Literal, Irrelevant, and Improving

As any of you that know me and have tried to explain anything to me, I am as literal as they come. You tell me something and prove it to me, this results in causing some flaw in my nature to hold it as gospel. This is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me to repeat the task over and over again. Where the curse comes in is when you ask me to change that course of action.

Tonight at a TEAM swim, my friend and coach told me that he needed me to stop rolling onto my back to breath. I learned this from the Total Immersion Swimming video course he recommended to me. Now, this is the way I have learned to swim comfortably, and successfully. We discussed it, and I told him I would try not to roll as far.

So I swim one lap this way, and I am pulling so hard with my right arm, I can feel my body bending at the waste so that I can see my toes behind me. I question him on it as this feels fine physically, but it goes against everything that I have been doing since July 4, 2008. Then we have another conversation about not rolling far enough onto my right side, (I only am able to breath with my left side in the water). We have to actually break it down so that I can understand what he is trying to convey. He wants me to continue to stack my hips on both sides, but when I breath, only role to 120 degrees instead of 180 degrees, (onto my back) when breathing with my left side in the water.

I swim another lap trying to focus on what he is looking for. Upon completion of that lap, he is satisfied with this, but wants a stronger punch into the water with my left arm. My left shoulder is the one that has been giving me trouble with pain. I have had shoulder problems forever since both have been damaged in hockey and football. I try to explain that I only have any real power in my right arm on a full swim stroke, the left is just there for decoration really as no power or forward progress comes from my left side. I try not to be negative and give what he wants a try.

I swim another length and a half, and "Pop" my left shoulder slips and I am in pain! I complete the half length with a worthless left arm. I say a few vulgarities as I exit the pool and try to get my shoulder to slip back to a normal alignment. This is not a dislocation, but it hurts. When this happens, you can feel and hear tissue grinding. It is not pleasant in oratory a nature nor physically. I stretch the muscles and try to pop the joint to relieve the ache. After taking a few minutes, I enter the pool again, and swim to the drop line in the pool where the depth increases, and realize that this is not feeling good. I stop and swim one arm bandit style back to the ladder and exit the pool. I'm done for the night.

I am angry as my discomfort is irrelevant. I know I can swim a mile even with a garbage left side. I go and shower off and try to calm my steaming temper. I am mad that my body interfered with what I was working on trying to accomplish. I get dressed back into my street clothes and go back to talk to my friend and coach.

He is concerned to know that I am okay. I'm honest and explain that I am pissed off, but not at him. I have a temper that matches my size and weight and nobody wants to be on the wrong side of that. I ask how I can improve without pulling on my left side. We find where I have strength on my left side. I have no strength until my arm is below my chest on the left side. There is no pain from breast bone to hip. We figure that I can get something out of my left side if I spaghetti arm it to my chest and then pop from the elbow to past my hip. We won't be trying this until my Sunday individual swim, but it will be the focus of that workout.

I don't like failure. But I will learn from this one, as I have learned from all of them. A few years ago, a set back like this would have crushed my gentle psyche. Yes, under my gruff large exterior lies a small and fragile ego. I know that the sheathing around that ego has grown in the last two years, and has given me the ability to learn from set backs.

In closing being literal is interesting. It can lead to immediate or delayed understanding. It causes one to ask questions and seek understanding. It can make one feel irrelevant, by making them feel slow on the pick up or silly for not getting it as quickly as others. It forces one to to improve because they will not quit until they understand the concept that is trying to be conveyed as they do not like feeling silly. I know that this is part of my make up and I am glad to have all of these attributes. It makes me who I am in all my glory and weakness.