Running Suprises

The last two weeks have been filled with all sorts of strange and rewarding experiences. Training continues with small and large successes. Work is stressful and yet rewarding. Parenting is always a duplicitous experience. I've had several ideas on blogging, but just plain ran out of time to get it done. For that I apologize to those who read this on a regular basis.

I have to tell you all that I am finding abilities that I thought I had lost. Running, has become something I am enjoying. What? It hurts like hades, but I am actually enjoying it. I think I surprise myself and everyone around me when I run. The shock for them might be their first experience on the Richter scale. 300 pounds running next to you has got to shake the earth your treading upon. I have a kick at the end that is pretty impressive even if I say so myself. I can run about five miles and still will have a burst at the end that is not really understandable. Maybe the motivation comes from just wanting to get it over with. Maybe some of my kick comes from an ability to relate to my youth and anaerobic exercise. Goal tending and line play in football is all anaerobic in nature. It is small explosive bursts of energy without oxygen to get the goal accomplished. I'll wrap up on this topic telling you that I ran a mile on Saturday in under 10 minutes. We jogged up from the monument by St. Thomas to the track. We ran one lap on the track at 100% (I ran about 90 - 95%, the muscles were not warm enough yet). We ran two laps at 90% ( I was in the ballpark on this one). We then ran three laps at 85% (again on track with this). Then we were supposed to run a mile, ( four laps) at 100%. I wanted to beat a 10 minute mile, and I did at nine minutes and 49 seconds.

After doing the above when someone told me that was inspirational, I responded that it should not be. No one was more shocked that it was possible than me. I did not mean to disrespect the persons comment, but I am not comfortable with being an inspiration to anyone. I know what a small person I am on the inside that it is hard to accept that type of compliment. I have to work on being more accepting of something like that.

I worked out with a co-worker, I tried to help her with some swim pointers. I am by far no expert in this area, but I have learned a couple of things over the last seven months. I did not plan on doing more than a swim and a spin, but when we were done with those activities after about 70 minutes, they asked me to run. I figured I could probably go for a mile jog. We enjoyed chatting and jogging at a 4.7 to 5.2 mile pace. We were finishing up when she asked if I wanted to sprint the last tenth of a mile. I said sure and took off. I finished up my tenth at a dead run, and waited for her to catch up. She asked me where the hell I went. We had a good laugh about it, and she stated she had never seen anything like that, there was no hesitation, I was just gone.

I continue to grow through this experience. I continue to enjoy working out. I continue to think this organization is outstanding. I'm not getting any smaller, but I am definitely getting stronger. The surprises just keep growing.

Running On Emotion

For most that know me, I run on emotion a lot. It used to be nothing but anger, but that has changed over the past few years. I still run on anger once and a while, but it is now focused in a positive manner for the most part.

Tonight was a TEAM swim. I will be very honest and say that I did not want to go tonight. I was extremly low on energy all day. Part of it is not eating right, and getting too little sleep over the last few days. Jenny and I went to dinner as the kids are staying with my parents over spring break. I had somehow developed a knot in my back between my shoulder blades late in the day, and I was not comfortable. At dinner I looked at Jen and stated that I may skip the swim tonight as I was exhausted. Jenny told me to do what I needed to do.

We came home and Jenny sat down to read. I went down stairs to watch last nights biggest loser that I had recorded. It motivated me a little, but I still was feeling lethargic. I shut the television off and went in to my office. I brought up a browser with Yahoo coming up as the home page. There was a a video article about Ms. Virginia fighting childhood cancer, so I clicked on it. She is trying to raise funds to fight cancer in children. I started to think. Hmm she has a similar goal to mine. She's out there working on her goal, what are you doing... ? I started thinking about my sister, and said to myself oh too bad, your tired! Well isn't that special.

I went upstairs and checked with Jen if she would be okay if I decided to go to the third swim session as I had missed my usual TEAM swim. She told me to do what I needed to do, but there was a little smile on her face when she said it to me. I threw my trunks and a towel into my bag and rushed out the door.

On the drive over to the pool, I called my sister. I thanked her for being my motivation, with catch in my voice and a tear in my eye I told her I loved her. Then I put on some real angry music (e.g. Rammstein, Nickelback, Marilyn Manson). I used it to generate some energy.

I have to say that this swim was not easy, but I felt very strong throughout. Three 100's, four 150's w/ 20 seconds off between building speed on the second two. Six 100's 15 seconds off between, building speed after every two. Four 50's ten seconds off between building speed on the second two. One slow 50 with ten seconds off, and then one 50 full out. No shoulder pain! A few clicks, but nothing that can't be tolerated.

I sit as I am blogging listening to classical music reflecting on my emotions. I still run on them. I still feed off of them. I think tonight I ran on more love than anger. I am not doing this for me. I am reaping the benefits of it, but it is not about me. It is about ending something I hate for what it does to people. Running on emotion is not a negative thing, it's all about the focus of that energy. Emotion is just another form of energy, and it can be used in a positive manner, or wasted a negative form. I think tonight, I might have gotten it right.

Literal, Irrelevant, and Improving

As any of you that know me and have tried to explain anything to me, I am as literal as they come. You tell me something and prove it to me, this results in causing some flaw in my nature to hold it as gospel. This is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me to repeat the task over and over again. Where the curse comes in is when you ask me to change that course of action.

Tonight at a TEAM swim, my friend and coach told me that he needed me to stop rolling onto my back to breath. I learned this from the Total Immersion Swimming video course he recommended to me. Now, this is the way I have learned to swim comfortably, and successfully. We discussed it, and I told him I would try not to roll as far.

So I swim one lap this way, and I am pulling so hard with my right arm, I can feel my body bending at the waste so that I can see my toes behind me. I question him on it as this feels fine physically, but it goes against everything that I have been doing since July 4, 2008. Then we have another conversation about not rolling far enough onto my right side, (I only am able to breath with my left side in the water). We have to actually break it down so that I can understand what he is trying to convey. He wants me to continue to stack my hips on both sides, but when I breath, only role to 120 degrees instead of 180 degrees, (onto my back) when breathing with my left side in the water.

I swim another lap trying to focus on what he is looking for. Upon completion of that lap, he is satisfied with this, but wants a stronger punch into the water with my left arm. My left shoulder is the one that has been giving me trouble with pain. I have had shoulder problems forever since both have been damaged in hockey and football. I try to explain that I only have any real power in my right arm on a full swim stroke, the left is just there for decoration really as no power or forward progress comes from my left side. I try not to be negative and give what he wants a try.

I swim another length and a half, and "Pop" my left shoulder slips and I am in pain! I complete the half length with a worthless left arm. I say a few vulgarities as I exit the pool and try to get my shoulder to slip back to a normal alignment. This is not a dislocation, but it hurts. When this happens, you can feel and hear tissue grinding. It is not pleasant in oratory a nature nor physically. I stretch the muscles and try to pop the joint to relieve the ache. After taking a few minutes, I enter the pool again, and swim to the drop line in the pool where the depth increases, and realize that this is not feeling good. I stop and swim one arm bandit style back to the ladder and exit the pool. I'm done for the night.

I am angry as my discomfort is irrelevant. I know I can swim a mile even with a garbage left side. I go and shower off and try to calm my steaming temper. I am mad that my body interfered with what I was working on trying to accomplish. I get dressed back into my street clothes and go back to talk to my friend and coach.

He is concerned to know that I am okay. I'm honest and explain that I am pissed off, but not at him. I have a temper that matches my size and weight and nobody wants to be on the wrong side of that. I ask how I can improve without pulling on my left side. We find where I have strength on my left side. I have no strength until my arm is below my chest on the left side. There is no pain from breast bone to hip. We figure that I can get something out of my left side if I spaghetti arm it to my chest and then pop from the elbow to past my hip. We won't be trying this until my Sunday individual swim, but it will be the focus of that workout.

I don't like failure. But I will learn from this one, as I have learned from all of them. A few years ago, a set back like this would have crushed my gentle psyche. Yes, under my gruff large exterior lies a small and fragile ego. I know that the sheathing around that ego has grown in the last two years, and has given me the ability to learn from set backs.

In closing being literal is interesting. It can lead to immediate or delayed understanding. It causes one to ask questions and seek understanding. It can make one feel irrelevant, by making them feel slow on the pick up or silly for not getting it as quickly as others. It forces one to to improve because they will not quit until they understand the concept that is trying to be conveyed as they do not like feeling silly. I know that this is part of my make up and I am glad to have all of these attributes. It makes me who I am in all my glory and weakness.

Faith, Fear, Reflection, and Growth

Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. – William Newton Clark

I sit and reflect often, sometimes too often. I have fear, and I sometimes lack faith. I lack faith in my abilities be it physical or cognitive. I have to be honest, I think it is the fear of success more than of failure that holds me back at times. If I am successful, how can I do something next time to improve or set the bar higher for myself. I do fear failure, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

I watched The Bucket List last night and they discussed faith. And as discussed in the movie, everyone has had a discussion on faith hundreds of times in their lives. Neither party walks away from those discussions convincing the other member of the conversation that they are 100% right in their belief.

Faith in my opinion can be the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will fail, you probably will. If you believe that you will achieve success, you most likely will. It is hard to find courage in such an unstable world. But on any given day, if you are observant, you will find it. Be it from a child having faith in a parent to provide the comfort and love they need. Be it from a conversation from your mother saying that she misses hanging out with you and just laughing about nothing in particular. Seeing a group of co-workers putting aside the job for a few minutes and just enjoying each other's company as human-beings, knowing there is a deeper connection than just the job.

I think the lead in quote to this entry makes a lot of sense. The only thought that I can add is that the soul is boundless. I think it is making the mind go farther than it can see, and the body bringing the soul along on the journey is what life is about. Faith can be shaken, but it can always be restored.

Face your fear and question your faith. You will learn from doing both. Reflect on both and you will grow. Welcome the journey we call life.