It's Been A While

So, I have not been very prolific as of late. I have been meaning to get out here, but have not made it. So let's cover a lot of different areas in an short time to get everyone caught up.

My sister is doing well. She has two rounds out of her six rounds of chemo. Round two has left here a little more tired that the first. She is still doing well, but runs out of energy a little easier this time. She is on her way at the moment to Nebraska for Thanksgiving. Keep hanging in there Sis!

I continue to push myself. I have not made it to the gym as often as I would like this month. I took some time off to go deer hunting. One of my favorite activities. The season did not reward me with a deer, but I definitely recharged my batteries.

For me it has never been about the killing of an animal. I love to see them. I love to interact with them. I love to learn from them. This season I had two snort at me, but did not see either of them. They were close to me and winded me before I saw them. It made for some adrenaline filled moments as the chess match of who would react first played out. I was not able to move to see them, and they were able to move away stealthily.

I love to be in the woods. I cherish the silence. I enjoy the solitude. I saw numerous red squirrels. I saw a great horned owl. It flew three feet over my head and scared the hell out of me. It amazes me how something so large can move silently. I saw several bald eagles. I saw a snowy owl on my way home. I even saw a flock of swans in flight heading north east. They are really noisy! They are about ten times louder than a flock of Canadian geese.

I continue to swim. I have now set a personal best in the mile in the pool in 45 minutes flat. This was after the first weekend of deer hunting. The break has been good for me. I really enjoy the swimming, but you can still wear out muscles. I have been more lax in my running and spinning. My intention is to go tomorrow on Thanksgiving and swim a mile and then spin for an hour. This of course will be thrown out the window by my eating dinner, but it has become a tradition to go for a long ride on Thanksgiving.

Wishing you all a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

Marc

Less Than Someone Else

So I watched Biggest Loser tonight. The title comes from something Phillip said as he was being eliminated tonight: "I don't want my boy's to feel that they are less than someone else." It is a direct parallel to how I view myself. I use the people on this show for motivation as I have found others use me for motivation. I am not special. I am not gifted. I am merely a man that has a big heart that I wear on my sleeve.

When someone tells me that they are amazed by the amount that I work out, I just tell them that I have a goal. I tell them to find what motivates them. I am still larger than I want to be, but I am working out for someone else and myself. I am still training for my triathalon. I am still swimming 4000 to 8000 yards a week. It's a lot closer to 8000 yards a week. I am still not fast, but I am getting faster. My goal is to complete a tripple crown, but really it is to eliminate Cancer. I am motivated by the fact that my simple participation in endurance events, continues to coalesce you all into donating for the needed research to complete this larger goal.

I have started running in addition to swimming. I walk for a minute, and then run (not jog) for a minute. I am able to cover about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes with this stratergy. Tonight, I went about 2.75 miles in my 30 minutes. I am happy! I am getting stronger. I am finding that even though it hurts, it is rewarding.

Back to the topic of the Biggest Loser, when Phillip put his wedding ring back on for the first time in 15 years after outgrowing it, I was able to understand what it meant to him. I have shrunk out of my own wedding ring. My ring is a 13.5. I cannot keep it on without concentrating on keeping my ring finger bent.

I will not have it resized for one reason. It is a symbol of the beginning and the end of my relationship with Jenny. This may seem silly, but I am not willing to have any of that time cut out of my ring. Jenny and I have been together for 22 years. We have been married for 12 of those years. We may not always get along. We may not always like each other. But without her none of what I have done would have been possible. I find unlimited support from her. I find someone that believes in me when I have no belief in myself. I am a simple small man on the inside, with her love and support, I am able to step beyond my own belief that I am less than someone else.

Funny how life can parallel television.

Bald and Beautiful and I Hope It Helps

As I have said before, I don't do this for recognition. I don't do this because it is a good look for me. I don't do this because I matter at all in this situation. I only offer it as a simple form of support to someone I love and care about. It is a simple gesture. It is a small statement.

Things I have learned from doing this. Man you loose a lot of heat out the top of your head! I always had heard you did, and knew it to be true, but try this and you really find out how much! I have found that my pate is not to shabby looking. I have found out how much this simplifies getting ready in the morning. I have found out how much maintenance this takes to keep the stubble off, shaving it every other day. But you know what, it doesn't matter. It is worth it to hopefully lend a little support.

After asking and receiving the okay, I can tell you that it is my sister that is going through this ordeal. She is fighting ovarian cancer. She is looking better post surgery and is getting stronger. She starts chemo next week. We don't always get along. We don't always agree on everything. We don't always like each other. But, she is still my sister and I will always love her.

To the girl that would always assign the roles in our youth playing together. She would always be the mobile character in the game and I would be assigned some inanimate role such as a rock or a fence post. Maybe it was because I was always so active. I say thanks for the good times.

To the one time you wanted me to play the Easter Bunny right after we opened Christmas presents (Easter is her favorite holiday). I am sorry for telling you "I don't wanna be no son-o-bitchin Easther Bunny, I'm playing with my truck!" I'm glad we can laugh about that now.

To the times you defended me from the older kids. Picking up the bully and escorting them out of our yard by the scruff of the neck to the astonished looks of all present. Thank you for standing by me.

To all the time you have spent with your nieces. You have made them laugh and look at life in a different way. Thank you for everything you have added to their lives.

I can't fight this for you, but I can fight this with you. You've done nothing wrong. You don't deserve this. Keep your positive attitude. Keep your faith. You will come through this stronger!


I love you.

Using the mirror to line up the shot of my bald dome.

Bowing my head so you can see there are no flaws to my dome (other than what's on the inside)!!!

Back of the head sans suasage rolls.

To My Friend And Mentor

There is a man that made a big difference in how I view and handle myself. He was my mentor for my first endeavor with TNT. Jason was not a little man, but he continues to shrink in a positive manner. He lead by example. He lead with compassion. He lead with an open heart and a positive attitude.

Jason has just completed his triple crown. He ran the Twin Cities Marathon on Sunday in less than ideal circumstances. He ran through pain, and rain and did it all in five hours and fifty minutes and change. Jason is in my opinion a man that epitomizes the word Hero. Not because of what he has done. But by the way he lives his life. He has faced adversity and come through with a smile and the will to make a difference.

My hat is off to you Sumo buddy! You are one of my inspirations. You don't know how many times, your easy manner has gotten me through tough times. I appreciate everything you have done for me. Keep setting goals. Keep doing the work to reach them. Keep being the amazing individual you are.

Congratulations!

Swimming In Concrete Only Denser

Today was the first swim workout where I felt like I was swimming in something like concrete only denser. I took both Saturday and Sunday off, and expected an awesome workout. I really enjoyed last weeks 1700 yards that was mainly just long swim distances without sprints. I am really not a fan of the sprint as I am not good at it..... (yet)!

This week is all icky sprints! 10 X 50 on the 1:05, and then 200 yards, then 10 X 50 on the 1:10. This is first time I have not been able to carry at least half of the sprints ahead of the clock catching me. Was it too much rest? Was it a negative attitude? Was it a weekend of eating wrong?

I don't know what the problem was, but I failed miserably in the workout. I did not quit! I did the distance, but I had absolutely nothing in the tank to come anywhere near achieving what the workout called for. My times are still miles ahead of where they were 13 weeks ago, but I am not happy with myself. What should have taken 11 minutes on the 1:10 10 X 50's took 14 minutes. I don't know if I am lacking strength, or if it was just an off day.

I had my body fat percentage taken after two months of swimming, and it has gone down 1.6%, but it is all in my chest. My upper body has never been in such good shape. My measurement went down from July 8 at 37.5 mm to 24.5 mm which is a 13mm loss in fat and development of lean muscle in the pectoral. This is a plus, but I was hoping for more. I am not quitting, just know that I need to change my diet and increase my activity level. I am still swimming 4000 to 6000 yards or more a week, but it has been hard to fit it all in with family responsibilities. I need to start spinning, and fit a run or two in a week.

I am using motivation from my family member's ordeal. I am using my hatred of cancer to push when I don't want to workout. I am not a failure, I merely suffer from the human condition of weakness. I am committed, and will continue to commit myself to the goal. I need to make some sacrifices to get to the next level. I need to give up some vices. I need to take a deep and meaningful look at who I am and where I need to get to, to make a difference. All of which feels like swimming in concrete, only it feels much more dense.

Today Is A Beautiful Day And I Cannot See It

I was sent this link by a friend. I was struggling to think of something to write that was positive today. I think the last subtitle of this short film should give us all something to think about!

http://www.adnstream.tv/video/nilSqaMboM/HISTORIA-DE-UN-LETRERO-THE-STORY-OF-A-SIGN

It all comes down to perspective. How often even though we have gifts do we focus on the stress and strife of life, and miss an opportunity? How often when we could make a difference do we sit on the sideline and allow someone else to take the first step? How often do we not find the energy to do something that would benefit someone else, because there might not be anything in it for us?

I will admit that I am guilty of all of the negative sides of those questions. The amazing thing that I have found is that every time you reach out and invest yourself, you will most definitely get something out of it. You might not realize it at the time you are helping, but it's there. If you walk away with a smile, that's your reward. If you walk away with a warm feeling, that is your reward. If you get a thank you, that is your reward. If you contribute, you will always walk away better off in a tangible way.

Funny that I was busy trying to think of something motivating to say, and this fell into my lap. Today is a beautiful day, and thank you for the person that helped me to see it! Thanks Leslie!

Random Thoughts

Okay, its gonna be alright! Looking into my mind should scare the hell out of any sane and rational human being! I promise though you are going to be all right!

Why is it that when the day's start getting shorter we all try to cram as much into them as humanly possible? Is it that we know it's getting darker sooner and we have to be busy bee's to get it all in? Are there any less than 24 hours in the day just because it gets darker sooner? Slow down! Just cause it's dark outside doesn't mean you have to go to bed unless your my children! The bonus here is that I only have two perfect children the rest of you are on your own!!!!

Why is it that when you listen to music you can almost always find something that touches your soul on a primordial level? It is as if it harmonizes with who you are at your core. As if it has always been there, but you are hearing it for the first time. It strikes a chord and you find it easier to just be! As if you are sitting with an old friend you have known your entire life.

Why is it that we are all so different, and yet so much alike? We are all good at something, and we are all not good at everything. Yet the thing I may be good at does not always make me happy, and I wish I was better at what you are good at. You on the other hand are not brought joy by your strength, but wish you had mine. Now that is an odd paradox!

Why is it that when you feel at your most supernumerary self, you are okay with who you are? Even if it is over the top? Is it for the briefest of moments that you can see who you are at the root of your being? That you are laid bare for all to see in glory and weakness all in the same moment?

And now I lead you back safely to Terra firma as promised. Safe and sound, and happy as hell that you are not anywhere near as weird as I am!!!

What Do You Want For Yourself?

This question is one that is deserving of much thought. I like the movie, the The Last Samurai and it is when Algren is very angry and shouting at Katsumoto; "What do you want from me?" and Katsumoto calmly replies "What do you want for yourself?"

It is a simple question, but a very deep one. Figuring out what you want for yourself; Is it a simple thing? Is it very complex? Is it a onetime thing? Or something that you can build on? Is it something that is selfish? Or is it something for the greater good? To you is it something altogether different?

What do I want for myself? I want to contribute. I don't want to be a superstar! I want to add value to anything that I am doing. I want to work as an equal team member, and move the team forward as a whole. I want for my contribution to not be noticed, but if I was not there to contribute to be missed. Not meaning that if I am not there to help that the endeavor fails, just that my team would miss my pulling on the oars in the same direction they were.

What do I want for myself? I want to bring humor to my environment. I have a very caustic sense of humor. I hope that most know that I do not mean anything hurtful by what I say, (unless, I am saying it to myself; were still working on that one). We live in very stressful times. some of it is self induced, and some of it is external in nature. I want to bring levity to those around me so that all stress is lessened.

What do I want for myself? I want in the end to have mattered. How will I do this? I don't know! I want to touch lives in such a manner as to have someone stop at some point after I am gone and say, "you know Marc could have helped with this." Hell, it does not even need to be after I am gone as that is a bit morbid.

You know the greatest thing about this question? The answers can change daily! The answers aren't always right the first time around. With the questions flexibility, you can always supply a new one with a little thought.

The work comes when you set out what you need to reach the goal you have set. Sticking to the tasks that you need to get done to reach what you have chosen. Doing the small things that will make you reach your destination. When you reach your goal, taking time to enjoy what you have accomplished. Then being to able to ask "What do I want for myself now?"

What do you want for yourself? Think about it!

If you don’t make a total commitment to whatever you’re doing, then you start looking to bail out the first time the boat starts leaking. It’s tough enough getting that boat to shore with everybody rowing, let alone when a guy stands up and starts putting his life jacket on. - Lou Holtz

Where Does This Come From?

I have never in my life been able to express myself in a constructive manner. I am fairly well spoken, but never have been able to get the thoughts out as fluidly as I do here. I find it strange for a kid that went to college without being able to punctuate a sentence, (Thanks mom for all those proof reads on term papers!) being pulled aside by a professor that said, "You speak very well, but you don't know how to punctuate a sentence? Just listen to how you talk and when you pause add a comma. When you complete a thought use a period." Never had it been laid out so clearly and concisely.

Later in life when at a very low point, a neighbor was discussing a book he had been assigned to read. The book discussed that Americans don't focus on what their strengths are. We have to deal with it all and try to be excellent at everything. The rest of the world allows it's citizens to focus on their strengths. China for example, if you are an athlete, you go to camps to improve your strengths. if your a math whiz, you go to math camps. At this time, I did not know what my strengths were. I did not think I had any.

Upon reflection, I have found a couple of strengths. I am trying to focus on them. I am trying to use them in a positive manner. I am trying to find more. Once and a while, I am still very self deprecating. I am a work in progress. I used to live for the end. Now, I am hoping to enjoy the journey.

Man’s rise or fall, success or failure, happiness or unhappiness depends on his attitude … a man’s attitude will create the situation he imagines. - James Lane Allen

I have imagined both. I have experienced both. I have achieved both. I will continue to learn how to focus on the positive.

Be of good cheer. Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost. - Helen Keller

God, imagine if someone had not taken the time to give this woman a voice! So much adversity to deal with and such an exemplary spirit of determination.

To all of you who were patient with me while someone was helping me find my voice. Thank you! For those of you who have pushed me to push myself. Thank you!

I still don't know where this came from, but I am glad it got here before it was too late.

Parenting Is Hard Work

While dealing with all the family stress, parenting is hard. You want to take the fear out of your children. You want to be honest. You want to answer all of the questions they have to the best of your abilities. Having an open and honest conversation, might just add more fear and confusion, but it is 100% the right thing to do. Doing the right thing is not always easy.

I have one child, that is so much like me, and the other that is like Jen. The one that scares me is the one like me! Holding in anger and fear, never winds up in a good place. Getting this one to release that tripe is hard! Mom and Dad, wow you had your hands full with me.

We got some relief tonight. Our loved one is out of the hospital. I have to say they look damn good. The one like me and myself got to see our loved one. My mini me and this person are very close, and I think they both found some relief.

Also it brought out new feelings and emotions that needed to be handled. This task is not beyond me, just really means I have to concentrate on patience. Patience is not my strongest attribute. I think we got through a rough spot, but tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities. I won't pat myself on the back yet.

Workout Update: While it is not the most important topic right now. I have 4000 yards this week in swim workouts. I pushed on the 100's, and really pushed hard today on the 50's. I beat the first workout by 1:00 minute today. Not a huge accomplishment, but an improvement. It was not easy, it did hurt a bit. As Bob likes to remind me "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I have a lot of weakness then. But you know what, I have unlimited strength too. Remember someone very bold and brave once reminded me that I run on a lot of anger. I at least have a coping mechanism for mine now.

Thanks to all for your comments. Ms. R, you can bring a step ladder, so you can rub my bald head. You let me know if it brings you any luck. If you win the lottery, I want half!

A New Haircut!

More than likely, you will see me sporting a new haircut in the coming weeks. Well, hair might not be involved at all. There will be chemo involved for my family member. The cancer came back at a stage 1 in the pathology report. They are concerned that maybe some cells may have escaped to the rest of the body. They have given us some news that there is a 95% survival rating with the chemo and the staging level given. All and all still a very positive prognosis.

I will shave my head in solidarity with my family member. I don't do this because I am noble. I don't do this because I matter at all in this situation. I do this because I love this person, and I don't want them to feel alone.

There is a song by the Rascal Flatts called Skin (Sarabeth) in which this young ladies prom date shaves his head so that she does not feel out of place at the prom. This song has always made me sad and mad, but given hope. I have decided that in this case it is the least I can do.

At the funeral of my friend Jack, his kids eulogized him. It was one of the bravest moments I have ever witnessed as all of his children got up and told amazing stories about a unbelievable human being and father. One of his son's (who is bald), stated that God made a few heads that were perfect, the others, he granted hair.

I apologize, because I was granted hair, and you will have to endure my bald pate. Again I don't do this for me. High and tight with a sweep across the top to the right is my style. But my pride does not matter in this instance. I do this because I know it is one of the few ways I can offer a paltry excuse at comfort to a loved one. So while I may look like a tall version of Uncle Fester, know that I do this because I care about someone.

Each time you stand up for an ideal, you send forth a tiny ripple of hope. - Robert Kennedy

I hope that this small act bolsters my loved one's spirits. I hope it brings laughter and mirth to an otherwise stressful situation. Hell, I can save time at the pool too as I won't need to don a swim cap! Maybe there is some deep seeded narcissistic reasoning involved here? Who knows, maybe I am just being human for a change!

To the one that matters here, know that I love you!

Fear

What, you don't think that 6' 3" 300 pound men aren't afraid? I have lived my life afraid of my own shadow. I have lived in fear of failure. I have lived in fear of success. I have lived in fear of of damn near everything.

I mentioned before that there is a time and a place to contemplate. Contemplation can also bring about inaction due to fearing the outcome. So many times there has been an urge to take an action in my life, but I make myself stop and think about the possible outcomes, and the result is being frozen from action by fear of the possibilities.

To weigh possibilities is not entirely bad, but to weigh them and always focus on the negative is! If I had not taken a chance on a bike ride, where would I be today. I would probably still be in the same dead end job, contemplating making a change that I did not believe I was capable of. I would probably be somewhere in the neighborhood of 375 to 400 pounds. I would probably be knocking on deaths door. I would not have made any difference in the world.

Fear is natural, and not always negative. Sometimes fearing something can stop you from making a mistake. Living in fear constantly is negative. It stops you from changing what you are, and prevents you from becoming what you are capable of.

I have said previously, that I often don't believe that I am capable of much. While it is an accurate statement of how I view myself, it is not necessarily true. We all have limitless potential if we set fear aside and take on a challenge. Maybe it is a new job. Maybe it is a physical challenge. Maybe it is just accepting that it is okay to be afraid and step forward into something we want to try anyway. If you are able to take that first step, often you will survive; (maybe 99.9999% of the time). If nothing else, after you take that first step, you will find that you are amazed that you were afraid of nothing all that bad.

I am afraid of cancer. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid that I am not living up to my potential. I am afraid that I am a failing at being a father. I am afraid of losing people I love. I am afraid that I have not done enough to change the world around me. I am afraid that I have not used my abilities. I am afraid that I have not mattered. But the good thing, is that I am starting to realize before it is too late, that I can change some of these things. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us. That is why the present is a gift. I will work on living in the present and accepting everyday as a gift. An opportunity to put my fear aside and make a difference.

Fear can also teach us that we need to change. We need to grow. We need to be aware that there is a time to face fear and alter the course we have chosen. Thank you to all who accept me and my fears. Thank you to those who allow me to change my course knowing that I don't have all the answers. Thank you to those that stand beside me regardless of the mess that I am inside my own head.

I close with this:

Take inventory of yourself, see if any remnants of fear are standing in your way. Then you may grow... because nothing, absolutely nothing, can stand in your way. - Napoleon Hill

Why I Hate Cancer

I won't stay on this topic forever, but I am dealing with a lot of anger! Instead of being completely self-destructive, I am venting here and during my workouts. It is healthier than keeping all of this anger inside.

I hate cancer, because of what it does to society. I hate the fact that we do not have a cure yet. I think some drug companies find it more lucrative to treat the disease than to cure it. That is not to say that the doctors and researchers are not exerting all of there efforts 110%. There is just that tickle in the back of my brain that knows that there is no money in a cure, just in treatment.

I hate cancer, because it killed my paternal grandmother. I hate cancer because it killed my maternal aunt. I hate cancer because it is affecting my paternal grandfather. I hate cancer because it has again come close to home. I do not wish it to hit someone else. I wish it would just leave us all alone! I hate cancer because it affects children! I hate cancer because it affects neighbors. I hate cancer because affects friends. Most of all I hate cancer because it terrifies me!

Hate is a strong word, and not one to be taken lightly. Contempt of cancer does not make a strong enough statement for what I feel towards this disease. I have stood on the sideline for too long and not done enough.

TNT and the LLS is geared toward Leukemia and Lymphoma research, but it is my hopes that when we find a cure for these, we will unlock cures for the other forms of cancer.

I continue to train to complete my triple crown. I now have a very personal honoree that has been affected by cancer. I don't sit here and make false promises that I make a difference in this fight. It is you that make the difference. When I make the promise to endure an event, that is small compared to what I ask you to do. You have made the difference by making your donations. Your money will fund the research. Your money will find the cure. I will continue to participate, in hoping that one day some very gifted and intelligent people will find a cure. I will use my gifts of athletic ability and the written word to hopefully motivate you to continue to make a difference.

There is a time to sit in contemplation, and there is a time to act. I had sat in contemplation for 36 years and accomplished nothing. For the last two years, I have acted out to accomplish something I believe in. I have lived more in the last two years than I ever did while sitting in contemplation. I have felt more, I have shared more, and I have grown more by acting out than by contemplating what I should do.

In closing; I have a purpose. I have an ability. I will put both together and hopefully along with you, we will accomplish great things. All of this will be forged out of my hatred of cancer.

For A Bad Diagnosis, A Positive Prognosis

So we have some answers. It is cancer. On the positive side, they were able to remove it. The initial pathology came back with cancer, but what was referred to as borderline. I understand this to mean that there were some cancer cells, but the majority were in a pre-cancerous state. They believe that they were able to get it all. They examined the near by lymphatic system and the nodes look good. With this initial prognosis, there may not be any need for chemotherapy! We will have to wait about a week for the final pathology report to come back.

In the mean time, we are some what relieved by this news. It does not make it any easier as there will still be some psychological healing I assume. I am sure we will come through it stronger.

Again, to respect my family members privacy, I will not say anymore than that. I thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

Now a bit of a rant:

Why does this damn disease exist? Why the hell does it affect good people? Why the hell does it target the innocent? This son of a bitch has no morals! This fucking disease is my enemy! I am not pounding my chest in bravado here. I say it again; "I hate this disease in any shape or form!" It takes so much and gives nothing in return. It causes so much pain and leaves emptiness in it's wake. Yet it unites those of us affected with a common bond of seeing it's end. Maybe that is what it gives in return the drive to eradicate it completely. I am not sure, but if it gives us that goal and we strive for it, and reach it, then maybe it will have provided a purpose for it's existence. And when that day comes the world will be a better place!

I am sorry to use the language that I used, but I am no choir boy on Sunday. I do have a mouth like a sewer, and sometimes even though I have a large vocabulary these words convey more meaning than any three dollar polysyllabic word ever could.

I'm Pissed and A Bit Worried

This is just a vent entry. I have a family member facing some uncertain health. I won't reveal much so as to protect their privacy. They are facing surgery and waiting on pathology so that they can know what they are dealing with.

I won't wax poetic and tell you that since we don't know what we are dealing with that we as a family are not scared or worried. I imagine that this is the helplessness that all families deal with at some point and time.

I ask for strength and understanding from whatever powers that may be. I ask that I am able to support those who need it from me. I ask that we get answers to understand what we are dealing with.

On the other hand it affirms what I have been doing for the past few years. I want to end Cancer in any shape and form. I hate this expletive dies ease with every fiber of my being! It has scared the hell out of me for so long. I at least have been able to contribute to the fight in some way.

Sorry to rant, but I needed to express some of my frustration as I sit here and ineffectively wait for answers. I hope to know more by tomorrow evening.

To The Iron Will Finishers

Kimmi & Rachel,

To chase what you are intimidated by. To aspire to something beyond the realm of rational expectation. To push beyond mortal endurance. To take us all and lift us up through your achievement. This is what it means to be a hero. You two exemplify that word beyond measure.

I am truly honored that you allowed me to partake of your experience as an observer. You showed courage, and what a "can do" mental attitude can accomplish. I tracked your progress throughout the day. I checked the site nervously, and with excitement every time I hit the refresh icon. It was amazing to track your success and progress.

I close with this thought. Never can anyone take this away from you. You believed in yourself! You endured what most would flee from. You rose to the challenge! You persevered! Whenever your road ahead is obstructed, you will know that you have the ability to push beyond what you think yourself capable of enduring. Hold that lesson close to your soul. Don't let how bright your souls shine diminish the glow of this moment. You earned the right to call yourself "Ironman"! You have always been special, and this just adds to that collective.

My hat is off to you both. I am humbled and honored to call you friends.

Off The Rack (A Narcissistic Post)

I left work early today to go do my official 1800 Yard over a mile swim workout. Of course, I have hit a mile three times before the workout routine called for it, but this is the week that every time I hit the pool, I will be pushing it through a mile.

The workout does not have it's normal flow, but I am changing it up to challenge myself. I make myself swim my drills in under 15 minutes, but taking care to perform the drills correctly. On to the workout 7 X 100's (supposed to take a 45 second break between the 100's). No break, lets see how strong I've gotten. This is training for endurance, time to endure! Knock out all 700 yards without a break. Take my three minutes off that I am supposed to before starting my 10 X 50's (30 seconds off between 50's). Nope, you guessed it, I don't need no stinking break. knock out my 50's as 100's, and do six of them including my cool down drill and slow freestyle. 1800 yards!!!! I am tired. I am a little sore. I am unbelieving of how far I have come in eight weeks.

Come home and go out to dinner as it is Jenny's birthday. Man steak tastes great when you are hungry. I have cut down on my red meat consumption, but not tonight!!!!

On the way home, we make a stop at a mall that has a Casual Male clothing store. This can be read as clothes for fat guys! I have not bought anything from a store in a long time, and no longer know my pants size. My belt is going around me once and a quarter way again. I love the fact that I can use it as a measuring stick for my success, but it is starting to look a little shoddy.

I go in and ask the clerk to measure my waist. She pulls the tape, and tells my you wear a size 50" waist. I look at her and in a very patient tone explain that "Ms. I am wearing a 48" right now and if I take this belt off you are going to see my briefs!" She very patiently pulls the tape again and tells me it's still 50". I know this can not be right.

I go to the jeans section. I have not worn jeans in so long, maybe 14 years. I pull some 48" x 32's and a pair of 46" x 32's off the rack. I go into the fitting room, and try the 46's on. they fit, but are loose. They fit really nice in the legs. I stopped wearing jeans, because when I was squatting 500+ lbs, my thighs were 28 inches around. Jeans did not fit! If I bought them from my legs, they were too big in the waist. If I bought them for my waist, they were too tight in the legs. At this time the friendly clerk inquires how I am doing. I respond pleasantly with "These are 46's, and there a bit loose."

I wander back over to the rack and pick up some 44" X 32's. I try these on, and amazingly they fit. They are a little tight in the waist, but as I continue to chase my triple crown, I am sure that they will become loose after time.

I decided to not buy pants tonight, but it is nice to know that I can when I choose to. I did indulge in a new belt. It will shrink with me, a smarter investment. I will keep my old friend though. Not that it will probably ever be used again other than a measuring device to gauge my progress.

So.... I Made My Mile

I sit here and double blog tonight. The energy and excitement go to Kimmi & Rachel! I did something important today, but they deserve their own post. I am proud of what I accomplished, but I want your thoughts to point to them, not to me.

I set a goal to hit a mile in the pool in eight weeks, but with 1700 yards for my workout this week, I was so close that I had to push it. I have even been pushing the workout this week. I am supposed to take 45 seconds of rest between 100's of which I have six. Then when I start my 50's, I am supposed to rest 30 seconds between my ten. I am not patient. I am not able to rest that long! I have only been resting 15 seconds between 100's, and 10 between 50's. Sorry Bob!

Tonight, as I neared the end of my 50's, I was on my seventh, I decided that it was time to see what was in the tank. I made myself swim 300 yards without a break. That means that I did my eighth and ninth fifty together. I did my tenth and cool down drill together, and my slow freestyle and an extra fifty to make a mile for the workout.

I am happy! I did the whole thing in 49 minutes. I will work on speed, but I am happy! I had more in the tank, but needed to get home to get the girls to soccer.

I am not sure what my next goal is, but I can tell you there will be another. I can't believe that this is me! I am below 300 lbs again. Actually 297 and change. I am definitely putting on muscle and changing shape. I am still round, but I am changing the amount of roundness. I say that with a gleam in my eye, and a smile.

I have to be honest; my first thought when I got done in the pool was: "A mile in the pool, just became my bitch!" maybe I will shoot for two miles. I don't know yet. I will keep you posted. Maybe it is a mile and a long bike ride. The possibilities are limitless.

I leave you with this thought. Send your energy to Kimmi and Rachel on Sunday. You may not know them, but they have both given energy to me. They both have encouraged me. They have both stepped out on a limb to chase a dream. They are both deserving. They are amazing. My accomplishment is small in comparison to what they will do!

Thanks for sharing the ride.

Iron Will Cometh!

My two friends go to battle this weekend. They are doing the Ironman Wisconsin on Sunday, September 7. I wish I was going to be there! I will be checking http://ironman.com/ironmanlive frequently, I can assure you of that. Go Rachel, Go Kimmi! I am in awe and am humbled by you both!!!!!!!!

I know when my friends Bob and Mike finished this last year, that my thoughts were with them all day. I would keep saying to them through mental telepathy keep going. Your not hurting, your only living! Okay, your done with the swim, now your just spinning and grinning. You got this! You can! You will! You are awesome! Later in the day, it was rack your bike and strap on your shoes. One foot in front of the other, how much easier does this get? Keep going! Your halfway done, what it's all down hill from here!

These people are awesome! These people have an ability! These people are my friends. These people are living, not just merely getting by. I assure you that the honor is all mine.

To Kimmi and Rachel, you just keep going! You believe in yourselves! You endure and you achieve! Crying ain't quitting! Trust in your resolve! You are awesome! You are strong! You are loved! You are doing this for the right reasons! You are more powerful than you realize! Let your light shine! Enjoy your journey! God's speed!

I am looking forward to hearing all about it. I send you love. I send you energy. I send you my gratitude for allowing me to be in your cheering section. You are my heroes!

Love, Marc

The Double, Double

I sit here exhausted, but content. I did the one thing I dislike physically more than any other endeavor, and then followed it up with something that I am beginning to love. I did my lifting session, and followed it with my fifth swim of the week.

I skipped my squats, but substituted leg curls and extensions. I am dealing with an inflamed or bruised Achilles tendon. I hurt this during my marathon training, and think pushing off the edge of the pool has strained it again. My chiropractor has made it feel better, but has suggested not doing squats until it is fully healed.

It was with some delay that I arrived at the gym. I was up early, but just did not find the drive to get to the gym. I made myself leave the house and go around 13:00 CDT. I went through my lifting session with a positive attitude. I found contentment in being consistently busy in the weight room. Some exercises felt good, while others were merely endured because they are necessary.

Upon completion of weight training, I grabbed a quick shower and got ready for my swim. I was anticipating difficulty. I was surprised that I was buoyed by the water upon entering. I felt almost weightless. I felt smooth. I was figuring that with the double swim yesterday, and the lifting before this swim, I would be suffering. To my shock and amazement, I felt very slippery in the water. I did my complete 1500 yard workout in about 48 minutes. This is a little slower than I have done it the rest of the week, but still not bad. 7500 Yards swimming and one weight training session for the week.

I got home around 15:30. I relaxed for a while, and watched a movie with Elizabeth. Figured that it was time to blog a bit. I am off to read a book for a bit, before taking my rest for the evening.

No deep thoughts to express tonight. There are a couple in my cranium, but I will digest them and figure how to express them more concisely before I share them. Enjoy your extended weekend (Labor day). Live, Laugh, Love, and enjoy your time.

Follow Through

I swam my two shifts of 1500 yards today. I am tired. I am relaxed. I am satisfied. I did what I said I would do. I have 6000 yards for the week.

Following through on what I say is important to me. I don't know where this obligation comes from, but it is inherent in my psyche. I have always believed that if you say you will do something, you need to do it. The most important thing is to be honest. Don't say you can do it if you are not committed to doing it. If you don't think you can do what you say, don't make the false statement.

Sometimes this ideal is impairing. If I don't think I am capable of doing something, I am afraid to make the commitment. Often, I don't believe that I am capable of doing much. Therefore, I hold myself back many times. I am learning that sometimes you need to step outside your comfort zone. That is what my whole TNT experience so far has taught me. It is good to go beyond yourself. It is good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you only exist in your comfort zone, you do not grow. You do not flourish. You become stagnate.

I am not a role model. I am only trying to make myself better, and the world around me improved. I find that when someone is impressed by my accomplishments from the past few years, that I am embarrassed. They don't always know that I was such a negative person that I am not deserving of their admiration. I always tell them to find a better role model than me.

If I motivate them to go outside of their comfort zone, then I am improving the world that I am involved in. Then I am deserving of their admiration. If I only accept the accolades, I am not deserving of any praise. That is only narcissism.

I still owe a lifting session, and one more swim for the week. I am looking forward to following through on it.

COMMITMENT: "Commitment is what transforms promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions, and the actions which speak louder than words. It is making the time when there is none, coming through time after time, day after day, week after week. Commitment is the stuff that character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." Unknown

Be Who You Are!

So this has not been a great week to work out. I have missed my weight training and two days swimming. I will need to swim a double either Saturday or Sunday and lift and swim on the other to make it up. This does not frighten me as it would have a few weeks ago. Why? Because I know that I can reach inside myself and find the strength I need. When did I learn this? When I did a double last week on Saturday, I made myself swim a double 1300 yard work out. I wanted to see if I had it in the tank. Surprisingly, I did.

The spirit is decidedly more strong than the individual that inhabits the body. What does that mean? It means that the mind may be weak when the body is strong. The mind is what tells you to quit. I have said before, and will say it again: The body will go until it gets injured beyond repair. The mind will quit when it feels discomfort. Telling your mind that you have more is the trick. Pushing it to go beyond is the magic. As long as you are not injured you can push far beyond your mental limits physically.

I used to hate when my college coaches would shout "Are you injured or are you hurt?" What they were saying was push beyond your mental limitations. Stop protecting yourself and exceed your own mental limitations. Mental limitations may be subconscious or may be you wanting to stop because you are tired and flagging, and giving into the mercy of rest. Rising above these mental limitations is an amazing accomplishment.

I need physical challenge. I need to push. I need to accept. I need to grow. I need to learn boundaries. I need to keep on keeping on. I need to give. I need to love, and be loved in return. I need to be. I need to help. I need to pursue. I need to achieve. All are accomplished by going beyond mental limitations.

I will do the double twice. I will accomplish. I will accept success or failure. I will grow either way. I am learning boundaries. I will keep on by persevering. I will give. I will love, and am loved in return. I will be. I will help. I will pursue. I will achieve. I will go on beyond my mental limitations.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and friends will laugh with you. Close yourself in and you only hurt yourself. Be open. Be accepting. Be who you are!

One Of Those Days

So you just ever have one of those days? I'm not talking about the kind that we all have where everything you touch goes to excrement immediately. I am talking about one of those days where you just smile at everything and get a stupid grin on your face!

I had a great workout yesterday, the kind that you walk out of the gym just plain exhausted, but knowing you accomplished what you set out to do. I finished my work day from home in the evening, and made a lot of progress on my project list. I went to bed an slept like a log. Got up this morning and logged on to work and knocked out a solid 45 minutes before dropping the kids off and driving to work.

Once at work, attended a meeting where I felt like the minimal comments I made were accepted and appreciated. Stopped by someone's desk and helped them understand what they were looking at. Went to my own desk and on the way was asked what I was smiling at; I replied I had no idea, but the grin did not leave.

I proceeded to knock out a good block of work while remaining focused and upbeat. Was invited to lunch, which I declined because I wanted to get my work out in early. Turned on my iPod to continue to chunk through a large project initative of switch refurbishment. Listening to Rascal Flatts, the grin just continued to grow and I could feel my soul start to soar. There is something about the close harmony and the many good rides I have had with the Flatts that I just can't, not be moved by the lyrics.

I leave work to hit the pool, and I knock out my week 6 workout of 1500 yards. Two more weeks, and I will hit my goal of 1 mile in the pool. 3000 yards this week! Come home with plans of blogging and spending some time with the family. Find out Elizabeth has soccer practice, and not even this can phase my good mood as it came up unexpectedly. I am actually looking forward to seeing her as this is her first year in soccer.

I wish that these type of days happened more often. Nothing amazing happend, but all of the little events have amalgamated into a great experience. I had joyful thoughts. I had pleasant memories stirred to the surface. I have enjoyed both physical and cerebral challenges and come through them stronger today.

I guess I will close with this thought as I continue to smile:

Success is living up to your potential. That’s all. Wake up with a smile and go after life… Live it, enjoy it, taste it, smell it, feel it. - Joe Kapp

So Phelps, I Am Not, But I Am Having Fun

So I continue to swim. I hit 6000 yards last week, and while I could have hit 7200, I decided to rest on Sunday. I really had to work hard to pull myself through the water on both Friday and Saturday. It may not always be fun, but I am amazed at the progress.

I had an experience on Saturday, that will pay dividends in the lake. I was doing my fifth 100, and misjudged my level in the water column, and inhaled a mouth full of water that went down my throat. I was on length number two heading into the third. I made myself swim through it. In the lake, there will be no bottom to touch, so I did not allow myself to put my feet down. I continued for a few more strokes, as the panic of having no air set in. I came to the surface and coughed the most horrible cough of my life. It sounded like I had lost my lunch in the pool. I took two more crawl strokes, and then went to the well for the breast stroke. I forced myself to calm down, surface, breath, under and stroke. Surface, breath, calm down, under stroke. I took four breast strokes, got my air back and then completed length three and four with the crawl.

I completed my whole workout without quitting when it got tough. I then promptly came home exhausted and passed out in my lazy boy. It was a nap well earned!

This experience is exactly why I am training so early. I expect struggle. I expect difficulty. Work put in now will yield experience that can be called upon when the going gets tough on event day. The event is still months away, but there is never a better time to prepare than now. I have miles to go, but I now know that I can survive a short period of panic and recover while in the water without stopping forward progress.

I hope to one day be able to get this enjoyment out of cerebral activity. The physical endeavors have always delivered lessons more easily that can be reflected on and used in other areas. When everything falls into place, there is that beautiful moment where one feels invincible. Man that is a wonderful feeling.

Doing Something You Don't Like Because It's Good For You

So, I am pretty sure you all know that I don't like lifting weights. This lack of desire comes from years of living in a weight room for football. So I only lift on Thursdays or one time a week. I swim the rest of the week.

Tonight was the first time to the gym without my trainer being involved. I did get to see Tami though, and that was nice. She was doing her workout before starting her shift. We gave each other grief in a good way.

I pretty much did my whole workout in 40 minutes. I like being able to move from exercise to exercise without delay. I quit work early to be able to get there before the post work rush. I am surprisingly not sore tonight. Maybe my muscles are adapting. I feel good.

I should have swam after my workout, but decided that I should get home early and finish up my day of work. The girls and Jen were away doing something fun, so I had a quiet house. I finished up work and watched some Olympics. I am more of a Winter Olympic fan than a Summer, but man these people are incredible!

Lifting may not be my favorite activity, but anything I can fit in before next July will help me reach my goal. Funny that I don't like goals, but I am starting to. If you don't reach them on your first attempt, the effort pays dividends. If you would have told me that I would be setting these goals for myself two years ago, I would have laughed at you. Me, set goals? What are you nuts? Sometimes you have to do things you don't like, because they are good for you.

Better Mood Today

Okay, I am in a better mood today. I don't know why I get like that. I guess, I am human and days like yesterday are going to happen. I had a fun and busy day. I even got my work out in before coming home.

Apparently my math was off yesterday and I thought I was in an Olympic pool of 50 yards. I shorted myself 50 yards yesterday at the very end of my workout. I am supposed to swim 150 yard of slow freestyle at the end of my week four routine. I realized this today as I was hammering out my workout before heading back to a meeting. I finished my 5X100's did my 50 yards of my cool down drill, and started my 150 cool down swim. I realized into the first 25 yards that I made a boo boo yesterday. I figured I would fix the situation today so as not to cheat. I swam 200 yards for my cool down. Eight lengths of the pool! Now, that was an accomplishment that brought a smile to my face.

Off to my meeting, scarfing a sandwich while walking into work. Get through it, while feeling totally out of my comfort zone. I am a router and switch jockey, not a business guru. I can contribute, but I am not always the best at expressing my thoughts on process. I don't always know I how I accomplish what I do, but I have internal processes that I follow. Trying to document those for others seems more difficult. I am learning and working on it, but still a lot of room for improvement.

Anyway, I am not beating myself up today. Might even climb on the trainer for a spin this evening. Bad days are still going to happen. I like the fact that I can vent them here and then leave them for reflection later. I am amazed how easily some of this stuff falls on the virtual page.

Have a great night and I'll blog again tomorrow.

Volunteering and Fighting Demons

I volunteered for the Turtle Man Triathlon this year. After living on the course for 12 years originally thinking this was a major inconvenience and now coming to accept it for what it is a remarkable feat and enjoyable to witness. Of course with my luck, I was on the furthest point of the course from my house. This is not a tragedy, but kind of funny that I could have walked or ridden to any other part of the course but two, and I drew one.

It was fun to watch the competitors, but somehow, I think it might be easier to compete in the event than to cheer people on. Maybe it is some deficiency in my character that starts to internalize watching what these folks are going through and not want to pitch in and suffer through it with them.

I have been fighting with my age old demons of late. I have let some negative self talk inhibit my growth. I have been making it to the pool regularly, I only hit 4800 yards last week, but listened to my body asking for rest on Friday and Sunday. It paid off today, I did my week four workout of 5 X 100 with only 10 seconds of rest fairly smooth over the complete 1200 yards. Imagine 20+ minutes of swimming with only 40 seconds off. I am tired, but it is definitely improving. I have not ridden much of late, but that will come as it continues to cool as fall approaches.

I don't know why I cannot just find happiness in being who and what I am. Funny that I have nothing terrible in my life, but I seem to dwell on the negative instead of celebrating the positive. I have more friends now than ever. I have a much improved life. I am setting goals and achieving them. Why then let the demons come in to run amok? I push them down and continue to chase what I believe in, but the things I say to myself internally... Sometimes, I question why was I granted time on earth? Maybe I will make a difference. Maybe I have. Maybe I am fulfilling what I am supposed to do. Maybe, I just think too damn much.

Whatever the case may be, I'm here and I better make the most of the time I have left. My friend Bob brought this quote to my attention. Maybe if I focus on this, I can break through the dark layers and burn more brightly:

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” – Jack London

Do not let the dark side of my personality diminish your thoughts of me. I am still the silly lovable ogre you all know and tolerate. I will beat back the gremlins as I have done all my life. I will find my high and low points, and they will aggregate themselves into a remarkable experience. Were all on the ride together. It is okay to seek solace amongst fellow travellers. Grant yourself forgiveness, I'm still trying to find it for myself.

Enough being morose! Tomorrow is a new day. I have opportunities ahead. Plans and dreams to make. Work to do to make the plans and dreams a reality. It is okay to question your faults, but not to dwell and become stagnate.

Inadequate In My Eyes

I have always viewed myself as inadequate. Everyone else is better, more deserving and more qualified than I am. Funny that when I talk to others, that their view of me is that I am all those things, but not inadequate. Why are we always hardest on ourselves?

Trust me, I am the world's worst perfectionist. I do not excel at anything. I also try not to give up on anything. Would I like to be great at something? Sure I would! But if everything came easy, would the reward and the feeling of success mean anything? The things that I do have marginal ability in, seem to bring me the most frustration. If I was only a little better at this detail, I would be complete. If I was only a little stronger, would I feel more accomplished?

Life is full of these type of questions. If you are able to reflect on your feelings, you have not quit. Life is for trying new things. Life if for failing and learning from those failures. Life is about accomplishing what you set your mind to do, and rewarding yourself by enjoying it when you succeed! I have a lot to work on when it comes to the latter. I am miles from where I started this journey, and I am miles from where I want to be.

The journey is the thing comes to mind here. When you realize that life is a journey, and you take time to enjoy it the rest of the strife seems to fade in comparison to the ride you are on. Others love and admire you, even if you don't have much love for yourself. Cherish those who offer you friendship. Accept those that don't offer you friendship, and wish them well in their journey.

Thanks to those who have love in their hearts for me. To those who I have offended in my 38 years, I am sorry. For those I will meet in the future, I am not a perfect person, but I am willing to admit that I am not infallible. Take time to teach me what you can, and know that I appreciate the lesson.

It is the lessons I have learned over the last few years that allow me to write this so freely, and without fear of reprisal. I am to a point in my life where it is not so much the view others have of me, but of the view I have of myself that matters. If only life allowed this to come earlier... Would I be a different man? Who knows, but I know that I would not have learned all the valuable lessons that I now can claim to have knowledge of.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. - Charles Du Bos

Pace Yourself and Smile

So I made my goal of 5000 - 6000 yards in the pool last week! I actually made 6300 yards.

I copied my week three and four workouts today and printed them. To look at the week ahead, I have 1200 yards for the week 3 work out. Now there are 6 X 100's with only 15 seconds of rest between plus all the drills. Oh my Lord, how am I going to accomplish this. "Pace Yourself" comes to mind.

I head to the pool with some trepidation in my heart, but what is life without some challenge? I have had a good day, and have not struggled at much today. A physical challenge is just what I need. I have a massage scheduled for 18:00 CDT, so even if this hurts the pain should be eased afterwards.

Do my warm up and drills, and take 45 seconds of rest before embarking on something that I don't know if I am capable of. I have to count the 100's and the length in the current one so that I do not cheat. So, swimming while focusing on form and repeating the mantra of 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 1-4 take 15 seconds of rest, and embark on 100 number two. By the time I am on number four, I am smiling in the pool. This has to look silly, but who cares, and who is watching!

I finished all 6 X 100's without extending my 15 seconds of rest between. If you told me I would be able to do this in the morning, I would have been suspect of your sanity! I am still not fast, but that is not the goal. The distance and form are what I am pursuing at present. The speed will come with increased physical strength and fitness!

Time to go enjoy my massage with a sense of accomplishment, and maybe a continued smile!

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. - Joshua J. Marine

To Friends With Aspirations

This is not an entry about me. By surrounding myself with successful people with aspirations, I hope to become what these people are! I have two friends that are chasing the Ironman dream. Ironman is a poor choice of a name for a race that both men and women compete in. I feel that it should be called Iron Will. All endurance events are a test of mental fortitude. These two ladies are very inspiring.

Kimmi & Rachel are chasing a dream that will very likely become reality. I wish that when I was their age, I would have possessed the focus that they have. They made a decision to do something, they are putting in the effort and they will achieve it.

I met these two individuals at a TEAM party after my Tahoe century. I have ridden with them a few times, and am astounded by them. I gave them grief the first time I met them, like I did all of the tri-athletes at the party. I told them that they were tri-athletes because they were not able to commit to one sport. Funny now that I am trying to do what they accomplish with ease. Not to say what they have accomplished did not come without sacrifice.

Kimmi mentored the tri TEAM with TNT for the Lifetime Triathlon this year, and I believe that Rachel was involved as well with the TEAM. In between their endeavors with TNT, they have been pursuing the dream of becoming Iron Will finishers. Last week, they both completed the half Iron Will in Chisago, MN. This test covers 1.2mile Swim | 56mile Bike | 13.1mile Run, for a total of 70.3 miles under your own power. This was just another training and learning day for their date with 140.6 miles on September 7, 2008.

This weekend, they decided to go ride the Madtown (a.k.a Madison), WI cycle course. for their approaching endeavor. They completed over 100 miles of the course in around six hours. In the process, Kimmi completed her first Century!

I am proud of these two ladies. I hope to instill some of their intestinal fortitude in my own two little girls. My hat is off to both Kimmi and Rachel for their accomplishments thus far, and in what they will achieve in the future.

Ladies keep moving forward, look back with a smile, and embrace your future. You two will go far in this life.

Thursday's Are Long Days...

Slept in again today as the kids are back and we are into our normal routine again. Drop them off at Mom & Dad's and head to work. Make progress on some issues that need attention today. Domestic project is right on schedule and this is a nice feeling. It is nice to see these projects small pieces fall together into a working site. It is amazing how all the little tasks coalesce into a working office.

I am dreading going the gym for my weight training session. Not because it won't feel good to accomplish it, but I still do not like weight training. I feel that I am getting stronger, but I don't like the residual pain for the two days after. It is not debilitating pain, just annoying. Day 11 of exercise. I am in need of a much deserved rest, so Friday will be the day.

I met my trainer as I was going down stairs, and she said "you look tired." I replied, "I am dragging." She informed me that she was going to take it easy on me, but would still make the workout challenging. She was right, she took special care to watch my form and make sure that I did not strain my knees. We did squats, and different lunges so as to not put too much strain on my knees. The new form of lunge was much easier on the knees, and I could definitely feel the muscles working. Some of the exercises made me feel awkward and a bit self-conscious, but I worked through that and can feel the benefit. Core workout was good and I can feel my abs.

Weight training complete. I am debating going home without swimming, but with taking Friday off, and not being able to work out until after 13:00 CDT on Saturday I will not make my goal of 5000 - 6000 yards for the week. I go into the pool, and decide that I will skip the drills, and do the distance a little different. I wind up swimming 800 yards, focusing mainly on form and doing 50 yards, 15 seconds of rest then another 50 yards. This worked well, and was very relaxing. 4100 yards so far this week in the pool. I even let myself do one lap of breast stroke. I did not enjoy it as it was slow. I am becoming a freestyle convert.

Time for dinner, and some time with the family, and some much deserved rest. We will see what life brings tomorrow. Whatever it is, it might be good, it might be bad, but it will just be another day in this adventure called life.

Ten In A Row, WTF Is Wrong With Me!

So, I decided to sleep in this AM. I still woke up at 04:15, but my body said "Dude, you need some sleep!" I dozed in and out of slumber until 07:00. I can tell you that the benefit of this exercise over the last couple of years is sleep! When I was at my heaviest, I know that I would wake up choking on my uvula! I have not done that since losing 40 pounds! It is so nice to actually sleep!

When I was working for Satan's company, (they have the Death Star for a logo) sleep was not possible! It was work, work, and to heck with sleep do some more work! I was lost. I would solve problems in my broken sleep. Get up, write down the solution or log on and fix it before I forgot the solution. This is not a healthy lifestyle.

I feel guilty for not going to the pool this morning, but the extra rest was awesome! I arrive at work, and feel ready to accomplish something. I have a site going live on Monday, so it is time to bring up the router and the LAN. I am looking forward to it even though it will require some extra time today. Wednesday's are meeting days for me. Projects in the domestic US, and Latin America. I plug through the first half a day, and am losing focus. Time for a workout!

I head to the pool and knock out my 1100 yards for my week two workout. I am not beautiful in the water yet, but I am not the ugly child I was three weeks ago. I marvel at how far a little effort and some help can improve one's abilities. I even allow myself to enjoy the steam room after my workout. I find that subjecting myself to the steam room helps get the chlorine off my skin. I head back to work refreshed and invigorated.

I attend my two Latin American project meetings, while planning for the WAN turn up on my domestic US project. My meetings end up and I am in another conference call for the day, my fifth. We get new cards installed, and I get an email from my soon to be Ironman (woman) finisher, Kimmi! She asks me to go for a ride tonight, but I have to forgo the opportunity as I am working late, and more importantly, my girls are coming home tonight! We get the router up and working, but the WAN team has not configured the LAN interfaces. Oh well, we can knock that out in the AM. Time to go get some precious hugs from all three of my girls!

Get home, get smiles and more importantly hugs from the three people I don't deserve in my life! I am rich beyond measure! I am unworthy of these three ladies. They love me regardless of my ineptitude, my failings, and my self imposed limitations. There is nothing in life like seeing joy in the eyes of your child!

Ten days in a row working out, is not an accomplishment. Being loved, and loving in return is what makes this trip worthwile.

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up. - John Andrew Holmes

Add especially if they are your children,and the woman that gave them to you, and you have the perfect quote!

Short and Sweet

Not much to blog about today. Up at 04:15. Leave the house by 05:00. Swim for one hour and 15 minutes. 2200 yards this week. Nine straight days of working out. Get ready to go to work.

On the topic of nine straight days of some kind of physical exertion. if you would have told me two years ago that I would actually like doing this again, I would have told you that you were Nucking Futs! But it has become part of my life, and I enjoy it.

Get through my day, without too many bumps. Eat lunch around 16:00. I did have breakfast at 07:00, and I had a snack at 10:30, but then I got involved in meetings and the like. Glad that the day is over.

I am tired and I am going to bed soon. 04:00 will be here again very soon.

Great Morning, Rough Day, Bad Movie, and a Great Date, All In All Life Is Good!

Okay, so this morning started out with Jenny waking me up at 04:15 CDT. She is normally up at this time to get ready for work. The kids are off with their grandparents to head up to Bemidji for a couple of days. Last week Jenny and I made plans to make this a date night. Dating when married is always a challenge, but very important. With that being said, I groggily roll out of bed, grab a shower to wake up and head to the gym as Jenny leaves for work. We both commented before leaving that the house was feeling humid.

I need to be consistent with my swimming as I want to get about 5000 - 6000 yards a week in the pool. I really want to improve at this, and am really enjoying this undertaking. I get to the gym, and am in the pool when most sane folks are just waking up.

I still have my drills to do and this week, the 4 x 100's are now 5 x 100's with only 30 seconds between 100's. To say that pacing myself is important is obvious. I think they went really well. When I remembered to go slow and roll side to side, it was almost effortless to pull my large frame through the water. When I start to get lazy and don't practice good technique, it gets harder. I even have the epiphany of seeing the stroke come together that the DVD has been discussing and Bob was trying to get me to do. If you are on your side with the stroke, you can lead with your elbow instead of reaching for the air.

With the workout done, I get ready to go to work. As I get to my truck, I suddenly remember about the air conditioner, and a previous issue where it felt humid in the house. I bet the compressor outside is full of cotton wood. I better go home and spray it down with the hose so that it does not overheat.

I get home, and find that the compressor is not too bad. I spray it down anyway and go down to check the furnace. The furnace is frosted up, so I shut it down. Before doing that, I notice that the blower is not putting out any air. Well, maybe when it thaws, it will be okay.

I log on to work from home and send the email that I will be online from here. I forward my desk phone to my cell, and proceed with my normal work activities. I am able to concentrate, and am very productive at home. After about an hour and 45 minutes, I go turn the unit on as the frost is all gone. No blower engagement.

I stop and think... I can turn the furnace on and see if it comes on with the heat on. No dice! It heats up, and then when the blower goes to engage, "click" and it shuts down. This is going to cost me. Call the repair man and go back to work. I am so happy to be able to work from home when necessary. I am so fortunate as a contractor that my employer allows this opportunity.

I am still on track for being able to go out with Jenny to a movie and dinner. So the day while not fun still has promise.

The repair man gets here and I explain the issue. He heads down to the furnace, and after the description of the problem and seeing what model it is, tells me; "You are not going to be happy." He has not even opened the furnace to look at it yet. "How bad is it?" I ask. He says "this is the most expensive part I keep in stock." This unit's blower unit board is notorious for going out. It is a design flaw with a weak resistor. Sure enough, he opens the unit up, pulls five or six screws out and pulls the suspect part out. The resistor is burned in two. Luckily, he has two on the truck. He puts the new improved part with a better resistor in and the furnace blower motor comes to life. He tops of the refrigerant, and he is on his way out the door with $600 in his pocket.

Jenny comes home and we are out the door to go to the movie she picked out. "Momma Mia", now this looks like it could be entertaining from the trailers. I enjoy a good ABBA tune as much as the next person, but after this movie I am not sure to ever enjoy another.

If they cut out about 10 - 15% of the singing and progressed the movie to the end it could have been tolerable. At one point during the movie as Jenny is sitting next to me laughing hysterically, I ask; "How many cute and cuddly puppies did I kill in a past life to be subjected to this?" She continues to laugh and I want to cry.

There are some funny parts to the movie, but not enough to ever subject myself to this nightmare again. Thankfully the movie ends... Oh wait, they reserved two more crappy tunes for the end as the credits roll. I cannot get out of the theater fast enough. I have enjoyed seeing Jenny laugh and have a good time, but I am ready to go have dinner.

Jenny asks where I would like to go eat. We used to live in the apartments by the theater, and used to frequent a little restaurant called Giuseppe Italian Ristorante. We have not been there since we moved into our house. As this is not far from the theater, I suggest we go there for dinner. We laugh and talk about the movie. She really enjoyed it, and she is enjoying laughing at my misery of sitting through this debacle. We stroll down memory lane of past visits to this establishment when we did not have two nickels between us. We have a very nice quiet dinner together.

Life is not all about the good things. Sometimes it is the bad or difficult that make you find perspective. I am grateful that the furnace/AC issues did not ruin the opportunity to have a great night with the woman that loves me for some odd reason. I am thankful for grandparents that take their grandchildren on short vacations. I am thankful for my children and miss them when they are gone. I don't deserve all the good that I have found in my life over the last couple of years, but I am thankful for gaining the perspective to recognize it.

Double Duty Day.

I am beat! I left work early today, becuase I could not focus on anything after lunch. I was physically tired, but I knew a workout might revive me enough to finish the day off later this evening from home. Since my gym is on .5 miles from work, and I had a 17:00 CDT appointment with my trainer, I decided to go get my swim out of the way and then be ready for my weight training session.

The swim workout went well. It was not flawless, but one should not expect it to be after only three weeks. It is still improving, and I am thouroughly enjoying seeing the results in the pool, and physically. It is amazing how much tone you get out of swimming. My chest, shoulders, triceps, lats, and traps are starting to pop. We will see if I start to loose my neck if my traps continue to grow. When I played football, I did not have a neck, my traps extended from my ears to my shoulders.

I really focused in the pool. Funny how I could not focus at work anylonger, but a few laps in the pool brought me right back on task. I finished my swim training in about an hour to and hour and fifteen. This is the second swimming session, that I have not used a single breast stroke in the pool!!!! Bob told me that for the next few weeks, I am not allowed to use that stroke. So far, I have been able to avoid it. The comfort level is increasing with the freestyle. Awesome as this is why I am working on this so early. So far this week, 3000 yards in the pool!

I went back into the locker room. Showered, and put on my gym shorts, tennis shoes, and TNT shirt and headed up to meet my trainer. Tami is a riot. She likes to pick on me in a good way. She has trouble keeping count, so I have keep her honest. If she makes me do a few extra reps, it is not that big a deal, as the benefit is mine. I am not looking to bulk up at all. I only want to get lean and toned. I am not looking to get buff, only continue to loose my spare tire.

Tami proceeds to put me through a good work out. I am a little shaky in the legs, and I can feel my abs. I taught her a new trick for core work outs. We used the half ball, and tossed the medicine ball back and forth while rotating the torso, and squatting down then standing back up. I learned this one from Bob again. It is amazing how many little muscles fire off as you do this routine. I even got her to try it, and she liked it. It was fun to turn the tables if only for a few minutes.

Well, I need to got get something to eat. Log on to work, and finish out my day.

Don’t be frightened if things seem difficult in the beginning … the important thing is not to retreat; you have to master yourself. This ability to conquer oneself is no doubt the most precious of all the things sports bestows upon us. - Olga Korbut

This was double duty day it was difficult. It will pay results in the future.

Going to Church...

Well, not really. I went to my church tonight, the church of the bike. I cannot take credit for the church of the bike line. I read it on a friend of a friends blog, but it struck home.

My bike and time on the road is my church. I find that every issue, every struggle and every difficult situation fade when I am grinding out the miles.

I have not ridden as much as I did last year this season. I am still averaging about 50 miles a week, but no where near the 100 a week I did last season. Marathon training destroyed my climbing legs, so I have not ventured over to visit that BEAWTCH in Stillwater called Mrytle. And that other Son of a BEAWTCH named Chillykoot. I will get there before the snow flies, but my big engine prefers to climb the hills in the cold weather!!!! Still hard work, but I need not fear overheating.

I work with a lady name Liz, who lives about two miles from me. She has been asking me to go on a ride with her and show her the local bike trails. So tonight, we went for a ride. Liz did amazing hammering out nine to nine and a half miles. She really seemed to enjoy the trip. I dropped her off at her house, and then figured that I better get home as I had not eaten dinner yet and it was getting on toward 20:00 CDT. I figured I could hammer out the 2.1 miles in about 10 to 15 minutes.

By the time I got back to a mile from home, I had a decision to make... Go home and get something to eat or (insert eyebrow wiggle here), Go around the lake and add about five more miles to my ride pretty much wide open.... HMMMMMM, Decisions, Decisions. This is not a hard one to work out. Of course I added the distance. The light turned green and off I went. Cranking the pedal arms and up shifting until I had 21 miles an hour and Mr. Endorphin-Rush came a calling. Get to the next light 1.5 miles up the road down shift, make my right turn and oh boy there is a rabbit out in front of me.

A rabbit in my vernacular is another cyclist that has no idea he is now the target of my obsession. This is someone for me to catch and try to pass. I haul this poor son of a gun in over the next quarter mile and pass him on a hill. At about this time, my heart rate monitor is reading 162 beats a minute. Time to reel this rodeo in and settle it back down to zone 3 and closer to 2. 160 beats a minute is my anaerobic threshold. This is where I start burning sugar instead of fat. So, I let off my pedals and enjoy the coast to my next right turn.

Turn completed. Oh boy, another rabbit!!! Up shift and hammer out 23 miles an hour over the next quarter to half mile. This rabbit is a little faster than the last. Fly by this one and then the old ticker is tapping out 165 BPM. Time to enjoy all the stored energy in my tires. Another right turn, and long coast around a sweeping left. Bet you were starting to think this was a backwards Nascar race; ride hard turn right! One more mile to home.

I pull in the drive way only completing 16 miles, but loving ever revolution of the tires. Put up the garage door store the thoroughbred in the garage, and walk in the house to find out it is only 19:30 CDT. Whoa Hooo still time to go catch a grown up beverage at the Daddy Pop Shop.

Open my reward, sit down and write my thoughts from church down. Maybe beer is not part of the sacrament, but all my sins were washed away on the road. All my worries are gone for the night. I'm all smiles and happy to be on this crazy marble called Earth.

Find your church. Visit your church often. Enjoy the heck out of it. Live, Love, and Laugh with all your heart. Nothing can be wrong with that.

Breast Self Exams and Panic!!!!

I work as a contractor for a company that has a gym at each building. During this high fuel cost summer, and driving a F150 pickup, I am riding my bike 2 to 3 times a week to work. It is nice to have the option to save some money, and get some exercise.

I bought a commuter bike for this task. As I did not want to put a pannier rack on my road bike. That bike is strictly for freedom and speed. The commuter bike is a Giant FCR2. The FCR1 has a little nicer component set on it, but the FCR2 is perfect for commuting. The ride from home is 8 miles roughly, and at about a 14 mile an hour pace takes approximately 40 minutes, door to door having to stop for traffic lights.

So before cycling to work, I stop by the gym and ask if it is okay to commute to work via bicycle and take a shower in the locker room. I am told yes it is okay, but as I do not have a membership, I will need to provide my own towel. No problem with that. I tour the locker room, so that I know which one is the guys, and where the showers are.

so the first morning, I decide to ride to work, I pack my bike up with my pannier bags loaded with my laptop bag, and a duffel bag with clothes. One would not think that this would be that much weight, but remarkably, it does weigh a lot. I ride over to work without too many incidents. Only a couple of close calls with motorists not paying attention or not being awake in the morning. I can take bike paths the whole way, but only use them in the real dangerous areas as going up and down the curbs is tricky with the extra weight.

I get to work and un-encumber my ride. I wander downstairs to my desk and drop off my laptop bag. Grab my duffel full of clothes, and my shaving kit with my toiletries and head off to the gym which is only one hallway over from my work station.

I check the sign as I enter the men's locker room, and prepare for my shower. I disrobe, and grab my towel and head into the shower. Of course, I take my glasses off as I head to the shower. Now, I only have an astigmatism, but this vision issue causes everything to loose it's edge and words fuzz together. I put my towel on a hook, and turn the shower on. I get under the water, and turn around to get my back wet. I notice some placards on the hooks next to my towel. They look like "Do Not Disturb" signs you hang on a hotel room door. With my vision impairment, I am not able to read them from the eight feet away. So I wander over to investigate what the heck they say.

To my shock and horror, they are breast self examination instructions, complete with female pictographs. Not to say that I am afraid of the female breast, but I am now questioning if I am not asleep much like the motorists that almost have hit me this morning. Let's just say that the pucker factor went from zero to 100 in about .0005 seconds. Am I standing naked in the ladies locker room shower? Oh Christ, how could I mess up this bad! I am only a contractor, if someone walks in I am sure to get shit canned for this kind of mistake! Oh hell, what am I to do? Screw it, I am past the point of no return on this one. Hurry up shower, and hope to hell no ladies come in.

To say I now posses the land speed record in showering, is an understatement. I fly across the shower, lather up and rinse off before the water and soap have a chance to hit my body in under 30 seconds. Fly across the shower, grab my towel, swipe it across my body, and sprint towards my clothes. I throw my briefs on, and pull my trousers up, and can feel my heart racing. This shower is turning into a better cardio workout than the ride to work. Just as I get my trousers up but not buttoned, I hear the door crack open.... "Ah, ah, just.... ah... moment!" I say. Around the corner walks a man. I must have let out an audible gasp, because he looks up and says "Are you okay?" I reply in a tremulous voice "Yeah, I am okay... but can you tell me why the hell there are breast self exam cards in the men's locker room?" The guy laughs and replies "There are?" I come back with the witty retort of "Hell yes! I thought I was in the wrong damn locker room! "We both have a good laugh, and I finish getting ready for the days work.

When I get back to my desk, I swear to God, it took a good 30 minutes to get my heart rate back down to normal. I shared my misfortune with my co-workers, which all got a good laugh at my expense.

I did learn that day, that some men do contract breast cancer. Apparently men that are more androgynous and have more female hormons are at risk, so the AMA has recommended that this group of men perform breast self exams. Who knew? I certainly did not!

Everytime I enter the locker room at work though, I am now conditioned to make sure that it says Men's on the door. I don't think my heart could take another jolt like it did that morning!

Swimming, Floundering and Drinking The Pool

I started swimming to prepare for the triathlon in July 2009 on July 4, 2008. Why so early one might ask? Well, it is simple; I suck at swimming. While I might be as big as a whale, I am no where near as graceful! But seriously, I want to be efficient at swimming, so I don't waste all of my energy in the water before I get on my bike. So I joined a different gym that gives me access to a pool 24 hours a day.

On July 4, I decided that a good first goal would be 10 laps. A lap for those that don't know is two lengths of the pool. The pool is 25 yards long, so a lap equals 50 yards. I tried the freestyle stroke, also known as the front crawl. It looked more like someone had put the Tasmanian Devil in the water with an electrode attached to a 220 volt electrical source than swimming. After about 25 yards of churning up the water, I went back to my old standby stroke the breast stroke. Everything smoothed out and I was able to do 12 laps. Not bad, but not the most efficient stroke to swim over the mile that is part of an Olympic distance tri.

I sent out a plea for help, and it was answered by my friend Bob. Bob is the coach from my cycle event with TNT. Bob is a former high school swimmer, and has completed the Wisconsin Ironman. Bob is one of the most giving people that I have ever met. He possesses so much knowledge, and is willing to share it in an understandable way.
Bob suggested that I check out Total Immersion Swimming DVD's. I bought the DVD and it made an instant impact.

While I now was able to swim 50 yards with the crawl, I knew that I would still have a lot of work to prepare to swim 1760 yards, or 1 mile. I would still revert to my old standby when I panicked in the water. I was swimming about 20 laps now most by breast stroke by day 14 of my swimming practice. I was still practicing the drills from the TI swimming DVD, and noticing some more relaxed progress.

Bob hit me up by a text message to see how things were going. He offered to meet me at my gym and give me some pointers. We met tonight, and needless to say, he taught me some more drills, and I got the best swimming workout I have had. We did drills for about and hour, with me drinking most of the pool. I would do 25 or 50 yards, and he would ask me what I was doing poorly. I either had my head too high, or was not rolling side to side enough, or mainly not rolling enough when I had my right arm extended. The good thing was that I was able to recognize with his instruction what was wrong with any given lap on my own.

After drills, Bob had me swim 4X100's with 60 seconds off, and then back to work. So essentially swim four 25 yard lengths, take 60 seconds off, and then repeat three more times. After the first 100 yards, I thought I was going to die! During the recovery period, Bob told me you started too fast, you have to pace yourself. Bob has told me this for the last year. I do the same damn thing on a bike. I am off like a rocket, and then limping home.

On the second four lengths, the first two went fairly well. The last two the form started to slip, so the effort increased. Rest for my precious 60 seconds, and the start of the third set. I wont say that I breezed through it, but I really focused on torso twist so my belly button was facing the walls on each stroke. I was stretching way out, and this one felt better. Rest for 60 wonderful seconds, and then the final set of the four. Somehow I made it through the last set. I only really remember the final 25 yards thinking if I swallow one more mouthful of this pool, they are going to have to refill it tonight.

I am severely more tired than I have been from swimming the breast stroke, but that is why I am doing this. I want to be prepared for all 1760 yards next July.

I am also receiving assistance from a co-worker named Barb. She is always willing to answer my silly questions related to swimming.

Nobody gets through life alone. If you have questions ask them. There truly is no silly question, but the one not asked.

San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon 2008

The start of the race. I am some where back on the left by the buses you can barely make out in the background. Kind of like playing Where's Waldo...




Reaching the 19.2 safety zone. I got to see my TNT staff person Kristen at this point. It was nice to see a friendly face!!!!



This is only 2 miles after the picture above. Boy, can you say total body cramping!!!! I did not see the photographer taking this shot. I probably would have maimed them if I had the ability. Happens to be one of my favorite shots from this adventure. None of this comes easy. It would not be worth it if it did!!!




Since I have told myself this is the last full marathon that I am ever doing, I am going to sprint across the finish!!!!

26.2 finishers medal! Chip time for this distance: 7:38:03
Average of 17 minute 48 second a mile.

Well we did it! We made it across our finish lines. Jenny was able to reach her goal of 13.1 and I, mine of 26.2. Of the two, I am most proud of her achievement! I will get back to that after I tell you about the second best weekend of my life!

You guys are part of the success of this past weekend. There were 3400 TNT participants at this last weekends San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon http://www.rnrmarathon.com/home.html . All of the participants combined raised $12.5 million dollars. The eleven year total raised through this event is a staggering $134.6 million!!! Way to go!

At the pasta party the main speaker was John "The Penguin" Bingham. He is an author and a writer for Runners World. He was animated to say the least and very funny. He introduced and presented an award to an 84 year old lady that was running in her 10th and last marathon in San Diego. He is the man behind the quote:

The miracle isn't that I finished...The miracle is that I had the courage to start.

John Bingham introduced David Monson who is the husband of the late four time Iditirod Sled Dog Race winner Susan Butcher http://www.susanbutcher.com/. Mr. Monson informed of us the loss of his wife to Leukemia in a very moving speech. He stated that for all of the TNT participants that the next time they needed to look for a hero, that they should look to their left or right or at the table next to them or in the mirror. He said that he was in a room full of people who were doing something for someone in need. You may not have been in that room with us, but it is through your generous contributions that Jenny and I were there to represent you. You are all heros! I say that because without you none of this is possible.

We retired from the pasta party and were left to our own devices to prepare for the marathon. Jenny has this unbelievable ability to just be in the moment. She takes the tension in stride and presses on. I on the other hand start to doubt myself and become very introverted. I was able to say positive things to her and yet feel that some how I was not ready for the next day's endeavor. She assured me that I was going to be just fine. We retired to sleep, and unlike last year I was actually able to get four solid hours of sleep. Jenny with her gift was able to sleep as well. We awoke at 01:30 PDT. We needed to be down to the gathering point at 03:00 PDT for team photos and then off to the bus for Balboa park. Jenny said first thing "Oh my God it is early." To which I replied "Come on, you need to stay positive today." In rebuttal I got "Okay, I am positive it is really early" (one point for Jenny). The marathon did not start until 06:30 PDT, but with all the traffic you need to be there early!

We were sitting in Balboa park getting ready to head to our corral (marathoner speak for starting point). They put the faster folks in the lower numbered corrals and the slower in the higher. We were in number 23 the last corral. The race started promptly at 06:30 PDT. We did not take step one forward until about 06:45 PDT. I believe we crossed the Starting line about 06:55 or so. It was really interesting to be a part of this mass of humanity moving forward. People standing on their balconies waving to you with a cup of coffee in their other hand and yelling good luck. As Jenny and I crossed the Starting line holding hands, we kissed each other and wished each other good luck. She said she would call when she got done at 13.1 miles.

Coach (Rosanne) and I did the first mile in about 16 minutes. We progressed on for about another 1/2 mile until Coach went back to walk with some of the others on our team. I was feeling good, and was enjoying the music every 1/2 mile or so. I met a lady between mile two and three named Peggy. Peggy is a retired Lieutenant-Colonel from the army where she served as a nurse. We were moving at a good pace and chatting as we went. We met up with coach again but we only walked together with her for a bit before both Peggy and I needed to stop for a biological break at mile eight or so. Some how we did not relocate each other upon completion of said break. So I started out on my own up highway 163 which is shut down for the race. I was laughing, joking and encouraging others as I went. This is also about the time that the cloud cover burned off and the sun came out in full!

I reached the 13.1 mile marker about three hours in if memory serves. At this point I was flagged down by another TNT participant and asked if I could take Aurora for "a mile up the road". Aurora was a visually impaired participant. I said yes that I would help. I assumed that the participant that asked me to help would be back as she was probably trained on helping a visually impaired person in a marathon and just needed a break. So off Aurora and I go.

Aurora is a very diminutive woman. Maybe four foot six inches if I had to guess. She informed me that she had done several marathons and that she has run into obstacles with being allowed to participate. She really wanted to get to the 19.2 mile cut-off before 12:30 PDT. Once you reach this point you are allowed to finish the 26.2 without interference. I was shooting for the same goal I stated. We were making good time but Aurora was holding my left hand versus my elbow because of the height difference. This started to put a spasm in my back as I was not able to swing both arms. Aurora was fairly patient in teaching me how to lead. She instructed me that the visually impaired have the right of way on the course. She was allowed to cut 90 degree corners by crossing curbs at a 45 degree angle. As we progressed through the course, we would hit cheering stations, and my race bib had my name on it so I would hear "way to go Marc", "Keep it going Little Giant". Aurora it turns out is: Aurora Ortiz and is known as the Little Giant. I found out that Aurora is involved with the San Diego Blind Recreation Center, She is a surfer and is pretty popular in the community.

At about mile 16 my phone starts to ring with Jenny's ringtone. I tell Aurora that I need to take this call. Jenny tells me that she is done. I tell her how proud I am of her and I start to break down. This was something that I really wanted for Jenny. I wanted it for her so that she could become active and healthier. I wanted it so that she could understand why TNT is so important to me. As I am walking and crying, Jenny and I say our see you laters at my finish line. Aurora pats me on the hand and tells me that she thinks that it is special that I am happy for my wife to complete her half marathon (Jenny finished with another of our teammates Vicki). We talk about Jenny, and keep moving forward.

I did my best to get Aurora to the 19.2 mile marker, but at about mile 18, I needed to seek medical attention for my left foot (BLISTER, OUCH!)! I stopped another TNT participant and honestly explained that if she would help Aurora on, I would TRY and catch back up and take up the responsibility again. I was in the medical station for about five to ten minutes. I was not able to catch up to Aurora, but I know that she finished via the results page. She finished about 15 minutes before I did.

It was after I got out of the medical station that I noticed Peggy out in front of me. I jogged/hobbled back up to her and said hello. Peggy it turns out will be this years event angel for me. Last year it was my chiropractic angel Leslie who saved the day by fixing my ailing foot. This year Lieutenant-Colonel Peggy R.N (Army Ret.) who used the mantra "It's mind over matter Marc. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!" to get me through to the finish line.

As Peggy and I were crossing the magic 19.2 mile marker into the safety zone where I would be able to finish no matter how long it took, we were walking in a group of young ladies that were getting cat called to by some college age gentlemen ( I use that term lightly here). The fine young men were cheering "Go Hottie, Go Hottie", and the young ladies were not receptive to the cheers. So me and my ever present ability to keep my mouth shut (oh yeah, I don't have that ability), I shouted back in my best lispy voice "Stop staring at my legs you silly savages!" The young ladies and the women nearby loved my retort and started to laugh at the not so genteel gentlemen. I got a few thank you's and we all trooped on.

Somewhere around mile 20 or so my body decided it was not really happy doing this anymore. My strides were getting shorter, the day was getting hotter, my stomach was getting upset. In comes that saying I will hear over and over (Thank GOD!) "It's mind over matter Marc. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!" As I continue to move forward towards the finish, it is time for another biological break. As I get back on the course, my last two teammates catch up and pass me (Louise, and Ken). We exchange plesantries, and they can tell I am in my own kind of personal hell. They are also hurting but they need to keep moving. I am so happy to see them again and know that they are going to make it. Coach pops up again and walks with Louise and Ken for a bit before falling back to Peggy and I. Both Coach and Peggy leave me in my happy place (mentally hiding from the pain) when necessary, but when they need to pull me back to consciousness I hear: "It's mind over matter Marc. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!" Between Mile 22 and 23, coach goes on ahead to help Louise and Ken.

Peggy's coach pops up, (I am sorry I do not recall his name) he jokes with me and keeps me moving by using what I call Marathon Math. Marathon Math is out right lying! Everything is down hill from here! Only a 1/2 mile to go! You seeing a trend here? I know I am being bamboozled here, but I am okay with it because you have to take everything in small steps from mile 20 to 26.2. Win each small battle and you will win the war. Peggy, calls her daughter somewhere in the 22 to 23 mile range. She tells her that she is going to be about another hour "She's helping a trooper who's struggling". Who might that be?

Peggy starts telling me "your doing it Marc!" She also tells me "I am not going to leave you out here!" You know what? I knew she meant it. That was the most unbelievable part of it, here is someone I just met this morning, and she was willing to stay out there with me and keep me going. This is the part of TNT that is so remarkable. Nobody is a stranger! Nobody will leave you alone on the course. Everybody out there in purple is out there for another human being and will help you through your tough times too. Don't forget, every once and a while, I would hear: "It's mind over matter Marc. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!" The miracle here is that the first time that I got down mentally on myself was at mile 23. It was only for a brief moment, and then I pushed down the thoughts and kept moving. This is a vast improvement over last year even!

We trudged along, and coach came back to help Peggy, help me. They are kidding me that when we go under the overpasses that I am slow to come out. Very true because the sun is a pain in the butt. Nice and cool in the shade! about 23.5 miles or so, one of the bands is finishing up playing. The crowd starts to chant "one more, one more!" It turns out the one more the band chooses to play is the Star Spangled Banner. I remove my ball cap as they start to play. I don't dare stop moving. I sing along as best I can between sobs. It is a very moving moment for me as tears stream down my face unabashedly. I think it fired me up just enough to reach the end. I webble and wobble my way into the Marine Recruiting Station, and shake as many of the Marine's hands as I can, and say thank you for them being out to cheer us on. I get to the 26.1 mile mark, and I make my mind up I am going to run as fast as I can across th at damn line I have been looking for all day. From somewhere in my body came the energy to run, and run I did! I did not finish fast, my time was between 7 hours and 45 minutes to 8 hours and 4 minutes. I am not able to find myself in the marathon website results page. I did not finish pretty ( I was a bedraggled, hobling, blistered mess)! But I did finish!!!! To borrow John "The Penguin" Bingham's quote:

The miracle isn't that I finished...The miracle is that I had the courage to start.

To borrow the military addage of " It's mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!" I did not mind the pain I was in because it did not matter to me. Honoring your donation is what mattered to me. I wanted to honor your contribution with attaining what I said I would do to earn it. My pain is irrelavant to the pain that our honoree's endure. My pain will heal in a couple of days, my struggle for this year is done. The honoree's and their family's continue to endure until we find a cure. Thank you for your faith in Jenny and I!

Without Peggy there to be my angel, I don't know if I would have made it on this one. Coach was a very big part of it too. Nobody quit on me, including myself! I got my 26.2 finishers medal, I got a hug from my wife. She showed me her 13.1 finishers medal with a look of pride on her face. I can cross this one off of my life's to do list. One more event to my Tripple Crown a Tri-Athalon next year!

Everybody on the Minnesota team finished either their half or full marathons! Jenny is even talking about another half-marathon.

With love and appreciation for each and everyone of you!

Marc

Marathon Walker
Century Rider




My 2008 Event Angel Peggy!

My everyday angel, my wife Jenny!