Saturday, April 25, 2009

Two Movies and Insight

I came home today from a TEAM run. I was dreading due to weather. I had looked at the radar, and expected to run in the rain from the images Intellicast was projecting. I almost bagged going, because nobody likes to be cold and wet besides Navy Seals. Upon arriving home after a seven mile run, (one more mile than I will have to run for the Tri) I turned the TV on to "Henry V".

"Henry V" or Henry the Fifth is an epic struggle dramatised by Shakespeare of France versus England. England is beleaguered and vastly out manned in the final confrontation. England's forces find within themselves the courage and endurance to reach their goal of victory in arms. King Henry uses the Saint Crispin day speech to insight courage and bravery amongst his troops. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Crispin

During my run today, there were many times that I needed to find courage to continue running. I felt tightness in my hip flexors and knee pain as I ran. I have made a vow to myself to not walk during the training sessions. I am not sure if I can keep this vow as the heat rises, (but I will try). My big frame thrives on the cool weather. It does not like heat, as I produce enough of that when I work out, (and when I talk). I love "Henry V", and the Shakespearian speech there in:

Henry V:-
"This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day"

Those who remained a-bed are no less remarkable than myself, but are willing to spill there money in pursuit of my belief in the ending of blood cancer. For this, I consider them my brothers and sisters, and thank them for their conviction.


Upon completion of this movie, the next was "American Flyers". This is a story about bike racing and brothers. It stars Kevin Costner and David Marshall Grant. It is a story about a brother's love. David Marshall Grant wins a bike race after his brother, Costner's health is failing due to an incurable brain aneurysm.


This movie is one that I saw originally in the mid 80's. At the time, I was in love with riding a bicycle, but did not know that it would later in life re-emerge as a passion. I would often quote this movie when riding with friends "Hold your line!", as they swerved in front of me.


I find it a paradox that I am now, swimming, riding, and running in honor of my sister and her fight with a disease, that this movie resurfaces in my life. This movie was recommended to me earlier in the year by a friend and TEAMmate that I rode Tahoe with. I streamed it from Netflix after his bringing it up. I enjoyed it immensely. Three months later, (today) I watched it again with different eyes. I say with different eyes because of my struggles this morning, and what pushed me through to the end. I am not out there because I am important. I am out there because I truly believe in the cause that I am representing. I am out there to honor my sister, not my personal involvement.



A brother's love is something that while usually unsaid is there. It is a very tangible thing. It is a responsibility that cannot be set aside or shirked. It is to be accepted willingly, and without obligation from the loved one. It can grant resolve, and imbue you with stamina when you believe you have none left.



Funny how two of my favorite movies should appear on the same day back to back. Funny how I am now granted a different insight to the meanings that they originally provided. I thought they originally were about bravery and success without fear. I now can look at them and see that they are about bravery, and the willingness to fail in pursuit of a goal despite having fear.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Mini Me And One That Looks Like Me

Often I post about training. While tonight, I did swim to make up a missed session and also rode for the hour the schedule called for, I won't say much other than the ride was awesome despite the wind, and the swim was lack luster at best due to shoulder issues.

Tonight instead, I will write about my children. I have one that is my mini me, "E". I have another that looks like me "I".

"E", is like me in so many ways, and yet her own unique person. We have a bond forged out of my inexperience as a parent blessed without power and a wife back in the hospital due to a post Cesarean section infection. A tornado hit Shoreview the day we brought her home from the hospital almost 11 years ago and my life has never been the same, "thank God"! She unfortunately has all my weakness and anger, but there is a spark deep within that glows and will someday shine beyond the brilliance of the sun.

"E" was crying as I checked on her tonight after she had gone to bed. I don't do so well with tears as I am not conditioned to understand this as a coping mechanism. Crying is not quitting in my book, but I don't fully understand it as stress relief.

I inquired what was wrong. She was worried about a school project that she did not have done. I asked if she had brought it home and she stated no as they would have more class time to finish it. I asked, then what was the issue? She stated, that she was not sure that she would be able to finish it in class. I asked her if she could have brought it home? She said yes, but did not feel at the time that she did not think she needed to, because of the extra class time.

I asked that she compose herself, and I would come back and discuss it with her. I gave her about a minute, and she had calmed down. I went back into her room and asked if she had tried her best today on this project? She said that she believed she had. I asked if she would try her hardest to complete it in class tomorrow? She said that she would. I then told her that if you do your best, nobody can ever complain about that. I asked that she take it as a lesson though regardless of the outcome, success or failure.

If you get it done, maybe next time you bring it home so you don't stress about it and can do a more thorough job of preparing. If you don't get it done, I won't be mad, but I want you to remember it, so that even though you have the extra class time you will put in some extra time to succeed.

I can tell you that mini me is exactly like I was and still am. I hope she learns that she is amazing before she faces the strife that I have inflicted upon myself.

"I" the one that looks like me. There is no denying that this one is my progeny! She is a precious gem that I adore, but due to this we struggle to understand each other. She is mommy's little angel and justifiably so. I don't always get it right with this one. I need to extend more of myself to this one. She is one of the most compassionate little people I know. She is tender. She is giving. She is fragile.

"I" came down tonight to give me a hug before bed. I was watching "Biggest Loser" after they had, as I was recording it as I was out riding. "I" is a big fan of the show. "I" is a little heavier than she should be, but when she hits her growth spurts, she slims out and is fine.

I asked her if she was ready to ride her bike around the lake with me this year? I have been hesitant to take her on this trip as she is not confident on her bike yet. She immediately started to cry and said that no she was not ready. I asked her why? She said it would it is too far. I said we could train for it and that I knew she could make it. She said no, she could not. I said it is only seven miles, I know you can make it. She said that riding a bike is too hard. I asked if it would be easier to walk it instead of riding it? She said that she said yes walking is easier. I asked her why she felt this way? She said that she was better at it than riding.

I asked her why she liked "Biggest Loser" so much? She said it is nice to see people succeed. I asked do you think you can succeed? She said no. I said I know you can, you just have to believe in yourself. Do you think you can ride with me around the circle with me twice, (we live on a half mile circle) ? She said yes, that is easy. I asked can you do that four times? She said yes, but that will be harder. I said then you are one third around the lake. I told her that if she can make it around the lake, she can pick her reward. We will make this goal an achievement by the end of the summer.

I am not a gifted father. I do not have the patience nor the deduction my parents had to make the job seem easy. On rare occasions, I am able to step outside myself and get it right. Tonight, I think I got it right twice. I was able to help one see that trying your best is all anyone can ask of you. I was able to help the other set a goal for themselves. Now it comes down accepting the consequence for one, and helping the other reach a goal. All I can say is that I am glad that I have one that is my mini me and one that looks like me. They are both amazing, challenging and my daughters.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pushing Too Hard

Running has become interesting. It is not something that I have done much since my left knee decided to head in the opposite direction from the rest of my body on a football field many years ago. The first mile is never fun, but I am learning that this is true for everyone. I have to believe that it is very similar to the first five to six miles on a bike ride. You have a layer of glycogen on your muscles that needs to be burned off before the muscle starts to work efficiently. When you get through this layer, the pain goes away and you can actually start enjoying the activity.


On a recent TEAM run, we were supposed to stay in zone two of our heart rates. I am just not able to run in zone two. I can maybe walk, or trot in zone two, but not actually feel like I am jogging. We started out at Minnehaha park and the Olympic distance group, ( we have Sprint, Olympic, and Half Iron groups) was supposed to run up to Lake Street bridge and then come back to the point of origin. I was able to keep it low until I got frustrated being by myself, and wanted to get back to the point of origin and be done. Not because I was not enjoying the run or the morning, but I was tired of not feeling like I was pushing hard enough.


For assistance, the green bar is zone 3, yellow bar is zone 4, and red bar at top is zone 5. This run came out at about 5.3 miles, in about 1 hour 15 minutes.


The week after the graph above, we did a nice 1.5 mile warm up approximately. Then we stopped and discussed the actual workout we would do. Again we started at Minnehaha Park and ran out to Minnehaha Academy and then headed back towards the park. Lock and Damn #11 is about a half mile from the park. There is quite a large hill that leads down to the river, and this would be the workout for today.


The Sprint group was to do four hill repeats. The Olympic group was to do six repeats, and the Half Iron man group was to do eight repeats. Go down to the bottom of the hill, and keep a steady pace back to the top and swing your arms to help pull you up the hill. Then you use your next down hill to help recover (slow your heart rate back down).

I can tell you that this was a beautiful morning! It was warmer than it has been so far, and I was feeling strong, despite having a few adult beverages the night before. I ran my six repeats, and the TEAM was really impressive. Those on the way up the hill worked hard and those on the recovery down hill were cheering for those working on their way back up. These cheers definitely help you put the pain aside and allow you to push through to your goal.

I decided that I wanted to do a seventh repeat. In my mind it was one more repeat than my sisters chemo sessions, (and this one would be for her). I would use that for motivation. Lisa, one of my TEAMmates who I have ridden Tahoe, and done the San Diego marathon with decided she would do one more with me. We had a nice chat on the way down and talked about my sister and one of her personal honorees.


We started back up the hill. We were moving at a steady even pace. About 30 yards from the top of the I asked her if she had a sprint left in her. We picked it up a little and I hit my after burner and made it to the top. I had to walk around a bit after that. The seventh peak (see below) is my heart rate at 171 beats a minute in zone 5. I got my breathing under control, and decided I was not done yet as a few of the Half Iron group were still out on the hill. I would do one more repeat, and this one would be for me.


I walked about half way down the hill, and then started to jog the rest of the way to the bottom. Drew one of the Training Captains, picked me up and finished the jog to the bottom. Drew is a machine. I don't know how many repeats he ran, but he made them all seem effortless. Drew kept setting goals for me as we climbed. He asked me to pick the pace up steadily and we were doing well. Mike our coach even ran up with Drew and I. Mike completed the Wisconsin Ironman with coach Bob two years ago. As we neared the top, Rachel came down to give encouragement. Rachel completed Ironman Wisconsin last year. We were about 50 yards from the top and I decided to push it. I started sprinting, trying to catch Rachel. I made it to the top, and felt okay.

Well, I felt okay, until I looked down at my heart rate monitor and saw 206 beats a minute. I kept moving and brought my breathing under control. I kept a close eye on my heart rate and watched it slowly fall. I still felt okay, but decided I would walk back to the park instead of stressing myself further.


Upon downloading the data from my heart rate monitor to my computer, I found that my peak rate was 209 beats a minute. This was not good. This was not real safe. Had I not sprinted, it would have been better. I am proud of the eight repeats, but not for the stupid moment of losing control. There is a time to push, but you can definitely push too hard and this was one of those times.



Total run distance 5.7 miles 1 hour 19 minutes.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Small Steps Lead To An Incredible Journey

I will be honest and say that I have been struggling to find myself and my position on this years TEAM. The people are really nice and all have a common goal. I have felt like an outsider a couple of times this season, and then I stopped and thought about why.

I was not putting myself out there to engage others. I was letting my shyness get in the way of making new friends. I was comfortable with the familiar faces on the TEAM, but was a little standoffish with my new TEAMMATES. The problem was not that I was afraid of them, the problem was that I needed to initiate conversation and interaction to bring down my barriers and welcome them in.

I thought about how I was going to accomplish this during a couple of my individual run sessions. I decided that I would make a conscious effort to put myself out there. I would initiate conversations. I would do the extra work, and support anyone that was having a rough day. Even though I am not a mentor this year, I can still carry out with the mentor's mission of inclusion and support. If it takes another hill repeat to bring the last person in, I am going to go back down the hill and come back up with them. If it means that I have to run slower than I already do so nobody is left alone, I will do that. I have found over the last couple of weeks that this is helping me find my place and my position on the team.

I don't consider myself much of a problem solver. I don't consider myself very good at breaking the larger issues down to smaller more manageable tasks that amalgamate into a resolution to the whole. It's funny that I think those things, because in reality that is what my day to day job is all about. It's amazing when you take the small steps to accomplish a goal, that they lead you down the path to an incredible journey. Whether it is an issue at the office, or in your personal life, if you take the time to puzzle it out, build a plan, and work your plan, you will get to where you want to be.