Finding My Way This Season

With the season underway, I am finding my way. The TEAM is coalescing quickly. The training sessions are more about getting seat time and building up tolerance in the hind quarters. The trainings will increase in difficulty to build the legs up.

I find that when I am away from the schedule of participating with a TEAM that I lose focus on what is important. I have more free time in my schedule, but I waste it. Time becomes tight during the season, with work commitments, family commitments, and TEAM obligations. I find that I am a better time manager in a crunch for some reason. This is counter intuitive to me as I like to think that I like to be prepared for things in advance.

Maybe it is being surrounded by old friends, and gaining new ones that lends clarity to my mind. This along with burning off any excess energy and troubling issues being set aside for training sessions. The body is weary, but the mind is thriving. I am more creative and attentive during the season.

I'm finding my way this season and so far enjoying it immensely!

Let The Season Begin But Someone Is Missing

I am so happy that the season for TNT is kicking off finally. We had the kickoff party last Saturday, February 6, 2010!!!! Training starts tomorrow morning at the Southdale YMCA.

I am trying to get back into drinking water, water, and more water. Right now I am getting in about 64 - 96 ounces a day of free water. Staying hydrated is always key in keeping muscles from cramping and recovering. Not always the funnest thing to do, but necessary as my legs have not been getting as much spin time as necessary so the first couple of spin sessions will probably tax them a little bit.

I did challenge myself this week for the first time in a long time at the gym!!! I got in the pool and decided to see if I still had a mile in the tank. I started out real slow and steady, and after about 20 or 30 lengths, I got into a good steady rhythm and picked up a little speed. I am still not fast, but I was able to pull the 1800 yards in about 40 minutes. I was pretty stoked!!! Have been needing a challenge, and this fit the bill.

I am sorry to say that LLS and TNT lost a member of our family. Steve Berg, my co-mentor during 2008 passed away from a heart attack on February 1, 2010. Steve was one of those guys that just had a way of bringing out the best from those around him. He made my

job as a mentor easier because I knew that I had someone to bounce ideas off of and knew that I would get good feedback! Steve always was quick with a smile and a laugh. Steve always wore a green wig to have fun and encourage all those around him to have fun. He will be missed.

So Welcome To A New Year

I have not been writing as much. I have been working more than I should. I have taken somewhat of a hiatus from working out. I still get to the gym, but have not found that fire to push very hard. I have gone to Spin classes that last two Sunday's for 45 minutes of fun. I have enjoyed them. The legs are in good shape, it is the posterior that needs to be conditioned. It will come back, but oh so painful the day after.

I need to work out more. I need to do this because I have been crabby the last couple of days. When I work out, I don't have time to be crabby. I don't feel the need to be crabby. Thus I need to get to the gym and swim or spin. Done with the running for a bit. Proved to myself I can do it, but don't get a lot of return from it in the enjoyment column.

All in all life is good. I am worried about the economy. I am worried about my kids. Nothing wrong with them, but what kind of world will they grow up in? They both continue to thrive and do amazing things despite my bad influences. They truly are a gift. Amazing that I wished when they were really little that they would grow so I could talk to them and they would understand. Now, I long for the days when they were little and did not have a care in the world other than wanting the VCR to rewind faster. Yes, I said VCR there were alive before DVD was the most common electronic baby sitting device on the market.

I have been reading like mad lately. I have an iPhone and downloaded the Kindle App for it. I love it I have a book in my pocket at all times. I have been reading Lance Armstrong's books and am enjoying the hell out of them. Of course it has two things I care about, cycling and beating cancer. The cancer being the biggest issue. He is one amazing person.

Tomorrow night I am speaking at a TNT function to recruit others in to doing a TNT event. I only hope to be honest, and convincing enough to encourage others to take a chance. I know that I remember my first event meeting, and can vividly remember the feelings I had. I am amazed at the changes I have experienced because of a simple 3X5 postcard.

Well, I will be posting more frequently as I get into the season. I hope you find your way back again despite the hiatus I have taken lately. Happy 2010 a bit late.

TNT Cycle Team 2010 AMBBR

I am going back to Tahoe! I have four miles out there that need to be ridden. Well, there is 100 total, but four that I have to conquer. I have my site up for donations again. Please visit:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/ambbr10/mmcelyea

I don't know why I need these challenges to make me feel alive. I need to push myself physically to find my place in the world. I need to put others ahead of myself to feel that my contributions matter. It took a long time to figure this piece of the puzzle out in my life. I never realized that by helping others, it would help me the most. I feel things more deeply. I find patience that I sometimes lack. I find that by facing failure of a mere physical test I gain perspective and a sense of purpose.

I ask that for one more time you stand with me and fight blood cancer. That is the real reason for these endeavors it to end it's existence.

Bogota, Colombia Dia Uno y Dos.

So, I make my second trip to South America. I have to be honest that I was a bit intimidated by this one. We are told that the only thing to come out of Colombia is a white powder. We are told that it is a dangerous environment. We are told that it is not a safe place. I have to tell you that on my first day here, I was afraid to venture out for fear of being kidnapped or whatever because of what the media has told me. I stayed in my hotel room and worked because of fear.

On my second day my work was to start in earnest. I was met in the lobby of my hotel by a new friend Diego P. Deigo assured me that where I am staying is safe. We walked to the office which was right around the corner. I was introduced to some of my Colombian co-workers and they all were very warm and welcoming. We then needed to go to a meeting at the new office that we are building. Security is very important here. You see armed solders. You see armed police. You see private security and K9 units everywhere. You are checked into and out of buildings. But you are always met with a smile and a Beun Dia. The meeting is a success with several more through out the day that were also successful. I am afraid that my biases have made me miss a day of meeting new people and experiencing new things. I am sorry that my fear got in the way of this.

Work was long. Eleven hours on Monday and a total of eighteen hours in two days. I am tired and having difficulty sleeping. I am only on Eastern Time Zone, but I have a lot to accomplish in only 5 days. We went out for dinner at around 20:00. We went to the Bogota Beer Company, and it was a blast. One of my Minnesota co-workers came down. To show you how small the world is, this lady worked at Deluxe at the same time I did. This came out when we were discussing "six degrees of separation". How everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by no more than six people. We know a lot of the same people from Deluxe. Small world I guess!

Later on in the evening after telling war stories, I mentioned that I went to Augsburg College. And she started to laugh. She graduated from Augsburg five years after I did. Again the world is smaller. Diego was a great host. I am looking forward to tomorrow and the new experiences I am to gain by putting aside my biases against Colombia. It truly is a place of beauty in the Andes.

The new office has many great views of the Andes mountain range. It should be raining here right now, but has not since I have been here. They will be seeing a water shortage if it does not start raining soon. I am wondering how these people will get any work done with the views they have from their work stations.

It is odd to me to see Christmas lights when I am walking around in short sleeves and no jacket. To see Papa Noel a.k.a Santa Clause. To see arbol de navidad a.k.a Christmas Trees. We are all alike on this marble. We all have hopes and dreams. We all have fears. You would think after all my fears I have conquered that I would be smart enough to always enter a new experience with an open mind... I still have some growing up to do I guess.

I am truly going to embrace my next two days here. I will still try to habla Espaniol. It is getting easier. Diego encourages me to make mistakes. Apparently I say orange the wrong way in Spanish and it refers to female genitalia the way I say it. Oh well, that is the price I must pay to learn so I will continue to strive for correctness. I learned tonight that busette may mean bus in Colombia, but in the rest of Latin America it means whore. I also learned that you have to be careful with other harmless words depending on which country you are in they can be construed very differently.

This second trip to South America, continues to deepen my affection for it's people. They live life to the fullest. They know when to work, but more importantly, they know when to stop the work and live life to it's fullest. I can claim that I have visited three of it's countries, even if Brazil was only for two hours. I have not met one person that has been rude or mean to me. They seem very open and willing to share what they have.

So again in South America, I am working long hours. I am being taught valuable life lessons. I am achieving things which I have no ability to achieve. I am content with my day and my place in it. I need to make this an everyday occurance. Funny when I am not training for something bigger than myself, I still see myself as not worthy of the space I occupy. Funny that a place that I feared, has once again opened my eyes. Funny that I need fear to teach me these great lessons.

Gracias a ti Colombia!!!

I Am Again

I am going back to TNT again for a fourth year. I am mentoring the Tahoe cycle team. I have been lacking focus and in need of a goal. My goal is to become a stronger man than I am, by helping others find their own success.

While this may sound arrogant. There is no arrogance in having the goal. I am simple. I am just a guy with an ability to pedal a bike. I hope there is more in the reservoir than that. I am not a natural leader. I don't find that I have the skills to inspire others by mere deeds. I know that I have a message through what TNT has taught me. I know that the funds raised will lead to a cure. I know that this cure will come through others hard work and none of my own. My contribution will be my words and my action. Others with talent and ability will be the true contributors. Those that have parted with their money will have played a more important role than mine. I will be satisfied with that.

I am starting to feel the glow of an ember that I know that will grow. To have fear of failure has become natural and necessary. I cannot lie and tell you that I have become comfortable with fear. I just know that when I am not afraid, I am not alive. This does not mean that I will be bungee jumping, or sky diving in this lifetime.

My fear is focused on helping others. How can a lug like me add value? I can ask you to partner with me and believe in my humble abilities. I can sweat, cramp, hurt, and reach for a dream. The dream is an end to cancer in any form. The dream is that no parent of any age will bury a child from this disease. No sibling will mourn the loss of one whom they have known for a lifetime.

I am again throwing my self on the tracks. I am again asking for help. I am again going to reach beyond what is rational in a day. I am again, feeling. I am nervous, scared, hopeful, inspired, and willing. Simply, I am again, alive.

Trying To Find Focus

I am struggling. I have stated that I do not want to be negative and that I don't want to get down on myself. In my typical fashion, I am finding trouble finding a new goal. It is not that they are not out there, it is just that I am not focusing.

I want to lose more weight, but I don't seem willing to give up things to do it. I cannot find drive to get to the gym and push myself. I find myself getting to the gym and just going through the motions. Swimming a 1000 yards seems a chore. I have not been on my bike outside because the weather has just plain been blah! I am hoping to get out this weekend for a couple of short rides.

I want to make a positive contribution, as I find that this brings me happiness. I want to continue my participation with TNT, but I am afraid that by having done a marathon, a century, and a triathlon that I will find there is no fear of failure.

Funny that I need that fear to find the drive to push myself. What does that mean? Is that my perfectionist mentality shining through? I have stretched myself through three years of physical challenges. I have learned so much about myself and my capabilities that I am amazed that I am experiencing this lack of focus. Maybe it is natural to come from such a high to wondering what can I do next. I am not interested in bettering my times in these events as it was never about the time, it was about completing what I set out to do to earn your sponsorship.

I am hoping to find focus. I need to find the appropriate challenge to commit to. I am debating going back to century riding, because that is truly what I love. It is not about the finish, but enjoying the ride. My riding has suffered over the last two years with the marathon and the triathlon. I am still a strong rider, but I know that I am so much better than I have produced over the last two years.

I am debating trying to mentor for the cycle season and go back to Tahoe and ride all 100 miles of that course. I don't want to shirk my responsibilities as a parent, so I need to really talk this over with Jenny and the kids. I am afraid if I don't do this, that I will be letting something important to me fade. Sometimes it is hard to find the right application of effort. I know I am most efficient when I am happy and feel like I am making a difference.

Maybe the focus is there, but fear of commitment is the root of the problem. Maybe it is over thinking and not just deciding on a course of action and implementing a plan to make it a reality. I will have to find my way. I will have to decide.