart attack on February 1, 2010. Steve was one of those guys that just had a way of bringing out the best from those around him. He made my

job as a mentor easier because I knew that I had someone to bounce ideas off of and knew that I would get good feedback! Steve always was quick with a smile and a laugh. Steve always wore a green wig to have fun and encourage all those around him to have fun. He will be missed.

So Welcome To A New Year

2010-01-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

I have not been writing as much. I have been working more than I should. I have taken somewhat of a hiatus from working out. I still get to the gym, but have not found that fire to push very hard. I have gone to Spin classes that last two Sunday's for 45 minutes of fun. I have enjoyed them. The legs are in good shape, it is the posterior that needs to be conditioned. It will come back, but oh so painful the day after.

I need to work out more. I need to do this because I have been crabby the last couple of days. When I work out, I don't have time to be crabby. I don't feel the need to be crabby. Thus I need to get to the gym and swim or spin. Done with the running for a bit. Proved to myself I can do it, but don't get a lot of return from it in the enjoyment column.

All in all life is good. I am worried about the economy. I am worried about my kids. Nothing wrong with them, but what kind of world will they grow up in? They both continue to thrive and do amazing things despite my bad influences. They truly are a gift. Amazing that I wished when they were really little that they would grow so I could talk to them and they would understand. Now, I long for the days when they were little and did not have a care in the world other than wanting the VCR to rewind faster. Yes, I said VCR there were alive before DVD was the most common electronic baby sitting device on the market.

I have been reading like mad lately. I have an iPhone and downloaded the Kindle App for it. I love it I have a book in my pocket at all times. I have been reading Lance Armstrong's books and am enjoying the hell out of them. Of course it has two things I care about, cycling and beating cancer. The cancer being the biggest issue. He is one amazing person.

Tomorrow night I am speaking at a TNT function to recruit others in to doing a TNT event. I only hope to be honest, and convincing enough to encourage others to take a chance. I know that I remember my first event meeting, and can vividly remember the feelings I had. I am amazed at the changes I have experienced because of a simple 3X5 postcard.

Well, I will be posting more frequently as I get into the season. I hope you find your way back again despite the hiatus I have taken lately. Happy 2010 a bit late.

TNT Cycle Team 2010 AMBBR

2009-12-30T21:52:00.000-08:00

I am going back to Tahoe! I have four miles out there that need to be ridden. Well, there is 100 total, but four that I have to conquer. I have my site up for donations again. Please visit:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/ambbr10/mmcelyea

I don't know why I need these challenges to make me feel alive. I need to push myself physically to find my place in the world. I need to put others ahead of myself to feel that my contributions matter. It took a long time to figure this piece of the puzzle out in my life. I never realized that by helping others, it would help me the most. I feel things more deeply. I find patience that I sometimes lack. I find that by facing failure of a mere physical test I gain perspective and a sense of purpose.

I ask that for one more time you stand with me and fight blood cancer. That is the real reason for these endeavors it to end it's existence.

Bogota, Colombia Dia Uno y Dos.

2009-12-14T21:19:00.000-08:00

So, I make my second trip to South America. I have to be honest that I was a bit intimidated by this one. We are told that the only thing to come out of Colombia is a white powder. We are told that it is a dangerous environment. We are told that it is not a safe place. I have to tell you that on my first day here, I was afraid to venture out for fear of being kidnapped or whatever because of what the media has told me. I stayed in my hotel room and worked because of fear.

On my second day my work was to start in earnest. I was met in the lobby of my hotel by a new friend Diego P. Deigo assured me that where I am staying is safe. We walked to the office which was right around the corner. I was introduced to some of my Colombian co-workers and they all were very warm and welcoming. We then needed to go to a meeting at the new office that we are building. Security is very important here. You see armed solders. You see armed police. You see private security and K9 units everywhere. You are checked into and out of buildings. But you are always met with a smile and a Beun Dia. The meeting is a success with several more through out the day that were also successful. I am afraid that my biases have made me miss a day of meeting new people and experiencing new things. I am sorry that my fear got in the way of this.

Work was long. Eleven hours on Monday and a total of eighteen hours in two days. I am tired and having difficulty sleeping. I am only on Eastern Time Zone, but I have a lot to accomplish in only 5 days. We went out for dinner at around 20:00. We went to the Bogota Beer Company, and it was a blast. One of my Minnesota co-workers came down. To show you how small the world is, this lady worked at Deluxe at the same time I did. This came out when we were discussing "six degrees of separation". How everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by no more than six people. We know a lot of the same people from Deluxe. Small world I guess!

Later on in the evening after telling war stories, I mentioned that I went to Augsburg College. And she started to laugh. She graduated from Augsburg five years after I did. Again the world is smaller. Diego was a great host. I am looking forward to tomorrow and the new experiences I am to gain by putting aside my biases against Colombia. It truly is a place of beauty in the Andes.

The new office has many great views of the Andes mountain range. It should be raining here right now, but has not since I have been here. They will be seeing a water shortage if it does not start raining soon. I am wondering how these people will get any work done with the views they have from their work stations.

It is odd to me to see Christmas lights when I am walking around in short sleeves and no jacket. To see Papa Noel a.k.a Santa Clause. To see arbol de navidad a.k.a Christmas Trees. We are all alike on this marble. We all have hopes and dreams. We all have fears. You would think after all my fears I have conquered that I would be smart enough to always enter a new experience with an open mind... I still have some growing up to do I guess.

I am truly going to embrace my next two days here. I will still try to habla Espaniol. It is getting easier. Diego encourages me to make mistakes. Apparently I say orange the wrong way in Spanish and it refers to female genitalia the way I say it. Oh well, that is the price I must pay to learn so I will continue to strive for correctness. I learned tonight that busette may mean bus in Colombia, but in the rest of Latin America it means whore. I also learned that you have to be careful with other harmless words depending on which country you are in they can be construed very differently.

This second trip to South America, continues to deepen my affection for it's people. They live life to the fullest. They know when to work, but more importantly, they know when to stop the work and live life to it's fullest. I can claim that I have visited three of it's countries, even if Brazil was only for two hours. I have not met one person that has been rude or mean to me. They seem very open and willing to share what they have.

So again in South America, I am working long hours. I am being taught valuable life lessons. I am achieving things which I have no ability to achieve. I am content with my day and my place in it. I need to make this an everyday occurance. Funny when I am not training for something bigger than myself, I still see myself as not worthy of the space I occupy. Funny that a place that I feared, has once again opened my eyes. Funny that I need fear to teach me these great lessons.

Gracias a ti Colombia!!!

I Am Again

2009-11-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

I am going back to TNT again for a fourth year. I am mentoring the Tahoe cycle team. I have been lacking focus and in need of a goal. My goal is to become a stronger man than I am, by helping others find their own success.

While this may sound arrogant. There is no arrogance in having the goal. I am simple. I am just a guy with an ability to pedal a bike. I hope there is more in the reservoir than that. I am not a natural leader. I don't find that I have the skills to inspire others by mere deeds. I know that I have a message through what TNT has taught me. I know that the funds raised will lead to a cure. I know that this cure will come through others hard work and none of my own. My contribution will be my words and my action. Others with talent and ability will be the true contributors. Those that have parted with their money will have played a more important role than mine. I will be satisfied with that.

I am starting to feel the glow of an ember that I know that will grow. To have fear of failure has become natural and necessary. I cannot lie and tell you that I have become comfortable with fear. I just know that when I am not afraid, I am not alive. This does not mean that I will be bungee jumping, or sky diving in this lifetime.

My fear is focused on helping others. How can a lug like me add value? I can ask you to partner with me and believe in my humble abilities. I can sweat, cramp, hurt, and reach for a dream. The dream is an end to cancer in any form. The dream is that no parent of any age will bury a child from this disease. No sibling will mourn the loss of one whom they have known for a lifetime.

I am again throwing my self on the tracks. I am again asking for help. I am again going to reach beyond what is rational in a day. I am again, feeling. I am nervous, scared, hopeful, inspired, and willing. Simply, I am again, alive.

Trying To Find Focus

2009-10-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am struggling. I have stated that I do not want to be negative and that I don't want to get down on myself. In my typical fashion, I am finding trouble finding a new goal. It is not that they are not out there, it is just that I am not focusing.

I want to lose more weight, but I don't seem willing to give up things to do it. I cannot find drive to get to the gym and push myself. I find myself getting to the gym and just going through the motions. Swimming a 1000 yards seems a chore. I have not been on my bike outside because the weather has just plain been blah! I am hoping to get out this weekend for a couple of short rides.

I want to make a positive contribution, as I find that this brings me happiness. I want to continue my participation with TNT, but I am afraid that by having done a marathon, a century, and a triathlon that I will find there is no fear of failure.

Funny that I need that fear to find the drive to push myself. What does that mean? Is that my perfectionist mentality shining through? I have stretched myself through three years of physical challenges. I have learned so much about myself and my capabilities that I am amazed that I am experiencing this lack of focus. Maybe it is natural to come from such a high to wondering what can I do next. I am not interested in bettering my times in these events as it was never about the time, it was about completing what I set out to do to earn your sponsorship.

I am hoping to find focus. I need to find the appropriate challenge to commit to. I am debating going back to century riding, because that is truly what I love. It is not about the finish, but enjoying the ride. My riding has suffered over the last two years with the marathon and the triathlon. I am still a strong rider, but I know that I am so much better than I have produced over the last two years.

I am debating trying to mentor for the cycle season and go back to Tahoe and ride all 100 miles of that course. I don't want to shirk my responsibilities as a parent, so I need to really talk this over with Jenny and the kids. I am afraid if I don't do this, that I will be letting something important to me fade. Sometimes it is hard to find the right application of effort. I know I am most efficient when I am happy and feel like I am making a difference.

Maybe the focus is there, but fear of commitment is the root of the problem. Maybe it is over thinking and not just deciding on a course of action and implementing a plan to make it a reality. I will have to find my way. I will have to decide.

Been Away For A While

2009-09-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been away for a while. Not much has been happening since completing the triathlon that I have felt like writing about.

Thankfully, I am back to work after my 60 day hiatus. The time off was nice, but it was also harder than I would have thought. It is amazing that you have all that time, but you need to be money conscious. We made it through it okay, but I can't say that I would want to do it again anytime soon.

The kids are busy with school and soccer. They are both playing, and seem to be having fun. Issy got her first point this last weekend. She got an assist by making a nice pass. I was not there to see it as I was over at E's game. E's team played to a zero to zero tie. It was a fun game to watch!

Jenny is keeping track of us all. Somehow, she is getting to the Girl Scout meetings, and soccer games. She is even doing a cardio groove class at the community center. I am so proud of her for signing up for that. She seems to be enjoying her Monday nights away.

I have officially become a MacBook Pro owner. I love this thing. I have never worked on a more forgiving and intuitive machine in my life. It just makes things so much easier than a Windows machine. Never thought I would become a convert this easy. I have wanted to get one for the last two years, and finally bit the bullet. Wish I had pulled the trigger on this a long time ago. Maybe now I can do some fun things with all the photos I have. Never could figure out some of those photo software packages.

Well, I hope to get back into blogging more often again. Still swimming and biking, but have let the running slack. Trying to figure out what challenge is next. Hoping all is well for those of you who still check this site out from time to time.

Life Time Olympic Triathlon Complete

2009-07-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

A journey started five plus months ago is now complete. I finished the challenge. I pursued the third event in my personal triple crown and through hard work and dedication it was a success. The success is not that I finished; it is that I was able to have all of you behind me.

I was able to say I am going to do this in honor of my sister and grandfather and I asked you to come along for the journey. You responded yet again and said we will back you. The funds will go to Leukemia research, but in the fight against cancer, lessons are learned from this research and are then are used to fight other forms of this terrible disease.

The day started at 02:00. Wake up. Force myself to eat. Get ready mentally as I had packed all my gear the night before. Load the truck. Rack the bike on the truck. Find some serenity that the three year long journey was resolving itself today. I had a voice in its outcome, but I needed to accept the outcome either way.

Jenny had volunteered to staff a cheering station on the course. I would see here once on the bike, and twice on the run. To have someone willing to sacrifice their time in your belief is humbling. She has been more than supportive of this endeavor and all the time it has taken. She jumped in the truck with me and we were off at 03:27.

I have been driving to lake Nokomis most of the season, and have been taking 35E to 77 (Ceder Ave) to the parkway. I am directionally challenged, and have no fear in admitting it. Jenny suggested that we take 494 over to 77. This saved about 15 – 20 minutes, and alleviated a lot of the anxiety I was starting to feel on the drive over. I needed to be onsite by 04:30 to get body marked.

Body marking is when they write your race number on your arms and your age on your calf. Then I needed to stage my transition area. Get my running shoes ready. Get my bike ready. Get my helmet et all ready. This extra time gained through her suggestion was a blessing.

After all of the staging was complete, I was able to help some of my TEAMmates stage their areas. I was glad to be able to assist and assuage some of their anxiety as my wife had gifted me with the extra time.

Time for a TEAM photograph to commemorate the experience. Time to center myself and find the courage to actually start the race.

I was to start with the second wave of Clydesdales. A Clydesdale is anyone over 200 pounds that is doing a triathlon. I more than qualify. The second wave was to start at 07:15. I wandered down to the lake for a brief warm up swim. The water is 74.8 degrees Fahrenheit and very pleasant. Swim a few hundred yards and call it good.

07:15 the horn sounds and I am off into the water. The first leg of the swim is into the sun. I am having one hell of a time sighting due to the sun. The buoys are green. The water is green. There are people with green swim caps. It was very difficult to stay on course. I was not able to swim a straight line to save my life. I had no panic moments in the water. The year of preparation paid dividends in that area. I probably swam 1.2 miles over the 0.9-mile course due to corrections in my route. I was able to relax and get through the distance and enjoy the swim. I would have never thought this possible after my first swim July 4, 2008. Reaching the beach and being able to stand was an awesome experience. I should have swum in a little further, but terra firma has never been so beautiful! Roughly 46 minutes for the swim. I was planning on 30 – 45 minutes. Not to bad an estimate.

Transition one running up from the beach through the sand was not as difficult as I was expecting. This was probably due to the after glow of accomplishing something I have been working toward for over a year now. I get to my bike. I put my socks on. Get my bike shoes on. Get my glasses on, (God it is nice to be able to see clearly again). Get my helmet on. Un-rack the bike and jog to the exit of transition.

I am planning on 1.5 to 2 hours on the 24.8 mile course. My plan is not to shoot the moon and hammer this out. I want to have legs left to run the 6.3 miles. On egress from the transition and inside of the first mile, I pass my father, mother, and my two daughters. I tell them I love them and will see them later. The wind was up a bit and it did cause a little duress. Nothing that could not be overcome through extra effort and the course will put it at my back once and a while. Look at my watch to gauge the distance covered and I am already 10 miles into the course. I am feeling very strong, but do not want to unleash the dogs yet. I get through the worst hills and get headed back to lake Harriett, start my trip around Harriett and I only have five miles left. I let the dogs loose and start to pass people instead of being the one passed. I am encouraging others, as I believe that the give and take of positive affirmation when doing an endurance event is an important part of the journey. I am thanking the volunteers that are on the course throughout the ride. Without them, none of this experience is possible. I finish my ride in approximately 1.5 hours with an average pace of 15.8 miles an hour.

Before I know it I am back to transition two and ready to start the run. I need to ditch my tri-suit jersey as it is chaffing my arms terribly. Luckily I had placed my marathon jersey in transition as a precaution. It was partly narcissistic, as the tri-suit jersey likes to climb up and reveal my rotund protuberance of a tummy. In the long run, I am so glad that the marathon jersey was there as it saved me a lot of pain. There would be plenty of that just from the running of 6.3 miles. I am estimating 1.5 to 2 hours of running.

I am able to transition fairly quickly into run shoes and said new shirt. I am out on the course and my kids and parents are there again. I will admit that I ran and walked the course. I have found that I can run a quarter mile and walk the next quarter mile interchangeably more comfortably than running straight through. The time difference over a mile is negligible so why not do this comfortably.

I get to Jenny’s cheer station, and keep moving. I continue to encourage others. My mantra becomes cold beer. I will get one of these when I cross the finish. I have a wristband that will allow me to procure this delightful reward.

I finish the first of two loops around lake Nokomis and start the second loop. My parents and children are gone. Isabelle has a party to go to and they have probably left to take her to that. I did miss them on this second loop. Friendly faces are always welcome. To have them be people you love, which have sacrificed so much for you to chase your dreams, who believe in you when you can’t believe in yourself is indescribable.

This is the second race that I have had loved ones at and it is definitely a morale boost to get to see them. I get back to Jenny’s cheer station, and I stop long enough to give her a kiss and a hug and I am only a mile away from the finish.

I find a fellow TEAMmate with a similar pace and we proceed to jog and chat. This was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I am able to finish my journey on the run. I pick up the pace over the last quarter mile. I am seeing my stronger TEAMmates who have finished before me, after starting behind me and they are all encouraging me to the finish. I cross the magic line that tells me I have completed what I set out to do for today. I have my very own personal moment where I bow my head and shed a few tears. Where the emotion came from I don’t know. I am not ashamed of it. I earned the right to have this emotion, and I am going to embrace it. Approximately 1.5 hours to cover 6.3 miles.

I am sure that it will eventually hit me in full that I have accomplished what few would dare at 300 pounds. I am not remarkable. I just was granted the gift of compassion. To all who have supported me in this journey, I cannot thank you enough. From coaches, TEAMmates, friends, and my family, none of this was possible without you. From your kind words of encouragement to me. To your generous contributions to an amazing cause that LLS is. You are truly the amazing ones, not me. I am merely a conduit for your compassion for others. Thank you for all of it!

Sincerely,

Marc

Century Rider
Marathon Walker
Olympic Distance Tri-athlete

http://www.peaktiming.com/2009LTF/ Bib number 271

Were You Brave Enough To...

2009-07-01T23:57:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Transformers the movie. There is a quote in there: "When you look back at your life 50 years from now, are you going to be able to say you were brave enough to get into the car?" While I don't plan on living another 50 years, I think I will be able to answer that question in the affirmative.

That is not as braggadocios as it sounds. I am a pretty timid person at my core. I don't risk much because of my fears of success and failure. Over the past three years, I have been able to put others needs in front of my own. I have found that by training for someone else is far more meaningful than training only for myself.

I have been able to stand my ground in the face of fear and overcome mere physical pain. My life is not at risk, but it has become more meaningful. Will St. Peter meet me upon my demise and roll out the red carpet? Probably not! I have many areas in my life that I need to correct before I am accorded that kind of treatment.

While this season waxes, I am still learning lessons. I am still finding value in who I am. I am still trying to put myself out there and open up. I am still trying to add value to those around me. I am still trying to show tangible bravery. I see all of these qualities in my TEAMmates and coaches. I still try to emulate these folks, because at the heart of it I know they exemplify these characteristics that I am trying to get to take root in my soul.

I hope that in a mere nine days to be able to add the third crown to my tripple. It will require, bravery, self sacrafice, desire, endurance and belief that I am worthy of completing the task that I accepted and said I would do to earn your sponsorship. I know you were all brave enough. Hopefully, I will be too.

I Am Not, And Yet I Am

2009-06-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am not anything special. I am not amazing. I am not a leader. I am not noble. I am not a strong person. I am not someone to be looked up to. I am not capable. I am not to be taken seriously. I am not brave. I am not courageous. I am not someone that can do great things. I AM NOT GOING TO BE NEGATIVE!

I have said all of these things to myself on many occasions. The odd thing is that somehow deep inside, I know now they are not true. I've changed over the last three years. You have been a part of that change, whether you are aware or not.

A silly postcard daring me to ride 100 miles in a day provided me with hope so that others could have hope as well. I asked you all to follow me by donating money to help me train and travel to Tahoe to complete this task. When that task was complete, I had found a purpose. Belief in my abilities was reborn.

I signed up voluntarily to not only do a marathon in San Diego, but to mentor others the next year. This turned out to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to step outside of my reserved self even more. I had to go slow because I was not capable of going fast. I needed to be there for others while being strong enough for myself. Again you were there to back me and follow my foolish folly of completing a marathon.

This year, again, I am stepping out and daring to accomplish something that will not be easy. Lifetime Olympic distance triathlon is right around the corner.

Am I afraid? Yes, I suppose part of me is. What are you afraid of? I am not sure of anything specific.

I am worried about staying calm during the swim. Open water swimming is more about concentration on sighting to make sure you stay the right line and don't have to over swim to correct mistakes for going off course.

Cycling is not overly disconcerting other than hoping that there are no major mechanical malfunctions. I may not go as fast as I want, but I know I will get there. I will need to save everything for the run.

Running, yeah there is some trepidation here. I know that I can go the distance. Can I run it all, I am not sure. Do I want to? Hell yes I do. Although, I know there is no shame in having to walk some. That has been the most valuable lesson I have learned about endurance events. As long as you are moving forward, you are making progress towards the goal.

I think that my biggest fear comes after I achieve this; What can I do next to feel like I am alive? TNT is not going to end for me. I know at my core that this is what I need to be doing. Our honorees are who matter, not me. I know that by training and focusing on others is how I feel alive.

You have all been so supportive, that I am humbled that you have so much faith in me. You have made me feel special. You have made me feel amazing. You have made me feel like a leader. You have made me feel noble. You have made me feel like a strong person. You have made me feel looked up to. You have made me feel capable. You have made me take myself seriously. You have made me feel brave. You have made me feel like I am courageous. You have made me feel like I can do great things. But the best part of this, is that I have not done this alone. You have been there right beside me with your funding, kind words, and by putting your belief in a simple mortal.

I am looking forward to this challenge! I am looking forward to crossing that finish line. I am looking forward to finding a new challenge. I am a mere mortal, but when I do these events for a short time, I feel that my presence on earth may actually be inspiring.

Buffalo Sprint Tri Complete

2009-06-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

The Buffalo Triathlon was on Sunday, June 7. A couple of friends from where I've been working for the past two years wanted to do this event. We all signed up February thinking it would be a nice June day. Oh were we wrong!

Air temps were in the upper 40's. Waking up at 04:00 to get breakfast, and then drive over to Brooklyn Park to pick up Michelle, I am asking myself why this sounded like fun in February? Oh well, it beats wasting the day sleeping. By the end of the day I will have accomplished something new.

On the drive over to Michelle's, I pass a house engulfed in flames. I feel bad for the family whose home this is. Their day is being dictated to them, and I am doing something of my choosing. Several emergency vehicles are on site, I hope all involved are safe.

Michelle and I drive up to Doug's place in Buffalo. We got a little lost when we got into town. We had to call and wake sleepy head up to get the last few directions to his place. Doug has to run over an pick up his son Zach who is also doing the event.

Michelle and I drive down to the race site to pick up packets and get numbered. By the time we get back to Doug's to drop off the truck, he and Zach have ridden down to the event. Michelle and I complete prepping our bikes and gear with numbers. We take off on our bikes and get ready to set up our transition areas.

While setting up in transition, I see a lot of my TNT teammates. This is comforting to me. I introduce my coworkers to my teammates. It is nice to have so many people I know on the course. I can draw energy from them, and hopefully can provide some to them.

Off to the pre-race meeting. Quick course review and instruction. Motivation from last years winner from the pro group. Inspiration from a man diagnosed with Myeloma. He has fought through his treatments to get here, and he is racing with us! Comfort from the singing of our National anthem. Surprise from finding out my sister and her husband have driven up to watch this spectacle.

This is a wave start. Michelle is in wave 18, I am in 19, and Doug and Zach are in 22. We get into our wave groups and prepare for the start. The horn sounds and I am running out into the water. The water is shallow, so I am able to get out pretty far before I need to start swimming.

This is my first ever open water swim. It is different from pool swimming. It is murky, it is crowded, it is chaos! Team swims have prepared me for some of this as you do get bumped into in the pool. You will be kicked. You will be hit. You will drink lake water. I achieved all of these in the first 10 yards of the swim. I told myself calm down, you can do this. Relax, stroke, sight the buoy, stroke, stroke, stroke, sight the buoy. Sighting is important, because there is no line to follow on the bottom of the lake. You can hardly see your hands during your stroke. I complete my swim in about 10 minutes according to my watch. I exit the water and head to transition to the bike.

I am not feeling well from my drink of lake water! I force my self to burp, and this helps some. I get into my socks, I get my cycling bibs on over my tri shorts. I pull my jersey on and get my bike shoes on. I slam on a skull cap to keep my head from freezing. I am getting cold from being wet and the wind is blowing. Get my helmet on and grab my bike. Here comes Michelle into the transition area. I wish her well, and jog with my bike to the line where I can start riding. I am now in my strongest section of the event.

The cycle course course is windy. My right ear is hurting, I think I have water in there and when the wind hits that side, I am getting a sharp pain. Ignore it and keep spinning the crank. This course is more hilly than I expected. Nothing that cannot be overcome. I get passed on the climbs, but on the downhill I blow past those that have passed me. I thank the volunteers that I can when I am going by. I have my watch on my wrist, so it is harder to check my distance and speed than if it was mounted to my handlebars. This will save me time in transition, but it is definitely something different. I am on my large ring in front and somewhere in the middle of my rear gears when I come around the corner and see runners. I'm almost to transition two. Ride into the transition area, unclip and walk jog my bike into the transition area. I am a bit sick to my stomach, but I can make it.

Kick my bike shoes off. My kids would probably yell at me for not unfastening them as I yell at them for not untying theirs. Slam my feet into my running shoes and tie them up. I think to myself, I wish I had something to sit on to get these shoes on easier. Stop my watch to change it to logging my shoe pod that measures distance and speed. Run out of transition area to the run course.

I am not suffering too much from the BRick feeling. BRick stands for Bike Run ick. Your legs are lead, your feet are boulders, and you gate just feels funny. I am plodding along, and occasionally see some of my teammates. Smiles, nods, high fives and "go team" are exchanged. I am encouraging others, and they are encouraging me. I am getting pats on the back from some that are passing me. This is where I need the most support. I am not a strong runner, but I am not going to quit just because I am not good at it.

About 3/4 of mile in I see Doug and Zach. They are just coming in on the end of the cycle course. Doug is smiling and yells "Hey Marc", and he is past me. About one mile in, here comes Michelle, and she has a grin. I know they have made it through the swim and the bike. Way to go guys! I push to the turn around point. There is a water station here. I slow way down so that I can slam a couple of Dixie cups worth of water into my system. I pick up the pace again. I am feeling better now. Getting through the first mile of the run, my body seems to accept what it is being put through. About two miles into the run for me, (a mile for them), here comes Doug and Zach. They are both very strong runners. High fives and on we go our separate directions to the same finish line. About two and 1/4 miles here comes Michelle. Keep going you can do it! I am on the home stretch now. Smile and joke with those around me. Picking up the pace, not feeling real great, getting winded. Push through to the finish.

Clock time 2 hours 25 minutes. I stay by the finish to see Doug, Zach, Michelle, and some of my teammates cross. My sister and her husband come over and we laugh and chat. This is the first race that I have had, that a family member was there to cheer for me on the course. Jenny and I did San Diego last year, and we were cheering for each other but we were both participating. It was very supportive, and I enjoyed the surprise.

After Michelle finishes, I can see that silly grin on her face. I know that grin. It says; "I just did it. I don't know how, but I just did what I set out to do. Damn I feel good!" I saw that look on Doug's face later too. Doug and his wife invited all of us back to the house for kabob's and some beer. Very tasty!

We were all cold. We were all content. A winter idea and goal was complete.

Doug, thanks for suggesting we do this together. Michelle, thank you for joining the group. To the Schmitz's thank you for your hospitality. To my sister and brother-in-law, thanks for being there. To those that encouraged me on the run whether I knew you or not, thank you. To my teammates from TNT, you guys are awesome. And to those of you that followed this narrative to it's conclusion, I hope you enjoyed the journey.

http://onlineraceresults.com/race/view_individual.php?make_printable=1&bib_num=1033&race_id=10936&type=result

39 Wow, HTF Did That Happen?

2009-06-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I am 39. HTF did that happen? I am as confused as you are. I have no idea how I got from 18 when I graduated from highschool (on my bday), to 39. I mentally don't feel any older than 18 maybe even 16. I am starting to notice differences in recovery after working out, but mentally, I am still ready to go.

The only positive that I can point out is that I am still here. I am more focused than I was at 18. I know that I have ability, and maybe even a little courage. At 18, I was all bravado and no action! At 39, there is a more action and less fear. I am not afraid of failing, but more afraid of inaction! I am not made of substance, but of desire. I desire change in the world. I desire change in myself. I want better for the future.

I accept that I probably have more wake ups behind me than I do ahead of me! That is not as morose as it sounds. It is reality. I am not promised tomorrow, so I have to live today. I will be unemployed as of Friday. I accept that as I did the risk of contracting for employment. Fortunately for me, my contractual employment company is interested in bringing me back to work. I most likely will only be unemployed for 60 days. I have no regrets! This change was what I needed to make me and the world around me better.

Two years ago on this day I was 37 and just finishing up the largest success of my life. I had ridden Tahoe, "the death ride" in under 10 hours. I had found the man who I could be and was. I had found a purpose that I am still living for. Together we will find a cure for blood cancer. Me through physical engagement and more importantly you through financial backing. I am not laid to eternal sleep yet. I have not yet earned that privilege. I have more to give, and more to learn!

I took this day for myself. Normally at this time, I am either engaged in beating myself into success as I have asked you to back me in some foolish yet worthwhile endeavor or, I am recovering from an event. I apologize for skipping a workout to indulge in 39 years of existence. In actuality, it is only three years of life. I say only three years of life, because I was able to find my humanity and worth on June 3, 2007! I left a little of myself on the climb up Spooner Junction on the mountain. In leaving a little of myself on the mountain, and accepting my human weakness was I able to see that I have value. I was able to strip the self pitying worthless cadaver off and let my potential shine through. It is there in all of us if we dig deep enough.

I am still not sure how I made it 39 years in this world, as weak as I am. Maybe it was some part of a grand plan that is not written in totality. Either way, I have commitments to honor, and goals to reach. Thirty-nine, HTF did that happen! How did I waste 36 years! Why am I such a slow learner? All I can hope is that I get another 36 years to make up for the wasted time. If not, I was afforded the opportunity to realize some of my potential while still on earth.

Thanks for reading the rant of a person fast approaching 40. Laugh at it as I do. I used to think 40 was ancient. Now I am hoping it is only nearing mid-life. Either way, I have actually lived a few of my years prior to 40! Hopefully my stories will encourage others to find some fire in their bellies and thus benefit their fellows. In truth, that is the only way to immortality!

Six Miles To Make An Impression

2009-05-31T15:30:00.001-07:00

I have two friends that just completed the 2009 San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. Congratulations Steve and Aurora! Steve has done five marathons in the last 20 some months. My hat is off to you, as I know what an incredible feat just one is. I am not tough enough to even think of pulling that endeavor off!

Steve and I spoke briefly last weekend. He inquired of the "Little Giant's" real name. Aurora Ortiz or the Little Giant was the lady that I was able to escort last year during my marathon journey. Steve said that he would look for her this year and say hi if he saw her for me.

Steve called me today when he was at just about mile 16 to say that he had seen and walked with Aurora for a while. She actually remembered me from last year. To me this is humbling.

I am not someone that will leave a lasting impression on the world. That is not my goal or desire. I only desire to make a small positive impression on those around me wherever that may be. To think that something that I did 364 days ago was remembered fondly is enough for me. Because in reality I only had six miles to walk with Aurora. I was not able to get her to her goal due to my own physical infirmity. I can assure you that she made an impression on my as well. There is a lot of power packed in that small package. She finished this year in 7:37 at age 68!

My feet are happy that I did not do this event again, but my soul is wishing that I had been there again today. My event approaches and I am still preparing for it. I have a small test a week from today. I am running the Buffalo Sprint Tri next Sunday. I will let you know how it goes. I hope to add some value to someones event next weekend as I am sure someone will add to my experience. I'll only have three miles to cover on my feet, so I will have to work twice as hard to make an impression.

Memorial Day Thanks and Remembrance

2009-05-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

If I had the opportunity to thank everyone personally that has sacrificed themselves to afford me the opportunity to live the way I do, it would take days, weeks, months, and years and still not even come close to making recompense for those sacrifices. To sacrifice one's self in a belief, is there a more noble endeavor?

For everyone that has served my country, I humbly say thank you. To anyone that has sacrificed their life in service to my country, my thanks is surely not enough. I hope through my actions and my service to others to show my appreciation for your service. In all humility, I know my actions cannot even come close to making restitution to your contribution and service.

To my grandfathers, my paternal grandmother, my father, my father-in-law, my brother-in-laws and to all those that have served my country, I tip my hat, bow my head, and silently praise your sacrifice to a belief in a better way of life for all.

Thank You!

Welcome Home

2009-05-23T05:26:00.000-07:00

I am back home. Returning from a trip like this is always filled with different feelings. Your happy to see loved ones upon your return. Your happy to be around things that make you comfortable, (your favorite chair, your own car and real traffic lanes). In the same breath, you are missing the new experiences you have been taking in. You are missing new friends you have made.

The trip home went well. When departing from Argentina to Brazil, everything needed to be announced in three languages 1) Spanish, 2) Portuguese, 3) English. While interesting, it is very confusing too. When the announcement was complete in the first two languages, those native speakers stopped listening and would resume there conversations increasing the volume in the area. I really had to focus to hear and understand the announcement. Now I think I have learned a little more respect for those visiting my country and trying to get around if they have a language barrier.

The airports Buenos Aires in Sao Paulo are a bit overwhelming when it comes to Duty Free shopping. You must go through the Duty Free shops to arrive at the departure gates. The prices are horrible. A set of Bose noise cancelling head phones for $350 US. You can buy them for $299 from Bose or in the airport in the US. There were a few other products that I looked at and they were again over priced, or essentially including the tax. Duty free is supposed to tax free from my understanding, and then you declare it when you arrive. All of these prices seemed to include the equivalent of the US Tax. Needless to say, I did not make any Duty Free purchases.

Disembarking from the flight from Buenos Aires, in Sao Paulo, I needed to find the United gate and be issued boarding passes. Neither Argentina nor Brazil allow for you to print you boarding passes for international flights. After making my way through security for the second time in one day and another Duty Free Hades, I could not locate any departure monitors to locate the gate I needed to be at. I had about 45 minutes before my flight to Chicago was scheduled to depart. I found a TAM airlines gate, and went over and inquired if they abla Ingles as I was in a Portuguese speaking country. The gate attendant's response was "yes, some small English, but more Spanish." I apologized and asked if there was someone else that spoke more English as I only had a small amount of Spanish. He directed to me to a colleague that spoke excellent English. I luckily by dumb luck had arrived at my departure gate. There was no United signage, and no departure monitors. I was able to get my boarding passes and start relaxing. I was heading home to the United States.

I took a quick trip through Sao Paulo's airport looking for a souvenir, but I could not find anything that was fairly priced. I was going to buy the girls mini Brazilian flags like I got them in Argentina, but they only sold 3' X 5' Brazilian flags for $45 US. I went looking for a bottle of water for the flight home, and the only stores that were selling bottled products were outside of security. Apparently, they have not learned the value of having TSA approve their water purchased after security checkpoints and charging $3.00 or more a bottle, (I am joking here against the US). Not wanting to go outside of security and fight my way back through, I bagged this idea and went back to the boarding area.

The flight home was good. We had to skirt a storm in the Bahama's and go way out over the Atlantic. I am pretty sure I have now flown over the Bermuda Triangle due to this route and from watching the map of the flight path. We arrived in Chicago at 05:30 to 05:45. Disembarked and again I only had about an hour to get to the domestic terminal, after going through immigration, picking up my luggage and rechecking it to Minneapolis.

Upon arriving at immigration, I filled out my declaration form. I had nothing to declare, but needed to fill one out stating that I had nothing to declare. You just have to love the bureaucratic red tape. All the information on this form is on my passport! This was the first time that I really started to get frustrated with all the extra steps international travel requires. I realized that some of it was due to being overtired, and I just wanted to get home. I calmed myself down and got to my turn to speak with the immigration agent. He took the declaration form, scanned my passport, looked up and said "Welcome home." I replied thank you, and felt the security and comfortable feeling that I have always felt when re-entering my home country, even if only from Canada come over me. I don't know why that is, maybe just that I know all the rules and customs here.

My flight from Chicago to Minneapolis was delayed an hour, but I met some Minnesotans at the gate and we had some light conversations and laughs. Arriving in MSP, there was only a short walk down to baggage claim where I received a nice hug from my wife and I truly was home. My luggage came down the belt, I grabbed it and we got the heck out of the airport.

I feel good. I am happy to be home with my wife and children. I thoroughly enjoyed this experience. This was the first time I have been outside of the US to a country that's native language is not English. This was not as overwhelming as I previously had expected it to be. In fact, it has fueled my urgency to learn Spanish even more. I will be hitting the Rosetta Stone CD's even harder now. And I think when I have some mastery of Spanish, I will be getting the German set as well to round out those skills.

Time to go get on the bike, and then to run. Time to refocus on the mission ahead. I look forward to it. With a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face, it truly is a "Welcome Home" reality.

Argentina dia Cuatro

2009-05-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

Day 4, and what can be said of Buenos Aries that I have not already said. This place and it’s people are amazing!

I visited a future warehouse site today. It is a space rented within another business. The site in incredible. We had to go down 9 (Nuevo) de Julio to get to this site. Nuevo de Julio is the widest street in the world. It is like 12 lanes wide in the midst of Buenos Aires. Nuevo Julio stands for July 9. This is the day that Argentina won it’s independence from Spain in 1885, if I remember what I was told. In the midst of this massive roadway stands an obelisk and a flag pole flying the Argentine flag. The flag and obelisk are in the middle of a massive traffic circle. It is neat to see.

Today is my mother’s birthday, so I called her to wish her feliz compleanos, (happy birthday). She answered the phone, and I said my birthday tidings to her, and she replied “wrong numero”, I said no, feliz compleanos, she said that I had the wrong number again. At this point, I gave up on trying to surprise her, and said “No mom, I have the right number, you don’t recognize your own son’s voice?” We both had a good laugh and had a nice chat. She said she never thought that she would get a call on her birthday from Argentina.

After completing my work in Argentina today, I had to check on a project in Arizona that I have been tracking while down here. Worked through its issues with the surreal experience that I was in South America working in North America. I have worked in other countries on other continents while in North America, but never the reverse. This proves how small a world it is.

When I finished with my work, I followed through on one promise to myself that I made before coming to the southern hemisphere for the second time. I would see the coriolis effect for myself. For those that don’t know what this is, when you are in the northern hemispehere water drains from a tub in a right rotational pattern. The little water tornado you see in a draining bath tub. In the southern hemisphere, the spin drains to the left. If I can figure out how to post the video on this site so you can see it. I filled the tub with a couple inches of water and floated a bottle cap on the surface of the water and pulled the drain plug. Sure enough the water spiraled to the left. You can see the bottle cap circle the drain to the left before it is pulled under by the vortex. The other promise I made was to see the southern cross, (navigational star like the North star in the big dipper) but the buildings are too tall, and the lights of the city far to bright to see it. I will have to make another trip to the southern hemisphere to see it.

I had dinner with royalty tonight. The Boca soccer club is staying at my hotel. I was able to speak shortly with them, and met number 9, 10, and 1. Here is one of them that I could find on the web. He is number 9: http://es.footbo.com/Players/Martin_Palermo.
The people kept streaming by my table to have photos taken with these guys. The neat thing is that one of the people I have been working with is a huge Boca fan. I will enjoy telling him about this experience. The players were very gracious to their fans. When there was a lull in the attention, I got up and asked if they were part of the Boca club, and asked for there numbers. There were interested in an American that knew anything about football. I wished them luck, and let them enjoy the rest of their evening.

A part of me is sad to go home tomorrow, but the rest of me is ready to see my family again. I need to get back into the flow of training. I have averaged about ten hours a day in work down here off the top of my head. I am due for some sleep and need to get back on track with my training. I have managed to get in some walks, but nothing near the schedule I keep at home. I was sent down here to work, so that needed to be my focus. I feel that I have covered that responsibility, but have had to sacrifice my training to do that. I guess that was the necessary priority this week, but I have a feeling, I am going to suffer on Saturday’s brick workout.

I hope you have enjoyed these Argentina updates as much as I have enjoyed living the experience. Three continents down, four to go. I need to get to Asia, Africa, Antarctica (my current southern neighbor), and Europe. On the topic of Antarctica, it is really odd to see it on the map when you fly down to Argentina it suddenly pops up on the map and you realize how far south you have come.

Viva la Argentina!

Argentina Dia Tres

2009-05-19T19:02:00.001-07:00

Day three and more meetings to attend for the project. Today I met with the low voltage cable vendor. Antonio is the largest Argentinean I have met. He is my size and is of Itallian decent. He was a gracious host and we had a very productive meeting at his office, and then we went to lunch.

Lunch again was an amazing event. These people work hard, and they enjoy their food. It was Chorizo sausage, Morcilla (More sea sha phonetically) sausage, Pancetta, Cheese, bread, salad, steak, and I had dolce delache ice cream for dessert. Let me tell you that dolce delache is in a word AWESOME!

We were joined by Antonio’s son, and two other employees. We had fun laughing and trading phrases. I would have to explain the words may, might, some other off color words. They would then return the favor and we would laugh and the next topic would come up without anyone having to work to find items to discuss. I think that when I could not find a document in my file that I was looking for I have provided Antonio with a new favorite saying. I stated that I was organized like a soup sandwich. Antonio burst out laughing and said I will translate that into Spanish and use it for sure.

I have now seen Casa de Rosado – “The Pink House”. It is the Presidential Residence for Argentina. Impressive!

My Chiropractic Angel Leslie told me that I would love Argentina. She was right. Leslie grew up here, and I now understand why she is the way she is. It seems that all Argentineans are genuine and very giving. I have not had a bad experience here. The work days have been long, but they have been so much fun. I am very lucky to have had this opportunity.

Argentina Dia Dos

2009-05-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

My first day of business in Argentina was one filled with new experiences.

I am so grateful to not have to drive down here. I don't know if I would have the courage to get behind the wheel of a car. It is a very chaotic road system. Lanes are created at will it seems. At one point today, I looked from my back seat residence to my right and I am facing the driver of an opposing automobile. Both cars were trying to occupy the same space we were about one foot apart before the other driver moved away again, much to my relief. I have learned that it is better to not pay attention to the cars and look at the skyline or the floor.

I had a very productive visit to the new space we are building out. It is about four times as large as the space currently occupied. It will be a very nice office when it is complete. I will be proud to have played my small part in its creation.

The people in Argentina are amazingly patient with my broken Spanish. I am able to ask for what I want, but do not always understand the response in what it costs. I actually overpaid by $10 pesos today, and the cashier was kind enough to give back my funds and repeat the cost in English. We both had a good laugh at my mistake. It cost $4.20 pesos for a bottle of water in a gas station while the hotel charges $25.40 pesos. It was worth the walk.

I had lunch with two of my contacts this afternoon. We were on the Rio La Platta. I learned that this is the widest river in the world. It separates Argentina from Uruguay. It is about 30 miles shore to shore at its widest point. The lunch was amazing. I was asked what I wanted to eat. I replied that I wanted a meal that was distinctly Argentinean. I was told then we will eat meat. We went to a restaurant where we were served carne empanada y queso frito. It was delicious! Next we went to the anti pasta bar and had more queso and vegetables and bread and seafood. After this they started to bring the carne (meat). They brought different cuts of beef, pork, and chicken. About every 10 minutes there was something new to try. There was good conversation and it was very relaxing. I now understand why Latin Americans eat dinner so late. The lunches are huge.

Before dinner, I went for a walk on my own. I bought some cerveza (beer) at a local tienda (store). They were very polite, and asked me where I was from. I stated Minnesota, USA. They very tentatively in English said “Barack Obama, yes.” I said “Si, el Presidente United States.” We had a short conversation in broken English and Spanish, it was enjoyable and fun.

I met my new friend Franz for dinner at about 20:00. We both had difficulty this morning finding our drivers. His interpreter actually approached me and asked in German if I was him. I happened to see Franz and waived him over and introduced him to his driver and Spanish interpreter. I had to wait another hour to make contact with my driver. My driver was calling my room while I was waiting in the lobby. Franz and I had another evening of laughter and conversation.

It is almost 23:00 here. I am tired, but have good memories of the day. Dormir beckons! I will slumber well and will write more tomorrow.

Argentina Dia uno part dos

2009-05-17T19:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe that is more Spanglish than Spanish.

I took a nap. I needed to figure out how to operate my room lights. Apparently you need to insert your room key into the fuse panel by the door to operate your room lights. I blew up my white noise machine even with my power converter, (this will make sleep interesting this week).

Dinner was good. I had Jamon y queso empinadas. They were quite tasty!!! I overheard a request for Jager Meister Ice Cold. I later struck up a conversation with the gentleman that had made this request. Sie sind nach Deutschland I asked, and he replied Ja ich bin von Cologne. His name was Franz, and we had a nice discussion on world travel, and politics. Franz is in wind energy, and travels all over the world. It was a nice evening having light conversation in German and English.

Later Franz and I were joined by Boris when he heard us speaking in German. Boris is in Argentina to provide training for his pharmaceutical company.

It is funny, that I came all the way to Argentina to use my five years of German study. It is even stranger that I was a polyglot this evening. Polyglot: A person having a speaking, reading, or writing knowledge of several languages. I don't speak English well, but I was able to order my dinner in Spanish, Strike up a conversation in Duetsch, and thankfully both Franz and Boris are well versed in English. It made for a fun and engaging evening of conversation.

We will see what tomorrow brings. Hasta mañana. Necesito dormir esta noche.

Argentina Day 1

2009-05-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I arrived safely! It was an interesting ride from Minneapolis to Chicago, Chicago to Dulles Washington D.C. Would have just missed my flight out of D.C. if not for weather holding all outbound flights as it did all in bound ones. Got headed to Buenos Aires about an hour later than scheduled, but that is okay as I was able to make the flight!!!!

My entrance through customs was smooth. Swine flu is a concern down here and the Ministry of Health required the entire plane to wear masks. Talking with an American Expatriate, he stated that it is more of a public relations move to make the people feel safe. Basically you wear the mask down the hall way to immigration and they look at you and say "you look healthy, please take your mask off and welcome to Argentina."

Went down to baggage claim and got my suitcase after a short wait. Went out of baggage claim and met my driver. Between my poor broken Spanish and his basic English, we were able to have an enjoyable conversation about sports and the weather.

I was amazed to see bicycles on the roads equivilant to our interstate system in America. I asked if the police ever kicked the cyclists off the interstates. No, was the response. Nice flat roads with wide shoulders. Could be an interesting place to ride as you could probably crank up some good speed. I don't know if I would be that comfortable with the traffic zooming by that fast though.

I am going to grab a nap and start prepping for my meetings tomorrow. Hasta Luego.

Taking Training International

2009-05-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry that I have not posted recently. I have been pushing hard at work. My contract is wrapping up and I am trying to leave them in as good a position as I can before I have to take a 60 day hiatus. For those that don't know there is a law on the Federal books that says you can only contract for 24 months in a row at a company, then you have to leave for 60 days.

Strangely, I am not worried about this break. I have really enjoyed my experience contracting at this job. I am still hopeful that one day they will extend me an opportunity to become an employee.

The cool thing is that one of my last projects before my break is an office in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I leave for Argentina on Saturday May 16, 2009. I will continue to train while out of the country. The hotel I am staying at has a gym and a pool, so there will be no resting on my laurels. I hope to fit in all three of my scheduled workouts while there.

I will have to miss a TEAM BRICK workout, (Bike Run ICK). I will be doing this workout in the morning before I go to airport on my own. 25 mile ride and a 2 mile run. Sounds sick I know but I am starting to like doing both activities. Who knows maybe it will help me sleep some on the 10.5 hour trip from Washington D.C. to Buenos Aires.

I plan on posting while I am in Argentina. Hopefully, I can put a few pictures out here from the trip.

Things Change For A Reason

2009-05-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. Today was a challenge. Today was a chance to see how far things have changed in the last two years.

I went to a farewell party for the Help Desk where I used to work. Unfortunately most of these folks that I used to work with were let go from their jobs. These are all good people that lost their jobs because of "cost savings". Fortunately, they all seem happy! Really fortunately most have found new employment!!

I worked with most of these people for 16 years. I am very happy for them! I miss associating with them on a daily basis.

with the weakness of our current economy, I am thrilled that things at this party were so upbeat. Things change for a reason. Most of us invest ourselves in our jobs. This is a good thing. It means that we are committed to the success of the company we work for. The bad thing is that most of us define ourselves only by our jobs. We don't need to! We are all unique. We all posses gifts and talents. We need to release our gifts and talents upon the world.

For me, I used to define myself only by my job. I luckily found an organization that allowed me to expand the definition of myself beyond what I did for a living. Without the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I would probably still only define myself by my job. I am more than what I do to put food on the table and pay the mortgage now. I am not superior to anyone, I am just an individual amongst the throng of humanity. I do not diminish myself with that last sentence, but define myself in more totality. I can work to feed and shelter my family, but I can also grow in my humanity by striking down a disease that affects all of us in one form or another with your help.

I was invigorated today when some of these people that I worked with for so long did not recognize me. 60 pounds gone from my frame and no hair could have contributed to that lack of recognition. But in reality, I hope that most of them did not recognize me initially on the fact that they have never seen me so happy.

I was not happy with who I was when I worked with them. I needed to change to grow. I needed to leave my comfort zone to change. I needed to learn that change while frightening is not always negative. Things change for a reason, sometimes beyond our comprehension. Roll with the waves of change. Don't always be resistant to change. I am learning that our greatest experiences can come with change. In retrospect, our greatest pain can come from resisting change as well. Things change for a reason embrace it and move forward.

Two Movies and Insight

2009-04-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

I came home today from a TEAM run. I was dreading due to weather. I had looked at the radar, and expected to run in the rain from the images Intellicast was projecting. I almost bagged going, because nobody likes to be cold and wet besides Navy Seals. Upon arriving home after a seven mile run, (one more mile than I will have to run for the Tri) I turned the TV on to "Henry V".

"Henry V" or Henry the Fifth is an epic struggle dramatised by Shakespeare of France versus England. England is beleaguered and vastly out manned in the final confrontation. England's forces find within themselves the courage and endurance to reach their goal of victory in arms. King Henry uses the Saint Crispin day speech to insight courage and bravery amongst his troops. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Crispin

During my run today, there were many times that I needed to find courage to continue running. I felt tightness in my hip flexors and knee pain as I ran. I have made a vow to myself to not walk during the training sessions. I am not sure if I can keep this vow as the heat rises, (but I will try). My big frame thrives on the cool weather. It does not like heat, as I produce enough of that when I work out, (and when I talk). I love "Henry V", and the Shakespearian speech there in:

Henry V:-
"This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day"

Those who remained a-bed are no less remarkable than myself, but are willing to spill there money in pursuit of my belief in the ending of blood cancer. For this, I consider them my brothers and sisters, and thank them for their conviction.

Upon completion of this movie, the next was "American Flyers". This is a story about bike racing and brothers. It stars Kevin Costner and David Marshall Grant. It is a story about a brother's love. David Marshall Grant wins a bike race after his brother, Costner's health is failing due to an incurable brain aneurysm.

This movie is one that I saw originally in the mid 80's. At the time, I was in love with riding a bicycle, but did not know that it would later in life re-emerge as a passion. I would often quote this movie when riding with friends "Hold your line!", as they swerved in front of me.

I find it a paradox that I am now, swimming, riding, and running in honor of my sister and her fight with a disease, that this movie resurfaces in my life. This movie was recommended to me earlier in the year by a friend and TEAMmate that I rode Tahoe with. I streamed it from Netflix after his bringing it up. I enjoyed it immensely. Three months later, (today) I watched it again with different eyes. I say with different eyes because of my struggles this morning, and what pushed me through to the end. I am not out there because I am important. I am out there because I truly believe in the cause that I am representing. I am out there to honor my sister, not my personal involvement.

A brother's love is something that while usually unsaid is there. It is a very tangible thing. It is a responsibility that cannot be set aside or shirked. It is to be accepted willingly, and without obligation from the loved one. It can grant resolve, and imbue you with stamina when you believe you have none left.

Funny how two of my favorite movies should appear on the same day back to back. Funny how I am now granted a different insight to the meanings that they originally provided. I thought they originally were about bravery and success without fear. I now can look at them and see that they are about bravery, and the willingness to fail in pursuit of a goal despite having fear.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/lifetri09/mmcelyea

Mini Me And One That Looks Like Me

2009-04-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

Often I post about training. While tonight, I did swim to make up a missed session and also rode for the hour the schedule called for, I won't say much other than the ride was awesome despite the wind, and the swim was lack luster at best due to shoulder issues.

Tonight instead, I will write about my children. I have one that is my mini me, "E". I have another that looks like me "I".

"E", is like me in so many ways, and yet her own unique person. We have a bond forged out of my inexperience as a parent blessed without power and a wife back in the hospital due to a post Cesarean section infection. A tornado hit Shoreview the day we brought her home from the hospital almost 11 years ago and my life has never been the same, "thank God"! She unfortunately has all my weakness and anger, but there is a spark deep within that glows and will someday shine beyond the brilliance of the sun.

"E" was crying as I checked on her tonight after she had gone to bed. I don't do so well with tears as I am not conditioned to understand this as a coping mechanism. Crying is not quitting in my book, but I don't fully understand it as stress relief.

I inquired what was wrong. She was worried about a school project that she did not have done. I asked if she had brought it home and she stated no as they would have more class time to finish it. I asked, then what was the issue? She stated, that she was not sure that she would be able to finish it in class. I asked her if she could have brought it home? She said yes, but did not feel at the time that she did not think she needed to, because of the extra class time.

I asked that she compose herself, and I would come back and discuss it with her. I gave her about a minute, and she had calmed down. I went back into her room and asked if she had tried her best today on this project? She said that she believed she had. I asked if she would try her hardest to complete it in class tomorrow? She said that she would. I then told her that if you do your best, nobody can ever complain about that. I asked that she take it as a lesson though regardless of the outcome, success or failure.

If you get it done, maybe next time you bring it home so you don't stress about it and can do a more thorough job of preparing. If you don't get it done, I won't be mad, but I want you to remember it, so that even though you have the extra class time you will put in some extra time to succeed.

I can tell you that mini me is exactly like I was and still am. I hope she learns that she is amazing before she faces the strife that I have inflicted upon myself.

"I" the one that looks like me. There is no denying that this one is my progeny! She is a precious gem that I adore, but due to this we struggle to understand each other. She is mommy's little angel and justifiably so. I don't always get it right with this one. I need to extend more of myself to this one. She is one of the most compassionate little people I know. She is tender. She is giving. She is fragile.

"I" came down tonight to give me a hug before bed. I was watching "Biggest Loser" after they had, as I was recording it as I was out riding. "I" is a big fan of the show. "I" is a little heavier than she should be, but when she hits her growth spurts, she slims out and is fine.

I asked her if she was ready to ride her bike around the lake with me this year? I have been hesitant to take her on this trip as she is not confident on her bike yet. She immediately started to cry and said that no she was not ready. I asked her why? She said it would it is too far. I said we could train for it and that I knew she could make it. She said no, she could not. I said it is only seven miles, I know you can make it. She said that riding a bike is too hard. I asked if it would be easier to walk it instead of riding it? She said that she said yes walking is easier. I asked her why she felt this way? She said that she was better at it than riding.

I asked her why she liked "Biggest Loser" so much? She said it is nice to see people succeed. I asked do you think you can succeed? She said no. I said I know you can, you just have to believe in yourself. Do you think you can ride with me around the circle with me twice, (we live on a half mile circle) ? She said yes, that is easy. I asked can you do that four times? She said yes, but that will be harder. I said then you are one third around the lake. I told her that if she can make it around the lake, she can pick her reward. We will make this goal an achievement by the end of the summer.

I am not a gifted father. I do not have the patience nor the deduction my parents had to make the job seem easy. On rare occasions, I am able to step outside myself and get it right. Tonight, I think I got it right twice. I was able to help one see that trying your best is all anyone can ask of you. I was able to help the other set a goal for themselves. Now it comes down accepting the consequence for one, and helping the other reach a goal. All I can say is that I am glad that I have one that is my mini me and one that looks like me. They are both amazing, challenging and my daughters.

Pushing Too Hard

2009-04-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

Running has become interesting. It is not something that I have done much since my left knee decided to head in the opposite direction from the rest of my body on a football field many years ago. The first mile is never fun, but I am learning that this is true for everyone. I have to believe that it is very similar to the first five to six miles on a bike ride. You have a layer of glycogen on your muscles that needs to be burned off before the muscle starts to work efficiently. When you get through this layer, the pain goes away and you can actually start enjoying the activity.

On a recent TEAM run, we were supposed to stay in zone two of our heart rates. I am just not able to run in zone two. I can maybe walk, or trot in zone two, but not actually feel like I am jogging. We started out at Minnehaha park and the Olympic distance group, ( we have Sprint, Olympic, and Half Iron groups) was supposed to run up to Lake Street bridge and then come back to the point of origin. I was able to keep it low until I got frustrated being by myself, and wanted to get back to the point of origin and be done. Not because I was not enjoying the run or the morning, but I was tired of not feeling like I was pushing hard enough.

For assistance, the green bar is zone 3, yellow bar is zone 4, and red bar at top is zone 5. This run came out at about 5.3 miles, in about 1 hour 15 minutes.

The week after the graph above, we did a nice 1.5 mile warm up approximately. Then we stopped and discussed the actual workout we would do. Again we started at Minnehaha Park and ran out to Minnehaha Academy and then headed back towards the park. Lock and Damn #11 is about a half mile from the park. There is quite a large hill that leads down to the river, and this would be the workout for today.

The Sprint group was to do four hill repeats. The Olympic group was to do six repeats, and the Half Iron man group was to do eight repeats. Go down to the bottom of the hill, and keep a steady pace back to the top and swing your arms to help pull you up the hill. Then you use your next down hill to help recover (slow your heart rate back down).

I can tell you that this was a beautiful morning! It was warmer than it has been so far, and I was feeling strong, despite having a few adult beverages the night before. I ran my six repeats, and the TEAM was really impressive. Those on the way up the hill worked hard and those on the recovery down hill were cheering for those working on their way back up. These cheers definitely help you put the pain aside and allow you to push through to your goal.

I decided that I wanted to do a seventh repeat. In my mind it was one more repeat than my sisters chemo sessions, (and this one would be for her). I would use that for motivation. Lisa, one of my TEAMmates who I have ridden Tahoe, and done the San Diego marathon with decided she would do one more with me. We had a nice chat on the way down and talked about my sister and one of her personal honorees.

We started back up the hill. We were moving at a steady even pace. About 30 yards from the top of the I asked her if she had a sprint left in her. We picked it up a little and I hit my after burner and made it to the top. I had to walk around a bit after that. The seventh peak (see below) is my heart rate at 171 beats a minute in zone 5. I got my breathing under control, and decided I was not done yet as a few of the Half Iron group were still out on the hill. I would do one more repeat, and this one would be for me.

I walked about half way down the hill, and then started to jog the rest of the way to the bottom. Drew one of the Training Captains, picked me up and finished the jog to the bottom. Drew is a machine. I don't know how many repeats he ran, but he made them all seem effortless. Drew kept setting goals for me as we climbed. He asked me to pick the pace up steadily and we were doing well. Mike our coach even ran up with Drew and I. Mike completed the Wisconsin Ironman with coach Bob two years ago. As we neared the top, Rachel came down to give encouragement. Rachel completed Ironman Wisconsin last year. We were about 50 yards from the top and I decided to push it. I started sprinting, trying to catch Rachel. I made it to the top, and felt okay.

Well, I felt okay, until I looked down at my heart rate monitor and saw 206 beats a minute. I kept moving and brought my breathing under control. I kept a close eye on my heart rate and watched it slowly fall. I still felt okay, but decided I would walk back to the park instead of stressing myself further.

Upon downloading the data from my heart rate monitor to my computer, I found that my peak rate was 209 beats a minute. This was not good. This was not real safe. Had I not sprinted, it would have been better. I am proud of the eight repeats, but not for the stupid moment of losing control. There is a time to push, but you can definitely push too hard and this was one of those times.

Total run distance 5.7 miles 1 hour 19 minutes.

Small Steps Lead To An Incredible Journey

2009-04-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

I will be honest and say that I have been struggling to find myself and my position on this years TEAM. The people are really nice and all have a common goal. I have felt like an outsider a couple of times this season, and then I stopped and thought about why.

I was not putting myself out there to engage others. I was letting my shyness get in the way of making new friends. I was comfortable with the familiar faces on the TEAM, but was a little standoffish with my new TEAMMATES. The problem was not that I was afraid of them, the problem was that I needed to initiate conversation and interaction to bring down my barriers and welcome them in.

I thought about how I was going to accomplish this during a couple of my individual run sessions. I decided that I would make a conscious effort to put myself out there. I would initiate conversations. I would do the extra work, and support anyone that was having a rough day. Even though I am not a mentor this year, I can still carry out with the mentor's mission of inclusion and support. If it takes another hill repeat to bring the last person in, I am going to go back down the hill and come back up with them. If it means that I have to run slower than I already do so nobody is left alone, I will do that. I have found over the last couple of weeks that this is helping me find my place and my position on the team.

I don't consider myself much of a problem solver. I don't consider myself very good at breaking the larger issues down to smaller more manageable tasks that amalgamate into a resolution to the whole. It's funny that I think those things, because in reality that is what my day to day job is all about. It's amazing when you take the small steps to accomplish a goal, that they lead you down the path to an incredible journey. Whether it is an issue at the office, or in your personal life, if you take the time to puzzle it out, build a plan, and work your plan, you will get to where you want to be.

Running Suprises

2009-03-30T15:11:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks have been filled with all sorts of strange and rewarding experiences. Training continues with small and large successes. Work is stressful and yet rewarding. Parenting is always a duplicitous experience. I've had several ideas on blogging, but just plain ran out of time to get it done. For that I apologize to those who read this on a regular basis.

I have to tell you all that I am finding abilities that I thought I had lost. Running, has become something I am enjoying. What? It hurts like hades, but I am actually enjoying it. I think I surprise myself and everyone around me when I run. The shock for them might be their first experience on the Richter scale. 300 pounds running next to you has got to shake the earth your treading upon. I have a kick at the end that is pretty impressive even if I say so myself. I can run about five miles and still will have a burst at the end that is not really understandable. Maybe the motivation comes from just wanting to get it over with. Maybe some of my kick comes from an ability to relate to my youth and anaerobic exercise. Goal tending and line play in football is all anaerobic in nature. It is small explosive bursts of energy without oxygen to get the goal accomplished. I'll wrap up on this topic telling you that I ran a mile on Saturday in under 10 minutes. We jogged up from the monument by St. Thomas to the track. We ran one lap on the track at 100% (I ran about 90 - 95%, the muscles were not warm enough yet). We ran two laps at 90% ( I was in the ballpark on this one). We then ran three laps at 85% (again on track with this). Then we were supposed to run a mile, ( four laps) at 100%. I wanted to beat a 10 minute mile, and I did at nine minutes and 49 seconds.

After doing the above when someone told me that was inspirational, I responded that it should not be. No one was more shocked that it was possible than me. I did not mean to disrespect the persons comment, but I am not comfortable with being an inspiration to anyone. I know what a small person I am on the inside that it is hard to accept that type of compliment. I have to work on being more accepting of something like that.

I worked out with a co-worker, I tried to help her with some swim pointers. I am by far no expert in this area, but I have learned a couple of things over the last seven months. I did not plan on doing more than a swim and a spin, but when we were done with those activities after about 70 minutes, they asked me to run. I figured I could probably go for a mile jog. We enjoyed chatting and jogging at a 4.7 to 5.2 mile pace. We were finishing up when she asked if I wanted to sprint the last tenth of a mile. I said sure and took off. I finished up my tenth at a dead run, and waited for her to catch up. She asked me where the hell I went. We had a good laugh about it, and she stated she had never seen anything like that, there was no hesitation, I was just gone.

I continue to grow through this experience. I continue to enjoy working out. I continue to think this organization is outstanding. I'm not getting any smaller, but I am definitely getting stronger. The surprises just keep growing.

Running On Emotion

2009-03-18T20:15:00.000-07:00

For most that know me, I run on emotion a lot. It used to be nothing but anger, but that has changed over the past few years. I still run on anger once and a while, but it is now focused in a positive manner for the most part.

Tonight was a TEAM swim. I will be very honest and say that I did not want to go tonight. I was extremly low on energy all day. Part of it is not eating right, and getting too little sleep over the last few days. Jenny and I went to dinner as the kids are staying with my parents over spring break. I had somehow developed a knot in my back between my shoulder blades late in the day, and I was not comfortable. At dinner I looked at Jen and stated that I may skip the swim tonight as I was exhausted. Jenny told me to do what I needed to do.

We came home and Jenny sat down to read. I went down stairs to watch last nights biggest loser that I had recorded. It motivated me a little, but I still was feeling lethargic. I shut the television off and went in to my office. I brought up a browser with Yahoo coming up as the home page. There was a a video article about Ms. Virginia fighting childhood cancer, so I clicked on it. She is trying to raise funds to fight cancer in children. I started to think. Hmm she has a similar goal to mine. She's out there working on her goal, what are you doing... ? I started thinking about my sister, and said to myself oh too bad, your tired! Well isn't that special.

I went upstairs and checked with Jen if she would be okay if I decided to go to the third swim session as I had missed my usual TEAM swim. She told me to do what I needed to do, but there was a little smile on her face when she said it to me. I threw my trunks and a towel into my bag and rushed out the door.

On the drive over to the pool, I called my sister. I thanked her for being my motivation, with catch in my voice and a tear in my eye I told her I loved her. Then I put on some real angry music (e.g. Rammstein, Nickelback, Marilyn Manson). I used it to generate some energy.

I have to say that this swim was not easy, but I felt very strong throughout. Three 100's, four 150's w/ 20 seconds off between building speed on the second two. Six 100's 15 seconds off between, building speed after every two. Four 50's ten seconds off between building speed on the second two. One slow 50 with ten seconds off, and then one 50 full out. No shoulder pain! A few clicks, but nothing that can't be tolerated.

I sit as I am blogging listening to classical music reflecting on my emotions. I still run on them. I still feed off of them. I think tonight I ran on more love than anger. I am not doing this for me. I am reaping the benefits of it, but it is not about me. It is about ending something I hate for what it does to people. Running on emotion is not a negative thing, it's all about the focus of that energy. Emotion is just another form of energy, and it can be used in a positive manner, or wasted a negative form. I think tonight, I might have gotten it right.

Literal, Irrelevant, and Improving

2009-03-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

As any of you that know me and have tried to explain anything to me, I am as literal as they come. You tell me something and prove it to me, this results in causing some flaw in my nature to hold it as gospel. This is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me to repeat the task over and over again. Where the curse comes in is when you ask me to change that course of action.

Tonight at a TEAM swim, my friend and coach told me that he needed me to stop rolling onto my back to breath. I learned this from the Total Immersion Swimming video course he recommended to me. Now, this is the way I have learned to swim comfortably, and successfully. We discussed it, and I told him I would try not to roll as far.

So I swim one lap this way, and I am pulling so hard with my right arm, I can feel my body bending at the waste so that I can see my toes behind me. I question him on it as this feels fine physically, but it goes against everything that I have been doing since July 4, 2008. Then we have another conversation about not rolling far enough onto my right side, (I only am able to breath with my left side in the water). We have to actually break it down so that I can understand what he is trying to convey. He wants me to continue to stack my hips on both sides, but when I breath, only role to 120 degrees instead of 180 degrees, (onto my back) when breathing with my left side in the water.

I swim another lap trying to focus on what he is looking for. Upon completion of that lap, he is satisfied with this, but wants a stronger punch into the water with my left arm. My left shoulder is the one that has been giving me trouble with pain. I have had shoulder problems forever since both have been damaged in hockey and football. I try to explain that I only have any real power in my right arm on a full swim stroke, the left is just there for decoration really as no power or forward progress comes from my left side. I try not to be negative and give what he wants a try.

I swim another length and a half, and "Pop" my left shoulder slips and I am in pain! I complete the half length with a worthless left arm. I say a few vulgarities as I exit the pool and try to get my shoulder to slip back to a normal alignment. This is not a dislocation, but it hurts. When this happens, you can feel and hear tissue grinding. It is not pleasant in oratory a nature nor physically. I stretch the muscles and try to pop the joint to relieve the ache. After taking a few minutes, I enter the pool again, and swim to the drop line in the pool where the depth increases, and realize that this is not feeling good. I stop and swim one arm bandit style back to the ladder and exit the pool. I'm done for the night.

I am angry as my discomfort is irrelevant. I know I can swim a mile even with a garbage left side. I go and shower off and try to calm my steaming temper. I am mad that my body interfered with what I was working on trying to accomplish. I get dressed back into my street clothes and go back to talk to my friend and coach.

He is concerned to know that I am okay. I'm honest and explain that I am pissed off, but not at him. I have a temper that matches my size and weight and nobody wants to be on the wrong side of that. I ask how I can improve without pulling on my left side. We find where I have strength on my left side. I have no strength until my arm is below my chest on the left side. There is no pain from breast bone to hip. We figure that I can get something out of my left side if I spaghetti arm it to my chest and then pop from the elbow to past my hip. We won't be trying this until my Sunday individual swim, but it will be the focus of that workout.

I don't like failure. But I will learn from this one, as I have learned from all of them. A few years ago, a set back like this would have crushed my gentle psyche. Yes, under my gruff large exterior lies a small and fragile ego. I know that the sheathing around that ego has grown in the last two years, and has given me the ability to learn from set backs.

In closing being literal is interesting. It can lead to immediate or delayed understanding. It causes one to ask questions and seek understanding. It can make one feel irrelevant, by making them feel slow on the pick up or silly for not getting it as quickly as others. It forces one to to improve because they will not quit until they understand the concept that is trying to be conveyed as they do not like feeling silly. I know that this is part of my make up and I am glad to have all of these attributes. It makes me who I am in all my glory and weakness.

Faith, Fear, Reflection, and Growth

2009-03-04T14:25:00.000-08:00

Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. – William Newton Clark

I sit and reflect often, sometimes too often. I have fear, and I sometimes lack faith. I lack faith in my abilities be it physical or cognitive. I have to be honest, I think it is the fear of success more than of failure that holds me back at times. If I am successful, how can I do something next time to improve or set the bar higher for myself. I do fear failure, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

I watched The Bucket List last night and they discussed faith. And as discussed in the movie, everyone has had a discussion on faith hundreds of times in their lives. Neither party walks away from those discussions convincing the other member of the conversation that they are 100% right in their belief.

Faith in my opinion can be the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will fail, you probably will. If you believe that you will achieve success, you most likely will. It is hard to find courage in such an unstable world. But on any given day, if you are observant, you will find it. Be it from a child having faith in a parent to provide the comfort and love they need. Be it from a conversation from your mother saying that she misses hanging out with you and just laughing about nothing in particular. Seeing a group of co-workers putting aside the job for a few minutes and just enjoying each other's company as human-beings, knowing there is a deeper connection than just the job.

I think the lead in quote to this entry makes a lot of sense. The only thought that I can add is that the soul is boundless. I think it is making the mind go farther than it can see, and the body bringing the soul along on the journey is what life is about. Faith can be shaken, but it can always be restored.

Face your fear and question your faith. You will learn from doing both. Reflect on both and you will grow. Welcome the journey we call life.

12:41 Avg over 3 Miles, $2, and Lessons Learned!

2009-02-24T16:55:00.000-08:00

I am not sure which is more special to me, the fact that I just got done running and I carried a 12 minute 41 second average over three miles, or the fact that I received a $2.00 donation this week. Tell you what, I will try to explain why both are incredible.

The more important I would say is the $2.00 donation! This donation was made by someone who has been out of work for the last seven months as a casualty of the current economic crisis. For this person to take the time out of their personal situation and lend a hand to someone fighting cancer, gave me pause to reflect. I've said before that what you guys do in this effort is far more important than what I do. This is the most vibrant example of that statement I can possibly share with you to prove that point. I am humbled! I am grateful! No amount is too small if given from the heart.

The second is a personal achievement. I sit here astounded that in 16 days, I have gone from 15 minute average over three miles down to 12 minutes and 41 seconds. Where will I be in another two weeks?

I am not a runner. I used to run a lot as a child, and was fast. I recalled tonight as I was around 1.5 miles into the route that I used to run with my dad. We used to go out and run together, and then I would sprint home ahead of him toward the end. I remember one day that routine hurt his feelings. He expressed to me that he enjoyed running with me, but he would like to finish with me once and a while. Funny how that memory came up as I was running by myself. I am now about the size he was then, and probably of a similar age. I have to tell you, if I was running with someone around the age I was back then, I don't believe that I would have the humility and patience he did. Dad the lesson of that day, was learned, and I am grateful for you teaching it to me.

Two Year Later

2009-02-19T15:15:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, I took a chance on something. As most know I am not a brave or adventurous soul. I have a large body, but a small view of myself. I knew that something needed to change, but I was almost to the point where I was paralyzed to do anything to facilitate that change. Then fortunately for me that change found me. That change was TNT and LLS.

TNT and LLS won't do the work for you, but they will give you the tools to find the power and the light we all posses. TNT is really Team In Training, but it is dynamite unleashed. They provide all the motivation needed to accomplish an endurance event. The motivation comes from the stories of the honored team members. To compare your life to someone else's battling a blood cancer, or any cancer is a real eye opener. Which is the more harsh? Who has a reason to be unhappy or frustrated with the cards dealt to them?

I look back on two years of work, and can honestly say that it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I have not made a nickel, but I have had my self-esteem and value increased more than ten fold.

I have found that doing something that you believe in is far more tangible than chasing something you think that you need. This is a gift that I had heard others talk about and because I was closed off and bitter, I would scoff at. I am very thankful that 180 degrees of change were granted to me by 720 degrees of bicycle wheels. I am thankful that my wife showed enough trust and courage to believe in her crazy husband and come along on 13.1 of a 26.2 mile stroll. As I sit here tired and sore facing another adventure of swimming .9 miles, riding 24 miles, and running (yes, I said running) 6 miles, I know that I already have my reward, of my life and spirit restored.

To each and everyone of you that has donated in the past, and will again, I say thank you. If my experiences have brought you an ounce of joy, know your contributions have saved lives and will find the cure. Through funding that research, you have given me purpose and happiness beyond measure. What a difference two years can make!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/lifetri09/mmcelyea

Keeping Schedule

2009-02-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

Two weeks into this season, and I am actually keeping to the schedule. I may not keep to it on the same day, but I am getting in all the workouts. Rest days are Fridays, but last Thursday, I was supposed to spin, but did not have any energy. I took my rest on Thursday, and then did a 45 minute spin on Friday.

In the past, I have not been extremely diligent on keeping to the non-team trainings. I have done most of them, but have taken extra rest days. This year, I am really trying to focus on doing all the training. In part it is because I like the workouts, but more importantly it is to honor my sister. On days where I may not feel like doing a workout, I can always skip it. She may not feel like going to a treatment or a doctors visit, but skipping it is not an option. Same can be said of any patient fighting cancer.

I am happy to say that my sister has taken the last of her six chemo therapy sessions. She will start her quarterly check ups, but gets a break on the first one. Her numbers came back really good. I am proud of her. She has faced this head on. She may be afraid, but she is standing tall and fighting back. That takes more courage than words can express.

People must believe in each other, and feel that it can be done and must be done; in that way they are enormously strong. We must keep up each other’s courage. - Vincent van Gogh

Helen, Thank you for showing courage beyond words. Thank you for being willing to fight this. Thank you for not losing yourself to fear. Thank you for being my sister! Thank you for keeping my courage up.

With love, your little brother.

Fifteen Minute Miles, But Enjoyable

2009-02-07T17:50:00.001-08:00

Of the three events that make up a triathlon, running is probably the one I fear most. Not because I am not capable of doing it, just because it is painful. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you swimming was the most scary. I now know that while you can get fatigued in the muscles, it does not compare to the joint pain (knees and ankles) that running can cause.

Today, I surprised myself. It was the first team run at lake Calhoun, and they offered us three choices. The good runners were welcome to go out and run around the lake. The middle of the road runners were welcome to run out 15 minutes and then come back to the point of origin. The runners that would need to walk at some point were given the option of running and walking 12 minutes and returning to the point of origin.

I had a conversation last night with my "Iron Will Finisher" friend Kim, and expressed that I was not looking forward to the run on Saturday. We discussed that everyone has an Ego. The nice thing about participating in TNT is that it is not about yourself. You are out there doing this for others, so your Ego does not need to get in your way.

As everyone was lining up for the group of their choice, I had that moment of doubt. Should I go to the 15 minute group? Should I go to the 12 minute group? I know that I am not good enough to go with the fast group! To Hell with it, I am going to go out and let my body tell me where I belong. I will not go fast, I will just go out and enjoy the run and the morning. Off we go, on the first run of the season.

I met another Clydesdale, (anyone that does endurance events over 250 pounds), the morning of the kick off party. His name is Marcus. I think Marcus was as relieved as I to see another big man on the team. We did not line up together in a group, we just seemed to find each other on the run. We set a nice steady pace, and chatted as we went. We were ahead of the 12 minute group, and slightly behind the 15 minute group. But I will tell you it does not matter where you were, because you were out there doing it. I am proud of everyone there that was testing themselves.

After a while some of our teammates were coming back at us. They told us that we could turn around and go back. Marcus and I looked at each other and we both said "no, were good". We kept our pace and soon our coach was coming back in our direction. Mike said "you guys can turn around and come back now." Marcus and I asked, can we keep going? Mike said sure. Marcus and I continued around Calhoun. We made the whole three miles in about a fifteen minute mile pace without stopping for a walk. I was even able to sprint the last twenty to thirty yards. My heart rate average was 144 beats a minute over the course. My maximum heart rate was 178 BPM due to the sprint. I used to get sick at about 165 BPM. Maybe all this exercise is paying off.

I really enjoyed my run this morning. I had good company during it. I let my body tell me what I was capable of doing, not my mind. I did not let my Ego inhibit me. I even got that infamous runners high. I have never gotten that from running. I usually only get that after a bike ride and occasionally after a swim. I like that feeling.

All in all, I have to say the season is off and going and I have enjoyed the first week. I have to tell you, that silly endorphin grin is on my face as I write this. Enjoy your weekend, as I know mine is off to a great start!

2009 Season Is Off And Paddling!!!

2009-02-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

Tonight was the first night of the season! Swimming with this many people is a big change. I am very glad that I started last July with the swimming. I did not have the apprehension that I would have, had I not started then. I felt comfortable in the water.

We did drills for the first 15 minutes, and then threw in a couple of 50's, and one 100. Not overly challenging other than having to avoid all the people in your lane. I would hazard a guess of about 6 people in each lane maybe up to 8. All swimming a different paces and trying to avoid colliding. It made it very interesting!

To see this many people, together for the same reason is amazing. New faces, new names to learn, new stories to hear and share. I don't consider myself much of a joiner, but there is something about this organization that makes me feel alive. I am able to just be who I am and am more open to the experience that life is. I'm more outgoing around these folks, then my normally reserved (read self-conscious) personality usually allows.

In the mission moment tonight, one of the mentors shared his story. He has a grandmother that is fighting Leukemia at the age of 92. He has a cousin that is now a seven year survivor. the most moving part of his story was about a friend that lost her fight with pancreatic cancer. This woman was also an Oncologist. She developed treatments to fight cancer, and bravely encouraged her colleagues to test those treatments on her. If that is not bravery and being a hero, then I have no idea what those two words mean.

Tomorrow night is a spin class in Edina. I don't know that I will make it down there as we have basketball for E. I will go spin after work for an hour and call that good. Then a TEAM run on Saturday around lake Calhoun. I will probably throw in a swim before the run, and then another swim on Sunday.

Life, Well It's Just Plain Interesting!

2009-01-23T20:15:00.000-08:00

When you look at your average day, what do you experience? What are the high points, and what are the low? Every day has both. What determines whether they are high or low? In my opinion it falls down to my favorite; Perspective.

Perspective is by far one of the best gifts we are given as human beings. The old can teach the young, and the young can teach the old. It is a blessing and a curse wrapped in the same pretty paper. By this, I imagine that I mean any individual can grant you a window into what you should be experiencing at the same time they are.

My daughters accompanied my sister to her fifth out of six chemo appointments to treat her cancer. My ten and eight year old came home talking about a young boy who was not happy while they were there. I assumed automatically that it was another patients child who had accompanied them to their own treatment. By listening to my children, I was granted perspective.

The child was in Izzy's words in his "four or fives" , (a young person's perspective on age trying to relate to someone in their 20's or 30's). This young man was crying and not happy. I later learned in the conversation that he was the patient. He was under going chemo to fight his cancer.

My assumptions and my perspective were snapped into clarity. What do I have in my day to day life to complain about. I am nothing but a functional human being. I have had a remarkable life. Despite my lack of constant perspective. I am 38 and have two healthy children (Thank God)! I am not a strong man. I am not a good man. I am merely a man. It is through my children this day that I am granted perspective.

When life's daily activities cloud perspective, we must be diligent in listening to others for they will bring into focus what we should be paying attention to. I had a good day and accomplished what I needed to at work. Is this what I really was put here on earth to do? I think not. I was put here I hope to make a difference. What that difference is, I am not fully sure. I hope and I put my energy into making a difference in the fight against cancer. I hope to leave some mark on the earth that I was here. Be it through my endeavors or my children and their progeny.

I hope that when my girls are old enough to understand what I have written in this blog, that I will grant them perspective. Listen to others. Help where you can. Reflect on the day's lessons. They are there if you are open and willing to pay attention. Life is a circle, and well it is just plain interesting.

Go TEAM!

2009-01-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends and Family,

For the past two years, I have ridden a bicycle 100 miles, and walked and run 26.2 miles, to fight a disease. I hate cancer in any form. It steals so much and in return offers nothing. I come back to you for the third year with my hat in my hand to humbly ask you to make a difference in fighting a disease that takes so much from so many. I ask not for me but for those suffering from cancer. I am training to participate in an Olympic distance triathlon to raise money to fight blood cancers. Swimming 0.93 miles, Cycling 24.8 miles, and Running 6.2 miles in hope of one day ending these diseases!

This year, I am doing this event in honor of two people very close to me that are currently fighting cancer. My personal honorees are my grandfather, and my sister. When cancer strikes this close to home, you can do one of two things; 1) bury your head in your hands and dissolve into hoping it will go away, or 2) Stand up, slug the bully in the eye and fight with every fiber in your body to end it. I choose option two, and I hope you will as well.

The TEAM honoree is a remarkable young man of 14. He happens to be a member of my local community, Eric Dahlquist. Eric was diagnosed with (ALL) Acute lymphocytic leukemia, and has fought his way through treatments to take his last chemo pill on April 29, 2008. He still has monthly doctor visits that will begin to taper off starting April of 2009. Eric has been the honoree of the triathlon team for the last two years. To say that he is inspiring is an understatement. He likes to play video games, golf, swim and camp. He has the support of Dad, Neil; Mom, Marcia; and sister, Ellen.

As a member of TNT, I have a triathlon coaching staff, a training program, and incredible teammates to support me. I have daily schedules and TEAM training sessions to help me reach this goal. As part of my dedication to the LLS, I have agreed to raise $2,700. I am asking you to help me with the most significant part of this challenge. I promise to earn your contribution with every swim stroke, pedal crank, and stride. This year the event is local for those in Minnesota, and if you want to see this spectacle in person, mark your calendar for July 11, 2009 at Lake Nokomis starting at 07:00 CDT.

LLS and TNT has changed me at the very core of my being. I am no longer a lost individual wandering through my time on earth. I now have focus, commitment and a goal of eradicating blood cancer. 72 cents of every dollar goes right to research to find a cure for blood cancer. This research is increasing survival rates. It is also moving us forward to a day when we can all celebrate the cure for blood cancers. It is my hope that what is learned from this fight will transfer to fighting all forms of cancer.

Would you please join me in the endeavor? I am asking for $30.00, but will gladly accept a contribution of any amount, smaller or larger. Please donate online or mail your contributions to me by May 19 so I can track my fundraising progress. Donations are 100% tax-deductible Please check with your Human Resources Directors about matching gifts. Donate online and track my progress on my Web site: http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/lifetri09/mmcelyea . Checks can be made out to LLS, just use the self-addressed enclosed envelope along with any thoughts you may wish to share with me.

Thank you in advance for your support! Thank you for your prayers, and thoughts for all enduring these serious illnesses. We can all make a difference in this fight!

With heartfelt appreciation and thanks,

Marc

Rested, Relaxed, Invigorated

2009-01-15T20:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I caught some Z's! I needed them badly. I got to sleep finally at 02:00 CST this morning and slept for 5 hours. Not fully recuperated, I left work early and took a two hour nap. I feel rested, and relaxed.

I also feel invigorated. Not from the slumber, but from attending a TNT meeting to recruit people to help in the fight against blood cancer! I went the local meeting in Shoreview tonight. As I am not mentoring this year, I was not speaking. I like to be there to help answer questions and possibly lay aside anyone's fear that they are not capable of doing fund raising or completing an endurance event.

The meeting was a huge success. Most of the people signed up that attended. I saw real courage in these new teammates! A neighbor of mine is going to try the Grand Canyon hike. He has done four century rides, and wants to try something new! Way to go! I met a lady who's husband is fighting Lymphoma, and she is riding Tahoe! She is excited, and I am excited for her! I met a few of the folks that I will be training for the triathlon with. I love when a new season kicks off! I know there will be challenges, but they will be overcome with hard work and dedication!

I like the feeling of hope, and determination these meetings instill. While I am only a small player in this fight, I know that my contribution is a positive one. I know that this is where I need to be. I know that having a goal is important. I know that reaching the goal requires hard work. It requires facing fears, and breaking through them. Knowing that in the end a mark has been made. A mark that has bettered society and the world as a whole. It makes me a better person. It makes me happy. It makes me continue to dream. Maybe the rough days are behind me for a time. Bring on the challenge. I am here. I am ready. I am capable.

Go TEAM!

41 hours on 45 minutes

2009-01-14T20:47:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this may not be the most coherent of posts. I have fallen into a rut that I used to live in constantly. I was awoken by a call from a friend last night after a 45 minute repose and I cannot go back to sleep. It was an unintentional call, but now some flaw in my make up will not shut off. I have been on the go for abut 41 hours now, and know from past experience, I won't shut off until my body gives out.

When I fight my personality flaws, as I have been lately, this issue arises. When I was working for the Death Star company, I lived this nightmare in perpetuity. These bouts of insomnia were the norm not the exception. When you cross the line where sleep is irrelevant, and you rest while awake clarity creeps in.

In my own insecurity, the realization that I don't matter in the greater mix becomes clear. This does not mean that I don't matter as an individual! It just means that I am a mere player on a stage where my absence or presence is irrelevant. My goal is to matter to those players around me and not the stage as a whole.

It is when you cross into this void of normalcy that you find out who you are and what your issues are. I hope that nobody else falls into this odd situation. I've been here before, and on occasion enjoy a short visit to the land of time between time. Here I find the solitude I seek. Here if find that my faults are real. Here I have to face my own inner worries. The trick is to realize that I am not fully rational while I am visiting this place. I can take the odd thought while here and formulate a resolution to it in the real waking world.

The positive thing is that I have not visited this odd place in two plus years. The scary part is I recognize where I am. It brings to mind the poem by Robert Frost:

"... The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, But I have promises to keep,And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep."

My mind is lovely, dark and deep. I do have promises to keep. I have miles to go before I sleep. So off I go to find resolution, rest and repose from things I cannot control and things that I can. To brighter days and better posts.

Swim, Spin, Run Forrest Run!

2009-01-08T15:24:00.000-08:00

I have changed my workouts a bit. I have cut back on the distance of the swimming. I am trying to increase some speed and cover 1000 yards. This is going well. I have cut it down from 26 - 27 minutes to about 25 minutes. Need to let my left shoulder recover a bit, I think I have a touch of tendinitis. Nothing serious, just notice up around 1500 yards I have to be gentle with my pull through the water. I still enjoy the swimming, but with all the dry air of winter, I am not a fan of chlorine. Swimming is relaxing and challenging.

I have started to add between 30 to 40 minutes of spinning after my swim. I really try to focus on keeping my heart rate between 130 and 140 during this time. I am already warmed up from the swim, but since I don't kick much during my swimming, I allow for a 5 minute leg warm up on the bike. This is time to crank the tunes, and just get through the monotony of spinning and going nowhere. A spin bike does not compare to a road ride in the least. I can sit on my bike saddle for hours, but can only stand about 15 minutes on a stationary bike. The way around this is to post out of the saddle for 15 seconds every 15 minutes or so to ease the pressure on the tush.

Once the ride is over, it is time to work. Get on the running shoes and hit the track at the gym. 10 laps is a mile. I can run about seven laps comfortably with my heart rate between 150 and 160. I usually allow myself to walk one lap at a brisk pace, run the next, and then finish number 10 as a cool down. I really hope to start building up some base here. It is somewhere between a 12 and 15 minute mile depending on how much energy I have at the end of the workout.

All in all, I am tired after this, but I am not dead. It is good to leave the gym tired, but invigorated. There is not energy to waste on negative things this way. I do find that I need a recovery day after this type of workout though. I am looking forward to running outside, but if I don't have to worry about slipping on the ice, I am not going to.

Pity Party Over Move On

2009-01-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

You know, sometimes I get in a funk like everyone else. It is probably a very natural cycle, but I have to tell you, I don't like it! Being in a funk is nothing more than making the wrong choice on what you have in your life. There really is a silver lining to every cloud. What? Did I just say that? I guess I did.

Not every day is going to go my way. Not every experience is going to turn out the way I want it to. I am not always going to feel good about myself. But I am alive! I am here! And I do make a difference!

Often, when I don't like myself. I am finding that it is when I don't feel that I am making a difference. When I stop and look at where I was two years ago, WOW! There is a huge difference. I don't wake up every morning saying; "Oh shit, here we go again!" I still may not want to go to work, I would rather go workout. A job is a way to put food on the table and pay the mortgage, it is not my life. Two years ago, I thought that was all life was about. Don't get me wrong, I still love where I am working. The people are wonderful. They were at the last place too. But a job is just that, a job. A means to an end. This one is more rewarding emotionally, and that is what I need. My real reward is making a difference, to those around me.

I never thought I could make difference. But I know that I have encouraged others, by my endeavors. Silly that a big lug like me can do that. I know that my humor in stressful situations is a gift. I still need to develop a filter. By that I mean, I cannot always say what comes to my twisted mind. I never mean to hurt someone else's feelings. Often, I worry that I do unintentionally. I hope the mirth heals any wounds that my banter causes.

My goal this year, because I don't believe in resolutions is to not pity myself. I want to improve my perspective of myself. I don't want to be narcissistic. I just want to stop feeling poorly over stuff in my life that is not really all that bad. I have my health. I have my children. I have my wife. I have my parents. I have my sibling. I have friends. I have laughter. I have a job. I have goals. I have abilities. I have means to use my abilities to make my goals a reality. What do I have to be angry about? What am I lacking to be negative about? I think the answer might be either perspective or self-esteem! Well, guess what? Feel free to remind me that I have done a few things recently that can never be taken away from me; a century ride, a marathon, been a parent, been a husband, been a son, been a brother, hopefully, been a friend, been a human being! None of those makes me special. They just make me, ME! As Popeye used to say; "I am what I am, and that is all that I am!"

Here's to realizing that I don't have anything that bad in my life. Here's to chasing what I actually believe in, (wow, I believe in things)! Here's to putting others needs in front of my own! Pity Party Over Move On To Bigger Things In Your Life, Than Yourself!

Thanks for accepting me as I am. Hopefully I will learn to do the same.

A New Year And Still The Same Old Curmudgeon

2009-01-04T21:11:00.000-08:00

I have been away for a while. It is not that I have not had anything to write about, only that I have been prepping for the triathlon and working. It is 2009 and I am still a curmudgeon. I am grumpy, I am cantankerous, and I am busy. None of this should surprise any of you. I have fallen into my age old fight against myself. I have been negative against myself while trying to contribute to the whole. I know that I am being way to hard on myself again, but this happens from time to time and I need to fight through it.

On the positive side, I am swimming regularly. I am spinning regularly, and now, I am starting to run regularly. Despite falling on my steps a couple of weeks ago, I have continued training. Someone with cancer, can't quit, and neither will I. Not that it is fun to sit on a bike saddle with a bruised tail bone, but shut up and bear it!

My sister continues to do well. The chemo is taking it's toll, but I am amazed at her resiliency!!! You are my hero! When days get tough for me, I know that they are nothing in comparison to what you are dealing with. I'm proud of you!

Jen and the girls are well. Despite my failings as a husband and a father, they are all doing remarkably well. E continues to succeed at the violin, and can actually read music. A language that makes no sense to me. Izzy continues to work hard in everything. She has resolve that goes beyond her small stature. Jenny as you all know probably deserves a Nobel prize for having to live and deal with yours truly.

I hope that the new year brings success to all of you in whatever you set your mind to accomplishing. It still astounds me to realize that when you commit to doing something, and put in the effort nothing can stand in your way. I am proof that no matter how flawed someone is, commitment and dedication will lead you on to your goal.

Farewell to 2008 and bring on 2009. Nobody knows what it will bring, but whatever it is, it will be an experience worth waiting for. I close with this thought:

"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

I have lived both, and still do on a daily basis, but the only thing missing in my mind from this quote is: "You have the choice every day to decide what your attitude will be! Will you make the wise choice and take the lessons offered today with the right attitude, or will you close yourself off and let part of yourself die? The choice is always yours!" Marc The Curmudgeon.

It's Been A While

2008-11-26T15:35:00.000-08:00

So, I have not been very prolific as of late. I have been meaning to get out here, but have not made it. So let's cover a lot of different areas in an short time to get everyone caught up.

My sister is doing well. She has two rounds out of her six rounds of chemo. Round two has left here a little more tired that the first. She is still doing well, but runs out of energy a little easier this time. She is on her way at the moment to Nebraska for Thanksgiving. Keep hanging in there Sis!

I continue to push myself. I have not made it to the gym as often as I would like this month. I took some time off to go deer hunting. One of my favorite activities. The season did not reward me with a deer, but I definitely recharged my batteries.

For me it has never been about the killing of an animal. I love to see them. I love to interact with them. I love to learn from them. This season I had two snort at me, but did not see either of them. They were close to me and winded me before I saw them. It made for some adrenaline filled moments as the chess match of who would react first played out. I was not able to move to see them, and they were able to move away stealthily.

I love to be in the woods. I cherish the silence. I enjoy the solitude. I saw numerous red squirrels. I saw a great horned owl. It flew three feet over my head and scared the hell out of me. It amazes me how something so large can move silently. I saw several bald eagles. I saw a snowy owl on my way home. I even saw a flock of swans in flight heading north east. They are really noisy! They are about ten times louder than a flock of Canadian geese.

I continue to swim. I have now set a personal best in the mile in the pool in 45 minutes flat. This was after the first weekend of deer hunting. The break has been good for me. I really enjoy the swimming, but you can still wear out muscles. I have been more lax in my running and spinning. My intention is to go tomorrow on Thanksgiving and swim a mile and then spin for an hour. This of course will be thrown out the window by my eating dinner, but it has become a tradition to go for a long ride on Thanksgiving.

Wishing you all a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

Marc

Less Than Someone Else

2008-10-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I watched Biggest Loser tonight. The title comes from something Phillip said as he was being eliminated tonight: "I don't want my boy's to feel that they are less than someone else." It is a direct parallel to how I view myself. I use the people on this show for motivation as I have found others use me for motivation. I am not special. I am not gifted. I am merely a man that has a big heart that I wear on my sleeve.

When someone tells me that they are amazed by the amount that I work out, I just tell them that I have a goal. I tell them to find what motivates them. I am still larger than I want to be, but I am working out for someone else and myself. I am still training for my triathalon. I am still swimming 4000 to 8000 yards a week. It's a lot closer to 8000 yards a week. I am still not fast, but I am getting faster. My goal is to complete a tripple crown, but really it is to eliminate Cancer. I am motivated by the fact that my simple participation in endurance events, continues to coalesce you all into donating for the needed research to complete this larger goal.

I have started running in addition to swimming. I walk for a minute, and then run (not jog) for a minute. I am able to cover about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes with this stratergy. Tonight, I went about 2.75 miles in my 30 minutes. I am happy! I am getting stronger. I am finding that even though it hurts, it is rewarding.

Back to the topic of the Biggest Loser, when Phillip put his wedding ring back on for the first time in 15 years after outgrowing it, I was able to understand what it meant to him. I have shrunk out of my own wedding ring. My ring is a 13.5. I cannot keep it on without concentrating on keeping my ring finger bent.

I will not have it resized for one reason. It is a symbol of the beginning and the end of my relationship with Jenny. This may seem silly, but I am not willing to have any of that time cut out of my ring. Jenny and I have been together for 22 years. We have been married for 12 of those years. We may not always get along. We may not always like each other. But without her none of what I have done would have been possible. I find unlimited support from her. I find someone that believes in me when I have no belief in myself. I am a simple small man on the inside, with her love and support, I am able to step beyond my own belief that I am less than someone else.

Funny how life can parallel television.

Bald and Beautiful and I Hope It Helps

2008-10-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

As I have said before, I don't do this for recognition. I don't do this because it is a good look for me. I don't do this because I matter at all in this situation. I only offer it as a simple form of support to someone I love and care about. It is a simple gesture. It is a small statement.

Things I have learned from doing this. Man you loose a lot of heat out the top of your head! I always had heard you did, and knew it to be true, but try this and you really find out how much! I have found that my pate is not to shabby looking. I have found out how much this simplifies getting ready in the morning. I have found out how much maintenance this takes to keep the stubble off, shaving it every other day. But you know what, it doesn't matter. It is worth it to hopefully lend a little support.

After asking and receiving the okay, I can tell you that it is my sister that is going through this ordeal. She is fighting ovarian cancer. She is looking better post surgery and is getting stronger. She starts chemo next week. We don't always get along. We don't always agree on everything. We don't always like each other. But, she is still my sister and I will always love her.

To the girl that would always assign the roles in our youth playing together. She would always be the mobile character in the game and I would be assigned some inanimate role such as a rock or a fence post. Maybe it was because I was always so active. I say thanks for the good times.

To the one time you wanted me to play the Easter Bunny right after we opened Christmas presents (Easter is her favorite holiday). I am sorry for telling you "I don't wanna be no son-o-bitchin Easther Bunny, I'm playing with my truck!" I'm glad we can laugh about that now.

To the times you defended me from the older kids. Picking up the bully and escorting them out of our yard by the scruff of the neck to the astonished looks of all present. Thank you for standing by me.

To all the time you have spent with your nieces. You have made them laugh and look at life in a different way. Thank you for everything you have added to their lives.

I can't fight this for you, but I can fight this with you. You've done nothing wrong. You don't deserve this. Keep your positive attitude. Keep your faith. You will come through this stronger!

I love you.

Using the mirror to line up the shot of my bald dome.

Bowing my head so you can see there are no flaws to my dome (other than what's on the inside)!!!

Back of the head sans suasage rolls.

To My Friend And Mentor

2008-10-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

There is a man that made a big difference in how I view and handle myself. He was my mentor for my first endeavor with TNT. Jason was not a little man, but he continues to shrink in a positive manner. He lead by example. He lead with compassion. He lead with an open heart and a positive attitude.

Jason has just completed his triple crown. He ran the Twin Cities Marathon on Sunday in less than ideal circumstances. He ran through pain, and rain and did it all in five hours and fifty minutes and change. Jason is in my opinion a man that epitomizes the word Hero. Not because of what he has done. But by the way he lives his life. He has faced adversity and come through with a smile and the will to make a difference.

My hat is off to you Sumo buddy! You are one of my inspirations. You don't know how many times, your easy manner has gotten me through tough times. I appreciate everything you have done for me. Keep setting goals. Keep doing the work to reach them. Keep being the amazing individual you are.

Congratulations!

Swimming In Concrete Only Denser

2008-10-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

Today was the first swim workout where I felt like I was swimming in something like concrete only denser. I took both Saturday and Sunday off, and expected an awesome workout. I really enjoyed last weeks 1700 yards that was mainly just long swim distances without sprints. I am really not a fan of the sprint as I am not good at it..... (yet)!

This week is all icky sprints! 10 X 50 on the 1:05, and then 200 yards, then 10 X 50 on the 1:10. This is first time I have not been able to carry at least half of the sprints ahead of the clock catching me. Was it too much rest? Was it a negative attitude? Was it a weekend of eating wrong?

I don't know what the problem was, but I failed miserably in the workout. I did not quit! I did the distance, but I had absolutely nothing in the tank to come anywhere near achieving what the workout called for. My times are still miles ahead of where they were 13 weeks ago, but I am not happy with myself. What should have taken 11 minutes on the 1:10 10 X 50's took 14 minutes. I don't know if I am lacking strength, or if it was just an off day.

I had my body fat percentage taken after two months of swimming, and it has gone down 1.6%, but it is all in my chest. My upper body has never been in such good shape. My measurement went down from July 8 at 37.5 mm to 24.5 mm which is a 13mm loss in fat and development of lean muscle in the pectoral. This is a plus, but I was hoping for more. I am not quitting, just know that I need to change my diet and increase my activity level. I am still swimming 4000 to 6000 yards or more a week, but it has been hard to fit it all in with family responsibilities. I need to start spinning, and fit a run or two in a week.

I am using motivation from my family member's ordeal. I am using my hatred of cancer to push when I don't want to workout. I am not a failure, I merely suffer from the human condition of weakness. I am committed, and will continue to commit myself to the goal. I need to make some sacrifices to get to the next level. I need to give up some vices. I need to take a deep and meaningful look at who I am and where I need to get to, to make a difference. All of which feels like swimming in concrete, only it feels much more dense.

Today Is A Beautiful Day And I Cannot See It

2008-09-29T15:07:00.000-07:00

I was sent this link by a friend. I was struggling to think of something to write that was positive today. I think the last subtitle of this short film should give us all something to think about!

http://www.adnstream.tv/video/nilSqaMboM/HISTORIA-DE-UN-LETRERO-THE-STORY-OF-A-SIGN

It all comes down to perspective. How often even though we have gifts do we focus on the stress and strife of life, and miss an opportunity? How often when we could make a difference do we sit on the sideline and allow someone else to take the first step? How often do we not find the energy to do something that would benefit someone else, because there might not be anything in it for us?

I will admit that I am guilty of all of the negative sides of those questions. The amazing thing that I have found is that every time you reach out and invest yourself, you will most definitely get something out of it. You might not realize it at the time you are helping, but it's there. If you walk away with a smile, that's your reward. If you walk away with a warm feeling, that is your reward. If you get a thank you, that is your reward. If you contribute, you will always walk away better off in a tangible way.

Funny that I was busy trying to think of something motivating to say, and this fell into my lap. Today is a beautiful day, and thank you for the person that helped me to see it! Thanks Leslie!

Random Thoughts

2008-09-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, its gonna be alright! Looking into my mind should scare the hell out of any sane and rational human being! I promise though you are going to be all right!

Why is it that when the day's start getting shorter we all try to cram as much into them as humanly possible? Is it that we know it's getting darker sooner and we have to be busy bee's to get it all in? Are there any less than 24 hours in the day just because it gets darker sooner? Slow down! Just cause it's dark outside doesn't mean you have to go to bed unless your my children! The bonus here is that I only have two perfect children the rest of you are on your own!!!!

Why is it that when you listen to music you can almost always find something that touches your soul on a primordial level? It is as if it harmonizes with who you are at your core. As if it has always been there, but you are hearing it for the first time. It strikes a chord and you find it easier to just be! As if you are sitting with an old friend you have known your entire life.

Why is it that we are all so different, and yet so much alike? We are all good at something, and we are all not good at everything. Yet the thing I may be good at does not always make me happy, and I wish I was better at what you are good at. You on the other hand are not brought joy by your strength, but wish you had mine. Now that is an odd paradox!

Why is it that when you feel at your most supernumerary self, you are okay with who you are? Even if it is over the top? Is it for the briefest of moments that you can see who you are at the root of your being? That you are laid bare for all to see in glory and weakness all in the same moment?

And now I lead you back safely to Terra firma as promised. Safe and sound, and happy as hell that you are not anywhere near as weird as I am!!!

What Do You Want For Yourself?

2008-09-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

This question is one that is deserving of much thought. I like the movie, the The Last Samurai and it is when Algren is very angry and shouting at Katsumoto; "What do you want from me?" and Katsumoto calmly replies "What do you want for yourself?"

It is a simple question, but a very deep one. Figuring out what you want for yourself; Is it a simple thing? Is it very complex? Is it a onetime thing? Or something that you can build on? Is it something that is selfish? Or is it something for the greater good? To you is it something altogether different?

What do I want for myself? I want to contribute. I don't want to be a superstar! I want to add value to anything that I am doing. I want to work as an equal team member, and move the team forward as a whole. I want for my contribution to not be noticed, but if I was not there to contribute to be missed. Not meaning that if I am not there to help that the endeavor fails, just that my team would miss my pulling on the oars in the same direction they were.

What do I want for myself? I want to bring humor to my environment. I have a very caustic sense of humor. I hope that most know that I do not mean anything hurtful by what I say, (unless, I am saying it to myself; were still working on that one). We live in very stressful times. some of it is self induced, and some of it is external in nature. I want to bring levity to those around me so that all stress is lessened.

What do I want for myself? I want in the end to have mattered. How will I do this? I don't know! I want to touch lives in such a manner as to have someone stop at some point after I am gone and say, "you know Marc could have helped with this." Hell, it does not even need to be after I am gone as that is a bit morbid.

You know the greatest thing about this question? The answers can change daily! The answers aren't always right the first time around. With the questions flexibility, you can always supply a new one with a little thought.

The work comes when you set out what you need to reach the goal you have set. Sticking to the tasks that you need to get done to reach what you have chosen. Doing the small things that will make you reach your destination. When you reach your goal, taking time to enjoy what you have accomplished. Then being to able to ask "What do I want for myself now?"

What do you want for yourself? Think about it!

If you don’t make a total commitment to whatever you’re doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It’s tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on. - Lou Holtz

Where Does This Come From?

2008-09-18T19:44:00.001-07:00

I have never in my life been able to express myself in a constructive manner. I am fairly well spoken, but never have been able to get the thoughts out as fluidly as I do here. I find it strange for a kid that went to college without being able to punctuate a sentence, (Thanks mom for all those proof reads on term papers!) being pulled aside by a professor that said, "You speak very well, but you don't know how to punctuate a sentence? Just listen to how you talk and when you pause add a comma. When you complete a thought use a period." Never had it been laid out so clearly and concisely.

Later in life when at a very low point, a neighbor was discussing a book he had been assigned to read. The book discussed that Americans don't focus on what their strengths are. We have to deal with it all and try to be excellent at everything. The rest of the world allows it's citizens to focus on their strengths. China for example, if you are an athlete, you go to camps to improve your strengths. if your a math whiz, you go to math camps. At this time, I did not know what my strengths were. I did not think I had any.

Upon reflection, I have found a couple of strengths. I am trying to focus on them. I am trying to use them in a positive manner. I am trying to find more. Once and a while, I am still very self deprecating. I am a work in progress. I used to live for the end. Now, I am hoping to enjoy the journey.

Man’s rise or fall, success or failure, happiness or unhappiness depends on his attitude … a man’s attitude will create the situation he imagines. - James Lane Allen

I have imagined both. I have experienced both. I have achieved both. I will continue to learn how to focus on the positive.

Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. - Helen Keller

God, imagine if someone had not taken the time to give this woman a voice! So much adversity to deal with and such an exemplary spirit of determination.

To all of you who were patient with me while someone was helping me find my voice. Thank you! For those of you who have pushed me to push myself. Thank you!

I still don't know where this came from, but I am glad it got here before it was too late.

Parenting Is Hard Work

2008-09-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

While dealing with all the family stress, parenting is hard. You want to take the fear out of your children. You want to be honest. You want to answer all of the questions they have to the best of your abilities. Having an open and honest conversation, might just add more fear and confusion, but it is 100% the right thing to do. Doing the right thing is not always easy.

I have one child, that is so much like me, and the other that is like Jen. The one that scares me is the one like me! Holding in anger and fear, never winds up in a good place. Getting this one to release that tripe is hard! Mom and Dad, wow you had your hands full with me.

We got some relief tonight. Our loved one is out of the hospital. I have to say they look damn good. The one like me and myself got to see our loved one. My mini me and this person are very close, and I think they both found some relief.

Also it brought out new feelings and emotions that needed to be handled. This task is not beyond me, just really means I have to concentrate on patience. Patience is not my strongest attribute. I think we got through a rough spot, but tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities. I won't pat myself on the back yet.

Workout Update: While it is not the most important topic right now. I have 4000 yards this week in swim workouts. I pushed on the 100's, and really pushed hard today on the 50's. I beat the first workout by 1:00 minute today. Not a huge accomplishment, but an improvement. It was not easy, it did hurt a bit. As Bob likes to remind me "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I have a lot of weakness then. But you know what, I have unlimited strength too. Remember someone very bold and brave once reminded me that I run on a lot of anger. I at least have a coping mechanism for mine now.

Thanks to all for your comments. Ms. R, you can bring a step ladder, so you can rub my bald head. You let me know if it brings you any luck. If you win the lottery, I want half!

A New Haircut!

2008-09-16T16:54:00.000-07:00

More than likely, you will see me sporting a new haircut in the coming weeks. Well, hair might not be involved at all. There will be chemo involved for my family member. The cancer came back at a stage 1 in the pathology report. They are concerned that maybe some cells may have escaped to the rest of the body. They have given us some news that there is a 95% survival rating with the chemo and the staging level given. All and all still a very positive prognosis.

I will shave my head in solidarity with my family member. I don't do this because I am noble. I don't do this because I matter at all in this situation. I do this because I love this person, and I don't want them to feel alone.

There is a song by the Rascal Flatts called Skin (Sarabeth) in which this young ladies prom date shaves his head so that she does not feel out of place at the prom. This song has always made me sad and mad, but given hope. I have decided that in this case it is the least I can do.

At the funeral of my friend Jack, his kids eulogized him. It was one of the bravest moments I have ever witnessed as all of his children got up and told amazing stories about a unbelievable human being and father. One of his son's (who is bald), stated that God made a few heads that were perfect, the others, he granted hair.

I apologize, because I was granted hair, and you will have to endure my bald pate. Again I don't do this for me. High and tight with a sweep across the top to the right is my style. But my pride does not matter in this instance. I do this because I know it is one of the few ways I can offer a paltry excuse at comfort to a loved one. So while I may look like a tall version of Uncle Fester, know that I do this because I care about someone.

Each time you stand up for an ideal, you send forth a tiny ripple of hope. - Robert Kennedy

I hope that this small act bolsters my loved one's spirits. I hope it brings laughter and mirth to an otherwise stressful situation. Hell, I can save time at the pool too as I won't need to don a swim cap! Maybe there is some deep seeded narcissistic reasoning involved here? Who knows, maybe I am just being human for a change!

To the one that matters here, know that I love you!

Fear

2008-09-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

What, you don't think that 6' 3" 300 pound men aren't afraid? I have lived my life afraid of my own shadow. I have lived in fear of failure. I have lived in fear of success. I have lived in fear of of damn near everything.

I mentioned before that there is a time and a place to contemplate. Contemplation can also bring about inaction due to fearing the outcome. So many times there has been an urge to take an action in my life, but I make myself stop and think about the possible outcomes, and the result is being frozen from action by fear of the possibilities.

To weigh possibilities is not entirely bad, but to weigh them and always focus on the negative is! If I had not taken a chance on a bike ride, where would I be today. I would probably still be in the same dead end job, contemplating making a change that I did not believe I was capable of. I would probably be somewhere in the neighborhood of 375 to 400 pounds. I would probably be knocking on deaths door. I would not have made any difference in the world.

Fear is natural, and not always negative. Sometimes fearing something can stop you from making a mistake. Living in fear constantly is negative. It stops you from changing what you are, and prevents you from becoming what you are capable of.

I have said previously, that I often don't believe that I am capable of much. While it is an accurate statement of how I view myself, it is not necessarily true. We all have limitless potential if we set fear aside and take on a challenge. Maybe it is a new job. Maybe it is a physical challenge. Maybe it is just accepting that it is okay to be afraid and step forward into something we want to try anyway. If you are able to take that first step, often you will survive; (maybe 99.9999% of the time). If nothing else, after you take that first step, you will find that you are amazed that you were afraid of nothing all that bad.

I am afraid of cancer. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I am not living up to my potential. I am afraid that I am a failing at being a father. I am afraid of losing people I love. I am afraid that I have not done enough to change the world around me. I am afraid that I have not used my abilities. I am afraid that I have not mattered. But the good thing, is that I am starting to realize before it is too late, that I can change some of these things. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us. That is why the present is a gift. I will work on living in the present and accepting everyday as a gift. An opportunity to put my fear aside and make a difference.

Fear can also teach us that we need to change. We need to grow. We need to be aware that there is a time to face fear and alter the course we have chosen. Thank you to all who accept me and my fears. Thank you to those who allow me to change my course knowing that I don't have all the answers. Thank you to those that stand beside me regardless of the mess that I am inside my own head.

I close with this:

Take inventory of yourself, see if any remnants of fear are standing in your way. Then you may grow... because nothing, absolutely nothing, can stand in your way. - Napoleon Hill

Why I Hate Cancer

2008-09-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

I won't stay on this topic forever, but I am dealing with a lot of anger! Instead of being completely self-destructive, I am venting here and during my workouts. It is healthier than keeping all of this anger inside.

I hate cancer, because of what it does to society. I hate the fact that we do not have a cure yet. I think some drug companies find it more lucrative to treat the disease than to cure it. That is not to say that the doctors and researchers are not exerting all of there efforts 110%. There is just that tickle in the back of my brain that knows that there is no money in a cure, just in treatment.

I hate cancer, because it killed my paternal grandmother. I hate cancer because it killed my maternal aunt. I hate cancer because it is affecting my paternal grandfather. I hate cancer because it has again come close to home. I do not wish it to hit someone else. I wish it would just leave us all alone! I hate cancer because it affects children! I hate cancer because it affects neighbors. I hate cancer because affects friends. Most of all I hate cancer because it terrifies me!

Hate is a strong word, and not one to be taken lightly. Contempt of cancer does not make a strong enough statement for what I feel towards this disease. I have stood on the sideline for too long and not done enough.

TNT and the LLS is geared toward Leukemia and Lymphoma research, but it is my hopes that when we find a cure for these, we will unlock cures for the other forms of cancer.

I continue to train to complete my triple crown. I now have a very personal honoree that has been affected by cancer. I don't sit here and make false promises that I make a difference in this fight. It is you that make the difference. When I make the promise to endure an event, that is small compared to what I ask you to do. You have made the difference by making your donations. Your money will fund the research. Your money will find the cure. I will continue to participate, in hoping that one day some very gifted and intelligent people will find a cure. I will use my gifts of athletic ability and the written word to hopefully motivate you to continue to make a difference.

There is a time to sit in contemplation, and there is a time to act. I had sat in contemplation for 36 years and accomplished nothing. For the last two years, I have acted out to accomplish something I believe in. I have lived more in the last two years than I ever did while sitting in contemplation. I have felt more, I have shared more, and I have grown more by acting out than by contemplating what I should do.

In closing; I have a purpose. I have an ability. I will put both together and hopefully along with you, we will accomplish great things. All of this will be forged out of my hatred of cancer.

For A Bad Diagnosis, A Positive Prognosis

2008-09-11T14:51:00.000-07:00

So we have some answers. It is cancer. On the positive side, they were able to remove it. The initial pathology came back with cancer, but what was referred to as borderline. I understand this to mean that there were some cancer cells, but the majority were in a pre-cancerous state. They believe that they were able to get it all. They examined the near by lymphatic system and the nodes look good. With this initial prognosis, there may not be any need for chemotherapy! We will have to wait about a week for the final pathology report to come back.

In the mean time, we are some what relieved by this news. It does not make it any easier as there will still be some psychological healing I assume. I am sure we will come through it stronger.

Again, to respect my family members privacy, I will not say anymore than that. I thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

Now a bit of a rant:

Why does this damn disease exist? Why the hell does it affect good people? Why the hell does it target the innocent? This son of a bitch has no morals! This fucking disease is my enemy! I am not pounding my chest in bravado here. I say it again; "I hate this disease in any shape or form!" It takes so much and gives nothing in return. It causes so much pain and leaves emptiness in it's wake. Yet it unites those of us affected with a common bond of seeing it's end. Maybe that is what it gives in return the drive to eradicate it completely. I am not sure, but if it gives us that goal and we strive for it, and reach it, then maybe it will have provided a purpose for it's existence. And when that day comes the world will be a better place!

I am sorry to use the language that I used, but I am no choir boy on Sunday. I do have a mouth like a sewer, and sometimes even though I have a large vocabulary these words convey more meaning than any three dollar polysyllabic word ever could.

I'm Pissed and A Bit Worried

2008-09-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

This is just a vent entry. I have a family member facing some uncertain health. I won't reveal much so as to protect their privacy. They are facing surgery and waiting on pathology so that they can know what they are dealing with.

I won't wax poetic and tell you that since we don't know what we are dealing with that we as a family are not scared or worried. I imagine that this is the helplessness that all families deal with at some point and time.

I ask for strength and understanding from whatever powers that may be. I ask that I am able to support those who need it from me. I ask that we get answers to understand what we are dealing with.

On the other hand it affirms what I have been doing for the past few years. I want to end Cancer in any shape and form. I hate this expletive dies ease with every fiber of my being! It has scared the hell out of me for so long. I at least have been able to contribute to the fight in some way.

Sorry to rant, but I needed to express some of my frustration as I sit here and ineffectively wait for answers. I hope to know more by tomorrow evening.

To The Iron Will Finishers

2008-09-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

Kimmi & Rachel,

To chase what you are intimidated by. To aspire to something beyond the realm of rational expectation. To push beyond mortal endurance. To take us all and lift us up through your achievement. This is what it means to be a hero. You two exemplify that word beyond measure.

I am truly honored that you allowed me to partake of your experience as an observer. You showed courage, and what a "can do" mental attitude can accomplish. I tracked your progress throughout the day. I checked the site nervously, and with excitement every time I hit the refresh icon. It was amazing to track your success and progress.

I close with this thought. Never can anyone take this away from you. You believed in yourself! You endured what most would flee from. You rose to the challenge! You persevered! Whenever your road ahead is obstructed, you will know that you have the ability to push beyond what you think yourself capable of enduring. Hold that lesson close to your soul. Don't let how bright your souls shine diminish the glow of this moment. You earned the right to call yourself "Ironman"! You have always been special, and this just adds to that collective.

My hat is off to you both. I am humbled and honored to call you friends.

Off The Rack (A Narcissistic Post)

2008-09-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

I left work early today to go do my official 1800 Yard over a mile swim workout. Of course, I have hit a mile three times before the workout routine called for it, but this is the week that every time I hit the pool, I will be pushing it through a mile.

The workout does not have it's normal flow, but I am changing it up to challenge myself. I make myself swim my drills in under 15 minutes, but taking care to perform the drills correctly. On to the workout 7 X 100's (supposed to take a 45 second break between the 100's). No break, lets see how strong I've gotten. This is training for endurance, time to endure! Knock out all 700 yards without a break. Take my three minutes off that I am supposed to before starting my 10 X 50's (30 seconds off between 50's). Nope, you guessed it, I don't need no stinking break. knock out my 50's as 100's, and do six of them including my cool down drill and slow freestyle. 1800 yards!!!! I am tired. I am a little sore. I am unbelieving of how far I have come in eight weeks.

Come home and go out to dinner as it is Jenny's birthday. Man steak tastes great when you are hungry. I have cut down on my red meat consumption, but not tonight!!!!

On the way home, we make a stop at a mall that has a Casual Male clothing store. This can be read as clothes for fat guys! I have not bought anything from a store in a long time, and no longer know my pants size. My belt is going around me once and a quarter way again. I love the fact that I can use it as a measuring stick for my success, but it is starting to look a little shoddy.

I go in and ask the clerk to measure my waist. She pulls the tape, and tells my you wear a size 50" waist. I look at her and in a very patient tone explain that "Ms. I am wearing a 48" right now and if I take this belt off you are going to see my briefs!" She very patiently pulls the tape again and tells me it's still 50". I know this can not be right.

I go to the jeans section. I have not worn jeans in so long, maybe 14 years. I pull some 48" x 32's and a pair of 46" x 32's off the rack. I go into the fitting room, and try the 46's on. they fit, but are loose. They fit really nice in the legs. I stopped wearing jeans, because when I was squatting 500+ lbs, my thighs were 28 inches around. Jeans did not fit! If I bought them from my legs, they were too big in the waist. If I bought them for my waist, they were too tight in the legs. At this time the friendly clerk inquires how I am doing. I respond pleasantly with "These are 46's, and there a bit loose."

I wander back over to the rack and pick up some 44" X 32's. I try these on, and amazingly they fit. They are a little tight in the waist, but as I continue to chase my triple crown, I am sure that they will become loose after time.

I decided to not buy pants tonight, but it is nice to know that I can when I choose to. I did indulge in a new belt. It will shrink with me, a smarter investment. I will keep my old friend though. Not that it will probably ever be used again other than a measuring device to gauge my progress.

So.... I Made My Mile

2008-09-04T18:58:00.001-07:00

I sit here and double blog tonight. The energy and excitement go to Kimmi & Rachel! I did something important today, but they deserve their own post. I am proud of what I accomplished, but I want your thoughts to point to them, not to me.

I set a goal to hit a mile in the pool in eight weeks, but with 1700 yards for my workout this week, I was so close that I had to push it. I have even been pushing the workout this week. I am supposed to take 45 seconds of rest between 100's of which I have six. Then when I start my 50's, I am supposed to rest 30 seconds between my ten. I am not patient. I am not able to rest that long! I have only been resting 15 seconds between 100's, and 10 between 50's. Sorry Bob!

Tonight, as I neared the end of my 50's, I was on my seventh, I decided that it was time to see what was in the tank. I made myself swim 300 yards without a break. That means that I did my eighth and ninth fifty together. I did my tenth and cool down drill together, and my slow freestyle and an extra fifty to make a mile for the workout.

I am happy! I did the whole thing in 49 minutes. I will work on speed, but I am happy! I had more in the tank, but needed to get home to get the girls to soccer.

I am not sure what my next goal is, but I can tell you there will be another. I can't believe that this is me! I am below 300 lbs again. Actually 297 and change. I am definitely putting on muscle and changing shape. I am still round, but I am changing the amount of roundness. I say that with a gleam in my eye, and a smile.

I have to be honest; my first thought when I got done in the pool was: "A mile in the pool, just became my bitch!" maybe I will shoot for two miles. I don't know yet. I will keep you posted. Maybe it is a mile and a long bike ride. The possibilities are limitless.

I leave you with this thought. Send your energy to Kimmi and Rachel on Sunday. You may not know them, but they have both given energy to me. They both have encouraged me. They have both stepped out on a limb to chase a dream. They are both deserving. They are amazing. My accomplishment is small in comparison to what they will do!

Thanks for sharing the ride.

Iron Will Cometh!

2008-09-04T18:43:00.000-07:00

My two friends go to battle this weekend. They are doing the Ironman Wisconsin on Sunday, September 7. I wish I was going to be there! I will be checking http://ironman.com/ironmanlive frequently, I can assure you of that. Go Rachel, Go Kimmi! I am in awe and am humbled by you both!!!!!!!!

I know when my friends Bob and Mike finished this last year, that my thoughts were with them all day. I would keep saying to them through mental telepathy keep going. Your not hurting, your only living! Okay, your done with the swim, now your just spinning and grinning. You got this! You can! You will! You are awesome! Later in the day, it was rack your bike and strap on your shoes. One foot in front of the other, how much easier does this get? Keep going! Your halfway done, what it's all down hill from here!

These people are awesome! These people have an ability! These people are my friends. These people are living, not just merely getting by. I assure you that the honor is all mine.

To Kimmi and Rachel, you just keep going! You believe in yourselves! You endure and you achieve! Crying ain't quitting! Trust in your resolve! You are awesome! You are strong! You are loved! You are doing this for the right reasons! You are more powerful than you realize! Let your light shine! Enjoy your journey! God's speed!

I am looking forward to hearing all about it. I send you love. I send you energy. I send you my gratitude for allowing me to be in your cheering section. You are my heroes!

Love, Marc

The Double, Double

2008-08-31T18:29:00.000-07:00

I sit here exhausted, but content. I did the one thing I dislike physically more than any other endeavor, and then followed it up with something that I am beginning to love. I did my lifting session, and followed it with my fifth swim of the week.

I skipped my squats, but substituted leg curls and extensions. I am dealing with an inflamed or bruised Achilles tendon. I hurt this during my marathon training, and think pushing off the edge of the pool has strained it again. My chiropractor has made it feel better, but has suggested not doing squats until it is fully healed.

It was with some delay that I arrived at the gym. I was up early, but just did not find the drive to get to the gym. I made myself leave the house and go around 13:00 CDT. I went through my lifting session with a positive attitude. I found contentment in being consistently busy in the weight room. Some exercises felt good, while others were merely endured because they are necessary.

Upon completion of weight training, I grabbed a quick shower and got ready for my swim. I was anticipating difficulty. I was surprised that I was buoyed by the water upon entering. I felt almost weightless. I felt smooth. I was figuring that with the double swim yesterday, and the lifting before this swim, I would be suffering. To my shock and amazement, I felt very slippery in the water. I did my complete 1500 yard workout in about 48 minutes. This is a little slower than I have done it the rest of the week, but still not bad. 7500 Yards swimming and one weight training session for the week.

I got home around 15:30. I relaxed for a while, and watched a movie with Elizabeth. Figured that it was time to blog a bit. I am off to read a book for a bit, before taking my rest for the evening.

No deep thoughts to express tonight. There are a couple in my cranium, but I will digest them and figure how to express them more concisely before I share them. Enjoy your extended weekend (Labor day). Live, Laugh, Love, and enjoy your time.

Follow Through

2008-08-30T17:19:00.000-07:00

I swam my two shifts of 1500 yards today. I am tired. I am relaxed. I am satisfied. I did what I said I would do. I have 6000 yards for the week.

Following through on what I say is important to me. I don't know where this obligation comes from, but it is inherent in my psyche. I have always believed that if you say you will do something, you need to do it. The most important thing is to be honest. Don't say you can do it if you are not committed to doing it. If you don't think you can do what you say, don't make the false statement.

Sometimes this ideal is impairing. If I don't think I am capable of doing something, I am afraid to make the commitment. Often, I don't believe that I am capable of doing much. Therefore, I hold myself back many times. I am learning that sometimes you need to step outside your comfort zone. That is what my whole TNT experience so far has taught me. It is good to go beyond yourself. It is good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you only exist in your comfort zone, you do not grow. You do not flourish. You become stagnate.

I am not a role model. I am only trying to make myself better, and the world around me improved. I find that when someone is impressed by my accomplishments from the past few years, that I am embarrassed. They don't always know that I was such a negative person that I am not deserving of their admiration. I always tell them to find a better role model than me.

If I motivate them to go outside of their comfort zone, then I am improving the world that I am involved in. Then I am deserving of their admiration. If I only accept the accolades, I am not deserving of any praise. That is only narcissism.

I still owe a lifting session, and one more swim for the week. I am looking forward to following through on it.

COMMITMENT: "Commitment is what transforms promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions, and the actions which speak louder than words. It is making the time when there is none, coming through time after time, day after day, week after week. Commitment is the stuff that character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." Unknown

Be Who You Are!

2008-08-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

So this has not been a great week to work out. I have missed my weight training and two days swimming. I will need to swim a double either Saturday or Sunday and lift and swim on the other to make it up. This does not frighten me as it would have a few weeks ago. Why? Because I know that I can reach inside myself and find the strength I need. When did I learn this? When I did a double last week on Saturday, I made myself swim a double 1300 yard work out. I wanted to see if I had it in the tank. Surprisingly, I did.

The spirit is decidedly more strong than the individual that inhabits the body. What does that mean? It means that the mind may be weak when the body is strong. The mind is what tells you to quit. I have said before, and will say it again: The body will go until it gets injured beyond repair. The mind will quit when it feels discomfort. Telling your mind that you have more is the trick. Pushing it to go beyond is the magic. As long as you are not injured you can push far beyond your mental limits physically.

I used to hate when my college coaches would shout "Are you injured or are you hurt?" What they were saying was push beyond your mental limitations. Stop protecting yourself and exceed your own mental limitations. Mental limitations may be subconscious or may be you wanting to stop because you are tired and flagging, and giving into the mercy of rest. Rising above these mental limitations is an amazing accomplishment.

I need physical challenge. I need to push. I need to accept. I need to grow. I need to learn boundaries. I need to keep on keeping on. I need to give. I need to love, and be loved in return. I need to be. I need to help. I need to pursue. I need to achieve. All are accomplished by going beyond mental limitations.

I will do the double twice. I will accomplish. I will accept success or failure. I will grow either way. I am learning boundaries. I will keep on by persevering. I will give. I will love, and am loved in return. I will be. I will help. I will pursue. I will achieve. I will go on beyond my mental limitations.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and friends will laugh with you. Close yourself in and you only hurt yourself. Be open. Be accepting. Be who you are!

One Of Those Days

2008-08-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

So you just ever have one of those days? I'm not talking about the kind that we all have where everything you touch goes to excrement immediately. I am talking about one of those days where you just smile at everything and get a stupid grin on your face!

I had a great workout yesterday, the kind that you walk out of the gym just plain exhausted, but knowing you accomplished what you set out to do. I finished my work day from home in the evening, and made a lot of progress on my project list. I went to bed an slept like a log. Got up this morning and logged on to work and knocked out a solid 45 minutes before dropping the kids off and driving to work.

Once at work, attended a meeting where I felt like the minimal comments I made were accepted and appreciated. Stopped by someone's desk and helped them understand what they were looking at. Went to my own desk and on the way was asked what I was smiling at; I replied I had no idea, but the grin did not leave.

I proceeded to knock out a good block of work while remaining focused and upbeat. Was invited to lunch, which I declined because I wanted to get my work out in early. Turned on my iPod to continue to chunk through a large project initative of switch refurbishment. Listening to Rascal Flatts, the grin just continued to grow and I could feel my soul start to soar. There is something about the close harmony and the many good rides I have had with the Flatts that I just can't, not be moved by the lyrics.

I leave work to hit the pool, and I knock out my week 6 workout of 1500 yards. Two more weeks, and I will hit my goal of 1 mile in the pool. 3000 yards this week! Come home with plans of blogging and spending some time with the family. Find out Elizabeth has soccer practice, and not even this can phase my good mood as it came up unexpectedly. I am actually looking forward to seeing her as this is her first year in soccer.

I wish that these type of days happened more often. Nothing amazing happend, but all of the little events have amalgamated into a great experience. I had joyful thoughts. I had pleasant memories stirred to the surface. I have enjoyed both physical and cerebral challenges and come through them stronger today.

I guess I will close with this thought as I continue to smile:

Success is living up to your potential. That’s all. Wake up with a smile and go after life… Live it, enjoy it, taste it, smell it, feel it. - Joe Kapp

So Phelps, I Am Not, But I Am Having Fun

2008-08-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I continue to swim. I hit 6000 yards last week, and while I could have hit 7200, I decided to rest on Sunday. I really had to work hard to pull myself through the water on both Friday and Saturday. It may not always be fun, but I am amazed at the progress.

I had an experience on Saturday, that will pay dividends in the lake. I was doing my fifth 100, and misjudged my level in the water column, and inhaled a mouth full of water that went down my throat. I was on length number two heading into the third. I made myself swim through it. In the lake, there will be no bottom to touch, so I did not allow myself to put my feet down. I continued for a few more strokes, as the panic of having no air set in. I came to the surface and coughed the most horrible cough of my life. It sounded like I had lost my lunch in the pool. I took two more crawl strokes, and then went to the well for the breast stroke. I forced myself to calm down, surface, breath, under and stroke. Surface, breath, calm down, under stroke. I took four breast strokes, got my air back and then completed length three and four with the crawl.

I completed my whole workout without quitting when it got tough. I then promptly came home exhausted and passed out in my lazy boy. It was a nap well earned!

This experience is exactly why I am training so early. I expect struggle. I expect difficulty. Work put in now will yield experience that can be called upon when the going gets tough on event day. The event is still months away, but there is never a better time to prepare than now. I have miles to go, but I now know that I can survive a short period of panic and recover while in the water without stopping forward progress.

I hope to one day be able to get this enjoyment out of cerebral activity. The physical endeavors have always delivered lessons more easily that can be reflected on and used in other areas. When everything falls into place, there is that beautiful moment where one feels invincible. Man that is a wonderful feeling.

Doing Something You Don't Like Because It's Good For You

2008-08-14T21:01:00.001-07:00

So, I am pretty sure you all know that I don't like lifting weights. This lack of desire comes from years of living in a weight room for football. So I only lift on Thursdays or one time a week. I swim the rest of the week.

Tonight was the first time to the gym without my trainer being involved. I did get to see Tami though, and that was nice. She was doing her workout before starting her shift. We gave each other grief in a good way.

I pretty much did my whole workout in 40 minutes. I like being able to move from exercise to exercise without delay. I quit work early to be able to get there before the post work rush. I am surprisingly not sore tonight. Maybe my muscles are adapting. I feel good.

I should have swam after my workout, but decided that I should get home early and finish up my day of work. The girls and Jen were away doing something fun, so I had a quiet house. I finished up work and watched some Olympics. I am more of a Winter Olympic fan than a Summer, but man these people are incredible!

Lifting may not be my favorite activity, but anything I can fit in before next July will help me reach my goal. Funny that I don't like goals, but I am starting to. If you don't reach them on your first attempt, the effort pays dividends. If you would have told me that I would be setting these goals for myself two years ago, I would have laughed at you. Me, set goals? What are you nuts? Sometimes you have to do things you don't like, because they are good for you.

Better Mood Today

2008-08-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am in a better mood today. I don't know why I get like that. I guess, I am human and days like yesterday are going to happen. I had a fun and busy day. I even got my work out in before coming home.

Apparently my math was off yesterday and I thought I was in an Olympic pool of 50 yards. I shorted myself 50 yards yesterday at the very end of my workout. I am supposed to swim 150 yard of slow freestyle at the end of my week four routine. I realized this today as I was hammering out my workout before heading back to a meeting. I finished my 5X100's did my 50 yards of my cool down drill, and started my 150 cool down swim. I realized into the first 25 yards that I made a boo boo yesterday. I figured I would fix the situation today so as not to cheat. I swam 200 yards for my cool down. Eight lengths of the pool! Now, that was an accomplishment that brought a smile to my face.

Off to my meeting, scarfing a sandwich while walking into work. Get through it, while feeling totally out of my comfort zone. I am a router and switch jockey, not a business guru. I can contribute, but I am not always the best at expressing my thoughts on process. I don't always know I how I accomplish what I do, but I have internal processes that I follow. Trying to document those for others seems more difficult. I am learning and working on it, but still a lot of room for improvement.

Anyway, I am not beating myself up today. Might even climb on the trainer for a spin this evening. Bad days are still going to happen. I like the fact that I can vent them here and then leave them for reflection later. I am amazed how easily some of this stuff falls on the virtual page.

Have a great night and I'll blog again tomorrow.

Volunteering and Fighting Demons

2008-08-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

I volunteered for the Turtle Man Triathlon this year. After living on the course for 12 years originally thinking this was a major inconvenience and now coming to accept it for what it is a remarkable feat and enjoyable to witness. Of course with my luck, I was on the furthest point of the course from my house. This is not a tragedy, but kind of funny that I could have walked or ridden to any other part of the course but two, and I drew one.

It was fun to watch the competitors, but somehow, I think it might be easier to compete in the event than to cheer people on. Maybe it is some deficiency in my character that starts to internalize watching what these folks are going through and not want to pitch in and suffer through it with them.

I have been fighting with my age old demons of late. I have let some negative self talk inhibit my growth. I have been making it to the pool regularly, I only hit 4800 yards last week, but listened to my body asking for rest on Friday and Sunday. It paid off today, I did my week four workout of 5 X 100 with only 10 seconds of rest fairly smooth over the complete 1200 yards. Imagine 20+ minutes of swimming with only 40 seconds off. I am tired, but it is definitely improving. I have not ridden much of late, but that will come as it continues to cool as fall approaches.

I don't know why I cannot just find happiness in being who and what I am. Funny that I have nothing terrible in my life, but I seem to dwell on the negative instead of celebrating the positive. I have more friends now than ever. I have a much improved life. I am setting goals and achieving them. Why then let the demons come in to run amok? I push them down and continue to chase what I believe in, but the things I say to myself internally... Sometimes, I question why was I granted time on earth? Maybe I will make a difference. Maybe I have. Maybe I am fulfilling what I am supposed to do. Maybe, I just think too damn much.

Whatever the case may be, I'm here and I better make the most of the time I have left. My friend Bob brought this quote to my attention. Maybe if I focus on this, I can break through the dark layers and burn more brightly:

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” – Jack London

Do not let the dark side of my personality diminish your thoughts of me. I am still the silly lovable ogre you all know and tolerate. I will beat back the gremlins as I have done all my life. I will find my high and low points, and they will aggregate themselves into a remarkable experience. Were all on the ride together. It is okay to seek solace amongst fellow travellers. Grant yourself forgiveness, I'm still trying to find it for myself.

Enough being morose! Tomorrow is a new day. I have opportunities ahead. Plans and dreams to make. Work to do to make the plans and dreams a reality. It is okay to question your faults, but not to dwell and become stagnate.

Inadequate In My Eyes

2008-08-05T18:29:00.001-07:00

I have always viewed myself as inadequate. Everyone else is better, more deserving and more qualified than I am. Funny that when I talk to others, that their view of me is that I am all those things, but not inadequate. Why are we always hardest on ourselves?

Trust me, I am the world's worst perfectionist. I do not excel at anything. I also try not to give up on anything. Would I like to be great at something? Sure I would! But if everything came easy, would the reward and the feeling of success mean anything? The things that I do have marginal ability in, seem to bring me the most frustration. If I was only a little better at this detail, I would be complete. If I was only a little stronger, would I feel more accomplished?

Life is full of these type of questions. If you are able to reflect on your feelings, you have not quit. Life is for trying new things. Life if for failing and learning from those failures. Life is about accomplishing what you set your mind to do, and rewarding yourself by enjoying it when you succeed! I have a lot to work on when it comes to the latter. I am miles from where I started this journey, and I am miles from where I want to be.

The journey is the thing comes to mind here. When you realize that life is a journey, and you take time to enjoy it the rest of the strife seems to fade in comparison to the ride you are on. Others love and admire you, even if you don't have much love for yourself. Cherish those who offer you friendship. Accept those that don't offer you friendship, and wish them well in their journey.

Thanks to those who have love in their hearts for me. To those who I have offended in my 38 years, I am sorry. For those I will meet in the future, I am not a perfect person, but I am willing to admit that I am not infallible. Take time to teach me what you can, and know that I appreciate the lesson.

It is the lessons I have learned over the last few years that allow me to write this so freely, and without fear of reprisal. I am to a point in my life where it is not so much the view others have of me, but of the view I have of myself that matters. If only life allowed this to come earlier... Would I be a different man? Who knows, but I know that I would not have learned all the valuable lessons that I now can claim to have knowledge of.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. - Charles Du Bos

Pace Yourself and Smile

2008-08-04T18:16:00.000-07:00

So I made my goal of 5000 - 6000 yards in the pool last week! I actually made 6300 yards.

I copied my week three and four workouts today and printed them. To look at the week ahead, I have 1200 yards for the week 3 work out. Now there are 6 X 100's with only 15 seconds of rest between plus all the drills. Oh my Lord, how am I going to accomplish this. "Pace Yourself" comes to mind.

I head to the pool with some trepidation in my heart, but what is life without some challenge? I have had a good day, and have not struggled at much today. A physical challenge is just what I need. I have a massage scheduled for 18:00 CDT, so even if this hurts the pain should be eased afterwards.

Do my warm up and drills, and take 45 seconds of rest before embarking on something that I don't know if I am capable of. I have to count the 100's and the length in the current one so that I do not cheat. So, swimming while focusing on form and repeating the mantra of 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 1-4 take 15 seconds of rest, and embark on 100 number two. By the time I am on number four, I am smiling in the pool. This has to look silly, but who cares, and who is watching!

I finished all 6 X 100's without extending my 15 seconds of rest between. If you told me I would be able to do this in the morning, I would have been suspect of your sanity! I am still not fast, but that is not the goal. The distance and form are what I am pursuing at present. The speed will come with increased physical strength and fitness!

Time to go enjoy my massage with a sense of accomplishment, and maybe a continued smile!

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. - Joshua J. Marine

To Friends With Aspirations

2008-08-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

This is not an entry about me. By surrounding myself with successful people with aspirations, I hope to become what these people are! I have two friends that are chasing the Ironman dream. Ironman is a poor choice of a name for a race that both men and women compete in. I feel that it should be called Iron Will. All endurance events are a test of mental fortitude. These two ladies are very inspiring.

Kimmi & Rachel are chasing a dream that will very likely become reality. I wish that when I was their age, I would have possessed the focus that they have. They made a decision to do something, they are putting in the effort and they will achieve it.

I met these two individuals at a TEAM party after my Tahoe century. I have ridden with them a few times, and am astounded by them. I gave them grief the first time I met them, like I did all of the tri-athletes at the party. I told them that they were tri-athletes because they were not able to commit to one sport. Funny now that I am trying to do what they accomplish with ease. Not to say what they have accomplished did not come without sacrifice.

Kimmi mentored the tri TEAM with TNT for the Lifetime Triathlon this year, and I believe that Rachel was involved as well with the TEAM. In between their endeavors with TNT, they have been pursuing the dream of becoming Iron Will finishers. Last week, they both completed the half Iron Will in Chisago, MN. This test covers 1.2mile Swim | 56mile Bike | 13.1mile Run, for a total of 70.3 miles under your own power. This was just another training and learning day for their date with 140.6 miles on September 7, 2008.

This weekend, they decided to go ride the Madtown (a.k.a Madison), WI cycle course. for their approaching endeavor. They completed over 100 miles of the course in around six hours. In the process, Kimmi completed her first Century!

I am proud of these two ladies. I hope to instill some of their intestinal fortitude in my own two little girls. My hat is off to both Kimmi and Rachel for their accomplishments thus far, and in what they will achieve in the future.

Ladies keep moving forward, look back with a smile, and embrace your future. You two will go far in this life.

Thursday's Are Long Days...

2008-07-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

Slept in again today as the kids are back and we are into our normal routine again. Drop them off at Mom & Dad's and head to work. Make progress on some issues that need attention today. Domestic project is right on schedule and this is a nice feeling. It is nice to see these projects small pieces fall together into a working site. It is amazing how all the little tasks coalesce into a working office.

I am dreading going the gym for my weight training session. Not because it won't feel good to accomplish it, but I still do not like weight training. I feel that I am getting stronger, but I don't like the residual pain for the two days after. It is not debilitating pain, just annoying. Day 11 of exercise. I am in need of a much deserved rest, so Friday will be the day.

I met my trainer as I was going down stairs, and she said "you look tired." I replied, "I am dragging." She informed me that she was going to take it easy on me, but would still make the workout challenging. She was right, she took special care to watch my form and make sure that I did not strain my knees. We did squats, and different lunges so as to not put too much strain on my knees. The new form of lunge was much easier on the knees, and I could definitely feel the muscles working. Some of the exercises made me feel awkward and a bit self-conscious, but I worked through that and can feel the benefit. Core workout was good and I can feel my abs.

Weight training complete. I am debating going home without swimming, but with taking Friday off, and not being able to work out until after 13:00 CDT on Saturday I will not make my goal of 5000 - 6000 yards for the week. I go into the pool, and decide that I will skip the drills, and do the distance a little different. I wind up swimming 800 yards, focusing mainly on form and doing 50 yards, 15 seconds of rest then another 50 yards. This worked well, and was very relaxing. 4100 yards so far this week in the pool. I even let myself do one lap of breast stroke. I did not enjoy it as it was slow. I am becoming a freestyle convert.

Time for dinner, and some time with the family, and some much deserved rest. We will see what life brings tomorrow. Whatever it is, it might be good, it might be bad, but it will just be another day in this adventure called life.

Ten In A Row, WTF Is Wrong With Me!

2008-07-30T18:00:00.001-07:00

So, I decided to sleep in this AM. I still woke up at 04:15, but my body said "Dude, you need some sleep!" I dozed in and out of slumber until 07:00. I can tell you that the benefit of this exercise over the last couple of years is sleep! When I was at my heaviest, I know that I would wake up choking on my uvula! I have not done that since losing 40 pounds! It is so nice to actually sleep!

When I was working for Satan's company, (they have the Death Star for a logo) sleep was not possible! It was work, work, and to heck with sleep do some more work! I was lost. I would solve problems in my broken sleep. Get up, write down the solution or log on and fix it before I forgot the solution. This is not a healthy lifestyle.

I feel guilty for not going to the pool this morning, but the extra rest was awesome! I arrive at work, and feel ready to accomplish something. I have a site going live on Monday, so it is time to bring up the router and the LAN. I am looking forward to it even though it will require some extra time today. Wednesday's are meeting days for me. Projects in the domestic US, and Latin America. I plug through the first half a day, and am losing focus. Time for a workout!

I head to the pool and knock out my 1100 yards for my week two workout. I am not beautiful in the water yet, but I am not the ugly child I was three weeks ago. I marvel at how far a little effort and some help can improve one's abilities. I even allow myself to enjoy the steam room after my workout. I find that subjecting myself to the steam room helps get the chlorine off my skin. I head back to work refreshed and invigorated.

I attend my two Latin American project meetings, while planning for the WAN turn up on my domestic US project. My meetings end up and I am in another conference call for the day, my fifth. We get new cards installed, and I get an email from my soon to be Ironman (woman) finisher, Kimmi! She asks me to go for a ride tonight, but I have to forgo the opportunity as I am working late, and more importantly, my girls are coming home tonight! We get the router up and working, but the WAN team has not configured the LAN interfaces. Oh well, we can knock that out in the AM. Time to go get some precious hugs from all three of my girls!

Get home, get smiles and more importantly hugs from the three people I don't deserve in my life! I am rich beyond measure! I am unworthy of these three ladies. They love me regardless of my ineptitude, my failings, and my self imposed limitations. There is nothing in life like seeing joy in the eyes of your child!

Ten days in a row working out, is not an accomplishment. Being loved, and loving in return is what makes this trip worthwile.

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. - John Andrew Holmes

Add especially if they are your children,and the woman that gave them to you, and you have the perfect quote!

Short and Sweet

2008-07-29T18:25:00.001-07:00

Not much to blog about today. Up at 04:15. Leave the house by 05:00. Swim for one hour and 15 minutes. 2200 yards this week. Nine straight days of working out. Get ready to go to work.

On the topic of nine straight days of some kind of physical exertion. if you would have told me two years ago that I would actually like doing this again, I would have told you that you were Nucking Futs! But it has become part of my life, and I enjoy it.

Get through my day, without too many bumps. Eat lunch around 16:00. I did have breakfast at 07:00, and I had a snack at 10:30, but then I got involved in meetings and the like. Glad that the day is over.

I am tired and I am going to bed soon. 04:00 will be here again very soon.

Great Morning, Rough Day, Bad Movie, and a Great Date, All In All Life Is Good!

2008-07-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this morning started out with Jenny waking me up at 04:15 CDT. She is normally up at this time to get ready for work. The kids are off with their grandparents to head up to Bemidji for a couple of days. Last week Jenny and I made plans to make this a date night. Dating when married is always a challenge, but very important. With that being said, I groggily roll out of bed, grab a shower to wake up and head to the gym as Jenny leaves for work. We both commented before leaving that the house was feeling humid.

I need to be consistent with my swimming as I want to get about 5000 - 6000 yards a week in the pool. I really want to improve at this, and am really enjoying this undertaking. I get to the gym, and am in the pool when most sane folks are just waking up.

I still have my drills to do and this week, the 4 x 100's are now 5 x 100's with only 30 seconds between 100's. To say that pacing myself is important is obvious. I think they went really well. When I remembered to go slow and roll side to side, it was almost effortless to pull my large frame through the water. When I start to get lazy and don't practice good technique, it gets harder. I even have the epiphany of seeing the stroke come together that the DVD has been discussing and Bob was trying to get me to do. If you are on your side with the stroke, you can lead with your elbow instead of reaching for the air.

With the workout done, I get ready to go to work. As I get to my truck, I suddenly remember about the air conditioner, and a previous issue where it felt humid in the house. I bet the compressor outside is full of cotton wood. I better go home and spray it down with the hose so that it does not overheat.

I get home, and find that the compressor is not too bad. I spray it down anyway and go down to check the furnace. The furnace is frosted up, so I shut it down. Before doing that, I notice that the blower is not putting out any air. Well, maybe when it thaws, it will be okay.

I log on to work from home and send the email that I will be online from here. I forward my desk phone to my cell, and proceed with my normal work activities. I am able to concentrate, and am very productive at home. After about an hour and 45 minutes, I go turn the unit on as the frost is all gone. No blower engagement.

I stop and think... I can turn the furnace on and see if it comes on with the heat on. No dice! It heats up, and then when the blower goes to engage, "click" and it shuts down. This is going to cost me. Call the repair man and go back to work. I am so happy to be able to work from home when necessary. I am so fortunate as a contractor that my employer allows this opportunity.

I am still on track for being able to go out with Jenny to a movie and dinner. So the day while not fun still has promise.

The repair man gets here and I explain the issue. He heads down to the furnace, and after the description of the problem and seeing what model it is, tells me; "You are not going to be happy." He has not even opened the furnace to look at it yet. "How bad is it?" I ask. He says "this is the most expensive part I keep in stock." This unit's blower unit board is notorious for going out. It is a design flaw with a weak resistor. Sure enough, he opens the unit up, pulls five or six screws out and pulls the suspect part out. The resistor is burned in two. Luckily, he has two on the truck. He puts the new improved part with a better resistor in and the furnace blower motor comes to life. He tops of the refrigerant, and he is on his way out the door with $600 in his pocket.

Jenny comes home and we are out the door to go to the movie she picked out. "Momma Mia", now this looks like it could be entertaining from the trailers. I enjoy a good ABBA tune as much as the next person, but after this movie I am not sure to ever enjoy another.

If they cut out about 10 - 15% of the singing and progressed the movie to the end it could have been tolerable. At one point during the movie as Jenny is sitting next to me laughing hysterically, I ask; "How many cute and cuddly puppies did I kill in a past life to be subjected to this?" She continues to laugh and I want to cry.

There are some funny parts to the movie, but not enough to ever subject myself to this nightmare again. Thankfully the movie ends... Oh wait, they reserved two more crappy tunes for the end as the credits roll. I cannot get out of the theater fast enough. I have enjoyed seeing Jenny laugh and have a good time, but I am ready to go have dinner.

Jenny asks where I would like to go eat. We used to live in the apartments by the theater, and used to frequent a little restaurant called Giuseppe Italian Ristorante. We have not been there since we moved into our house. As this is not far from the theater, I suggest we go there for dinner. We laugh and talk about the movie. She really enjoyed it, and she is enjoying laughing at my misery of sitting through this debacle. We stroll down memory lane of past visits to this establishment when we did not have two nickels between us. We have a very nice quiet dinner together.

Life is not all about the good things. Sometimes it is the bad or difficult that make you find perspective. I am grateful that the furnace/AC issues did not ruin the opportunity to have a great night with the woman that loves me for some odd reason. I am thankful for grandparents that take their grandchildren on short vacations. I am thankful for my children and miss them when they are gone. I don't deserve all the good that I have found in my life over the last couple of years, but I am thankful for gaining the perspective to recognize it.

Double Duty Day.

2008-07-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

I am beat! I left work early today, becuase I could not focus on anything after lunch. I was physically tired, but I knew a workout might revive me enough to finish the day off later this evening from home. Since my gym is on .5 miles from work, and I had a 17:00 CDT appointment with my trainer, I decided to go get my swim out of the way and then be ready for my weight training session.

The swim workout went well. It was not flawless, but one should not expect it to be after only three weeks. It is still improving, and I am thouroughly enjoying seeing the results in the pool, and physically. It is amazing how much tone you get out of swimming. My chest, shoulders, triceps, lats, and traps are starting to pop. We will see if I start to loose my neck if my traps continue to grow. When I played football, I did not have a neck, my traps extended from my ears to my shoulders.

I really focused in the pool. Funny how I could not focus at work anylonger, but a few laps in the pool brought me right back on task. I finished my swim training in about an hour to and hour and fifteen. This is the second swimming session, that I have not used a single breast stroke in the pool!!!! Bob told me that for the next few weeks, I am not allowed to use that stroke. So far, I have been able to avoid it. The comfort level is increasing with the freestyle. Awesome as this is why I am working on this so early. So far this week, 3000 yards in the pool!

I went back into the locker room. Showered, and put on my gym shorts, tennis shoes, and TNT shirt and headed up to meet my trainer. Tami is a riot. She likes to pick on me in a good way. She has trouble keeping count, so I have keep her honest. If she makes me do a few extra reps, it is not that big a deal, as the benefit is mine. I am not looking to bulk up at all. I only want to get lean and toned. I am not looking to get buff, only continue to loose my spare tire.

Tami proceeds to put me through a good work out. I am a little shaky in the legs, and I can feel my abs. I taught her a new trick for core work outs. We used the half ball, and tossed the medicine ball back and forth while rotating the torso, and squatting down then standing back up. I learned this one from Bob again. It is amazing how many little muscles fire off as you do this routine. I even got her to try it, and she liked it. It was fun to turn the tables if only for a few minutes.

Well, I need to got get something to eat. Log on to work, and finish out my day.

Don’t be frightened if things seem difficult in the beginning … the important thing is not to retreat; you have to master yourself. This ability to conquer oneself is no doubt the most precious of all the things sports bestows upon us. - Olga Korbut

This was double duty day it was difficult. It will pay results in the future.

Going to Church...

2008-07-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. I went to my church tonight, the church of the bike. I cannot take credit for the church of the bike line. I read it on a friend of a friends blog, but it struck home.

My bike and time on the road is my church. I find that every issue, every struggle and every difficult situation fade when I am grinding out the miles.

I have not ridden as much as I did last year this season. I am still averaging about 50 miles a week, but no where near the 100 a week I did last season. Marathon training destroyed my climbing legs, so I have not ventured over to visit that BEAWTCH in Stillwater called Mrytle. And that other Son of a BEAWTCH named Chillykoot. I will get there before the snow flies, but my big engine prefers to climb the hills in the cold weather!!!! Still hard work, but I need not fear overheating.

I work with a lady name Liz, who lives about two miles from me. She has been asking me to go on a ride with her and show her the local bike trails. So tonight, we went for a ride. Liz did amazing hammering out nine to nine and a half miles. She really seemed to enjoy the trip. I dropped her off at her house, and then figured that I better get home as I had not eaten dinner yet and it was getting on toward 20:00 CDT. I figured I could hammer out the 2.1 miles in about 10 to 15 minutes.

By the time I got back to a mile from home, I had a decision to make... Go home and get something to eat or (insert eyebrow wiggle here), Go around the lake and add about five more miles to my ride pretty much wide open.... HMMMMMM, Decisions, Decisions. This is not a hard one to work out. Of course I added the distance. The light turned green and off I went. Cranking the pedal arms and up shifting until I had 21 miles an hour and Mr. Endorphin-Rush came a calling. Get to the next light 1.5 miles up the road down shift, make my right turn and oh boy there is a rabbit out in front of me.

A rabbit in my vernacular is another cyclist that has no idea he is now the target of my obsession. This is someone for me to catch and try to pass. I haul this poor son of a gun in over the next quarter mile and pass him on a hill. At about this time, my heart rate monitor is reading 162 beats a minute. Time to reel this rodeo in and settle it back down to zone 3 and closer to 2. 160 beats a minute is my anaerobic threshold. This is where I start burning sugar instead of fat. So, I let off my pedals and enjoy the coast to my next right turn.

Turn completed. Oh boy, another rabbit!!! Up shift and hammer out 23 miles an hour over the next quarter to half mile. This rabbit is a little faster than the last. Fly by this one and then the old ticker is tapping out 165 BPM. Time to enjoy all the stored energy in my tires. Another right turn, and long coast around a sweeping left. Bet you were starting to think this was a backwards Nascar race; ride hard turn right! One more mile to home.

I pull in the drive way only completing 16 miles, but loving ever revolution of the tires. Put up the garage door store the thoroughbred in the garage, and walk in the house to find out it is only 19:30 CDT. Whoa Hooo still time to go catch a grown up beverage at the Daddy Pop Shop.

Open my reward, sit down and write my thoughts from church down. Maybe beer is not part of the sacrament, but all my sins were washed away on the road. All my worries are gone for the night. I'm all smiles and happy to be on this crazy marble called Earth.

Find your church. Visit your church often. Enjoy the heck out of it. Live, Love, and Laugh with all your heart. Nothing can be wrong with that.

Breast Self Exams and Panic!!!!

2008-07-22T19:54:00.001-07:00

I work as a contractor for a company that has a gym at each building. During this high fuel cost summer, and driving a F150 pickup, I am riding my bike 2 to 3 times a week to work. It is nice to have the option to save some money, and get some exercise.

I bought a commuter bike for this task. As I did not want to put a pannier rack on my road bike. That bike is strictly for freedom and speed. The commuter bike is a Giant FCR2. The FCR1 has a little nicer component set on it, but the FCR2 is perfect for commuting. The ride from home is 8 miles roughly, and at about a 14 mile an hour pace takes approximately 40 minutes, door to door having to stop for traffic lights.

So before cycling to work, I stop by the gym and ask if it is okay to commute to work via bicycle and take a shower in the locker room. I am told yes it is okay, but as I do not have a membership, I will need to provide my own towel. No problem with that. I tour the locker room, so that I know which one is the guys, and where the showers are.

so the first morning, I decide to ride to work, I pack my bike up with my pannier bags loaded with my laptop bag, and a duffel bag with clothes. One would not think that this would be that much weight, but remarkably, it does weigh a lot. I ride over to work without too many incidents. Only a couple of close calls with motorists not paying attention or not being awake in the morning. I can take bike paths the whole way, but only use them in the real dangerous areas as going up and down the curbs is tricky with the extra weight.

I get to work and un-encumber my ride. I wander downstairs to my desk and drop off my laptop bag. Grab my duffel full of clothes, and my shaving kit with my toiletries and head off to the gym which is only one hallway over from my work station.

I check the sign as I enter the men's locker room, and prepare for my shower. I disrobe, and grab my towel and head into the shower. Of course, I take my glasses off as I head to the shower. Now, I only have an astigmatism, but this vision issue causes everything to loose it's edge and words fuzz together. I put my towel on a hook, and turn the shower on. I get under the water, and turn around to get my back wet. I notice some placards on the hooks next to my towel. They look like "Do Not Disturb" signs you hang on a hotel room door. With my vision impairment, I am not able to read them from the eight feet away. So I wander over to investigate what the heck they say.

To my shock and horror, they are breast self examination instructions, complete with female pictographs. Not to say that I am afraid of the female breast, but I am now questioning if I am not asleep much like the motorists that almost have hit me this morning. Let's just say that the pucker factor went from zero to 100 in about .0005 seconds. Am I standing naked in the ladies locker room shower? Oh Christ, how could I mess up this bad! I am only a contractor, if someone walks in I am sure to get shit canned for this kind of mistake! Oh hell, what am I to do? Screw it, I am past the point of no return on this one. Hurry up shower, and hope to hell no ladies come in.

To say I now posses the land speed record in showering, is an understatement. I fly across the shower, lather up and rinse off before the water and soap have a chance to hit my body in under 30 seconds. Fly across the shower, grab my towel, swipe it across my body, and sprint towards my clothes. I throw my briefs on, and pull my trousers up, and can feel my heart racing. This shower is turning into a better cardio workout than the ride to work. Just as I get my trousers up but not buttoned, I hear the door crack open.... "Ah, ah, just.... ah... moment!" I say. Around the corner walks a man. I must have let out an audible gasp, because he looks up and says "Are you okay?" I reply in a tremulous voice "Yeah, I am okay... but can you tell me why the hell there are breast self exam cards in the men's locker room?" The guy laughs and replies "There are?" I come back with the witty retort of "Hell yes! I thought I was in the wrong damn locker room! "We both have a good laugh, and I finish getting ready for the days work.

When I get back to my desk, I swear to God, it took a good 30 minutes to get my heart rate back down to normal. I shared my misfortune with my co-workers, which all got a good laugh at my expense.

I did learn that day, that some men do contract breast cancer. Apparently men that are more androgynous and have more female hormons are at risk, so the AMA has recommended that this group of men perform breast self exams. Who knew? I certainly did not!

Everytime I enter the locker room at work though, I am now conditioned to make sure that it says Men's on the door. I don't think my heart could take another jolt like it did that morning!

Swimming, Floundering and Drinking The Pool

2008-07-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

I started swimming to prepare for the triathlon in July 2009 on July 4, 2008. Why so early one might ask? Well, it is simple; I suck at swimming. While I might be as big as a whale, I am no where near as graceful! But seriously, I want to be efficient at swimming, so I don't waste all of my energy in the water before I get on my bike. So I joined a different gym that gives me access to a pool 24 hours a day.

On July 4, I decided that a good first goal would be 10 laps. A lap for those that don't know is two lengths of the pool. The pool is 25 yards long, so a lap equals 50 yards. I tried the freestyle stroke, also known as the front crawl. It looked more like someone had put the Tasmanian Devil in the water with an electrode attached to a 220 volt electrical source than swimming. After about 25 yards of churning up the water, I went back to my old standby stroke the breast stroke. Everything smoothed out and I was able to do 12 laps. Not bad, but not the most efficient stroke to swim over the mile that is part of an Olympic distance tri.

I sent out a plea for help, and it was answered by my friend Bob. Bob is the coach from my cycle event with TNT. Bob is a former high school swimmer, and has completed the Wisconsin Ironman. Bob is one of the most giving people that I have ever met. He possesses so much knowledge, and is willing to share it in an understandable way.
Bob suggested that I check out Total Immersion Swimming DVD's. I bought the DVD and it made an instant impact.

While I now was able to swim 50 yards with the crawl, I knew that I would still have a lot of work to prepare to swim 1760 yards, or 1 mile. I would still revert to my old standby when I panicked in the water. I was swimming about 20 laps now most by breast stroke by day 14 of my swimming practice. I was still practicing the drills from the TI swimming DVD, and noticing some more relaxed progress.

Bob hit me up by a text message to see how things were going. He offered to meet me at my gym and give me some pointers. We met tonight, and needless to say, he taught me some more drills, and I got the best swimming workout I have had. We did drills for about and hour, with me drinking most of the pool. I would do 25 or 50 yards, and he would ask me what I was doing poorly. I either had my head too high, or was not rolling side to side enough, or mainly not rolling enough when I had my right arm extended. The good thing was that I was able to recognize with his instruction what was wrong with any given lap on my own.

After drills, Bob had me swim 4X100's with 60 seconds off, and then back to work. So essentially swim four 25 yard lengths, take 60 seconds off, and then repeat three more times. After the first 100 yards, I thought I was going to die! During the recovery period, Bob told me you started too fast, you have to pace yourself. Bob has told me this for the last year. I do the same damn thing on a bike. I am off like a rocket, and then limping home.

On the second four lengths, the first two went fairly well. The last two the form started to slip, so the effort increased. Rest for my precious 60 seconds, and the start of the third set. I wont say that I breezed through it, but I really focused on torso twist so my belly button was facing the walls on each stroke. I was stretching way out, and this one felt better. Rest for 60 wonderful seconds, and then the final set of the four. Somehow I made it through the last set. I only really remember the final 25 yards thinking if I swallow one more mouthful of this pool, they are going to have to refill it tonight.

I am severely more tired than I have been from swimming the breast stroke, but that is why I am doing this. I want to be prepared for all 1760 yards next July.

I am also receiving assistance from a co-worker named Barb. She is always willing to answer my silly questions related to swimming.

Nobody gets through life alone. If you have questions ask them. There truly is no silly question, but the one not asked.