Kyrie Eleison

Riding season is here. I only have 21 miles in two rides. I am sooooo out of shape. Not having a reason to train over the winter makes Marc fall hard into old ways. If beer drinking were an Olympic sport, then I would be a champion, but alas all it does is make you heavy, lazy and rotund.

I want to get back to really enjoying 20 mile rides daily. I am hoping dropping the stress I feel from day to day work and life pressures will ease. That I will find some of the care free spirit that riding brought to me over the last few years. I am still on the fence on attempting 100 this fall. My back just does not seem to want to ease from where it is bugging me. This is the same spot that flared up during last years Tahoe ride. Is it because I am 40 and nothing heals the same? Or is it the fact that I eat like crap and I have not been taking care of myself?

I've lost another dear person to cancer. I just hate it! I know that she is in a better place and free from her pain. It was the wife of my deer hunting friend that passed away a few years back. They both were truly amazing and the world is an empty place without their presence. But to know that they are reunited and at peace is a comfort.

I search for a goal yet in my life. I have a problem when I have achieved what I set out to do and then achieve it to accept it as a goal when I do try and do it again. I still am active with LLS and TNT, but I need a high from life. While I have never successfully ridden the full 100, (damn walking) I don't know if my body will cooperate again. I might have to set fear aside and really change my habits.

I miss the placement of my random mind out here in the ether as well. I think that it might be somewhat cathartic for me to write them down and leave them in peace. Maybe with exercise and trying to get back into this practice, I will find some relief from the "Stinkin Thinkin". For example today as I lay reading a thought popped into my head; "Am I chasing death, or is death chasing me?" What the hell, the book has nothing to do with that? Where would that come from. Guess that is how my mind is wired, or faulty. I am here, might as well find something to do while we wait to see the answer from that question.

Well time to go spin the wheels and see how I do. I'm not in a race other than against myself. I have to remember to start small, enjoy the successes, learn from the mistakes, and take it as it comes. Kyrie Eleison!