Less Than Someone Else

So I watched Biggest Loser tonight. The title comes from something Phillip said as he was being eliminated tonight: "I don't want my boy's to feel that they are less than someone else." It is a direct parallel to how I view myself. I use the people on this show for motivation as I have found others use me for motivation. I am not special. I am not gifted. I am merely a man that has a big heart that I wear on my sleeve.

When someone tells me that they are amazed by the amount that I work out, I just tell them that I have a goal. I tell them to find what motivates them. I am still larger than I want to be, but I am working out for someone else and myself. I am still training for my triathalon. I am still swimming 4000 to 8000 yards a week. It's a lot closer to 8000 yards a week. I am still not fast, but I am getting faster. My goal is to complete a tripple crown, but really it is to eliminate Cancer. I am motivated by the fact that my simple participation in endurance events, continues to coalesce you all into donating for the needed research to complete this larger goal.

I have started running in addition to swimming. I walk for a minute, and then run (not jog) for a minute. I am able to cover about 2.5 miles in 30 minutes with this stratergy. Tonight, I went about 2.75 miles in my 30 minutes. I am happy! I am getting stronger. I am finding that even though it hurts, it is rewarding.

Back to the topic of the Biggest Loser, when Phillip put his wedding ring back on for the first time in 15 years after outgrowing it, I was able to understand what it meant to him. I have shrunk out of my own wedding ring. My ring is a 13.5. I cannot keep it on without concentrating on keeping my ring finger bent.

I will not have it resized for one reason. It is a symbol of the beginning and the end of my relationship with Jenny. This may seem silly, but I am not willing to have any of that time cut out of my ring. Jenny and I have been together for 22 years. We have been married for 12 of those years. We may not always get along. We may not always like each other. But without her none of what I have done would have been possible. I find unlimited support from her. I find someone that believes in me when I have no belief in myself. I am a simple small man on the inside, with her love and support, I am able to step beyond my own belief that I am less than someone else.

Funny how life can parallel television.

Bald and Beautiful and I Hope It Helps

As I have said before, I don't do this for recognition. I don't do this because it is a good look for me. I don't do this because I matter at all in this situation. I only offer it as a simple form of support to someone I love and care about. It is a simple gesture. It is a small statement.

Things I have learned from doing this. Man you loose a lot of heat out the top of your head! I always had heard you did, and knew it to be true, but try this and you really find out how much! I have found that my pate is not to shabby looking. I have found out how much this simplifies getting ready in the morning. I have found out how much maintenance this takes to keep the stubble off, shaving it every other day. But you know what, it doesn't matter. It is worth it to hopefully lend a little support.

After asking and receiving the okay, I can tell you that it is my sister that is going through this ordeal. She is fighting ovarian cancer. She is looking better post surgery and is getting stronger. She starts chemo next week. We don't always get along. We don't always agree on everything. We don't always like each other. But, she is still my sister and I will always love her.

To the girl that would always assign the roles in our youth playing together. She would always be the mobile character in the game and I would be assigned some inanimate role such as a rock or a fence post. Maybe it was because I was always so active. I say thanks for the good times.

To the one time you wanted me to play the Easter Bunny right after we opened Christmas presents (Easter is her favorite holiday). I am sorry for telling you "I don't wanna be no son-o-bitchin Easther Bunny, I'm playing with my truck!" I'm glad we can laugh about that now.

To the times you defended me from the older kids. Picking up the bully and escorting them out of our yard by the scruff of the neck to the astonished looks of all present. Thank you for standing by me.

To all the time you have spent with your nieces. You have made them laugh and look at life in a different way. Thank you for everything you have added to their lives.

I can't fight this for you, but I can fight this with you. You've done nothing wrong. You don't deserve this. Keep your positive attitude. Keep your faith. You will come through this stronger!


I love you.

Using the mirror to line up the shot of my bald dome.

Bowing my head so you can see there are no flaws to my dome (other than what's on the inside)!!!

Back of the head sans suasage rolls.

To My Friend And Mentor

There is a man that made a big difference in how I view and handle myself. He was my mentor for my first endeavor with TNT. Jason was not a little man, but he continues to shrink in a positive manner. He lead by example. He lead with compassion. He lead with an open heart and a positive attitude.

Jason has just completed his triple crown. He ran the Twin Cities Marathon on Sunday in less than ideal circumstances. He ran through pain, and rain and did it all in five hours and fifty minutes and change. Jason is in my opinion a man that epitomizes the word Hero. Not because of what he has done. But by the way he lives his life. He has faced adversity and come through with a smile and the will to make a difference.

My hat is off to you Sumo buddy! You are one of my inspirations. You don't know how many times, your easy manner has gotten me through tough times. I appreciate everything you have done for me. Keep setting goals. Keep doing the work to reach them. Keep being the amazing individual you are.

Congratulations!

Swimming In Concrete Only Denser

Today was the first swim workout where I felt like I was swimming in something like concrete only denser. I took both Saturday and Sunday off, and expected an awesome workout. I really enjoyed last weeks 1700 yards that was mainly just long swim distances without sprints. I am really not a fan of the sprint as I am not good at it..... (yet)!

This week is all icky sprints! 10 X 50 on the 1:05, and then 200 yards, then 10 X 50 on the 1:10. This is first time I have not been able to carry at least half of the sprints ahead of the clock catching me. Was it too much rest? Was it a negative attitude? Was it a weekend of eating wrong?

I don't know what the problem was, but I failed miserably in the workout. I did not quit! I did the distance, but I had absolutely nothing in the tank to come anywhere near achieving what the workout called for. My times are still miles ahead of where they were 13 weeks ago, but I am not happy with myself. What should have taken 11 minutes on the 1:10 10 X 50's took 14 minutes. I don't know if I am lacking strength, or if it was just an off day.

I had my body fat percentage taken after two months of swimming, and it has gone down 1.6%, but it is all in my chest. My upper body has never been in such good shape. My measurement went down from July 8 at 37.5 mm to 24.5 mm which is a 13mm loss in fat and development of lean muscle in the pectoral. This is a plus, but I was hoping for more. I am not quitting, just know that I need to change my diet and increase my activity level. I am still swimming 4000 to 6000 yards or more a week, but it has been hard to fit it all in with family responsibilities. I need to start spinning, and fit a run or two in a week.

I am using motivation from my family member's ordeal. I am using my hatred of cancer to push when I don't want to workout. I am not a failure, I merely suffer from the human condition of weakness. I am committed, and will continue to commit myself to the goal. I need to make some sacrifices to get to the next level. I need to give up some vices. I need to take a deep and meaningful look at who I am and where I need to get to, to make a difference. All of which feels like swimming in concrete, only it feels much more dense.