The Double, Double

I sit here exhausted, but content. I did the one thing I dislike physically more than any other endeavor, and then followed it up with something that I am beginning to love. I did my lifting session, and followed it with my fifth swim of the week.

I skipped my squats, but substituted leg curls and extensions. I am dealing with an inflamed or bruised Achilles tendon. I hurt this during my marathon training, and think pushing off the edge of the pool has strained it again. My chiropractor has made it feel better, but has suggested not doing squats until it is fully healed.

It was with some delay that I arrived at the gym. I was up early, but just did not find the drive to get to the gym. I made myself leave the house and go around 13:00 CDT. I went through my lifting session with a positive attitude. I found contentment in being consistently busy in the weight room. Some exercises felt good, while others were merely endured because they are necessary.

Upon completion of weight training, I grabbed a quick shower and got ready for my swim. I was anticipating difficulty. I was surprised that I was buoyed by the water upon entering. I felt almost weightless. I felt smooth. I was figuring that with the double swim yesterday, and the lifting before this swim, I would be suffering. To my shock and amazement, I felt very slippery in the water. I did my complete 1500 yard workout in about 48 minutes. This is a little slower than I have done it the rest of the week, but still not bad. 7500 Yards swimming and one weight training session for the week.

I got home around 15:30. I relaxed for a while, and watched a movie with Elizabeth. Figured that it was time to blog a bit. I am off to read a book for a bit, before taking my rest for the evening.

No deep thoughts to express tonight. There are a couple in my cranium, but I will digest them and figure how to express them more concisely before I share them. Enjoy your extended weekend (Labor day). Live, Laugh, Love, and enjoy your time.

Follow Through

I swam my two shifts of 1500 yards today. I am tired. I am relaxed. I am satisfied. I did what I said I would do. I have 6000 yards for the week.

Following through on what I say is important to me. I don't know where this obligation comes from, but it is inherent in my psyche. I have always believed that if you say you will do something, you need to do it. The most important thing is to be honest. Don't say you can do it if you are not committed to doing it. If you don't think you can do what you say, don't make the false statement.

Sometimes this ideal is impairing. If I don't think I am capable of doing something, I am afraid to make the commitment. Often, I don't believe that I am capable of doing much. Therefore, I hold myself back many times. I am learning that sometimes you need to step outside your comfort zone. That is what my whole TNT experience so far has taught me. It is good to go beyond yourself. It is good to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. If you only exist in your comfort zone, you do not grow. You do not flourish. You become stagnate.

I am not a role model. I am only trying to make myself better, and the world around me improved. I find that when someone is impressed by my accomplishments from the past few years, that I am embarrassed. They don't always know that I was such a negative person that I am not deserving of their admiration. I always tell them to find a better role model than me.

If I motivate them to go outside of their comfort zone, then I am improving the world that I am involved in. Then I am deserving of their admiration. If I only accept the accolades, I am not deserving of any praise. That is only narcissism.

I still owe a lifting session, and one more swim for the week. I am looking forward to following through on it.

COMMITMENT: "Commitment is what transforms promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions, and the actions which speak louder than words. It is making the time when there is none, coming through time after time, day after day, week after week. Commitment is the stuff that character is made of, the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism." Unknown

Be Who You Are!

So this has not been a great week to work out. I have missed my weight training and two days swimming. I will need to swim a double either Saturday or Sunday and lift and swim on the other to make it up. This does not frighten me as it would have a few weeks ago. Why? Because I know that I can reach inside myself and find the strength I need. When did I learn this? When I did a double last week on Saturday, I made myself swim a double 1300 yard work out. I wanted to see if I had it in the tank. Surprisingly, I did.

The spirit is decidedly more strong than the individual that inhabits the body. What does that mean? It means that the mind may be weak when the body is strong. The mind is what tells you to quit. I have said before, and will say it again: The body will go until it gets injured beyond repair. The mind will quit when it feels discomfort. Telling your mind that you have more is the trick. Pushing it to go beyond is the magic. As long as you are not injured you can push far beyond your mental limits physically.

I used to hate when my college coaches would shout "Are you injured or are you hurt?" What they were saying was push beyond your mental limitations. Stop protecting yourself and exceed your own mental limitations. Mental limitations may be subconscious or may be you wanting to stop because you are tired and flagging, and giving into the mercy of rest. Rising above these mental limitations is an amazing accomplishment.

I need physical challenge. I need to push. I need to accept. I need to grow. I need to learn boundaries. I need to keep on keeping on. I need to give. I need to love, and be loved in return. I need to be. I need to help. I need to pursue. I need to achieve. All are accomplished by going beyond mental limitations.

I will do the double twice. I will accomplish. I will accept success or failure. I will grow either way. I am learning boundaries. I will keep on by persevering. I will give. I will love, and am loved in return. I will be. I will help. I will pursue. I will achieve. I will go on beyond my mental limitations.

Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and friends will laugh with you. Close yourself in and you only hurt yourself. Be open. Be accepting. Be who you are!

One Of Those Days

So you just ever have one of those days? I'm not talking about the kind that we all have where everything you touch goes to excrement immediately. I am talking about one of those days where you just smile at everything and get a stupid grin on your face!

I had a great workout yesterday, the kind that you walk out of the gym just plain exhausted, but knowing you accomplished what you set out to do. I finished my work day from home in the evening, and made a lot of progress on my project list. I went to bed an slept like a log. Got up this morning and logged on to work and knocked out a solid 45 minutes before dropping the kids off and driving to work.

Once at work, attended a meeting where I felt like the minimal comments I made were accepted and appreciated. Stopped by someone's desk and helped them understand what they were looking at. Went to my own desk and on the way was asked what I was smiling at; I replied I had no idea, but the grin did not leave.

I proceeded to knock out a good block of work while remaining focused and upbeat. Was invited to lunch, which I declined because I wanted to get my work out in early. Turned on my iPod to continue to chunk through a large project initative of switch refurbishment. Listening to Rascal Flatts, the grin just continued to grow and I could feel my soul start to soar. There is something about the close harmony and the many good rides I have had with the Flatts that I just can't, not be moved by the lyrics.

I leave work to hit the pool, and I knock out my week 6 workout of 1500 yards. Two more weeks, and I will hit my goal of 1 mile in the pool. 3000 yards this week! Come home with plans of blogging and spending some time with the family. Find out Elizabeth has soccer practice, and not even this can phase my good mood as it came up unexpectedly. I am actually looking forward to seeing her as this is her first year in soccer.

I wish that these type of days happened more often. Nothing amazing happend, but all of the little events have amalgamated into a great experience. I had joyful thoughts. I had pleasant memories stirred to the surface. I have enjoyed both physical and cerebral challenges and come through them stronger today.

I guess I will close with this thought as I continue to smile:

Success is living up to your potential. That’s all. Wake up with a smile and go after life… Live it, enjoy it, taste it, smell it, feel it. - Joe Kapp

So Phelps, I Am Not, But I Am Having Fun

So I continue to swim. I hit 6000 yards last week, and while I could have hit 7200, I decided to rest on Sunday. I really had to work hard to pull myself through the water on both Friday and Saturday. It may not always be fun, but I am amazed at the progress.

I had an experience on Saturday, that will pay dividends in the lake. I was doing my fifth 100, and misjudged my level in the water column, and inhaled a mouth full of water that went down my throat. I was on length number two heading into the third. I made myself swim through it. In the lake, there will be no bottom to touch, so I did not allow myself to put my feet down. I continued for a few more strokes, as the panic of having no air set in. I came to the surface and coughed the most horrible cough of my life. It sounded like I had lost my lunch in the pool. I took two more crawl strokes, and then went to the well for the breast stroke. I forced myself to calm down, surface, breath, under and stroke. Surface, breath, calm down, under stroke. I took four breast strokes, got my air back and then completed length three and four with the crawl.

I completed my whole workout without quitting when it got tough. I then promptly came home exhausted and passed out in my lazy boy. It was a nap well earned!

This experience is exactly why I am training so early. I expect struggle. I expect difficulty. Work put in now will yield experience that can be called upon when the going gets tough on event day. The event is still months away, but there is never a better time to prepare than now. I have miles to go, but I now know that I can survive a short period of panic and recover while in the water without stopping forward progress.

I hope to one day be able to get this enjoyment out of cerebral activity. The physical endeavors have always delivered lessons more easily that can be reflected on and used in other areas. When everything falls into place, there is that beautiful moment where one feels invincible. Man that is a wonderful feeling.

Doing Something You Don't Like Because It's Good For You

So, I am pretty sure you all know that I don't like lifting weights. This lack of desire comes from years of living in a weight room for football. So I only lift on Thursdays or one time a week. I swim the rest of the week.

Tonight was the first time to the gym without my trainer being involved. I did get to see Tami though, and that was nice. She was doing her workout before starting her shift. We gave each other grief in a good way.

I pretty much did my whole workout in 40 minutes. I like being able to move from exercise to exercise without delay. I quit work early to be able to get there before the post work rush. I am surprisingly not sore tonight. Maybe my muscles are adapting. I feel good.

I should have swam after my workout, but decided that I should get home early and finish up my day of work. The girls and Jen were away doing something fun, so I had a quiet house. I finished up work and watched some Olympics. I am more of a Winter Olympic fan than a Summer, but man these people are incredible!

Lifting may not be my favorite activity, but anything I can fit in before next July will help me reach my goal. Funny that I don't like goals, but I am starting to. If you don't reach them on your first attempt, the effort pays dividends. If you would have told me that I would be setting these goals for myself two years ago, I would have laughed at you. Me, set goals? What are you nuts? Sometimes you have to do things you don't like, because they are good for you.

Better Mood Today

Okay, I am in a better mood today. I don't know why I get like that. I guess, I am human and days like yesterday are going to happen. I had a fun and busy day. I even got my work out in before coming home.

Apparently my math was off yesterday and I thought I was in an Olympic pool of 50 yards. I shorted myself 50 yards yesterday at the very end of my workout. I am supposed to swim 150 yard of slow freestyle at the end of my week four routine. I realized this today as I was hammering out my workout before heading back to a meeting. I finished my 5X100's did my 50 yards of my cool down drill, and started my 150 cool down swim. I realized into the first 25 yards that I made a boo boo yesterday. I figured I would fix the situation today so as not to cheat. I swam 200 yards for my cool down. Eight lengths of the pool! Now, that was an accomplishment that brought a smile to my face.

Off to my meeting, scarfing a sandwich while walking into work. Get through it, while feeling totally out of my comfort zone. I am a router and switch jockey, not a business guru. I can contribute, but I am not always the best at expressing my thoughts on process. I don't always know I how I accomplish what I do, but I have internal processes that I follow. Trying to document those for others seems more difficult. I am learning and working on it, but still a lot of room for improvement.

Anyway, I am not beating myself up today. Might even climb on the trainer for a spin this evening. Bad days are still going to happen. I like the fact that I can vent them here and then leave them for reflection later. I am amazed how easily some of this stuff falls on the virtual page.

Have a great night and I'll blog again tomorrow.

Volunteering and Fighting Demons

I volunteered for the Turtle Man Triathlon this year. After living on the course for 12 years originally thinking this was a major inconvenience and now coming to accept it for what it is a remarkable feat and enjoyable to witness. Of course with my luck, I was on the furthest point of the course from my house. This is not a tragedy, but kind of funny that I could have walked or ridden to any other part of the course but two, and I drew one.

It was fun to watch the competitors, but somehow, I think it might be easier to compete in the event than to cheer people on. Maybe it is some deficiency in my character that starts to internalize watching what these folks are going through and not want to pitch in and suffer through it with them.

I have been fighting with my age old demons of late. I have let some negative self talk inhibit my growth. I have been making it to the pool regularly, I only hit 4800 yards last week, but listened to my body asking for rest on Friday and Sunday. It paid off today, I did my week four workout of 5 X 100 with only 10 seconds of rest fairly smooth over the complete 1200 yards. Imagine 20+ minutes of swimming with only 40 seconds off. I am tired, but it is definitely improving. I have not ridden much of late, but that will come as it continues to cool as fall approaches.

I don't know why I cannot just find happiness in being who and what I am. Funny that I have nothing terrible in my life, but I seem to dwell on the negative instead of celebrating the positive. I have more friends now than ever. I have a much improved life. I am setting goals and achieving them. Why then let the demons come in to run amok? I push them down and continue to chase what I believe in, but the things I say to myself internally... Sometimes, I question why was I granted time on earth? Maybe I will make a difference. Maybe I have. Maybe I am fulfilling what I am supposed to do. Maybe, I just think too damn much.

Whatever the case may be, I'm here and I better make the most of the time I have left. My friend Bob brought this quote to my attention. Maybe if I focus on this, I can break through the dark layers and burn more brightly:

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” – Jack London

Do not let the dark side of my personality diminish your thoughts of me. I am still the silly lovable ogre you all know and tolerate. I will beat back the gremlins as I have done all my life. I will find my high and low points, and they will aggregate themselves into a remarkable experience. Were all on the ride together. It is okay to seek solace amongst fellow travellers. Grant yourself forgiveness, I'm still trying to find it for myself.

Enough being morose! Tomorrow is a new day. I have opportunities ahead. Plans and dreams to make. Work to do to make the plans and dreams a reality. It is okay to question your faults, but not to dwell and become stagnate.

Inadequate In My Eyes

I have always viewed myself as inadequate. Everyone else is better, more deserving and more qualified than I am. Funny that when I talk to others, that their view of me is that I am all those things, but not inadequate. Why are we always hardest on ourselves?

Trust me, I am the world's worst perfectionist. I do not excel at anything. I also try not to give up on anything. Would I like to be great at something? Sure I would! But if everything came easy, would the reward and the feeling of success mean anything? The things that I do have marginal ability in, seem to bring me the most frustration. If I was only a little better at this detail, I would be complete. If I was only a little stronger, would I feel more accomplished?

Life is full of these type of questions. If you are able to reflect on your feelings, you have not quit. Life is for trying new things. Life if for failing and learning from those failures. Life is about accomplishing what you set your mind to do, and rewarding yourself by enjoying it when you succeed! I have a lot to work on when it comes to the latter. I am miles from where I started this journey, and I am miles from where I want to be.

The journey is the thing comes to mind here. When you realize that life is a journey, and you take time to enjoy it the rest of the strife seems to fade in comparison to the ride you are on. Others love and admire you, even if you don't have much love for yourself. Cherish those who offer you friendship. Accept those that don't offer you friendship, and wish them well in their journey.

Thanks to those who have love in their hearts for me. To those who I have offended in my 38 years, I am sorry. For those I will meet in the future, I am not a perfect person, but I am willing to admit that I am not infallible. Take time to teach me what you can, and know that I appreciate the lesson.

It is the lessons I have learned over the last few years that allow me to write this so freely, and without fear of reprisal. I am to a point in my life where it is not so much the view others have of me, but of the view I have of myself that matters. If only life allowed this to come earlier... Would I be a different man? Who knows, but I know that I would not have learned all the valuable lessons that I now can claim to have knowledge of.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. - Charles Du Bos

Pace Yourself and Smile

So I made my goal of 5000 - 6000 yards in the pool last week! I actually made 6300 yards.

I copied my week three and four workouts today and printed them. To look at the week ahead, I have 1200 yards for the week 3 work out. Now there are 6 X 100's with only 15 seconds of rest between plus all the drills. Oh my Lord, how am I going to accomplish this. "Pace Yourself" comes to mind.

I head to the pool with some trepidation in my heart, but what is life without some challenge? I have had a good day, and have not struggled at much today. A physical challenge is just what I need. I have a massage scheduled for 18:00 CDT, so even if this hurts the pain should be eased afterwards.

Do my warm up and drills, and take 45 seconds of rest before embarking on something that I don't know if I am capable of. I have to count the 100's and the length in the current one so that I do not cheat. So, swimming while focusing on form and repeating the mantra of 1-1, 1-2, 1-3, 1-4 take 15 seconds of rest, and embark on 100 number two. By the time I am on number four, I am smiling in the pool. This has to look silly, but who cares, and who is watching!

I finished all 6 X 100's without extending my 15 seconds of rest between. If you told me I would be able to do this in the morning, I would have been suspect of your sanity! I am still not fast, but that is not the goal. The distance and form are what I am pursuing at present. The speed will come with increased physical strength and fitness!

Time to go enjoy my massage with a sense of accomplishment, and maybe a continued smile!

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. - Joshua J. Marine

To Friends With Aspirations

This is not an entry about me. By surrounding myself with successful people with aspirations, I hope to become what these people are! I have two friends that are chasing the Ironman dream. Ironman is a poor choice of a name for a race that both men and women compete in. I feel that it should be called Iron Will. All endurance events are a test of mental fortitude. These two ladies are very inspiring.

Kimmi & Rachel are chasing a dream that will very likely become reality. I wish that when I was their age, I would have possessed the focus that they have. They made a decision to do something, they are putting in the effort and they will achieve it.

I met these two individuals at a TEAM party after my Tahoe century. I have ridden with them a few times, and am astounded by them. I gave them grief the first time I met them, like I did all of the tri-athletes at the party. I told them that they were tri-athletes because they were not able to commit to one sport. Funny now that I am trying to do what they accomplish with ease. Not to say what they have accomplished did not come without sacrifice.

Kimmi mentored the tri TEAM with TNT for the Lifetime Triathlon this year, and I believe that Rachel was involved as well with the TEAM. In between their endeavors with TNT, they have been pursuing the dream of becoming Iron Will finishers. Last week, they both completed the half Iron Will in Chisago, MN. This test covers 1.2mile Swim | 56mile Bike | 13.1mile Run, for a total of 70.3 miles under your own power. This was just another training and learning day for their date with 140.6 miles on September 7, 2008.

This weekend, they decided to go ride the Madtown (a.k.a Madison), WI cycle course. for their approaching endeavor. They completed over 100 miles of the course in around six hours. In the process, Kimmi completed her first Century!

I am proud of these two ladies. I hope to instill some of their intestinal fortitude in my own two little girls. My hat is off to both Kimmi and Rachel for their accomplishments thus far, and in what they will achieve in the future.

Ladies keep moving forward, look back with a smile, and embrace your future. You two will go far in this life.