TNT Cycle Team 2010 AMBBR

I am going back to Tahoe! I have four miles out there that need to be ridden. Well, there is 100 total, but four that I have to conquer. I have my site up for donations again. Please visit:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/ambbr10/mmcelyea

I don't know why I need these challenges to make me feel alive. I need to push myself physically to find my place in the world. I need to put others ahead of myself to feel that my contributions matter. It took a long time to figure this piece of the puzzle out in my life. I never realized that by helping others, it would help me the most. I feel things more deeply. I find patience that I sometimes lack. I find that by facing failure of a mere physical test I gain perspective and a sense of purpose.

I ask that for one more time you stand with me and fight blood cancer. That is the real reason for these endeavors it to end it's existence.

Bogota, Colombia Dia Uno y Dos.

So, I make my second trip to South America. I have to be honest that I was a bit intimidated by this one. We are told that the only thing to come out of Colombia is a white powder. We are told that it is a dangerous environment. We are told that it is not a safe place. I have to tell you that on my first day here, I was afraid to venture out for fear of being kidnapped or whatever because of what the media has told me. I stayed in my hotel room and worked because of fear.

On my second day my work was to start in earnest. I was met in the lobby of my hotel by a new friend Diego P. Deigo assured me that where I am staying is safe. We walked to the office which was right around the corner. I was introduced to some of my Colombian co-workers and they all were very warm and welcoming. We then needed to go to a meeting at the new office that we are building. Security is very important here. You see armed solders. You see armed police. You see private security and K9 units everywhere. You are checked into and out of buildings. But you are always met with a smile and a Beun Dia. The meeting is a success with several more through out the day that were also successful. I am afraid that my biases have made me miss a day of meeting new people and experiencing new things. I am sorry that my fear got in the way of this.

Work was long. Eleven hours on Monday and a total of eighteen hours in two days. I am tired and having difficulty sleeping. I am only on Eastern Time Zone, but I have a lot to accomplish in only 5 days. We went out for dinner at around 20:00. We went to the Bogota Beer Company, and it was a blast. One of my Minnesota co-workers came down. To show you how small the world is, this lady worked at Deluxe at the same time I did. This came out when we were discussing "six degrees of separation". How everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by no more than six people. We know a lot of the same people from Deluxe. Small world I guess!

Later on in the evening after telling war stories, I mentioned that I went to Augsburg College. And she started to laugh. She graduated from Augsburg five years after I did. Again the world is smaller. Diego was a great host. I am looking forward to tomorrow and the new experiences I am to gain by putting aside my biases against Colombia. It truly is a place of beauty in the Andes.

The new office has many great views of the Andes mountain range. It should be raining here right now, but has not since I have been here. They will be seeing a water shortage if it does not start raining soon. I am wondering how these people will get any work done with the views they have from their work stations.

It is odd to me to see Christmas lights when I am walking around in short sleeves and no jacket. To see Papa Noel a.k.a Santa Clause. To see arbol de navidad a.k.a Christmas Trees. We are all alike on this marble. We all have hopes and dreams. We all have fears. You would think after all my fears I have conquered that I would be smart enough to always enter a new experience with an open mind... I still have some growing up to do I guess.

I am truly going to embrace my next two days here. I will still try to habla Espaniol. It is getting easier. Diego encourages me to make mistakes. Apparently I say orange the wrong way in Spanish and it refers to female genitalia the way I say it. Oh well, that is the price I must pay to learn so I will continue to strive for correctness. I learned tonight that busette may mean bus in Colombia, but in the rest of Latin America it means whore. I also learned that you have to be careful with other harmless words depending on which country you are in they can be construed very differently.

This second trip to South America, continues to deepen my affection for it's people. They live life to the fullest. They know when to work, but more importantly, they know when to stop the work and live life to it's fullest. I can claim that I have visited three of it's countries, even if Brazil was only for two hours. I have not met one person that has been rude or mean to me. They seem very open and willing to share what they have.

So again in South America, I am working long hours. I am being taught valuable life lessons. I am achieving things which I have no ability to achieve. I am content with my day and my place in it. I need to make this an everyday occurance. Funny when I am not training for something bigger than myself, I still see myself as not worthy of the space I occupy. Funny that a place that I feared, has once again opened my eyes. Funny that I need fear to teach me these great lessons.

Gracias a ti Colombia!!!

I Am Again

I am going back to TNT again for a fourth year. I am mentoring the Tahoe cycle team. I have been lacking focus and in need of a goal. My goal is to become a stronger man than I am, by helping others find their own success.

While this may sound arrogant. There is no arrogance in having the goal. I am simple. I am just a guy with an ability to pedal a bike. I hope there is more in the reservoir than that. I am not a natural leader. I don't find that I have the skills to inspire others by mere deeds. I know that I have a message through what TNT has taught me. I know that the funds raised will lead to a cure. I know that this cure will come through others hard work and none of my own. My contribution will be my words and my action. Others with talent and ability will be the true contributors. Those that have parted with their money will have played a more important role than mine. I will be satisfied with that.

I am starting to feel the glow of an ember that I know that will grow. To have fear of failure has become natural and necessary. I cannot lie and tell you that I have become comfortable with fear. I just know that when I am not afraid, I am not alive. This does not mean that I will be bungee jumping, or sky diving in this lifetime.

My fear is focused on helping others. How can a lug like me add value? I can ask you to partner with me and believe in my humble abilities. I can sweat, cramp, hurt, and reach for a dream. The dream is an end to cancer in any form. The dream is that no parent of any age will bury a child from this disease. No sibling will mourn the loss of one whom they have known for a lifetime.

I am again throwing my self on the tracks. I am again asking for help. I am again going to reach beyond what is rational in a day. I am again, feeling. I am nervous, scared, hopeful, inspired, and willing. Simply, I am again, alive.

Trying To Find Focus

I am struggling. I have stated that I do not want to be negative and that I don't want to get down on myself. In my typical fashion, I am finding trouble finding a new goal. It is not that they are not out there, it is just that I am not focusing.

I want to lose more weight, but I don't seem willing to give up things to do it. I cannot find drive to get to the gym and push myself. I find myself getting to the gym and just going through the motions. Swimming a 1000 yards seems a chore. I have not been on my bike outside because the weather has just plain been blah! I am hoping to get out this weekend for a couple of short rides.

I want to make a positive contribution, as I find that this brings me happiness. I want to continue my participation with TNT, but I am afraid that by having done a marathon, a century, and a triathlon that I will find there is no fear of failure.

Funny that I need that fear to find the drive to push myself. What does that mean? Is that my perfectionist mentality shining through? I have stretched myself through three years of physical challenges. I have learned so much about myself and my capabilities that I am amazed that I am experiencing this lack of focus. Maybe it is natural to come from such a high to wondering what can I do next. I am not interested in bettering my times in these events as it was never about the time, it was about completing what I set out to do to earn your sponsorship.

I am hoping to find focus. I need to find the appropriate challenge to commit to. I am debating going back to century riding, because that is truly what I love. It is not about the finish, but enjoying the ride. My riding has suffered over the last two years with the marathon and the triathlon. I am still a strong rider, but I know that I am so much better than I have produced over the last two years.

I am debating trying to mentor for the cycle season and go back to Tahoe and ride all 100 miles of that course. I don't want to shirk my responsibilities as a parent, so I need to really talk this over with Jenny and the kids. I am afraid if I don't do this, that I will be letting something important to me fade. Sometimes it is hard to find the right application of effort. I know I am most efficient when I am happy and feel like I am making a difference.

Maybe the focus is there, but fear of commitment is the root of the problem. Maybe it is over thinking and not just deciding on a course of action and implementing a plan to make it a reality. I will have to find my way. I will have to decide.

Been Away For A While

Well, I have been away for a while. Not much has been happening since completing the triathlon that I have felt like writing about.

Thankfully, I am back to work after my 60 day hiatus. The time off was nice, but it was also harder than I would have thought. It is amazing that you have all that time, but you need to be money conscious. We made it through it okay, but I can't say that I would want to do it again anytime soon.

The kids are busy with school and soccer. They are both playing, and seem to be having fun. Issy got her first point this last weekend. She got an assist by making a nice pass. I was not there to see it as I was over at E's game. E's team played to a zero to zero tie. It was a fun game to watch!

Jenny is keeping track of us all. Somehow, she is getting to the Girl Scout meetings, and soccer games. She is even doing a cardio groove class at the community center. I am so proud of her for signing up for that. She seems to be enjoying her Monday nights away.

I have officially become a MacBook Pro owner. I love this thing. I have never worked on a more forgiving and intuitive machine in my life. It just makes things so much easier than a Windows machine. Never thought I would become a convert this easy. I have wanted to get one for the last two years, and finally bit the bullet. Wish I had pulled the trigger on this a long time ago. Maybe now I can do some fun things with all the photos I have. Never could figure out some of those photo software packages.

Well, I hope to get back into blogging more often again. Still swimming and biking, but have let the running slack. Trying to figure out what challenge is next. Hoping all is well for those of you who still check this site out from time to time.

Life Time Olympic Triathlon Complete

A journey started five plus months ago is now complete. I finished the challenge. I pursued the third event in my personal triple crown and through hard work and dedication it was a success. The success is not that I finished; it is that I was able to have all of you behind me.

I was able to say I am going to do this in honor of my sister and grandfather and I asked you to come along for the journey. You responded yet again and said we will back you. The funds will go to Leukemia research, but in the fight against cancer, lessons are learned from this research and are then are used to fight other forms of this terrible disease.

The day started at 02:00. Wake up. Force myself to eat. Get ready mentally as I had packed all my gear the night before. Load the truck. Rack the bike on the truck. Find some serenity that the three year long journey was resolving itself today. I had a voice in its outcome, but I needed to accept the outcome either way.

Jenny had volunteered to staff a cheering station on the course. I would see here once on the bike, and twice on the run. To have someone willing to sacrifice their time in your belief is humbling. She has been more than supportive of this endeavor and all the time it has taken. She jumped in the truck with me and we were off at 03:27.

I have been driving to lake Nokomis most of the season, and have been taking 35E to 77 (Ceder Ave) to the parkway. I am directionally challenged, and have no fear in admitting it. Jenny suggested that we take 494 over to 77. This saved about 15 – 20 minutes, and alleviated a lot of the anxiety I was starting to feel on the drive over. I needed to be onsite by 04:30 to get body marked.

Body marking is when they write your race number on your arms and your age on your calf. Then I needed to stage my transition area. Get my running shoes ready. Get my bike ready. Get my helmet et all ready. This extra time gained through her suggestion was a blessing.

After all of the staging was complete, I was able to help some of my TEAMmates stage their areas. I was glad to be able to assist and assuage some of their anxiety as my wife had gifted me with the extra time.

Time for a TEAM photograph to commemorate the experience. Time to center myself and find the courage to actually start the race.

I was to start with the second wave of Clydesdales. A Clydesdale is anyone over 200 pounds that is doing a triathlon. I more than qualify. The second wave was to start at 07:15. I wandered down to the lake for a brief warm up swim. The water is 74.8 degrees Fahrenheit and very pleasant. Swim a few hundred yards and call it good.

07:15 the horn sounds and I am off into the water. The first leg of the swim is into the sun. I am having one hell of a time sighting due to the sun. The buoys are green. The water is green. There are people with green swim caps. It was very difficult to stay on course. I was not able to swim a straight line to save my life. I had no panic moments in the water. The year of preparation paid dividends in that area. I probably swam 1.2 miles over the 0.9-mile course due to corrections in my route. I was able to relax and get through the distance and enjoy the swim. I would have never thought this possible after my first swim July 4, 2008. Reaching the beach and being able to stand was an awesome experience. I should have swum in a little further, but terra firma has never been so beautiful! Roughly 46 minutes for the swim. I was planning on 30 – 45 minutes. Not to bad an estimate.

Transition one running up from the beach through the sand was not as difficult as I was expecting. This was probably due to the after glow of accomplishing something I have been working toward for over a year now. I get to my bike. I put my socks on. Get my bike shoes on. Get my glasses on, (God it is nice to be able to see clearly again). Get my helmet on. Un-rack the bike and jog to the exit of transition.

I am planning on 1.5 to 2 hours on the 24.8 mile course. My plan is not to shoot the moon and hammer this out. I want to have legs left to run the 6.3 miles. On egress from the transition and inside of the first mile, I pass my father, mother, and my two daughters. I tell them I love them and will see them later. The wind was up a bit and it did cause a little duress. Nothing that could not be overcome through extra effort and the course will put it at my back once and a while. Look at my watch to gauge the distance covered and I am already 10 miles into the course. I am feeling very strong, but do not want to unleash the dogs yet. I get through the worst hills and get headed back to lake Harriett, start my trip around Harriett and I only have five miles left. I let the dogs loose and start to pass people instead of being the one passed. I am encouraging others, as I believe that the give and take of positive affirmation when doing an endurance event is an important part of the journey. I am thanking the volunteers that are on the course throughout the ride. Without them, none of this experience is possible. I finish my ride in approximately 1.5 hours with an average pace of 15.8 miles an hour.

Before I know it I am back to transition two and ready to start the run. I need to ditch my tri-suit jersey as it is chaffing my arms terribly. Luckily I had placed my marathon jersey in transition as a precaution. It was partly narcissistic, as the tri-suit jersey likes to climb up and reveal my rotund protuberance of a tummy. In the long run, I am so glad that the marathon jersey was there as it saved me a lot of pain. There would be plenty of that just from the running of 6.3 miles. I am estimating 1.5 to 2 hours of running.

I am able to transition fairly quickly into run shoes and said new shirt. I am out on the course and my kids and parents are there again. I will admit that I ran and walked the course. I have found that I can run a quarter mile and walk the next quarter mile interchangeably more comfortably than running straight through. The time difference over a mile is negligible so why not do this comfortably.

I get to Jenny’s cheer station, and keep moving. I continue to encourage others. My mantra becomes cold beer. I will get one of these when I cross the finish. I have a wristband that will allow me to procure this delightful reward.

I finish the first of two loops around lake Nokomis and start the second loop. My parents and children are gone. Isabelle has a party to go to and they have probably left to take her to that. I did miss them on this second loop. Friendly faces are always welcome. To have them be people you love, which have sacrificed so much for you to chase your dreams, who believe in you when you can’t believe in yourself is indescribable.

This is the second race that I have had loved ones at and it is definitely a morale boost to get to see them. I get back to Jenny’s cheer station, and I stop long enough to give her a kiss and a hug and I am only a mile away from the finish.

I find a fellow TEAMmate with a similar pace and we proceed to jog and chat. This was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I am able to finish my journey on the run. I pick up the pace over the last quarter mile. I am seeing my stronger TEAMmates who have finished before me, after starting behind me and they are all encouraging me to the finish. I cross the magic line that tells me I have completed what I set out to do for today. I have my very own personal moment where I bow my head and shed a few tears. Where the emotion came from I don’t know. I am not ashamed of it. I earned the right to have this emotion, and I am going to embrace it. Approximately 1.5 hours to cover 6.3 miles.

I am sure that it will eventually hit me in full that I have accomplished what few would dare at 300 pounds. I am not remarkable. I just was granted the gift of compassion. To all who have supported me in this journey, I cannot thank you enough. From coaches, TEAMmates, friends, and my family, none of this was possible without you. From your kind words of encouragement to me. To your generous contributions to an amazing cause that LLS is. You are truly the amazing ones, not me. I am merely a conduit for your compassion for others. Thank you for all of it!

Sincerely,


Marc

Century Rider
Marathon Walker
Olympic Distance Tri-athlete

http://www.peaktiming.com/2009LTF/ Bib number 271

Were You Brave Enough To...

I just finished watching Transformers the movie. There is a quote in there: "When you look back at your life 50 years from now, are you going to be able to say you were brave enough to get into the car?" While I don't plan on living another 50 years, I think I will be able to answer that question in the affirmative.

That is not as braggadocios as it sounds. I am a pretty timid person at my core. I don't risk much because of my fears of success and failure. Over the past three years, I have been able to put others needs in front of my own. I have found that by training for someone else is far more meaningful than training only for myself.

I have been able to stand my ground in the face of fear and overcome mere physical pain. My life is not at risk, but it has become more meaningful. Will St. Peter meet me upon my demise and roll out the red carpet? Probably not! I have many areas in my life that I need to correct before I am accorded that kind of treatment.

While this season waxes, I am still learning lessons. I am still finding value in who I am. I am still trying to put myself out there and open up. I am still trying to add value to those around me. I am still trying to show tangible bravery. I see all of these qualities in my TEAMmates and coaches. I still try to emulate these folks, because at the heart of it I know they exemplify these characteristics that I am trying to get to take root in my soul.

I hope that in a mere nine days to be able to add the third crown to my tripple. It will require, bravery, self sacrafice, desire, endurance and belief that I am worthy of completing the task that I accepted and said I would do to earn your sponsorship. I know you were all brave enough. Hopefully, I will be too.