I Am Again

I am going back to TNT again for a fourth year. I am mentoring the Tahoe cycle team. I have been lacking focus and in need of a goal. My goal is to become a stronger man than I am, by helping others find their own success.

While this may sound arrogant. There is no arrogance in having the goal. I am simple. I am just a guy with an ability to pedal a bike. I hope there is more in the reservoir than that. I am not a natural leader. I don't find that I have the skills to inspire others by mere deeds. I know that I have a message through what TNT has taught me. I know that the funds raised will lead to a cure. I know that this cure will come through others hard work and none of my own. My contribution will be my words and my action. Others with talent and ability will be the true contributors. Those that have parted with their money will have played a more important role than mine. I will be satisfied with that.

I am starting to feel the glow of an ember that I know that will grow. To have fear of failure has become natural and necessary. I cannot lie and tell you that I have become comfortable with fear. I just know that when I am not afraid, I am not alive. This does not mean that I will be bungee jumping, or sky diving in this lifetime.

My fear is focused on helping others. How can a lug like me add value? I can ask you to partner with me and believe in my humble abilities. I can sweat, cramp, hurt, and reach for a dream. The dream is an end to cancer in any form. The dream is that no parent of any age will bury a child from this disease. No sibling will mourn the loss of one whom they have known for a lifetime.

I am again throwing my self on the tracks. I am again asking for help. I am again going to reach beyond what is rational in a day. I am again, feeling. I am nervous, scared, hopeful, inspired, and willing. Simply, I am again, alive.