Wednesday, December 30, 2009

TNT Cycle Team 2010 AMBBR

I am going back to Tahoe! I have four miles out there that need to be ridden. Well, there is 100 total, but four that I have to conquer. I have my site up for donations again. Please visit:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/ambbr10/mmcelyea

I don't know why I need these challenges to make me feel alive. I need to push myself physically to find my place in the world. I need to put others ahead of myself to feel that my contributions matter. It took a long time to figure this piece of the puzzle out in my life. I never realized that by helping others, it would help me the most. I feel things more deeply. I find patience that I sometimes lack. I find that by facing failure of a mere physical test I gain perspective and a sense of purpose.

I ask that for one more time you stand with me and fight blood cancer. That is the real reason for these endeavors it to end it's existence.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Bogota, Colombia Dia Uno y Dos.

So, I make my second trip to South America. I have to be honest that I was a bit intimidated by this one. We are told that the only thing to come out of Colombia is a white powder. We are told that it is a dangerous environment. We are told that it is not a safe place. I have to tell you that on my first day here, I was afraid to venture out for fear of being kidnapped or whatever because of what the media has told me. I stayed in my hotel room and worked because of fear.

On my second day my work was to start in earnest. I was met in the lobby of my hotel by a new friend Diego P. Deigo assured me that where I am staying is safe. We walked to the office which was right around the corner. I was introduced to some of my Colombian co-workers and they all were very warm and welcoming. We then needed to go to a meeting at the new office that we are building. Security is very important here. You see armed solders. You see armed police. You see private security and K9 units everywhere. You are checked into and out of buildings. But you are always met with a smile and a Beun Dia. The meeting is a success with several more through out the day that were also successful. I am afraid that my biases have made me miss a day of meeting new people and experiencing new things. I am sorry that my fear got in the way of this.

Work was long. Eleven hours on Monday and a total of eighteen hours in two days. I am tired and having difficulty sleeping. I am only on Eastern Time Zone, but I have a lot to accomplish in only 5 days. We went out for dinner at around 20:00. We went to the Bogota Beer Company, and it was a blast. One of my Minnesota co-workers came down. To show you how small the world is, this lady worked at Deluxe at the same time I did. This came out when we were discussing "six degrees of separation". How everyone in the world is connected to everyone else by no more than six people. We know a lot of the same people from Deluxe. Small world I guess!

Later on in the evening after telling war stories, I mentioned that I went to Augsburg College. And she started to laugh. She graduated from Augsburg five years after I did. Again the world is smaller. Diego was a great host. I am looking forward to tomorrow and the new experiences I am to gain by putting aside my biases against Colombia. It truly is a place of beauty in the Andes.

The new office has many great views of the Andes mountain range. It should be raining here right now, but has not since I have been here. They will be seeing a water shortage if it does not start raining soon. I am wondering how these people will get any work done with the views they have from their work stations.

It is odd to me to see Christmas lights when I am walking around in short sleeves and no jacket. To see Papa Noel a.k.a Santa Clause. To see arbol de navidad a.k.a Christmas Trees. We are all alike on this marble. We all have hopes and dreams. We all have fears. You would think after all my fears I have conquered that I would be smart enough to always enter a new experience with an open mind... I still have some growing up to do I guess.

I am truly going to embrace my next two days here. I will still try to habla Espaniol. It is getting easier. Diego encourages me to make mistakes. Apparently I say orange the wrong way in Spanish and it refers to female genitalia the way I say it. Oh well, that is the price I must pay to learn so I will continue to strive for correctness. I learned tonight that busette may mean bus in Colombia, but in the rest of Latin America it means whore. I also learned that you have to be careful with other harmless words depending on which country you are in they can be construed very differently.

This second trip to South America, continues to deepen my affection for it's people. They live life to the fullest. They know when to work, but more importantly, they know when to stop the work and live life to it's fullest. I can claim that I have visited three of it's countries, even if Brazil was only for two hours. I have not met one person that has been rude or mean to me. They seem very open and willing to share what they have.

So again in South America, I am working long hours. I am being taught valuable life lessons. I am achieving things which I have no ability to achieve. I am content with my day and my place in it. I need to make this an everyday occurance. Funny when I am not training for something bigger than myself, I still see myself as not worthy of the space I occupy. Funny that a place that I feared, has once again opened my eyes. Funny that I need fear to teach me these great lessons.

Gracias a ti Colombia!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Am Again

I am going back to TNT again for a fourth year. I am mentoring the Tahoe cycle team. I have been lacking focus and in need of a goal. My goal is to become a stronger man than I am, by helping others find their own success.

While this may sound arrogant. There is no arrogance in having the goal. I am simple. I am just a guy with an ability to pedal a bike. I hope there is more in the reservoir than that. I am not a natural leader. I don't find that I have the skills to inspire others by mere deeds. I know that I have a message through what TNT has taught me. I know that the funds raised will lead to a cure. I know that this cure will come through others hard work and none of my own. My contribution will be my words and my action. Others with talent and ability will be the true contributors. Those that have parted with their money will have played a more important role than mine. I will be satisfied with that.

I am starting to feel the glow of an ember that I know that will grow. To have fear of failure has become natural and necessary. I cannot lie and tell you that I have become comfortable with fear. I just know that when I am not afraid, I am not alive. This does not mean that I will be bungee jumping, or sky diving in this lifetime.

My fear is focused on helping others. How can a lug like me add value? I can ask you to partner with me and believe in my humble abilities. I can sweat, cramp, hurt, and reach for a dream. The dream is an end to cancer in any form. The dream is that no parent of any age will bury a child from this disease. No sibling will mourn the loss of one whom they have known for a lifetime.

I am again throwing my self on the tracks. I am again asking for help. I am again going to reach beyond what is rational in a day. I am again, feeling. I am nervous, scared, hopeful, inspired, and willing. Simply, I am again, alive.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Trying To Find Focus

I am struggling. I have stated that I do not want to be negative and that I don't want to get down on myself. In my typical fashion, I am finding trouble finding a new goal. It is not that they are not out there, it is just that I am not focusing.

I want to lose more weight, but I don't seem willing to give up things to do it. I cannot find drive to get to the gym and push myself. I find myself getting to the gym and just going through the motions. Swimming a 1000 yards seems a chore. I have not been on my bike outside because the weather has just plain been blah! I am hoping to get out this weekend for a couple of short rides.

I want to make a positive contribution, as I find that this brings me happiness. I want to continue my participation with TNT, but I am afraid that by having done a marathon, a century, and a triathlon that I will find there is no fear of failure.

Funny that I need that fear to find the drive to push myself. What does that mean? Is that my perfectionist mentality shining through? I have stretched myself through three years of physical challenges. I have learned so much about myself and my capabilities that I am amazed that I am experiencing this lack of focus. Maybe it is natural to come from such a high to wondering what can I do next. I am not interested in bettering my times in these events as it was never about the time, it was about completing what I set out to do to earn your sponsorship.

I am hoping to find focus. I need to find the appropriate challenge to commit to. I am debating going back to century riding, because that is truly what I love. It is not about the finish, but enjoying the ride. My riding has suffered over the last two years with the marathon and the triathlon. I am still a strong rider, but I know that I am so much better than I have produced over the last two years.

I am debating trying to mentor for the cycle season and go back to Tahoe and ride all 100 miles of that course. I don't want to shirk my responsibilities as a parent, so I need to really talk this over with Jenny and the kids. I am afraid if I don't do this, that I will be letting something important to me fade. Sometimes it is hard to find the right application of effort. I know I am most efficient when I am happy and feel like I am making a difference.

Maybe the focus is there, but fear of commitment is the root of the problem. Maybe it is over thinking and not just deciding on a course of action and implementing a plan to make it a reality. I will have to find my way. I will have to decide.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Been Away For A While

Well, I have been away for a while. Not much has been happening since completing the triathlon that I have felt like writing about.

Thankfully, I am back to work after my 60 day hiatus. The time off was nice, but it was also harder than I would have thought. It is amazing that you have all that time, but you need to be money conscious. We made it through it okay, but I can't say that I would want to do it again anytime soon.

The kids are busy with school and soccer. They are both playing, and seem to be having fun. Issy got her first point this last weekend. She got an assist by making a nice pass. I was not there to see it as I was over at E's game. E's team played to a zero to zero tie. It was a fun game to watch!

Jenny is keeping track of us all. Somehow, she is getting to the Girl Scout meetings, and soccer games. She is even doing a cardio groove class at the community center. I am so proud of her for signing up for that. She seems to be enjoying her Monday nights away.

I have officially become a MacBook Pro owner. I love this thing. I have never worked on a more forgiving and intuitive machine in my life. It just makes things so much easier than a Windows machine. Never thought I would become a convert this easy. I have wanted to get one for the last two years, and finally bit the bullet. Wish I had pulled the trigger on this a long time ago. Maybe now I can do some fun things with all the photos I have. Never could figure out some of those photo software packages.

Well, I hope to get back into blogging more often again. Still swimming and biking, but have let the running slack. Trying to figure out what challenge is next. Hoping all is well for those of you who still check this site out from time to time.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Life Time Olympic Triathlon Complete

A journey started five plus months ago is now complete. I finished the challenge. I pursued the third event in my personal triple crown and through hard work and dedication it was a success. The success is not that I finished; it is that I was able to have all of you behind me.

I was able to say I am going to do this in honor of my sister and grandfather and I asked you to come along for the journey. You responded yet again and said we will back you. The funds will go to Leukemia research, but in the fight against cancer, lessons are learned from this research and are then are used to fight other forms of this terrible disease.

The day started at 02:00. Wake up. Force myself to eat. Get ready mentally as I had packed all my gear the night before. Load the truck. Rack the bike on the truck. Find some serenity that the three year long journey was resolving itself today. I had a voice in its outcome, but I needed to accept the outcome either way.

Jenny had volunteered to staff a cheering station on the course. I would see here once on the bike, and twice on the run. To have someone willing to sacrifice their time in your belief is humbling. She has been more than supportive of this endeavor and all the time it has taken. She jumped in the truck with me and we were off at 03:27.

I have been driving to lake Nokomis most of the season, and have been taking 35E to 77 (Ceder Ave) to the parkway. I am directionally challenged, and have no fear in admitting it. Jenny suggested that we take 494 over to 77. This saved about 15 – 20 minutes, and alleviated a lot of the anxiety I was starting to feel on the drive over. I needed to be onsite by 04:30 to get body marked.

Body marking is when they write your race number on your arms and your age on your calf. Then I needed to stage my transition area. Get my running shoes ready. Get my bike ready. Get my helmet et all ready. This extra time gained through her suggestion was a blessing.

After all of the staging was complete, I was able to help some of my TEAMmates stage their areas. I was glad to be able to assist and assuage some of their anxiety as my wife had gifted me with the extra time.

Time for a TEAM photograph to commemorate the experience. Time to center myself and find the courage to actually start the race.

I was to start with the second wave of Clydesdales. A Clydesdale is anyone over 200 pounds that is doing a triathlon. I more than qualify. The second wave was to start at 07:15. I wandered down to the lake for a brief warm up swim. The water is 74.8 degrees Fahrenheit and very pleasant. Swim a few hundred yards and call it good.

07:15 the horn sounds and I am off into the water. The first leg of the swim is into the sun. I am having one hell of a time sighting due to the sun. The buoys are green. The water is green. There are people with green swim caps. It was very difficult to stay on course. I was not able to swim a straight line to save my life. I had no panic moments in the water. The year of preparation paid dividends in that area. I probably swam 1.2 miles over the 0.9-mile course due to corrections in my route. I was able to relax and get through the distance and enjoy the swim. I would have never thought this possible after my first swim July 4, 2008. Reaching the beach and being able to stand was an awesome experience. I should have swum in a little further, but terra firma has never been so beautiful! Roughly 46 minutes for the swim. I was planning on 30 – 45 minutes. Not to bad an estimate.

Transition one running up from the beach through the sand was not as difficult as I was expecting. This was probably due to the after glow of accomplishing something I have been working toward for over a year now. I get to my bike. I put my socks on. Get my bike shoes on. Get my glasses on, (God it is nice to be able to see clearly again). Get my helmet on. Un-rack the bike and jog to the exit of transition.

I am planning on 1.5 to 2 hours on the 24.8 mile course. My plan is not to shoot the moon and hammer this out. I want to have legs left to run the 6.3 miles. On egress from the transition and inside of the first mile, I pass my father, mother, and my two daughters. I tell them I love them and will see them later. The wind was up a bit and it did cause a little duress. Nothing that could not be overcome through extra effort and the course will put it at my back once and a while. Look at my watch to gauge the distance covered and I am already 10 miles into the course. I am feeling very strong, but do not want to unleash the dogs yet. I get through the worst hills and get headed back to lake Harriett, start my trip around Harriett and I only have five miles left. I let the dogs loose and start to pass people instead of being the one passed. I am encouraging others, as I believe that the give and take of positive affirmation when doing an endurance event is an important part of the journey. I am thanking the volunteers that are on the course throughout the ride. Without them, none of this experience is possible. I finish my ride in approximately 1.5 hours with an average pace of 15.8 miles an hour.

Before I know it I am back to transition two and ready to start the run. I need to ditch my tri-suit jersey as it is chaffing my arms terribly. Luckily I had placed my marathon jersey in transition as a precaution. It was partly narcissistic, as the tri-suit jersey likes to climb up and reveal my rotund protuberance of a tummy. In the long run, I am so glad that the marathon jersey was there as it saved me a lot of pain. There would be plenty of that just from the running of 6.3 miles. I am estimating 1.5 to 2 hours of running.

I am able to transition fairly quickly into run shoes and said new shirt. I am out on the course and my kids and parents are there again. I will admit that I ran and walked the course. I have found that I can run a quarter mile and walk the next quarter mile interchangeably more comfortably than running straight through. The time difference over a mile is negligible so why not do this comfortably.

I get to Jenny’s cheer station, and keep moving. I continue to encourage others. My mantra becomes cold beer. I will get one of these when I cross the finish. I have a wristband that will allow me to procure this delightful reward.

I finish the first of two loops around lake Nokomis and start the second loop. My parents and children are gone. Isabelle has a party to go to and they have probably left to take her to that. I did miss them on this second loop. Friendly faces are always welcome. To have them be people you love, which have sacrificed so much for you to chase your dreams, who believe in you when you can’t believe in yourself is indescribable.

This is the second race that I have had loved ones at and it is definitely a morale boost to get to see them. I get back to Jenny’s cheer station, and I stop long enough to give her a kiss and a hug and I am only a mile away from the finish.

I find a fellow TEAMmate with a similar pace and we proceed to jog and chat. This was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I am able to finish my journey on the run. I pick up the pace over the last quarter mile. I am seeing my stronger TEAMmates who have finished before me, after starting behind me and they are all encouraging me to the finish. I cross the magic line that tells me I have completed what I set out to do for today. I have my very own personal moment where I bow my head and shed a few tears. Where the emotion came from I don’t know. I am not ashamed of it. I earned the right to have this emotion, and I am going to embrace it. Approximately 1.5 hours to cover 6.3 miles.

I am sure that it will eventually hit me in full that I have accomplished what few would dare at 300 pounds. I am not remarkable. I just was granted the gift of compassion. To all who have supported me in this journey, I cannot thank you enough. From coaches, TEAMmates, friends, and my family, none of this was possible without you. From your kind words of encouragement to me. To your generous contributions to an amazing cause that LLS is. You are truly the amazing ones, not me. I am merely a conduit for your compassion for others. Thank you for all of it!

Sincerely,


Marc

Century Rider
Marathon Walker
Olympic Distance Tri-athlete

http://www.peaktiming.com/2009LTF/ Bib number 271

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Were You Brave Enough To...

I just finished watching Transformers the movie. There is a quote in there: "When you look back at your life 50 years from now, are you going to be able to say you were brave enough to get into the car?" While I don't plan on living another 50 years, I think I will be able to answer that question in the affirmative.

That is not as braggadocios as it sounds. I am a pretty timid person at my core. I don't risk much because of my fears of success and failure. Over the past three years, I have been able to put others needs in front of my own. I have found that by training for someone else is far more meaningful than training only for myself.

I have been able to stand my ground in the face of fear and overcome mere physical pain. My life is not at risk, but it has become more meaningful. Will St. Peter meet me upon my demise and roll out the red carpet? Probably not! I have many areas in my life that I need to correct before I am accorded that kind of treatment.

While this season waxes, I am still learning lessons. I am still finding value in who I am. I am still trying to put myself out there and open up. I am still trying to add value to those around me. I am still trying to show tangible bravery. I see all of these qualities in my TEAMmates and coaches. I still try to emulate these folks, because at the heart of it I know they exemplify these characteristics that I am trying to get to take root in my soul.

I hope that in a mere nine days to be able to add the third crown to my tripple. It will require, bravery, self sacrafice, desire, endurance and belief that I am worthy of completing the task that I accepted and said I would do to earn your sponsorship. I know you were all brave enough. Hopefully, I will be too.

Monday, June 29, 2009

I Am Not, And Yet I Am

I am not anything special. I am not amazing. I am not a leader. I am not noble. I am not a strong person. I am not someone to be looked up to. I am not capable. I am not to be taken seriously. I am not brave. I am not courageous. I am not someone that can do great things. I AM NOT GOING TO BE NEGATIVE!

I have said all of these things to myself on many occasions. The odd thing is that somehow deep inside, I know now they are not true. I've changed over the last three years. You have been a part of that change, whether you are aware or not.

A silly postcard daring me to ride 100 miles in a day provided me with hope so that others could have hope as well. I asked you all to follow me by donating money to help me train and travel to Tahoe to complete this task. When that task was complete, I had found a purpose. Belief in my abilities was reborn.

I signed up voluntarily to not only do a marathon in San Diego, but to mentor others the next year. This turned out to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had to step outside of my reserved self even more. I had to go slow because I was not capable of going fast. I needed to be there for others while being strong enough for myself. Again you were there to back me and follow my foolish folly of completing a marathon.

This year, again, I am stepping out and daring to accomplish something that will not be easy. Lifetime Olympic distance triathlon is right around the corner.

Am I afraid? Yes, I suppose part of me is. What are you afraid of? I am not sure of anything specific.

I am worried about staying calm during the swim. Open water swimming is more about concentration on sighting to make sure you stay the right line and don't have to over swim to correct mistakes for going off course.

Cycling is not overly disconcerting other than hoping that there are no major mechanical malfunctions. I may not go as fast as I want, but I know I will get there. I will need to save everything for the run.

Running, yeah there is some trepidation here. I know that I can go the distance. Can I run it all, I am not sure. Do I want to? Hell yes I do. Although, I know there is no shame in having to walk some. That has been the most valuable lesson I have learned about endurance events. As long as you are moving forward, you are making progress towards the goal.

I think that my biggest fear comes after I achieve this; What can I do next to feel like I am alive? TNT is not going to end for me. I know at my core that this is what I need to be doing. Our honorees are who matter, not me. I know that by training and focusing on others is how I feel alive.

You have all been so supportive, that I am humbled that you have so much faith in me. You have made me feel special. You have made me feel amazing. You have made me feel like a leader. You have made me feel noble. You have made me feel like a strong person. You have made me feel looked up to. You have made me feel capable. You have made me take myself seriously. You have made me feel brave. You have made me feel like I am courageous. You have made me feel like I can do great things. But the best part of this, is that I have not done this alone. You have been there right beside me with your funding, kind words, and by putting your belief in a simple mortal.

I am looking forward to this challenge! I am looking forward to crossing that finish line. I am looking forward to finding a new challenge. I am a mere mortal, but when I do these events for a short time, I feel that my presence on earth may actually be inspiring.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Buffalo Sprint Tri Complete

The Buffalo Triathlon was on Sunday, June 7. A couple of friends from where I've been working for the past two years wanted to do this event. We all signed up February thinking it would be a nice June day. Oh were we wrong!

Air temps were in the upper 40's. Waking up at 04:00 to get breakfast, and then drive over to Brooklyn Park to pick up Michelle, I am asking myself why this sounded like fun in February? Oh well, it beats wasting the day sleeping. By the end of the day I will have accomplished something new.

On the drive over to Michelle's, I pass a house engulfed in flames. I feel bad for the family whose home this is. Their day is being dictated to them, and I am doing something of my choosing. Several emergency vehicles are on site, I hope all involved are safe.

Michelle and I drive up to Doug's place in Buffalo. We got a little lost when we got into town. We had to call and wake sleepy head up to get the last few directions to his place. Doug has to run over an pick up his son Zach who is also doing the event.

Michelle and I drive down to the race site to pick up packets and get numbered. By the time we get back to Doug's to drop off the truck, he and Zach have ridden down to the event. Michelle and I complete prepping our bikes and gear with numbers. We take off on our bikes and get ready to set up our transition areas.

While setting up in transition, I see a lot of my TNT teammates. This is comforting to me. I introduce my coworkers to my teammates. It is nice to have so many people I know on the course. I can draw energy from them, and hopefully can provide some to them.

Off to the pre-race meeting. Quick course review and instruction. Motivation from last years winner from the pro group. Inspiration from a man diagnosed with Myeloma. He has fought through his treatments to get here, and he is racing with us! Comfort from the singing of our National anthem. Surprise from finding out my sister and her husband have driven up to watch this spectacle.

This is a wave start. Michelle is in wave 18, I am in 19, and Doug and Zach are in 22. We get into our wave groups and prepare for the start. The horn sounds and I am running out into the water. The water is shallow, so I am able to get out pretty far before I need to start swimming.

This is my first ever open water swim. It is different from pool swimming. It is murky, it is crowded, it is chaos! Team swims have prepared me for some of this as you do get bumped into in the pool. You will be kicked. You will be hit. You will drink lake water. I achieved all of these in the first 10 yards of the swim. I told myself calm down, you can do this. Relax, stroke, sight the buoy, stroke, stroke, stroke, sight the buoy. Sighting is important, because there is no line to follow on the bottom of the lake. You can hardly see your hands during your stroke. I complete my swim in about 10 minutes according to my watch. I exit the water and head to transition to the bike.

I am not feeling well from my drink of lake water! I force my self to burp, and this helps some. I get into my socks, I get my cycling bibs on over my tri shorts. I pull my jersey on and get my bike shoes on. I slam on a skull cap to keep my head from freezing. I am getting cold from being wet and the wind is blowing. Get my helmet on and grab my bike. Here comes Michelle into the transition area. I wish her well, and jog with my bike to the line where I can start riding. I am now in my strongest section of the event.

The cycle course course is windy. My right ear is hurting, I think I have water in there and when the wind hits that side, I am getting a sharp pain. Ignore it and keep spinning the crank. This course is more hilly than I expected. Nothing that cannot be overcome. I get passed on the climbs, but on the downhill I blow past those that have passed me. I thank the volunteers that I can when I am going by. I have my watch on my wrist, so it is harder to check my distance and speed than if it was mounted to my handlebars. This will save me time in transition, but it is definitely something different. I am on my large ring in front and somewhere in the middle of my rear gears when I come around the corner and see runners. I'm almost to transition two. Ride into the transition area, unclip and walk jog my bike into the transition area. I am a bit sick to my stomach, but I can make it.

Kick my bike shoes off. My kids would probably yell at me for not unfastening them as I yell at them for not untying theirs. Slam my feet into my running shoes and tie them up. I think to myself, I wish I had something to sit on to get these shoes on easier. Stop my watch to change it to logging my shoe pod that measures distance and speed. Run out of transition area to the run course.

I am not suffering too much from the BRick feeling. BRick stands for Bike Run ick. Your legs are lead, your feet are boulders, and you gate just feels funny. I am plodding along, and occasionally see some of my teammates. Smiles, nods, high fives and "go team" are exchanged. I am encouraging others, and they are encouraging me. I am getting pats on the back from some that are passing me. This is where I need the most support. I am not a strong runner, but I am not going to quit just because I am not good at it.

About 3/4 of mile in I see Doug and Zach. They are just coming in on the end of the cycle course. Doug is smiling and yells "Hey Marc", and he is past me. About one mile in, here comes Michelle, and she has a grin. I know they have made it through the swim and the bike. Way to go guys! I push to the turn around point. There is a water station here. I slow way down so that I can slam a couple of Dixie cups worth of water into my system. I pick up the pace again. I am feeling better now. Getting through the first mile of the run, my body seems to accept what it is being put through. About two miles into the run for me, (a mile for them), here comes Doug and Zach. They are both very strong runners. High fives and on we go our separate directions to the same finish line. About two and 1/4 miles here comes Michelle. Keep going you can do it! I am on the home stretch now. Smile and joke with those around me. Picking up the pace, not feeling real great, getting winded. Push through to the finish.

Clock time 2 hours 25 minutes. I stay by the finish to see Doug, Zach, Michelle, and some of my teammates cross. My sister and her husband come over and we laugh and chat. This is the first race that I have had, that a family member was there to cheer for me on the course. Jenny and I did San Diego last year, and we were cheering for each other but we were both participating. It was very supportive, and I enjoyed the surprise.

After Michelle finishes, I can see that silly grin on her face. I know that grin. It says; "I just did it. I don't know how, but I just did what I set out to do. Damn I feel good!" I saw that look on Doug's face later too. Doug and his wife invited all of us back to the house for kabob's and some beer. Very tasty!

We were all cold. We were all content. A winter idea and goal was complete.

Doug, thanks for suggesting we do this together. Michelle, thank you for joining the group. To the Schmitz's thank you for your hospitality. To my sister and brother-in-law, thanks for being there. To those that encouraged me on the run whether I knew you or not, thank you. To my teammates from TNT, you guys are awesome. And to those of you that followed this narrative to it's conclusion, I hope you enjoyed the journey.



http://onlineraceresults.com/race/view_individual.php?make_printable=1&bib_num=1033&race_id=10936&type=result

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

39 Wow, HTF Did That Happen?

Today, I am 39. HTF did that happen? I am as confused as you are. I have no idea how I got from 18 when I graduated from highschool (on my bday), to 39. I mentally don't feel any older than 18 maybe even 16. I am starting to notice differences in recovery after working out, but mentally, I am still ready to go.

The only positive that I can point out is that I am still here. I am more focused than I was at 18. I know that I have ability, and maybe even a little courage. At 18, I was all bravado and no action! At 39, there is a more action and less fear. I am not afraid of failing, but more afraid of inaction! I am not made of substance, but of desire. I desire change in the world. I desire change in myself. I want better for the future.

I accept that I probably have more wake ups behind me than I do ahead of me! That is not as morose as it sounds. It is reality. I am not promised tomorrow, so I have to live today. I will be unemployed as of Friday. I accept that as I did the risk of contracting for employment. Fortunately for me, my contractual employment company is interested in bringing me back to work. I most likely will only be unemployed for 60 days. I have no regrets! This change was what I needed to make me and the world around me better.

Two years ago on this day I was 37 and just finishing up the largest success of my life. I had ridden Tahoe, "the death ride" in under 10 hours. I had found the man who I could be and was. I had found a purpose that I am still living for. Together we will find a cure for blood cancer. Me through physical engagement and more importantly you through financial backing. I am not laid to eternal sleep yet. I have not yet earned that privilege. I have more to give, and more to learn!

I took this day for myself. Normally at this time, I am either engaged in beating myself into success as I have asked you to back me in some foolish yet worthwhile endeavor or, I am recovering from an event. I apologize for skipping a workout to indulge in 39 years of existence. In actuality, it is only three years of life. I say only three years of life, because I was able to find my humanity and worth on June 3, 2007! I left a little of myself on the climb up Spooner Junction on the mountain. In leaving a little of myself on the mountain, and accepting my human weakness was I able to see that I have value. I was able to strip the self pitying worthless cadaver off and let my potential shine through. It is there in all of us if we dig deep enough.

I am still not sure how I made it 39 years in this world, as weak as I am. Maybe it was some part of a grand plan that is not written in totality. Either way, I have commitments to honor, and goals to reach. Thirty-nine, HTF did that happen! How did I waste 36 years! Why am I such a slow learner? All I can hope is that I get another 36 years to make up for the wasted time. If not, I was afforded the opportunity to realize some of my potential while still on earth.

Thanks for reading the rant of a person fast approaching 40. Laugh at it as I do. I used to think 40 was ancient. Now I am hoping it is only nearing mid-life. Either way, I have actually lived a few of my years prior to 40! Hopefully my stories will encourage others to find some fire in their bellies and thus benefit their fellows. In truth, that is the only way to immortality!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Six Miles To Make An Impression

I have two friends that just completed the 2009 San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. Congratulations Steve and Aurora! Steve has done five marathons in the last 20 some months. My hat is off to you, as I know what an incredible feat just one is. I am not tough enough to even think of pulling that endeavor off!

Steve and I spoke briefly last weekend. He inquired of the "Little Giant's" real name. Aurora Ortiz or the Little Giant was the lady that I was able to escort last year during my marathon journey. Steve said that he would look for her this year and say hi if he saw her for me.

Steve called me today when he was at just about mile 16 to say that he had seen and walked with Aurora for a while. She actually remembered me from last year. To me this is humbling.

I am not someone that will leave a lasting impression on the world. That is not my goal or desire. I only desire to make a small positive impression on those around me wherever that may be. To think that something that I did 364 days ago was remembered fondly is enough for me. Because in reality I only had six miles to walk with Aurora. I was not able to get her to her goal due to my own physical infirmity. I can assure you that she made an impression on my as well. There is a lot of power packed in that small package. She finished this year in 7:37 at age 68!

My feet are happy that I did not do this event again, but my soul is wishing that I had been there again today. My event approaches and I am still preparing for it. I have a small test a week from today. I am running the Buffalo Sprint Tri next Sunday. I will let you know how it goes. I hope to add some value to someones event next weekend as I am sure someone will add to my experience. I'll only have three miles to cover on my feet, so I will have to work twice as hard to make an impression.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day Thanks and Remembrance

If I had the opportunity to thank everyone personally that has sacrificed themselves to afford me the opportunity to live the way I do, it would take days, weeks, months, and years and still not even come close to making recompense for those sacrifices. To sacrifice one's self in a belief, is there a more noble endeavor?

For everyone that has served my country, I humbly say thank you. To anyone that has sacrificed their life in service to my country, my thanks is surely not enough. I hope through my actions and my service to others to show my appreciation for your service. In all humility, I know my actions cannot even come close to making restitution to your contribution and service.

To my grandfathers, my paternal grandmother, my father, my father-in-law, my brother-in-laws and to all those that have served my country, I tip my hat, bow my head, and silently praise your sacrifice to a belief in a better way of life for all.

Thank You!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Welcome Home

I am back home. Returning from a trip like this is always filled with different feelings. Your happy to see loved ones upon your return. Your happy to be around things that make you comfortable, (your favorite chair, your own car and real traffic lanes). In the same breath, you are missing the new experiences you have been taking in. You are missing new friends you have made.

The trip home went well. When departing from Argentina to Brazil, everything needed to be announced in three languages 1) Spanish, 2) Portuguese, 3) English. While interesting, it is very confusing too. When the announcement was complete in the first two languages, those native speakers stopped listening and would resume there conversations increasing the volume in the area. I really had to focus to hear and understand the announcement. Now I think I have learned a little more respect for those visiting my country and trying to get around if they have a language barrier.

The airports Buenos Aires in Sao Paulo are a bit overwhelming when it comes to Duty Free shopping. You must go through the Duty Free shops to arrive at the departure gates. The prices are horrible. A set of Bose noise cancelling head phones for $350 US. You can buy them for $299 from Bose or in the airport in the US. There were a few other products that I looked at and they were again over priced, or essentially including the tax. Duty free is supposed to tax free from my understanding, and then you declare it when you arrive. All of these prices seemed to include the equivalent of the US Tax. Needless to say, I did not make any Duty Free purchases.

Disembarking from the flight from Buenos Aires, in Sao Paulo, I needed to find the United gate and be issued boarding passes. Neither Argentina nor Brazil allow for you to print you boarding passes for international flights. After making my way through security for the second time in one day and another Duty Free Hades, I could not locate any departure monitors to locate the gate I needed to be at. I had about 45 minutes before my flight to Chicago was scheduled to depart. I found a TAM airlines gate, and went over and inquired if they abla Ingles as I was in a Portuguese speaking country. The gate attendant's response was "yes, some small English, but more Spanish." I apologized and asked if there was someone else that spoke more English as I only had a small amount of Spanish. He directed to me to a colleague that spoke excellent English. I luckily by dumb luck had arrived at my departure gate. There was no United signage, and no departure monitors. I was able to get my boarding passes and start relaxing. I was heading home to the United States.

I took a quick trip through Sao Paulo's airport looking for a souvenir, but I could not find anything that was fairly priced. I was going to buy the girls mini Brazilian flags like I got them in Argentina, but they only sold 3' X 5' Brazilian flags for $45 US. I went looking for a bottle of water for the flight home, and the only stores that were selling bottled products were outside of security. Apparently, they have not learned the value of having TSA approve their water purchased after security checkpoints and charging $3.00 or more a bottle, (I am joking here against the US). Not wanting to go outside of security and fight my way back through, I bagged this idea and went back to the boarding area.

The flight home was good. We had to skirt a storm in the Bahama's and go way out over the Atlantic. I am pretty sure I have now flown over the Bermuda Triangle due to this route and from watching the map of the flight path. We arrived in Chicago at 05:30 to 05:45. Disembarked and again I only had about an hour to get to the domestic terminal, after going through immigration, picking up my luggage and rechecking it to Minneapolis.

Upon arriving at immigration, I filled out my declaration form. I had nothing to declare, but needed to fill one out stating that I had nothing to declare. You just have to love the bureaucratic red tape. All the information on this form is on my passport! This was the first time that I really started to get frustrated with all the extra steps international travel requires. I realized that some of it was due to being overtired, and I just wanted to get home. I calmed myself down and got to my turn to speak with the immigration agent. He took the declaration form, scanned my passport, looked up and said "Welcome home." I replied thank you, and felt the security and comfortable feeling that I have always felt when re-entering my home country, even if only from Canada come over me. I don't know why that is, maybe just that I know all the rules and customs here.

My flight from Chicago to Minneapolis was delayed an hour, but I met some Minnesotans at the gate and we had some light conversations and laughs. Arriving in MSP, there was only a short walk down to baggage claim where I received a nice hug from my wife and I truly was home. My luggage came down the belt, I grabbed it and we got the heck out of the airport.

I feel good. I am happy to be home with my wife and children. I thoroughly enjoyed this experience. This was the first time I have been outside of the US to a country that's native language is not English. This was not as overwhelming as I previously had expected it to be. In fact, it has fueled my urgency to learn Spanish even more. I will be hitting the Rosetta Stone CD's even harder now. And I think when I have some mastery of Spanish, I will be getting the German set as well to round out those skills.

Time to go get on the bike, and then to run. Time to refocus on the mission ahead. I look forward to it. With a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face, it truly is a "Welcome Home" reality.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Argentina dia Cuatro

Day 4, and what can be said of Buenos Aries that I have not already said. This place and it’s people are amazing!

I visited a future warehouse site today. It is a space rented within another business. The site in incredible. We had to go down 9 (Nuevo) de Julio to get to this site. Nuevo de Julio is the widest street in the world. It is like 12 lanes wide in the midst of Buenos Aires. Nuevo Julio stands for July 9. This is the day that Argentina won it’s independence from Spain in 1885, if I remember what I was told. In the midst of this massive roadway stands an obelisk and a flag pole flying the Argentine flag. The flag and obelisk are in the middle of a massive traffic circle. It is neat to see.

Today is my mother’s birthday, so I called her to wish her feliz compleanos, (happy birthday). She answered the phone, and I said my birthday tidings to her, and she replied “wrong numero”, I said no, feliz compleanos, she said that I had the wrong number again. At this point, I gave up on trying to surprise her, and said “No mom, I have the right number, you don’t recognize your own son’s voice?” We both had a good laugh and had a nice chat. She said she never thought that she would get a call on her birthday from Argentina.

After completing my work in Argentina today, I had to check on a project in Arizona that I have been tracking while down here. Worked through its issues with the surreal experience that I was in South America working in North America. I have worked in other countries on other continents while in North America, but never the reverse. This proves how small a world it is.

When I finished with my work, I followed through on one promise to myself that I made before coming to the southern hemisphere for the second time. I would see the coriolis effect for myself. For those that don’t know what this is, when you are in the northern hemispehere water drains from a tub in a right rotational pattern. The little water tornado you see in a draining bath tub. In the southern hemisphere, the spin drains to the left. If I can figure out how to post the video on this site so you can see it. I filled the tub with a couple inches of water and floated a bottle cap on the surface of the water and pulled the drain plug. Sure enough the water spiraled to the left. You can see the bottle cap circle the drain to the left before it is pulled under by the vortex. The other promise I made was to see the southern cross, (navigational star like the North star in the big dipper) but the buildings are too tall, and the lights of the city far to bright to see it. I will have to make another trip to the southern hemisphere to see it.

I had dinner with royalty tonight. The Boca soccer club is staying at my hotel. I was able to speak shortly with them, and met number 9, 10, and 1. Here is one of them that I could find on the web. He is number 9: http://es.footbo.com/Players/Martin_Palermo.
The people kept streaming by my table to have photos taken with these guys. The neat thing is that one of the people I have been working with is a huge Boca fan. I will enjoy telling him about this experience. The players were very gracious to their fans. When there was a lull in the attention, I got up and asked if they were part of the Boca club, and asked for there numbers. There were interested in an American that knew anything about football. I wished them luck, and let them enjoy the rest of their evening.

A part of me is sad to go home tomorrow, but the rest of me is ready to see my family again. I need to get back into the flow of training. I have averaged about ten hours a day in work down here off the top of my head. I am due for some sleep and need to get back on track with my training. I have managed to get in some walks, but nothing near the schedule I keep at home. I was sent down here to work, so that needed to be my focus. I feel that I have covered that responsibility, but have had to sacrifice my training to do that. I guess that was the necessary priority this week, but I have a feeling, I am going to suffer on Saturday’s brick workout.

I hope you have enjoyed these Argentina updates as much as I have enjoyed living the experience. Three continents down, four to go. I need to get to Asia, Africa, Antarctica (my current southern neighbor), and Europe. On the topic of Antarctica, it is really odd to see it on the map when you fly down to Argentina it suddenly pops up on the map and you realize how far south you have come.

Viva la Argentina!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Argentina Dia Tres

Day three and more meetings to attend for the project. Today I met with the low voltage cable vendor. Antonio is the largest Argentinean I have met. He is my size and is of Itallian decent. He was a gracious host and we had a very productive meeting at his office, and then we went to lunch.

Lunch again was an amazing event. These people work hard, and they enjoy their food. It was Chorizo sausage, Morcilla (More sea sha phonetically) sausage, Pancetta, Cheese, bread, salad, steak, and I had dolce delache ice cream for dessert. Let me tell you that dolce delache is in a word AWESOME!

We were joined by Antonio’s son, and two other employees. We had fun laughing and trading phrases. I would have to explain the words may, might, some other off color words. They would then return the favor and we would laugh and the next topic would come up without anyone having to work to find items to discuss. I think that when I could not find a document in my file that I was looking for I have provided Antonio with a new favorite saying. I stated that I was organized like a soup sandwich. Antonio burst out laughing and said I will translate that into Spanish and use it for sure.

I have now seen Casa de Rosado – “The Pink House”. It is the Presidential Residence for Argentina. Impressive!



My Chiropractic Angel Leslie told me that I would love Argentina. She was right. Leslie grew up here, and I now understand why she is the way she is. It seems that all Argentineans are genuine and very giving. I have not had a bad experience here. The work days have been long, but they have been so much fun. I am very lucky to have had this opportunity.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Argentina Dia Dos

My first day of business in Argentina was one filled with new experiences.

I am so grateful to not have to drive down here. I don't know if I would have the courage to get behind the wheel of a car. It is a very chaotic road system. Lanes are created at will it seems. At one point today, I looked from my back seat residence to my right and I am facing the driver of an opposing automobile. Both cars were trying to occupy the same space we were about one foot apart before the other driver moved away again, much to my relief. I have learned that it is better to not pay attention to the cars and look at the skyline or the floor.

I had a very productive visit to the new space we are building out. It is about four times as large as the space currently occupied. It will be a very nice office when it is complete. I will be proud to have played my small part in its creation.

The people in Argentina are amazingly patient with my broken Spanish. I am able to ask for what I want, but do not always understand the response in what it costs. I actually overpaid by $10 pesos today, and the cashier was kind enough to give back my funds and repeat the cost in English. We both had a good laugh at my mistake. It cost $4.20 pesos for a bottle of water in a gas station while the hotel charges $25.40 pesos. It was worth the walk.

I had lunch with two of my contacts this afternoon. We were on the Rio La Platta. I learned that this is the widest river in the world. It separates Argentina from Uruguay. It is about 30 miles shore to shore at its widest point. The lunch was amazing. I was asked what I wanted to eat. I replied that I wanted a meal that was distinctly Argentinean. I was told then we will eat meat. We went to a restaurant where we were served carne empanada y queso frito. It was delicious! Next we went to the anti pasta bar and had more queso and vegetables and bread and seafood. After this they started to bring the carne (meat). They brought different cuts of beef, pork, and chicken. About every 10 minutes there was something new to try. There was good conversation and it was very relaxing. I now understand why Latin Americans eat dinner so late. The lunches are huge.

Before dinner, I went for a walk on my own. I bought some cerveza (beer) at a local tienda (store). They were very polite, and asked me where I was from. I stated Minnesota, USA. They very tentatively in English said “Barack Obama, yes.” I said “Si, el Presidente United States.” We had a short conversation in broken English and Spanish, it was enjoyable and fun.

I met my new friend Franz for dinner at about 20:00. We both had difficulty this morning finding our drivers. His interpreter actually approached me and asked in German if I was him. I happened to see Franz and waived him over and introduced him to his driver and Spanish interpreter. I had to wait another hour to make contact with my driver. My driver was calling my room while I was waiting in the lobby. Franz and I had another evening of laughter and conversation.

It is almost 23:00 here. I am tired, but have good memories of the day. Dormir beckons! I will slumber well and will write more tomorrow.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Argentina Dia uno part dos

Okay, maybe that is more Spanglish than Spanish.

I took a nap. I needed to figure out how to operate my room lights. Apparently you need to insert your room key into the fuse panel by the door to operate your room lights. I blew up my white noise machine even with my power converter, (this will make sleep interesting this week).

Dinner was good. I had Jamon y queso empinadas. They were quite tasty!!! I overheard a request for Jager Meister Ice Cold. I later struck up a conversation with the gentleman that had made this request. Sie sind nach Deutschland I asked, and he replied Ja ich bin von Cologne. His name was Franz, and we had a nice discussion on world travel, and politics. Franz is in wind energy, and travels all over the world. It was a nice evening having light conversation in German and English.

Later Franz and I were joined by Boris when he heard us speaking in German. Boris is in Argentina to provide training for his pharmaceutical company.

It is funny, that I came all the way to Argentina to use my five years of German study. It is even stranger that I was a polyglot this evening. Polyglot: A person having a speaking, reading, or writing knowledge of several languages. I don't speak English well, but I was able to order my dinner in Spanish, Strike up a conversation in Duetsch, and thankfully both Franz and Boris are well versed in English. It made for a fun and engaging evening of conversation.

We will see what tomorrow brings. Hasta mañana. Necesito dormir esta noche.

Argentina Day 1

Well, I arrived safely! It was an interesting ride from Minneapolis to Chicago, Chicago to Dulles Washington D.C. Would have just missed my flight out of D.C. if not for weather holding all outbound flights as it did all in bound ones. Got headed to Buenos Aires about an hour later than scheduled, but that is okay as I was able to make the flight!!!!

My entrance through customs was smooth. Swine flu is a concern down here and the Ministry of Health required the entire plane to wear masks. Talking with an American Expatriate, he stated that it is more of a public relations move to make the people feel safe. Basically you wear the mask down the hall way to immigration and they look at you and say "you look healthy, please take your mask off and welcome to Argentina."

Went down to baggage claim and got my suitcase after a short wait. Went out of baggage claim and met my driver. Between my poor broken Spanish and his basic English, we were able to have an enjoyable conversation about sports and the weather.

I was amazed to see bicycles on the roads equivilant to our interstate system in America. I asked if the police ever kicked the cyclists off the interstates. No, was the response. Nice flat roads with wide shoulders. Could be an interesting place to ride as you could probably crank up some good speed. I don't know if I would be that comfortable with the traffic zooming by that fast though.

I am going to grab a nap and start prepping for my meetings tomorrow. Hasta Luego.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Taking Training International

Sorry that I have not posted recently. I have been pushing hard at work. My contract is wrapping up and I am trying to leave them in as good a position as I can before I have to take a 60 day hiatus. For those that don't know there is a law on the Federal books that says you can only contract for 24 months in a row at a company, then you have to leave for 60 days.

Strangely, I am not worried about this break. I have really enjoyed my experience contracting at this job. I am still hopeful that one day they will extend me an opportunity to become an employee.

The cool thing is that one of my last projects before my break is an office in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I leave for Argentina on Saturday May 16, 2009. I will continue to train while out of the country. The hotel I am staying at has a gym and a pool, so there will be no resting on my laurels. I hope to fit in all three of my scheduled workouts while there.

I will have to miss a TEAM BRICK workout, (Bike Run ICK). I will be doing this workout in the morning before I go to airport on my own. 25 mile ride and a 2 mile run. Sounds sick I know but I am starting to like doing both activities. Who knows maybe it will help me sleep some on the 10.5 hour trip from Washington D.C. to Buenos Aires.

I plan on posting while I am in Argentina. Hopefully, I can put a few pictures out here from the trip.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Things Change For A Reason

Today was a good day. Today was a challenge. Today was a chance to see how far things have changed in the last two years.

I went to a farewell party for the Help Desk where I used to work. Unfortunately most of these folks that I used to work with were let go from their jobs. These are all good people that lost their jobs because of "cost savings". Fortunately, they all seem happy! Really fortunately most have found new employment!!

I worked with most of these people for 16 years. I am very happy for them! I miss associating with them on a daily basis.

with the weakness of our current economy, I am thrilled that things at this party were so upbeat. Things change for a reason. Most of us invest ourselves in our jobs. This is a good thing. It means that we are committed to the success of the company we work for. The bad thing is that most of us define ourselves only by our jobs. We don't need to! We are all unique. We all posses gifts and talents. We need to release our gifts and talents upon the world.

For me, I used to define myself only by my job. I luckily found an organization that allowed me to expand the definition of myself beyond what I did for a living. Without the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I would probably still only define myself by my job. I am more than what I do to put food on the table and pay the mortgage now. I am not superior to anyone, I am just an individual amongst the throng of humanity. I do not diminish myself with that last sentence, but define myself in more totality. I can work to feed and shelter my family, but I can also grow in my humanity by striking down a disease that affects all of us in one form or another with your help.

I was invigorated today when some of these people that I worked with for so long did not recognize me. 60 pounds gone from my frame and no hair could have contributed to that lack of recognition. But in reality, I hope that most of them did not recognize me initially on the fact that they have never seen me so happy.

I was not happy with who I was when I worked with them. I needed to change to grow. I needed to leave my comfort zone to change. I needed to learn that change while frightening is not always negative. Things change for a reason, sometimes beyond our comprehension. Roll with the waves of change. Don't always be resistant to change. I am learning that our greatest experiences can come with change. In retrospect, our greatest pain can come from resisting change as well. Things change for a reason embrace it and move forward.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Two Movies and Insight

I came home today from a TEAM run. I was dreading due to weather. I had looked at the radar, and expected to run in the rain from the images Intellicast was projecting. I almost bagged going, because nobody likes to be cold and wet besides Navy Seals. Upon arriving home after a seven mile run, (one more mile than I will have to run for the Tri) I turned the TV on to "Henry V".

"Henry V" or Henry the Fifth is an epic struggle dramatised by Shakespeare of France versus England. England is beleaguered and vastly out manned in the final confrontation. England's forces find within themselves the courage and endurance to reach their goal of victory in arms. King Henry uses the Saint Crispin day speech to insight courage and bravery amongst his troops. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Crispin

During my run today, there were many times that I needed to find courage to continue running. I felt tightness in my hip flexors and knee pain as I ran. I have made a vow to myself to not walk during the training sessions. I am not sure if I can keep this vow as the heat rises, (but I will try). My big frame thrives on the cool weather. It does not like heat, as I produce enough of that when I work out, (and when I talk). I love "Henry V", and the Shakespearian speech there in:

Henry V:-
"This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day"

Those who remained a-bed are no less remarkable than myself, but are willing to spill there money in pursuit of my belief in the ending of blood cancer. For this, I consider them my brothers and sisters, and thank them for their conviction.


Upon completion of this movie, the next was "American Flyers". This is a story about bike racing and brothers. It stars Kevin Costner and David Marshall Grant. It is a story about a brother's love. David Marshall Grant wins a bike race after his brother, Costner's health is failing due to an incurable brain aneurysm.


This movie is one that I saw originally in the mid 80's. At the time, I was in love with riding a bicycle, but did not know that it would later in life re-emerge as a passion. I would often quote this movie when riding with friends "Hold your line!", as they swerved in front of me.


I find it a paradox that I am now, swimming, riding, and running in honor of my sister and her fight with a disease, that this movie resurfaces in my life. This movie was recommended to me earlier in the year by a friend and TEAMmate that I rode Tahoe with. I streamed it from Netflix after his bringing it up. I enjoyed it immensely. Three months later, (today) I watched it again with different eyes. I say with different eyes because of my struggles this morning, and what pushed me through to the end. I am not out there because I am important. I am out there because I truly believe in the cause that I am representing. I am out there to honor my sister, not my personal involvement.



A brother's love is something that while usually unsaid is there. It is a very tangible thing. It is a responsibility that cannot be set aside or shirked. It is to be accepted willingly, and without obligation from the loved one. It can grant resolve, and imbue you with stamina when you believe you have none left.



Funny how two of my favorite movies should appear on the same day back to back. Funny how I am now granted a different insight to the meanings that they originally provided. I thought they originally were about bravery and success without fear. I now can look at them and see that they are about bravery, and the willingness to fail in pursuit of a goal despite having fear.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mini Me And One That Looks Like Me

Often I post about training. While tonight, I did swim to make up a missed session and also rode for the hour the schedule called for, I won't say much other than the ride was awesome despite the wind, and the swim was lack luster at best due to shoulder issues.

Tonight instead, I will write about my children. I have one that is my mini me, "E". I have another that looks like me "I".

"E", is like me in so many ways, and yet her own unique person. We have a bond forged out of my inexperience as a parent blessed without power and a wife back in the hospital due to a post Cesarean section infection. A tornado hit Shoreview the day we brought her home from the hospital almost 11 years ago and my life has never been the same, "thank God"! She unfortunately has all my weakness and anger, but there is a spark deep within that glows and will someday shine beyond the brilliance of the sun.

"E" was crying as I checked on her tonight after she had gone to bed. I don't do so well with tears as I am not conditioned to understand this as a coping mechanism. Crying is not quitting in my book, but I don't fully understand it as stress relief.

I inquired what was wrong. She was worried about a school project that she did not have done. I asked if she had brought it home and she stated no as they would have more class time to finish it. I asked, then what was the issue? She stated, that she was not sure that she would be able to finish it in class. I asked her if she could have brought it home? She said yes, but did not feel at the time that she did not think she needed to, because of the extra class time.

I asked that she compose herself, and I would come back and discuss it with her. I gave her about a minute, and she had calmed down. I went back into her room and asked if she had tried her best today on this project? She said that she believed she had. I asked if she would try her hardest to complete it in class tomorrow? She said that she would. I then told her that if you do your best, nobody can ever complain about that. I asked that she take it as a lesson though regardless of the outcome, success or failure.

If you get it done, maybe next time you bring it home so you don't stress about it and can do a more thorough job of preparing. If you don't get it done, I won't be mad, but I want you to remember it, so that even though you have the extra class time you will put in some extra time to succeed.

I can tell you that mini me is exactly like I was and still am. I hope she learns that she is amazing before she faces the strife that I have inflicted upon myself.

"I" the one that looks like me. There is no denying that this one is my progeny! She is a precious gem that I adore, but due to this we struggle to understand each other. She is mommy's little angel and justifiably so. I don't always get it right with this one. I need to extend more of myself to this one. She is one of the most compassionate little people I know. She is tender. She is giving. She is fragile.

"I" came down tonight to give me a hug before bed. I was watching "Biggest Loser" after they had, as I was recording it as I was out riding. "I" is a big fan of the show. "I" is a little heavier than she should be, but when she hits her growth spurts, she slims out and is fine.

I asked her if she was ready to ride her bike around the lake with me this year? I have been hesitant to take her on this trip as she is not confident on her bike yet. She immediately started to cry and said that no she was not ready. I asked her why? She said it would it is too far. I said we could train for it and that I knew she could make it. She said no, she could not. I said it is only seven miles, I know you can make it. She said that riding a bike is too hard. I asked if it would be easier to walk it instead of riding it? She said that she said yes walking is easier. I asked her why she felt this way? She said that she was better at it than riding.

I asked her why she liked "Biggest Loser" so much? She said it is nice to see people succeed. I asked do you think you can succeed? She said no. I said I know you can, you just have to believe in yourself. Do you think you can ride with me around the circle with me twice, (we live on a half mile circle) ? She said yes, that is easy. I asked can you do that four times? She said yes, but that will be harder. I said then you are one third around the lake. I told her that if she can make it around the lake, she can pick her reward. We will make this goal an achievement by the end of the summer.

I am not a gifted father. I do not have the patience nor the deduction my parents had to make the job seem easy. On rare occasions, I am able to step outside myself and get it right. Tonight, I think I got it right twice. I was able to help one see that trying your best is all anyone can ask of you. I was able to help the other set a goal for themselves. Now it comes down accepting the consequence for one, and helping the other reach a goal. All I can say is that I am glad that I have one that is my mini me and one that looks like me. They are both amazing, challenging and my daughters.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pushing Too Hard

Running has become interesting. It is not something that I have done much since my left knee decided to head in the opposite direction from the rest of my body on a football field many years ago. The first mile is never fun, but I am learning that this is true for everyone. I have to believe that it is very similar to the first five to six miles on a bike ride. You have a layer of glycogen on your muscles that needs to be burned off before the muscle starts to work efficiently. When you get through this layer, the pain goes away and you can actually start enjoying the activity.


On a recent TEAM run, we were supposed to stay in zone two of our heart rates. I am just not able to run in zone two. I can maybe walk, or trot in zone two, but not actually feel like I am jogging. We started out at Minnehaha park and the Olympic distance group, ( we have Sprint, Olympic, and Half Iron groups) was supposed to run up to Lake Street bridge and then come back to the point of origin. I was able to keep it low until I got frustrated being by myself, and wanted to get back to the point of origin and be done. Not because I was not enjoying the run or the morning, but I was tired of not feeling like I was pushing hard enough.


For assistance, the green bar is zone 3, yellow bar is zone 4, and red bar at top is zone 5. This run came out at about 5.3 miles, in about 1 hour 15 minutes.


The week after the graph above, we did a nice 1.5 mile warm up approximately. Then we stopped and discussed the actual workout we would do. Again we started at Minnehaha Park and ran out to Minnehaha Academy and then headed back towards the park. Lock and Damn #11 is about a half mile from the park. There is quite a large hill that leads down to the river, and this would be the workout for today.


The Sprint group was to do four hill repeats. The Olympic group was to do six repeats, and the Half Iron man group was to do eight repeats. Go down to the bottom of the hill, and keep a steady pace back to the top and swing your arms to help pull you up the hill. Then you use your next down hill to help recover (slow your heart rate back down).

I can tell you that this was a beautiful morning! It was warmer than it has been so far, and I was feeling strong, despite having a few adult beverages the night before. I ran my six repeats, and the TEAM was really impressive. Those on the way up the hill worked hard and those on the recovery down hill were cheering for those working on their way back up. These cheers definitely help you put the pain aside and allow you to push through to your goal.

I decided that I wanted to do a seventh repeat. In my mind it was one more repeat than my sisters chemo sessions, (and this one would be for her). I would use that for motivation. Lisa, one of my TEAMmates who I have ridden Tahoe, and done the San Diego marathon with decided she would do one more with me. We had a nice chat on the way down and talked about my sister and one of her personal honorees.


We started back up the hill. We were moving at a steady even pace. About 30 yards from the top of the I asked her if she had a sprint left in her. We picked it up a little and I hit my after burner and made it to the top. I had to walk around a bit after that. The seventh peak (see below) is my heart rate at 171 beats a minute in zone 5. I got my breathing under control, and decided I was not done yet as a few of the Half Iron group were still out on the hill. I would do one more repeat, and this one would be for me.


I walked about half way down the hill, and then started to jog the rest of the way to the bottom. Drew one of the Training Captains, picked me up and finished the jog to the bottom. Drew is a machine. I don't know how many repeats he ran, but he made them all seem effortless. Drew kept setting goals for me as we climbed. He asked me to pick the pace up steadily and we were doing well. Mike our coach even ran up with Drew and I. Mike completed the Wisconsin Ironman with coach Bob two years ago. As we neared the top, Rachel came down to give encouragement. Rachel completed Ironman Wisconsin last year. We were about 50 yards from the top and I decided to push it. I started sprinting, trying to catch Rachel. I made it to the top, and felt okay.

Well, I felt okay, until I looked down at my heart rate monitor and saw 206 beats a minute. I kept moving and brought my breathing under control. I kept a close eye on my heart rate and watched it slowly fall. I still felt okay, but decided I would walk back to the park instead of stressing myself further.


Upon downloading the data from my heart rate monitor to my computer, I found that my peak rate was 209 beats a minute. This was not good. This was not real safe. Had I not sprinted, it would have been better. I am proud of the eight repeats, but not for the stupid moment of losing control. There is a time to push, but you can definitely push too hard and this was one of those times.



Total run distance 5.7 miles 1 hour 19 minutes.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Small Steps Lead To An Incredible Journey

I will be honest and say that I have been struggling to find myself and my position on this years TEAM. The people are really nice and all have a common goal. I have felt like an outsider a couple of times this season, and then I stopped and thought about why.

I was not putting myself out there to engage others. I was letting my shyness get in the way of making new friends. I was comfortable with the familiar faces on the TEAM, but was a little standoffish with my new TEAMMATES. The problem was not that I was afraid of them, the problem was that I needed to initiate conversation and interaction to bring down my barriers and welcome them in.

I thought about how I was going to accomplish this during a couple of my individual run sessions. I decided that I would make a conscious effort to put myself out there. I would initiate conversations. I would do the extra work, and support anyone that was having a rough day. Even though I am not a mentor this year, I can still carry out with the mentor's mission of inclusion and support. If it takes another hill repeat to bring the last person in, I am going to go back down the hill and come back up with them. If it means that I have to run slower than I already do so nobody is left alone, I will do that. I have found over the last couple of weeks that this is helping me find my place and my position on the team.

I don't consider myself much of a problem solver. I don't consider myself very good at breaking the larger issues down to smaller more manageable tasks that amalgamate into a resolution to the whole. It's funny that I think those things, because in reality that is what my day to day job is all about. It's amazing when you take the small steps to accomplish a goal, that they lead you down the path to an incredible journey. Whether it is an issue at the office, or in your personal life, if you take the time to puzzle it out, build a plan, and work your plan, you will get to where you want to be.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Running Suprises

The last two weeks have been filled with all sorts of strange and rewarding experiences. Training continues with small and large successes. Work is stressful and yet rewarding. Parenting is always a duplicitous experience. I've had several ideas on blogging, but just plain ran out of time to get it done. For that I apologize to those who read this on a regular basis.

I have to tell you all that I am finding abilities that I thought I had lost. Running, has become something I am enjoying. What? It hurts like hades, but I am actually enjoying it. I think I surprise myself and everyone around me when I run. The shock for them might be their first experience on the Richter scale. 300 pounds running next to you has got to shake the earth your treading upon. I have a kick at the end that is pretty impressive even if I say so myself. I can run about five miles and still will have a burst at the end that is not really understandable. Maybe the motivation comes from just wanting to get it over with. Maybe some of my kick comes from an ability to relate to my youth and anaerobic exercise. Goal tending and line play in football is all anaerobic in nature. It is small explosive bursts of energy without oxygen to get the goal accomplished. I'll wrap up on this topic telling you that I ran a mile on Saturday in under 10 minutes. We jogged up from the monument by St. Thomas to the track. We ran one lap on the track at 100% (I ran about 90 - 95%, the muscles were not warm enough yet). We ran two laps at 90% ( I was in the ballpark on this one). We then ran three laps at 85% (again on track with this). Then we were supposed to run a mile, ( four laps) at 100%. I wanted to beat a 10 minute mile, and I did at nine minutes and 49 seconds.

After doing the above when someone told me that was inspirational, I responded that it should not be. No one was more shocked that it was possible than me. I did not mean to disrespect the persons comment, but I am not comfortable with being an inspiration to anyone. I know what a small person I am on the inside that it is hard to accept that type of compliment. I have to work on being more accepting of something like that.

I worked out with a co-worker, I tried to help her with some swim pointers. I am by far no expert in this area, but I have learned a couple of things over the last seven months. I did not plan on doing more than a swim and a spin, but when we were done with those activities after about 70 minutes, they asked me to run. I figured I could probably go for a mile jog. We enjoyed chatting and jogging at a 4.7 to 5.2 mile pace. We were finishing up when she asked if I wanted to sprint the last tenth of a mile. I said sure and took off. I finished up my tenth at a dead run, and waited for her to catch up. She asked me where the hell I went. We had a good laugh about it, and she stated she had never seen anything like that, there was no hesitation, I was just gone.

I continue to grow through this experience. I continue to enjoy working out. I continue to think this organization is outstanding. I'm not getting any smaller, but I am definitely getting stronger. The surprises just keep growing.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Running On Emotion

For most that know me, I run on emotion a lot. It used to be nothing but anger, but that has changed over the past few years. I still run on anger once and a while, but it is now focused in a positive manner for the most part.

Tonight was a TEAM swim. I will be very honest and say that I did not want to go tonight. I was extremly low on energy all day. Part of it is not eating right, and getting too little sleep over the last few days. Jenny and I went to dinner as the kids are staying with my parents over spring break. I had somehow developed a knot in my back between my shoulder blades late in the day, and I was not comfortable. At dinner I looked at Jen and stated that I may skip the swim tonight as I was exhausted. Jenny told me to do what I needed to do.

We came home and Jenny sat down to read. I went down stairs to watch last nights biggest loser that I had recorded. It motivated me a little, but I still was feeling lethargic. I shut the television off and went in to my office. I brought up a browser with Yahoo coming up as the home page. There was a a video article about Ms. Virginia fighting childhood cancer, so I clicked on it. She is trying to raise funds to fight cancer in children. I started to think. Hmm she has a similar goal to mine. She's out there working on her goal, what are you doing... ? I started thinking about my sister, and said to myself oh too bad, your tired! Well isn't that special.

I went upstairs and checked with Jen if she would be okay if I decided to go to the third swim session as I had missed my usual TEAM swim. She told me to do what I needed to do, but there was a little smile on her face when she said it to me. I threw my trunks and a towel into my bag and rushed out the door.

On the drive over to the pool, I called my sister. I thanked her for being my motivation, with catch in my voice and a tear in my eye I told her I loved her. Then I put on some real angry music (e.g. Rammstein, Nickelback, Marilyn Manson). I used it to generate some energy.

I have to say that this swim was not easy, but I felt very strong throughout. Three 100's, four 150's w/ 20 seconds off between building speed on the second two. Six 100's 15 seconds off between, building speed after every two. Four 50's ten seconds off between building speed on the second two. One slow 50 with ten seconds off, and then one 50 full out. No shoulder pain! A few clicks, but nothing that can't be tolerated.

I sit as I am blogging listening to classical music reflecting on my emotions. I still run on them. I still feed off of them. I think tonight I ran on more love than anger. I am not doing this for me. I am reaping the benefits of it, but it is not about me. It is about ending something I hate for what it does to people. Running on emotion is not a negative thing, it's all about the focus of that energy. Emotion is just another form of energy, and it can be used in a positive manner, or wasted a negative form. I think tonight, I might have gotten it right.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Literal, Irrelevant, and Improving

As any of you that know me and have tried to explain anything to me, I am as literal as they come. You tell me something and prove it to me, this results in causing some flaw in my nature to hold it as gospel. This is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me to repeat the task over and over again. Where the curse comes in is when you ask me to change that course of action.

Tonight at a TEAM swim, my friend and coach told me that he needed me to stop rolling onto my back to breath. I learned this from the Total Immersion Swimming video course he recommended to me. Now, this is the way I have learned to swim comfortably, and successfully. We discussed it, and I told him I would try not to roll as far.

So I swim one lap this way, and I am pulling so hard with my right arm, I can feel my body bending at the waste so that I can see my toes behind me. I question him on it as this feels fine physically, but it goes against everything that I have been doing since July 4, 2008. Then we have another conversation about not rolling far enough onto my right side, (I only am able to breath with my left side in the water). We have to actually break it down so that I can understand what he is trying to convey. He wants me to continue to stack my hips on both sides, but when I breath, only role to 120 degrees instead of 180 degrees, (onto my back) when breathing with my left side in the water.

I swim another lap trying to focus on what he is looking for. Upon completion of that lap, he is satisfied with this, but wants a stronger punch into the water with my left arm. My left shoulder is the one that has been giving me trouble with pain. I have had shoulder problems forever since both have been damaged in hockey and football. I try to explain that I only have any real power in my right arm on a full swim stroke, the left is just there for decoration really as no power or forward progress comes from my left side. I try not to be negative and give what he wants a try.

I swim another length and a half, and "Pop" my left shoulder slips and I am in pain! I complete the half length with a worthless left arm. I say a few vulgarities as I exit the pool and try to get my shoulder to slip back to a normal alignment. This is not a dislocation, but it hurts. When this happens, you can feel and hear tissue grinding. It is not pleasant in oratory a nature nor physically. I stretch the muscles and try to pop the joint to relieve the ache. After taking a few minutes, I enter the pool again, and swim to the drop line in the pool where the depth increases, and realize that this is not feeling good. I stop and swim one arm bandit style back to the ladder and exit the pool. I'm done for the night.

I am angry as my discomfort is irrelevant. I know I can swim a mile even with a garbage left side. I go and shower off and try to calm my steaming temper. I am mad that my body interfered with what I was working on trying to accomplish. I get dressed back into my street clothes and go back to talk to my friend and coach.

He is concerned to know that I am okay. I'm honest and explain that I am pissed off, but not at him. I have a temper that matches my size and weight and nobody wants to be on the wrong side of that. I ask how I can improve without pulling on my left side. We find where I have strength on my left side. I have no strength until my arm is below my chest on the left side. There is no pain from breast bone to hip. We figure that I can get something out of my left side if I spaghetti arm it to my chest and then pop from the elbow to past my hip. We won't be trying this until my Sunday individual swim, but it will be the focus of that workout.

I don't like failure. But I will learn from this one, as I have learned from all of them. A few years ago, a set back like this would have crushed my gentle psyche. Yes, under my gruff large exterior lies a small and fragile ego. I know that the sheathing around that ego has grown in the last two years, and has given me the ability to learn from set backs.

In closing being literal is interesting. It can lead to immediate or delayed understanding. It causes one to ask questions and seek understanding. It can make one feel irrelevant, by making them feel slow on the pick up or silly for not getting it as quickly as others. It forces one to to improve because they will not quit until they understand the concept that is trying to be conveyed as they do not like feeling silly. I know that this is part of my make up and I am glad to have all of these attributes. It makes me who I am in all my glory and weakness.

Faith, Fear, Reflection, and Growth

Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. – William Newton Clark

I sit and reflect often, sometimes too often. I have fear, and I sometimes lack faith. I lack faith in my abilities be it physical or cognitive. I have to be honest, I think it is the fear of success more than of failure that holds me back at times. If I am successful, how can I do something next time to improve or set the bar higher for myself. I do fear failure, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

I watched The Bucket List last night and they discussed faith. And as discussed in the movie, everyone has had a discussion on faith hundreds of times in their lives. Neither party walks away from those discussions convincing the other member of the conversation that they are 100% right in their belief.

Faith in my opinion can be the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will fail, you probably will. If you believe that you will achieve success, you most likely will. It is hard to find courage in such an unstable world. But on any given day, if you are observant, you will find it. Be it from a child having faith in a parent to provide the comfort and love they need. Be it from a conversation from your mother saying that she misses hanging out with you and just laughing about nothing in particular. Seeing a group of co-workers putting aside the job for a few minutes and just enjoying each other's company as human-beings, knowing there is a deeper connection than just the job.

I think the lead in quote to this entry makes a lot of sense. The only thought that I can add is that the soul is boundless. I think it is making the mind go farther than it can see, and the body bringing the soul along on the journey is what life is about. Faith can be shaken, but it can always be restored.

Face your fear and question your faith. You will learn from doing both. Reflect on both and you will grow. Welcome the journey we call life.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

12:41 Avg over 3 Miles, $2, and Lessons Learned!

I am not sure which is more special to me, the fact that I just got done running and I carried a 12 minute 41 second average over three miles, or the fact that I received a $2.00 donation this week. Tell you what, I will try to explain why both are incredible.

The more important I would say is the $2.00 donation! This donation was made by someone who has been out of work for the last seven months as a casualty of the current economic crisis. For this person to take the time out of their personal situation and lend a hand to someone fighting cancer, gave me pause to reflect. I've said before that what you guys do in this effort is far more important than what I do. This is the most vibrant example of that statement I can possibly share with you to prove that point. I am humbled! I am grateful! No amount is too small if given from the heart.

The second is a personal achievement. I sit here astounded that in 16 days, I have gone from 15 minute average over three miles down to 12 minutes and 41 seconds. Where will I be in another two weeks?

I am not a runner. I used to run a lot as a child, and was fast. I recalled tonight as I was around 1.5 miles into the route that I used to run with my dad. We used to go out and run together, and then I would sprint home ahead of him toward the end. I remember one day that routine hurt his feelings. He expressed to me that he enjoyed running with me, but he would like to finish with me once and a while. Funny how that memory came up as I was running by myself. I am now about the size he was then, and probably of a similar age. I have to tell you, if I was running with someone around the age I was back then, I don't believe that I would have the humility and patience he did. Dad the lesson of that day, was learned, and I am grateful for you teaching it to me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Two Year Later

Two years ago, I took a chance on something. As most know I am not a brave or adventurous soul. I have a large body, but a small view of myself. I knew that something needed to change, but I was almost to the point where I was paralyzed to do anything to facilitate that change. Then fortunately for me that change found me. That change was TNT and LLS.

TNT and LLS won't do the work for you, but they will give you the tools to find the power and the light we all posses. TNT is really Team In Training, but it is dynamite unleashed. They provide all the motivation needed to accomplish an endurance event. The motivation comes from the stories of the honored team members. To compare your life to someone else's battling a blood cancer, or any cancer is a real eye opener. Which is the more harsh? Who has a reason to be unhappy or frustrated with the cards dealt to them?

I look back on two years of work, and can honestly say that it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I have not made a nickel, but I have had my self-esteem and value increased more than ten fold.

I have found that doing something that you believe in is far more tangible than chasing something you think that you need. This is a gift that I had heard others talk about and because I was closed off and bitter, I would scoff at. I am very thankful that 180 degrees of change were granted to me by 720 degrees of bicycle wheels. I am thankful that my wife showed enough trust and courage to believe in her crazy husband and come along on 13.1 of a 26.2 mile stroll. As I sit here tired and sore facing another adventure of swimming .9 miles, riding 24 miles, and running (yes, I said running) 6 miles, I know that I already have my reward, of my life and spirit restored.

To each and everyone of you that has donated in the past, and will again, I say thank you. If my experiences have brought you an ounce of joy, know your contributions have saved lives and will find the cure. Through funding that research, you have given me purpose and happiness beyond measure. What a difference two years can make!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/mn/lifetri09/mmcelyea