39 Wow, HTF Did That Happen?

Today, I am 39. HTF did that happen? I am as confused as you are. I have no idea how I got from 18 when I graduated from highschool (on my bday), to 39. I mentally don't feel any older than 18 maybe even 16. I am starting to notice differences in recovery after working out, but mentally, I am still ready to go.

The only positive that I can point out is that I am still here. I am more focused than I was at 18. I know that I have ability, and maybe even a little courage. At 18, I was all bravado and no action! At 39, there is a more action and less fear. I am not afraid of failing, but more afraid of inaction! I am not made of substance, but of desire. I desire change in the world. I desire change in myself. I want better for the future.

I accept that I probably have more wake ups behind me than I do ahead of me! That is not as morose as it sounds. It is reality. I am not promised tomorrow, so I have to live today. I will be unemployed as of Friday. I accept that as I did the risk of contracting for employment. Fortunately for me, my contractual employment company is interested in bringing me back to work. I most likely will only be unemployed for 60 days. I have no regrets! This change was what I needed to make me and the world around me better.

Two years ago on this day I was 37 and just finishing up the largest success of my life. I had ridden Tahoe, "the death ride" in under 10 hours. I had found the man who I could be and was. I had found a purpose that I am still living for. Together we will find a cure for blood cancer. Me through physical engagement and more importantly you through financial backing. I am not laid to eternal sleep yet. I have not yet earned that privilege. I have more to give, and more to learn!

I took this day for myself. Normally at this time, I am either engaged in beating myself into success as I have asked you to back me in some foolish yet worthwhile endeavor or, I am recovering from an event. I apologize for skipping a workout to indulge in 39 years of existence. In actuality, it is only three years of life. I say only three years of life, because I was able to find my humanity and worth on June 3, 2007! I left a little of myself on the climb up Spooner Junction on the mountain. In leaving a little of myself on the mountain, and accepting my human weakness was I able to see that I have value. I was able to strip the self pitying worthless cadaver off and let my potential shine through. It is there in all of us if we dig deep enough.

I am still not sure how I made it 39 years in this world, as weak as I am. Maybe it was some part of a grand plan that is not written in totality. Either way, I have commitments to honor, and goals to reach. Thirty-nine, HTF did that happen! How did I waste 36 years! Why am I such a slow learner? All I can hope is that I get another 36 years to make up for the wasted time. If not, I was afforded the opportunity to realize some of my potential while still on earth.

Thanks for reading the rant of a person fast approaching 40. Laugh at it as I do. I used to think 40 was ancient. Now I am hoping it is only nearing mid-life. Either way, I have actually lived a few of my years prior to 40! Hopefully my stories will encourage others to find some fire in their bellies and thus benefit their fellows. In truth, that is the only way to immortality!